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I quit my "pen pal"--do I need to explain why?

naplesyellow — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 23:14:12 -0800

I feel weird about dropping my foreign pen-pal-but not weird enough to want to change anything. Am I too cruel? A woman in Germany befriended me last year. She saw my very handsome brother's page on an memorial site...and she claimed to "love him". (yeah..I know...what was my first clue that she is troubled). But I didn't see any harm in writing to her and I really enjoyed learning about where she lives, etc. She writes in impeccable English because she is a translator. It was kind of nice to discuss my brother with her...since not too many people cared about him while he was alive. Over the year, however, she made noises about coming here to the US. She is very effusive and "loving". I told her I have absolutely no room for guests (which is true) and she writes back things like "oh, don't worry, I can stay in your yard in a tent!" She is the kind of person who sends hugs and kisses and "cuddles"...she fawns over me. I know that she is very lonely because she is taking care of her elderly Dad and she never goes anywhere. She was writing to me twice a day...really long long emails. I feel almost like a guy who "led someone on"--but I have completely run out of things to talk about with her. I just stopped writing and answering her. A bit abruptly. She loves to send me stuff and I am completely tired of it. I just didn't know how to tell her that I don't want to write anymore...so I have handled it passively agressively by just dropping her.
I know I have not handled this well...but the question is..should I just never write back and call it a day? She isn't writing either now and I know she is "hurt" because she has written my dead brother some messages about it on his tribute page.
Advice gladly accepted.

How do I get Dolly Parton's cleavage?

web-goddess — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 03:35:13 -0800

How can I get cheap, comfortable, semi-realistic giant fake breasts for Halloween? Yes, I'm going as Dolly Parton. I'm also a girl with some already not-insignificant boobs going on. (And yeah, we may well be overthinking this giant plate of beans.) I've got a nice shiny red Western-style shirt that I need to fill. The costume shop told me they had some "inflatable inserts," but they were sold out. I'm normally a C-cup. My plan was just to grab a roll of toilet paper and go to town, but my husband doesn't think that will work. I can see his point; I don't have a lot of extra room in my existing bras to work with. It might just crush down within the first hour. Should I go to Kmart and get a big bra and go from there? What do I stuff it with? I know you can get those silicone push-up "chicken cutlet" things, but they're probably not cheap and I highly doubt I'd ever use them again. And I really don't think those novelty plastic breasts they sell for bachelor parties to wear are going to work. Maybe something a little more substantial, like wadded up panty hose? Shoulder pads? Should I stuff "underneath" so I've got some actual cleavage, or will that just look bad?

Somebody has to have done this before. What worked (or didn't) with your big fake cleavage? (I've tried to google this, but that failed just about as spectacularly as you might imagine.)

My husband is, of course, going as Kenny Rogers.

Legit corp?

lockestockbarrel — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 12:45:00 -0800

What are the signs of a legitimate corporation? What do legitimate corporations do that fake ones don't? I have to figure out if companies are legit or sham in an area where there are lots of benefits to being a sham. I can get ANY documents from the company, such as employee rolls, tax returns, charter papers, etc., and I can call them up and ask them questions. What should I ask for to make sure the company I'm looking at is legit?

Here's an example: Company X gets rejected from the benefit they're requesting from me. Next year, they apply under the name Company Y, but it's the same company run by the same person or people (usually these are small companies or sole proprietorship). How can I tell that Company Y is a legitimate different company and not just Company X in Y's clothing? What makes this more difficult is one person may found 5 or 6 companies and they all will apply for this benefit.

Fake Twitter Accounts

lipsum — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 10:22:27 -0800

I recently fell in love with the concept of fake Twitter accounts, and I'm currently collecting them towards some sort of a project. Can you recommend you favorite (if any) fakes on Twitter?

F for Fake

grumblebee — Sun, 26 Jul 2009 11:23:58 -0800

What's the deal with these fake quarters? (In the photo, I put some real quarters to the left of the fake ones, just for comparison.)

We have pay washers and dryers in my apartment building -- $1.50 each for both washing and drying. I went to do my laundry and found a bunch of fake quarters in one of the dryers's coin slots. Whoever left them there didn't push the coins into the machine -- or he did and the machine didn't take them.

The fakes are completely blank on both sides, though a couple have paint on them. They are crudely made out of some sort of light, dull metal.

What's the deal with these "slugs"? Do they really work? Are the mass-produced by some sort of petty criminal underground? Or do people just make them at home? How do people make them?

I'm not thinking of defrauding the washer/dryer company. But I'm sort of fascinated with these things and would like to know more about them. In case it's important, I like in Brooklyn, NY.

