43 posts tagged with Family and abuse.
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Abusive parents still blame me

My parents were abusive and awful. I recently tried to get back in touch out of a misplaced hope for connection. They blame me (!?) for making them look bad, among other things, and want me to apologize. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by 3491again on Oct 23, 2014 - 23 answers

Is my sister abusing her husband? How do I help?

My sister is out of control and her behavior is hurting her husband (physically and emotionally) and children (only emotionally). I am not sure how to help anyone in the situation or where to turn for help. Is this none of my business? Do I have a responsibility to step in? [more inside]
posted by RingerChopChop on Oct 13, 2014 - 29 answers

Help me escape an abusive family and its ghosts

I grew up in a toxic family. I have cut off contact from most members, but they go to great lengths to find me. This is mentally distressing and sometimes I want to give up. How can I keep them away from me? How can I get past this shame and abuse, especially if I am unable to afford therapy? How do I (not) tell people about my family relationships? Anon for privacy reasons, more detail and snowflakes below the fold. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 1, 2014 - 27 answers

How does a person change his relationship with toxic parents?

I don't want to be around my parents, but my guilt keeps me in contact with them. How can I get to a place where I don't feel bad about not interacting with them unless it's on my terms? [more inside]
posted by stedman15 on Sep 24, 2014 - 19 answers

So apparently my family is publicly bragging about our child abuse now?

So I log onto facebook for the first time in weeks today and see my brother has posted this image and my mother has "liked" it. Nothing that was done to us as kids would qualify as spanking (punched in the side of the head very often, welts on skin, bruises, dad threatening my sister with a kitchen knife, holding us off the ground by our necks, locking us in the bathroom and hitting us for half an hour for eating the wrong yoghurt from the fridge, knocked over if we ever spoke back to them etc). My brother was actually very rarely hit and it stopped altogether when mum threatened to divorce dad after he hit my brother badly one time. (No such luck for us girls though). I'm SO ANGRY right now and want to react but don't know how it would improve anything. I feel like I'm being goaded but am trapped in how I handle this, with it being a public forum all my friends can see. Please Mefi help me stay calm and do this right (even if that means doing nothing). [more inside]
posted by everydayanewday on Dec 10, 2013 - 39 answers

My, what big eyes you have

Having trouble with a visiting relative, do I confront or just avoid? [more inside]
posted by readygo on Dec 7, 2013 - 36 answers

Cutting off abusive parents AFTER they have tried to make amends?

My parents were abusive for over a decade of my life, profoundly and in many ways permanently impacting my physical health and emotional and social well-being. Since that time, they have apologized, but I am still incredibly angry and hurt by the choices they made. Could cutting off contact help me move on? Mefites who have been in similar situations, please share your experiences and suggestions for healing. More details below. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2013 - 46 answers

How can I help my brother?

A few years ago I posted here to ask for help after having my identity stolen by my mother. It turns out that this has now happened to my younger brother as well, but he isn't being smart about it. How can I help him? [more inside]
posted by delicate_dahlias on Sep 17, 2013 - 12 answers

Resources to help my SO deal with emotionally abusive parents

I'm a Northern American living in a southern European country and married with a child to a local. My husband is a wonderful partner and father, and the textbook definition of someone who will give you the shirt off his back if you need it. Said Southern European country is very much family orientated. For all intents and purposes I think that's generally a fine thing. My in-laws are a horrible source of counterpoint ancedata and their latest outburst has been the proverbial straw across my back. I need resources and information to help me support my SO as well as help him take the final few steps to admitting to himself that they are abusing his sense of familial responsibility and overall caring nature. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2013 - 13 answers

What, if any, contact should my children have with their absent mother?

My ex-wife suddenly vanished over 2 years ago to her native Asian country, leaving behind a son (then 1, now 3) and daughter (then 6, now 8). Contact was intermittent (sometimes once a week and sometimes every three months). I asked her to commit to a regularly scheduled call and she refused to do so. I also found the phone calls to be borderline abusive to my daughter (the daughter would ask, "Mommy when are you coming back," and the mother would reply, "When are you going to come see me?" which caused the daughter to feel responsible for her absence - or the Skype video chats where the daughter would have the camera on but the mother refused to do so). I have since cut off contact with the mother in order to protect my daughter, though wonder if it is the correct decision. [more inside]
posted by b_thinky on Jul 24, 2013 - 45 answers

Explaining "you're not welcome" to family?

