122 posts tagged with Family and parents.
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Near, far, wherever you are: parental proximity

Geographic distance from my parents will not be the only factor I'll weigh when deciding where next to live, but it will be one of them. How might distance affect my relationship with my parents? How has it, in your own experience? What changes as I zoom out from living in the same city, to the same metro area, or to merely the same coast? [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit on Aug 22, 2016 - 17 answers

How normal were these childhood experiences for the 1980's-mid 90's?

If you have a sense of "normal" middle-class family dynamics in the the 1980's-mid 90's US, I would appreciate your perspective. I don't think my family was abusive, but probably emotionally neglectful. I'm struggling with depression and anxiety, am in therapy, and I am considering going no-contact with my family. I want to better understand the context of some experiences. Please help me calibrate my dysfunctionometer. [more inside]
posted by asynchronous on Aug 11, 2016 - 29 answers

How can I help keep my delusional, elderly parent off the streets?

I am the sole support person for one of my parents. They have no contact with any family members or past friends. In general, my parent is friendly and decent; however, they keep fleeing and/or being kicked out of housing due to their paranoid delusions. How can I help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 4, 2016 - 9 answers

Moving back to my hometown - can I help my brother get out of a rut?

My brother is generally a caring, generous, talented, and thoughtful guy. He is also almost the definition of "stuck in a rut" - partially due to bad luck (recession), but probably more due to impulsive/emotional behavior - moodiness, impulse buys, little white lies, throwing his smartphone when angry, got a DUI not long ago, etc. It's hard to watch because he works hard (if very disorganized), is at times brilliantly self-aware. But can't seem to find his footing, and still lives with my parents. [more inside]
posted by puppet_made_of_sock on Aug 3, 2016 - 9 answers

How do we approach financially supporting a parent?

My husband's parents are divorcing and they are in their 60s. His mother has had ill health over the last 20 years and some mental health issues. The divorce has sent their finances into some disarray but they have not been open with us about the particulars. Now his mother is starting to ask for financial help – small things like splitting airfare for her to come visit. But she's also apparently enlisted his sister to buy presents on her behalf for the kids/extended family and then sent checks that bounce. My husband is very anxious about needing to financially support his mother but I don't like this gradual slide into support especially since we do not have a lot of extra money. [more inside]
posted by amanda on Jul 6, 2016 - 19 answers

My parents love me, but don't particularly like me

My parents definitely love me, and would reliably do anything for me, no question about it-- but I've always gotten the sense that they don't generally "like" me as a person. I've always kind of felt like the "problem child," even though I'm not trying to get in their way and by most metrics am an all-around "good" kid. Why do I feel this way? Is this even a problem? How can I go about ironing this out? [more inside]
posted by fernweh on Jul 2, 2016 - 34 answers

Anxiety in mother

My mother has always been a high level worrier but as years pass her anxieties are posing limits on her and my father. She's not been receptive to discussion of this in the past. Is there a way to broach this with her and possibly help her get the help she needs to live a more enjoyable and less restricted life? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 25, 2016 - 11 answers

Formerly abusive parents who are now elderly and wanting forgiveness

Growing up, my family was squarely middle class. But that didn’t make it easy. My father was an alcoholic with a vicious temper. He was incredibly emotionally abusive, and on occasion, he was physically abusive. Think “The Great Santini”, minus the military elements. And minus the supportive mother. My mother – whom my father abused just as much as he did us – put up with every inch of it. What’s more, she basically took it out on us children, keeping herself cold and distant while never once acknowledging his faults. Now they’re dying, and man, are the guilt trips heavy. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 13, 2016 - 60 answers

Should I rock the boat?

