This isn't a unique problem, but I need help dealing with it. When family and friends engage in political (or not) conversation that veer into racist/sexist/bigoted tropes, how can I shut down the conversation quickly? I don't want to engage in a debate, but I also don't want them to casually rely on old, offensive tropes around me. [more inside]
I have 30 years of family history research, documentation, photos, interviews, notes - I also have a bunch of info between my ears that I never got around to writing down. Funds are tight right now, so paying someone to write a book for me isn't going to happen. I need recommendations (as in, you've done this) for software, open source is best, which will help me organize and publish my family history as an ebook, with the option to pay a publisher some day for hard copies.
My husband's parents are coming to visit us in Denver next week and due to physical and mental issues we are a little stumped on how to entertain them while they are here. This is not necessarily a question specific to the Denver region! [more inside]
My elderly relatives live far away, and I would like to find a way to set up a completely foolproof video chat solution. We use skype and facetime, but they don't like crowding together on the couch, their computer doesn't have a great screen, and their lighting is really poor. They are not terrible with technology, but the solution needs to be really simple. [more inside]
My older brother just proposed to his girlfriend of ~1 year. Red flags have gone off at every turn in his rapidly-progressing relationship with her. Yesterday, he sent a message to me and my parents announcing his intentions to propose, and then it happened before I got a chance to talk with him. My question is, how do I respond to him? More details and a TWIST! inside. [more inside]
Boyfriend and I are planning on taking our (blessedly low-maintenance so far) will-be-10-month old on an international family vacation come Thanksgiving, for about 16 days. We are well-traveled, but newbie parent-travelers. Which is the most practical country(ies) within Africa/ South America/ Oceania with regard to experiencing much of what the region has to offer, in which to travel with a baby? I hope I'm asking the right questions in my post below. [more inside]
My brother seems depressed - how do I suggest he get help? [more inside]
Are there questions about race and culture that my fiancé and I should be asking ourselves as we figure out the answer to the dreaded Last Name Issue? [more inside]
Today is my 18th wedding anniversary. Yay. Except... my wife moved out four months ago, leaving me financially destitute and destabilizing my existence. I need to hire a divorce attorney to protect my rights, but don't know where to get the money. Maybe you are clever enough to help. [more inside]
For the single year that my brother was alive, my Dad ran off and left our family. Now my Dad insists on sending the family notices on the anniversary of my brother's death. This is so painful, how can I make it stop? [more inside]
It's been a few years since this question has been asked, and I know things have changed since then. There's so much info out there on the various genealogy sites, and I'm not sure what to do. Right now I have free trials with MyHeritage and Geni, but apparently a relative has done a lot of research into a certain branch of my family on Ancestry.com. I'm looking for insight on which to pick in terms of price and usefulness, etc.
What is a fair way to divide family heirlooms with cousins? There was a long-term estrangement with these cousins, and we have tried to make the best of being stuck making decisions with them regarding the care of the person who owns the heirlooms (and is now in a nursing home with dementia and unable to make decisions), but it hasn't worked out really well. Now we are supposed to meet to split things up. Is there any way to make this more fair/easier? More inside. [more inside]
For Reasons, I need examples of stereotypically "macho", successful, "strong" men throughout history (or modern!) who also exhibited and or/talked about having compassion for others. Bonus points if they engaged in documented "sensitive" behavior to their family or friends. [more inside]
My family is in crisis. My son is 13 and in 7th grade. He's generally responsible but lately has been pushing boundaries. He lost his phone (to us) following poor behavior recently. Things have escalated. We have a family therapist, but she's booked up for months, and I am waiting to hear back from her via email. I need to know what my resources are because my family needs help. [more inside]
My partner proposed to me yesterday! Hooray! We will be planning a very small wedding (under 20 guests). Here's the thing: neither of us like the woman my brother is dating. [more inside]
Appropriate for elementary school age kids. Looking to expand our repertoire of movies that feature families with same sex relationships, racial diversity, disabilities visible or not. This does not need to be the focus of the movie, just present.