How do you explain to your mother-in-law that you don't want some of her family around? Trigger Warning: abuse. [more inside]
posted by msladygrey on Apr 18, 2013 - 23 answers

My family is in trouble. To what extent is it my duty to help?

My sister (late 30s) has recently given birth to a baby who is probably affected by Down syndrome. There will most likely not be a father in the picture. She also has an 8 y.o. daughter from a different, also absent father. They live at my mother’s house in a small town. My sister has a story of emotional instability and I often fear for my niece and nephew. My sister was molested by my father when she was in her late teens. She is extremely dependent on (and at the same time hostile to) my mother. My mother (divorced), in turn, is struggling to help her and the little children, while having to deal with lack of money and her own (physical) health issues. I (male) am the middle child, 8 years younger than my sister. I´ve lived in a big city for the last 6 years. I´m economically independent (yet also struggling) and starting a career in academia. I feel that if I don´t go back to my home town and help my family, things will deteriorate further. On the other hand, my chances of professional growth would be reduced by moving back there. Do you think a sacrifice of this sort is the right thing to do? [more inside]
posted by Basque13 on Mar 19, 2013 - 31 answers

Supporting a partner in an ongoing, arguably abusive relationship

Looking for resources for supporting a partner (and my own mental health) in an ongoing, possibly abusive relationship with a family member. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2013 - 8 answers

Dealing with a Toxic Sibling

How do you deal with a toxic sibling who ruins every family event? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 3, 2012 - 21 answers

How to cut ties with an emotionally abusive father?

My relationship with my emotionally abusive, BPD father has been strained lately; now, after realizing the extent to which his actions was causing me undue stress, I have cut off contact with him completely. But not having a father figure in my life is causing me stress as well. How do I deal with the pain of cutting my father out of my life? [more inside]
posted by Kamelot123 on Nov 5, 2012 - 12 answers

How to deal with emotions about past abuse?

What is the best way to get through/past/over the rush of emotions that come up when I think about abuse that happened to me in my adolescence? Also, how to deal with ambivalent feelings towards a relative who treated you badly in the past? Are there any books about this, fiction or non-fiction? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 2, 2012 - 9 answers

How do I share my abusive childhood experience with my in-laws?

How do I "read in" my in-laws on my childhood physical/verbal abuse? My wife's immediate family is very close and I spend a fair amount of time with them (I see some of them weekly and all of them at least once a month). One part of my life that I've only shared with my brother-in-law and his girlfriend (in a very generic way) is that I was sadistically abused by both of my parents for a good portion of my childhood. This has created a barrier between us and while I've only heard whispers about it from my wife, I know they sense that I don't give them much in terms of who I am and what I'm feeling. I've known them throughout my relationship with my wife which started over 16 years ago, so there's a lot of history there. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2012 - 34 answers

Can supportive adults help?

I am looking for article/s pertaining to childhood and outside adult support from a dysfunctional family. [more inside]
posted by annsunny on May 9, 2012 - 2 answers

Worried about my little sisters

I'm worried that my little sisters may be in an abusive situation, but don't know what's really going on or where I should go from here. [more inside]
posted by whalebreath on Apr 26, 2012 - 18 answers

stepmom broke up with me

How can I emotionally begin to handle the end of my relationship with my ex-stepmother? This is the end of a very tangled family situation and I have no idea how to deal with it. I feel terrible. [more inside]
posted by athenadanae on Jan 11, 2012 - 35 answers

I know it's the right thing to do. Why don't they?

How do I handle the reaction of my family and (people I thought of as) close friends to the news of my divorce? Lots of special snowflakes ahead. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 21, 2011 - 27 answers

Stare down the emotional pit or look elsewhere?

How do you deal with difficult family situations without imploding? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2011 - 8 answers

Crazy family history...how do I avoid passing it on?

How do I break the cycle of abuse in my family and make a stable, happy and safe environment for my own (future) family? ( [more inside]
posted by snowysoul on Sep 23, 2011 - 21 answers

How to help my abused student?

One of my university students is being physically, mentally and emotionally abused by their parents and has asked me for help. What can/should I do as their teacher? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 15, 2011 - 13 answers

OMG get me out of here.

Please recommend resources to avoid insanity in a family business. [more inside]
posted by motsque on Jun 3, 2011 - 11 answers

Help me move forward from an emotionally tramatic year....