I have written a letter to my mother in which I try to show her that her marriage to my father is not what it claims to be, and that the promised happy times that are always just around the corner are probably never going to come. Should I send it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 19, 2016 - 43 answers

Parent/adult child creative financial planning

I am an only child in my early 30s; my mom is in her late 50s. I have a good income, while she does not really make a living wage and has no retirement savings or pension. I am committed to taking care of her, and I want to try thinking about our finances in a unified way. [more inside]
posted by ecsh on Feb 21, 2016 - 6 answers

Help protecting my niece after coming out to her parents

I'm gay and my husband and I are concerned about the safety of our 13-year-old niece who is in a relationship with another girl. My husband's brother and sister-in-law have reacted very poorly to learning about this. What we can do for his niece? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 14, 2016 - 18 answers

Setting boundaries with my sorta-disliked dad & stepmother

I'm four months pregnant, and trying to figure out what sort of boundaries I want to set with my father (who I think is an okay guy, but we aren't close), my stepmother (who I actively dislike and think is a bitter person), and how explicit I need to be about those boundaries - with myself, my husband (who is awesome!), and the two of them. I need help sorting out what I want and how to best communicate that, especially with a kid in the mix in the near future. Sorry for the enormous pile of snowflakes within! [more inside]
posted by Jaclyn on Dec 10, 2015 - 23 answers

Anniversary gifts for parents?

My parents' anniversary is coming up, and once again I'm stumped. I never know what makes an appropriate, welcome gift to parents from their kids. Outside of big-anniversary gifts like parties, crystal, silver, and super handcrafted scrapbooks and the like, what are some good ideas for anniversary presents in an affordable, say $25-50 range?
posted by Miko on Sep 30, 2015 - 15 answers

My Mom and Dad aren't in the fairy tale marriage I thought...

...and it freaks me out! Mom gets snippy and negative with Dad a lot more these days while he tries to sweep it under the rug. My little sister left home last year, and with an empty nest it seems things are changing for them. I'm worried about my parents. More inside. [more inside]
posted by johnpoe50 on Jul 25, 2015 - 31 answers

How to stop visiting parents so frequently?

Both my parents and parents-in-laws are in the same city. The same city we're in. We feel overwhelmed with the once-a-week visits. How do we mitigate their expectations that we visit so frequently? A storm of culture-specific and special snowflake details follow. [more inside]
posted by spicytunaroll on Jun 10, 2015 - 31 answers

How do I manage the mom calls?

I'm an adult. My mom calls nearly every day. Her calls are almost always at least an hour long. This is extremely draining for me. How do I deal with this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 3, 2015 - 37 answers

How to receive a gift that embarrasses me

My parents are about to give me an embarrassing birthday gift. Help. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 30, 2015 - 35 answers

Aging, depressed parents in another country

A few years ago my parents, who immigrated to the US (where I was born and raised) moved back to their home country, which is in the Middle East. I'm still in the US. About a year and a half ago my only sibling died unexpectedly, causing all three of us untold amounts of grief. Now they're old, tired, and depressed in a distant country and I don't know what to do. What can I do to improve/feel better about this situation? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2015 - 6 answers

The Cycle Continues

Are my kids forever damaged? Can I teach them to show love? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 17, 2015 - 28 answers

Cross-cultural family problems with elderly parents

My parents and I are simply not getting along and I’m struggling to stay true to myself. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 11, 2015 - 12 answers

Telling Parents About Depression

I was interviewed for a national podcast and spoke frankly about my depression and my occasional suicidal thoughts. It airs in six weeks. I've not told my family about my depression. I want to tell them before the podcast airs. How do I do that? [more inside]
posted by Joey Michaels on Apr 5, 2015 - 5 answers

Coping without having parents?

Coping without parents in your adult life? [more inside]
posted by thelivingsea on Feb 21, 2015 - 21 answers

Perfect storm of familial dysfunctionality--need solutions for sanity

Family dynamics are slowly driving me up the wall, but I can't bear to let things wind destructively. How can I cope without being caught in the storm? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 2, 2015 - 13 answers

Family Drama Filter: Help me distance myself from a parent

I've come to realize over the years that while I love my father, I am so different from him, and do not share his and his wife's (he is remarried) lifestyle and values and really wish I could come to accept it and completely distance myself from them. Please help me do this. [more inside]
posted by SanSebastien on Dec 21, 2014 - 7 answers

Should I avoid supporting my aging father?