How to change Facebook settings so Facebook doesn't show my wife as my granddaughter?! [more inside]
My brother in law, whom I used to like, posted something fairly racist on Facebook today, on the topic of white privilege. I'm looking for suggestions on how to respond to him that would be educational while not making him completely tune me out. [more inside]
HR people of Metafilter: my brother has been having trouble at work and had a meeting with HR yesterday where he was put on probation. I’m trying to understand the situation better. Is probation usually just the final formal step a company has to go through before firing someone? Is it possible to be put on probation and still keep your job? [more inside]
I'm currently harboring a lot of resentment towards my girlfriend. Her brother is a molester and she's unsure of what to do about it, and she has cancelled our wedding due to being unsure and afraid of losing the rest of her family. I have no idea what to do or where to turn, how can I stop feeling resentful? [more inside]
Planning an impromptu get-away to Milwaukee next week. Any tips on family activities? Restaurant, shopping or local event advice? [more inside]
My wife just learned her best friend is moving to a different city and is now very sad. How can I help? [more inside]
I've been vegetarian for 25 years; mostly vegan for 4-5. I don't claim to be vegan but I don't eat or cook meat (I am our family's homemaker). Almost all of my friends/relatives are not vegetarian or vegan. Most are fairly considerate when sharing a meal. Whenever I share a meal with my in-laws however, there is little consideration of my veganism, and most of the food includes meat. How can I deal with the perceived hostility, and how can I get enough to eat? [more inside]
How do I start a conversation with my brother's widow? After twenty years of silence, I decided it was time to talk to my brother again. I looked him up and just found his obituary. He died in 2013. It says he'll be missed by his two beloved brothers. He has three brothers. I have his wife's phone number here and I have no idea what to say, or if I should say anything at all. I can't find contact details for my other two brothers.
A family member (with a history of being psychiatrically unusual, at the very least) has an extreme, scary and violent delusion which is making her miserable and may cause harm to others. She is a smart, fiesty, aging hermit who lives alone, sees few people and resists medical care. Looking for resources about how to handle a situation like this. [more inside]
Our daughter will turn 1 in August, and we have been invited to a friend's wedding in Italy (we are in the US), so we would need about 7-9 days. We normally take her with us on travels, but it's too much of a long travel flight time for her as she hasn't been on a plane yet, so bringing her is out of the question. We did want to go on a vacation just us two after her 1 year so it kind of works out perfectly. But, I'm afraid now that the time is come that she is too young, and that it will be too hard on her (and me), and I feel a tiny bit guilty leaving her. We could really use a vacation to relax and reconnect. My mother (her grandmother) is her caretaker during the week because we both work full time, so they are very comfortable with one another and I trust her completely. Has anyone traveled that long without your baby, how did it turn out?
I am getting married in August. I'm very excited to be married, have not much enjoyed the planning process. I am at a loss for how to proceed with my parents after a wedding related disagreement and would like to get some feedback on possible responses. [more inside]
So my partner has an interesting family that we cannot, sort of, steer around or clear of since they live practically next door (small village) and the father in law is ticking me off something extreme. [more inside]
My cousin's husband shared an anti-trans video from an extremely anti-LGBT organization on Facebook. I commented that it was "disgusting bigotry," and later that night he deleted his account. I don't regret calling him out, but I do feel a little bad that my comment (may have) led to him leaving Facebook altogether. Should I apologize? If so, how? [more inside]
My brother recently showed me some old family photos that show my great-grandfather wearing a dress. My question is: was this a light-hearted thing to do in the times or was my great-grandfather a cross-dresser? [more inside]
How do I get married when every aspect of weddings is shrouded in complicated family and social pressure, to the point where I don't actually know what I really and truly want? [more inside]
This past week, an old family friend passed away. This lady was a contemporary of my mom (they were friends/peers) and her passing was very sudden. She's super freaked out about this, and I have literally no idea what to say. [more inside]
How do you do it? [more inside]
An immediate family member has been arrested and charged with a felony. I want to protect myself and my spouse and avoid involving ourselves in the situation to the greatest extent possible. Unfortunately, there is a complicating factor. [more inside]
I am feeling such anxiety about an in law family incident about a month ago. I am a conflict avoider. I don't think fast on my feet. But on the other hand, I am trying to stand up for myself more, because I have noticed how much it affects my health to hold my anger/resentment inside. It literally makes me sick to my stomach and tense all over. I wrote about the incident and how I feel my sister and brother in law are very inconsiderate about other people's time and money. I understand this is not my problem except when it affects me. My question is, what am I supposed to do now? I am not sorry for standing up for myself. But this family does not discuss problems, they give silent treatments for 10 years. It makes me so so so uncomfortable and I feel anxiety just anticipating the next family event. I don't want to feel like I am getting the silent treatment. However, I cannot avoid these people for the rest of my life.