How can I restore my mental health/sanity after one stressful hell of a year? Additionally, any suggestions for starting to heal as a surviour of emotional abuse by a parent? [more inside]
posted by snowysoul on May 9, 2011 - 16 answers

My father's religious and cultural beliefs, & my facebook account

A fundy Muslim father (and his extended family) with strong religious & cultural beliefs vs. his adult daughter's facebook account. How do I reconcile this? [more inside]
posted by overyourhead on Nov 22, 2010 - 96 answers

Scared and alone

I’m in a pretty desperate situation at the moment and apart from going to the doctors and probably receiving medication and a referral to a counsellor (with a long waiting list), I have nowhere else to turn. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 21, 2010 - 16 answers

I'm upset, but not for the reasons you think.

My grandfather died today. I am glad that he's dead, but I have to deal with my family grieving and I don't want to pretend I'm grieving too. Ugly explanation inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 19, 2010 - 54 answers

Two teenagers and a toddler - recipe for chaos?

How difficult is it to raise two teenagers and a toddler at the same time? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 19, 2010 - 18 answers

I think my sister is delusional

DTMFA-filter - but she's my sister. Advice and/or anecdata needed, please. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 16, 2010 - 22 answers

What to do about a major secret my mother has kept from me?

My mother has always been emotionally abusive and unable to support me in any way, but after what I found out today I feel like never speaking to her again. Has my family gone too far this time? I really feel lost on this one and would love any and all advice, including legal advice. This is going to be quite long... [more inside]
posted by delicate_dahlias on Apr 10, 2010 - 79 answers

Do I have to invite my father to the wedding?

Should I invite my estranged father to my wedding? [more inside]
posted by gauche on Dec 18, 2009 - 27 answers

Is it okay to lie to your parents to avoid seeing them on the holidays?

How can I handle my feelings for my parents during this holiday season? [more inside]
posted by bananaskin on Nov 1, 2009 - 32 answers

Facebook friends with past abuser

Facebook's forcing me to deal with a family rift. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 13, 2009 - 22 answers

Low cost or pro bono legal aid for domestic violence / abuse victims in California?

My friend and her ex-boyfriend got in a fight, he got violent and beat her up pretty bad. She got in the car with their baby and fled cross-country to stay with her parents. There is a hearing next month to determine custody of the child, and she doesn't want to lose the kid to what is likely going to be an abusive father. Lawyer up, right? Problem is, not a lot of money. Can you point me to any organizations in California that provide pro-bono / sliding-scale / low-cost legal aid services for abused women? [more inside]
posted by sergeant sandwich on Jun 28, 2009 - 10 answers

How do you get closure about something you're not sure even happened?

I may have been abused as a child, but I'll never know for sure. How can I stop worrying about it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 9, 2009 - 21 answers

How do we deal with an abusive brother-in-law after my sister decides to take him back?

My brother-in-law's domestic abuse is tearing my family apart and I really don't know what to do or how to handle the situation anymore. I need some advice. [more inside]
posted by csimpkins on Nov 26, 2008 - 54 answers

How do I protect a sweet old person who may need a legal guardian?

Does anyone here have any experience with nominations for conservatorship in the state of California, either as a potential conservator, an attorney, social worker, psychiatrist or anyone else who plays a role in the process? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 16, 2008 - 2 answers

How to deal with intrusive, abusive mother?

FamilyCrapFilter: Please help- What to do with abusive, intrusive, stalking mother who shows up on my doorstep? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 2, 2007 - 39 answers

How do we help a family member who has revealed she was molested years ago?

A few months ago, my sister disclosed to my family that she was molested as a child by an aide to a former baby sitter. We would like to help her but we have no idea how to proceed from here. What should we do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 12, 2007 - 7 answers

How do I deal with my sister and I's different recollections of the past?

My sister and I have very different "memories" of our childhood. It makes it extremely difficult to communicate. I'm wondering if anyone has the same experience and what can be done about it. [more inside]
posted by Manhasset on Dec 1, 2005 - 33 answers

I need information about how to parent when raised by abusive parents.

I was raised by an abusive father. Now in my early 30's I am looking ahead to the future when I may become a father. I am determined not to recreate the family environment I grew up in but know how these things sometimes turn out -- that people determined not to recreate something sometimes wind up doing so in an unforseen manner. I was in therapy for 2 years in my 20's to work on the issues but therapy is not an option now because of money. I have worked hard not to be my father, but part of me is afraid that I will wind up being like him as a parent. (In particular, I worry about being a father to a son because of my history). I am looking for information about the father-son relationship as well as information about how to be a good parent when you have a background like mine. Please offer advice, books, suggestions - anything that can help.
posted by anonymous on Feb 13, 2005 - 16 answers

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