My father is aging, with heart problems and developing dementia. I am generally a conscientious person, but I'm staring down the necessity of supporting him like the barrel of a gun. Special snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 13, 2014 - 39 answers

Hereditary plate of beans: coping strats for overthinking family.

My overthinking things was making me unhappy... so I cut way back on it, and now I'm enjoying life more. Yay! But now I'm way less tolerant of the same behavior in family and loved ones; trying to ignore it leads to awkward, anxiety-producing silences. Boo. Insert your advice here. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 9, 2014 - 6 answers

Plan to move to across the country for love. How do I tell my parents?

Since having a manic episode about a year and a half ago, my parents started treating me like I was a minor again (I'm almost 30 now). How do I most respectfully tell them that I'm am going to move without turning it into "I'M NOT ASKING FOR PERMISSION, DAMMIT: I'M MOVING AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME"? Thanks, mefites. [more inside]
posted by defmute on Sep 25, 2014 - 33 answers

Parental drama - and we're supposedly adults.

My (divorced) father is having a family party in a few weeks to celebrate his retirement. Due to recent actions he has taken against my mother, my younger brother will not attend, and is in fact not speaking to our father right now. Several people at the party are liable to bring this all up. How do I diffuse this drama so it doesn't blow up? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 24, 2014 - 42 answers

Family causes anxiety and I can't visit them.

My family causes me a lot of anxiety, to the point that staying away from them is a key part of keeping my sanity. They don't understand why I don't visit and won't discuss with me. How do I deal with the residual guilt? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 21, 2014 - 19 answers

Web developer salaries: help me distinguish hyperbole from reality

I'm considering a career change into web development and I'm hoping AskMe can help me sort through the abundance of relevant information and get a sense of what reasonable expectations might be. To put it succinctly, I'd like to make about $75-80k a year so that I can support my parents while still being able to save money for my own future. Is it probable for a self-taught developer to earn a salary in this range? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 12, 2014 - 9 answers

Great lenguage irrelevat activities?

My wife is finally going to meet my family. Problem, they don't speak English, She doesn't speak Russian. What are good non speech dependent fun activities we can all do? [more inside]
posted by Sentus on Jun 9, 2014 - 28 answers

Parent may have cheated the other out of significant money. What to do?

I think one of my (divorced) parents may have withdrawn legally shared assets and the other parent may be unaware. What is my moral responsibility in this situation, or is it none of my business? Complexities inside. [more inside]
posted by corb on Apr 16, 2014 - 19 answers

I'm doing the "right" thing but I feel trapped and resentful.

I am watching my stepson's daughter every other weekend and I don't want to anymore. [more inside]
posted by cherrybounce on Feb 12, 2014 - 37 answers

Estranged parents threatening to call police

I'd just like opinions on how to handle the potential situation of a police officer and relative showing up at my apartment at the request of other family members. More relevant details inside: [more inside]
posted by velebita on Feb 4, 2014 - 18 answers

Oh brother, don't hate me

I've decided to skip my brother's wedding, for very good reasons. Help me figure out how to talk to him about this - it gets long, sorry. [more inside]
posted by guessthis on Jan 27, 2014 - 62 answers

Help clueless future parents buy the right home to raise kids in!

As future parents and first time homebuyers, what aren't we thinking about, or under-emphasizing/over-emphasizing, in trying to pick a home to raise (two) kids in?  What should we consider in deciding on house versus condo, location, neighborhood, size, layout, features, etc? [more inside]
posted by EmilyClimbs on Jan 10, 2014 - 36 answers

Should I cut off contact with parents who have dysfunctional marriage?

For as long as I can remember, my parents have nasty arguments with each other every few days, including shouting, harsh words, put-downs at each other. When I was a child, they involved me in their marital strife, and I feel damaged from it. I am now in my 30s. I've tried years of therapy for myself to learn how to not be bothered, but I am still very bothered. I want to reduce my contact with them to just occasional phone calls, but I am scared that we'll become estranged and they'll die, and then I'll regret it. Advice from MeFites who have reduced their contact with their parents? [more inside]
posted by cheesecake on Dec 29, 2013 - 24 answers

How to interact with an unfamiliar new resident in my parents home?