My super-rich, super-WASPy, tangential in-laws, have invited us to stay with them for a few days. I do not understand their ways and am terrified of making some huge social faux pas and creating offense I don't understand that will last for forty years. What do I wear? What do I say? How do I avoid weird undercurrents? Please advise! [more inside]
Growing up, my family was squarely middle class. But that didn’t make it easy. My father was an alcoholic with a vicious temper. He was incredibly emotionally abusive, and on occasion, he was physically abusive. Think “The Great Santini”, minus the military elements. And minus the supportive mother. My mother – whom my father abused just as much as he did us – put up with every inch of it. What’s more, she basically took it out on us children, keeping herself cold and distant while never once acknowledging his faults. Now they’re dying, and man, are the guilt trips heavy. [more inside]
The "political is personal" and vice-versa with my younger brother during this election season. It has sort of hit a boiling point via social media recently and I need some strategies for how to manage this - both in terms of my feelings and as a practical matter. [more inside]
My partner and I have been together a long time and I have posted about issues with his sister before. I can see that his inability to draw boundaries is the real issue here and so my question is combination of how does one deal when a SO can't and won't draw boundaries and has a needy sibling who has a hard time backing off. We are all in our late 30s but emotionally in our relationship, it feels like he needs to take care of her, and be there for her and I can't get over the feeling that her very existence is now sucking oxygen out of my relationship, and i need to stop feeling like that. Details inside. [more inside]
Travelling to Bali soon for the first time (2 adults, 2 kids under 10). We're staying in Sanur. What are your top tips please? This could be for places to visit or things to see but could also be around important things to consider regarding health, safety, money exchange, general dos and don'ts etc. I'm sure there are lots of seasoned Bali visitors on the site who've got lots of experience to share, some having learned the hard way. Please pass on your wisdom!
What factors might I consider and questions need I answer in planning a cross-country move for my family from San Diego to the east coast? Looking primarily for advice on logistics, practical considerations on the most economically feasible ways to do this, and personal anecdotes from those of you that have done a long distance, city to city move successfully with a family. [more inside]
My wife and I are driving down from New England to Washington, D.C., in later April with our four kids. We'll be staying near the Capitol. Is there anything we should especially know? [more inside]
Estranged parent is ill. Toxic family member has moved in. Advice on how to convey caring while maintaining safety is needed. [more inside]
We're looking to travel from New Mexico to the Baltimore area in early summer, with 4 adults and 2 kids under 5 years old. Airfare looks to be steep enough (and our schedules flexible enough) that we're thinking of road-tripping, so I'm looking for suggestions for vehicle rentals, routes, activity places and distractions along the way. Thanks! [more inside]
I have written a letter to my mother in which I try to show her that her marriage to my father is not what it claims to be, and that the promised happy times that are always just around the corner are probably never going to come. Should I send it? [more inside]
I'm thinking of introducing a 'skill of the month' for my family of 3 kids and 2 adults. I'd love some more ideas - criteria within... [more inside]
We're introverts who don't like the spotlight or surprises, and our family wanted to throw a surprise performance at our wedding reception. The discussion around this isn't going well. How do we communicate more effectively about this, both re: this specific reception and introversion in general? [more inside]
I've managed to put off coming out to my parents as transgender for close to a year now. I'm 22 and have spent the majority of the last 4 years studying and volunteering abroad. Coming home last summer (to live with my parents, I should add) I thought I'd finally felt prepared enough to tell them what I'd been trying so desperately to hide from them. Over nine months later now I still haven't "gotten around to it", I guess. [more inside]
After my Grandma died recently, I went to her house and scanned every family photo she was in so everyone in the family could have a digital copy. There are a lot of people I can't identify in these pictures. I'm wondering if there's a way I could put the whole folder of them online in a password-protected or invite-only place that lets family members tag the pictures so anyone who knows who these people are can identify them. I don't want to put them online somewhere where just anyone could see them.
We're planning an 8 to 12 day vacation in Ireland this summer (late June / early July) for 11 people (mostly Canadian) ages 1 through 70. Looking for suggestions for family-friendly places to stay, things to see, ways to get about. [more inside]