A lovely, college-aged young woman who has had a very rough year is coming to live with my parents, whom I visit several times a year, often for extended periods of time (I live 900 miles away, but I'm a student with long vacations). I think this is great. However, I feel a little at sea for how to interact with her, and to prepare for this change, especially given the giant elephant in the room: the horrible event that happened which has caused her to need a new home. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 17, 2013 - 31 answers

National Lampoon's European Vacation Moocher

What's the age cutoff to expect to be able to tag along with your parents on a vacation? [more inside]
posted by Sara C. on Nov 25, 2013 - 34 answers

My fiancé dislikes my mother..,

My fiancé dislikes my mother. How big an issue will this be? What can I do to mitigate any future issues regarding this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 30, 2013 - 29 answers

Cutting off abusive parents AFTER they have tried to make amends?

My parents were abusive for over a decade of my life, profoundly and in many ways permanently impacting my physical health and emotional and social well-being. Since that time, they have apologized, but I am still incredibly angry and hurt by the choices they made. Could cutting off contact help me move on? Mefites who have been in similar situations, please share your experiences and suggestions for healing. More details below. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2013 - 46 answers

Resources to help my SO deal with emotionally abusive parents

I'm a Northern American living in a southern European country and married with a child to a local. My husband is a wonderful partner and father, and the textbook definition of someone who will give you the shirt off his back if you need it. Said Southern European country is very much family orientated. For all intents and purposes I think that's generally a fine thing. My in-laws are a horrible source of counterpoint ancedata and their latest outburst has been the proverbial straw across my back. I need resources and information to help me support my SO as well as help him take the final few steps to admitting to himself that they are abusing his sense of familial responsibility and overall caring nature. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2013 - 13 answers

How to best deal with and/or avoid estranged parents at a wedding?

I went "no contact" with my birth family years ago, but I will have to see and likely interact with all of them for the first time since then at my sister's wedding, which is happening soon. How can I make sure that I can ably address whatever might come up with ease and clarity? I am not looking to re-establish any sort of regular communication with them at all, I am just trying to figure out how to gracefully handle encountering them at a single event. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 2, 2013 - 50 answers

Please Help Me Decide If I Need Help

I am struggling with my relationship with my family. My parents are older (in their 70's) and things are not as bad as they were when I was young, but I still struggle with issues of blame and anger over what I consider to have been their borderline abusive treatment of myself and one of my siblings. I don't want to cut my family off, and I would dearly love to be free of these negative thoughts and feelings for once and for all, but every visit with them (and the weeks leading up to and following them) are a minefield for me. Details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 26, 2013 - 20 answers

Mummies and Daddies, Ghouls and Boys

Please help me come up with a - clever name- for a local parents with kids meet-up group. We're goths, we don't have special snowflakes, we have coal dust... [more inside]
posted by _paegan_ on Jun 20, 2013 - 32 answers

Wedding and controlling parents-- how to cope

I'm getting married in 10 days, and it's stressful for everybody involved, mostly because I have controlling parents who are intricately involved with every part of this. Any tips/advice for coping with this situation? Lots of culture-specific snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 18, 2013 - 45 answers

Name/domain for private photo network for parents.

Please help me pick a name and domain for our website/app. We're a private network for parents to upload, backup and share their kids' pictures. [more inside]
posted by signal on Apr 14, 2013 - 1 answer

How to have a healthy relationship with my anxious parents.

How to have a healthy relationship with my anxious parents. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 11, 2013 - 9 answers

Parents. Cheating. Way out of my depth.

My mom just found out my dad's been cheating on her. How do I deal with all of this from 3000 miles away? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 5, 2013 - 27 answers

Second-time parenting, how does that work?

Tell me about your daily schedules, parenting logistics, etc., with a newborn plus a toddler or older child. [more inside]
posted by Bardolph on Mar 7, 2013 - 15 answers

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