She said I should talk more about my cat; that people like that sort of thing here. I didn't know I still had a cat. Explains a few things.

grumblebee — Fri, 10 Jul 2009 14:22:15 -0800

Did anyone archive the cwalken posts on Twitter? There used to be a fake Christopher-Walken account on Twitter. The posts were brilliant, surreal gems. But Twitter shut it down. There's a new account that might be by the same writer, but all the old posts are gone. I'm hoping someone saved them somewhere.

Un-matting a Faux (Fake) Wolf Fur Lined Hoodie. Please Help! Details inside.

xdeliriumx — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 08:12:57 -0800

Un-matting a Faux (Fake) Wolf Fur Lined Hoodie. Please Help! Details inside. Last year I finally found the perfect sweatshirt from me. Here is the same one (Silver Strand Hollister Hoodie). So I wore it for quite a bit and then I got it extremely smokey and was forced to give it a thorough cleaning. The instruction inside say, "Do not dry clean. Wash cold - Tumble dry low." I followed the instructions EXACTLY and of course all the faux fur around the hood was matted together and hideous looking.

Does anyone know of a good way to unmat the hair? Any good solutions out there? I took it to the cleaners and they said there was nothing they could do. Brushing it out doesn't seem to work.

Anyone have this sweatshirt and looking to get rid of it?

I talked to Hollister representatives and told them that I followed their instructions exactly and it ruined my hoodie and they will not do a single thing for me at all.

Please help!

What is the purpose of this livejournal bot?

anonymisc — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 17:18:18 -0800

What mischief is this LiveJournal bot up to? An unknown livejournal "user", zdvovl, friended me, so I looked at the profile, and it had friended some of my friends too. (It had a friends list of over 200, about 8 of which were friends of mine). In some cases, there was no-one in the world, besides me, who could possibly know both of those users, or social circles, and there were clusters of friendings that aligned with social circles, so zdvovl was clearly using my friendslist (and those of my friends) to find users to friend. (Likewise, zdvovl was happy to friend ancient clearly-abandoned web-detritus accounts that it found in my friendslist, and other stuff that is unusual for genuine users to do).

I did a google search, and found some recent friendings that zdvovl was no-longer friends with. It appeared that zdvovl was trawling the network of friendships - it would friend users, use their friends list to friend their friends, de-friend them, and thus move through the social web of friendships, maintaining it's friendslist total in the 200s, but quickly making (and recording?) a far far greater number of connections over time. Mapping out who knows who? Recording all public lj entries? I don't know.

True to form, a few days later, zdvovl de-friended my account, and it has moved beyond the circles of users that I know.
Quirk: It doesn't appear to de-friend users that have friended it.

Livejournal has procedures for legitimate search-engine bots to follow, so I assume this is something illegitimate. (The name itself sounds generated - are there more of these bot-users?)

Does anyone know anything about this? Anything similar? What is the likely purpose of this bot? I can come up with a lot of speculative ideas, many of which would be an unwelcome use of Livejournal.

Should I notify an acquaintance about a faked, sexual explicit photo of them I saw on the web?

Anonymous — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 14:47:26 -0800

Should I notify an acquaintance about a (non-obvious) faked, sexually-explicit photo of her I saw on the web? Without going into graphic detail, it doesn't render her in the nude in any way, but does depict her, well, with something on her face. I know it's faked because I've seen the original, undoctored photo. Should I leave well-enough alone, or tell her?

I need a ranch that won't drive me crazy...

Spyder's Game — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:31:05 -0800

I love ranch dressing. So does my wife. But we really only love the ranch dressing you find in restaurants.... So you go to a restaurant and order ranch. It's good. REALLY good. It's thin and creamy and has little bits of stuff (parsley?!) floating around in it. So you go to the store and want to buy some for yourself. But the only thing you can find is this THICK stuff that tastes NOTHING like the dressing you find in just about ANY restaurant. We have literally tried six or seven different types of "ranch" dressing off the shelves of our grocery store, and none of them taste anything like the restaurant dressing. They're all much thicker, and the taste is not even close. What gives? And where can we get ranch that tastes like restaurant ranch?

Examples of a few we've tried....Hidden Valley, Marie's, Hidden Valley Buttermilk, Lighthouse

This is (not) a bird.

ddaavviidd — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 09:26:44 -0800

I am looking for a fake bird (obviously real-looking), and just can't seem to find what I am looking for! I am looking for a common, north american bird for a film shooting. Robin, lark, these commonly seen birds. Taxidermists won't do it here because you can't legally hunt them. I am looking for a fake one, perhaps with real feather, and I imagine there is such a thing somewhere online for film purposes (a props company for instance), but can't find any. Anyone has suggestions?

Help me find a giant, not too expensive snake. (please. thanks)

niles — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 23:03:31 -0800

Help me find the most cost-efficient giant [fake] snake, please. Ok, I need to get a giant toy/plush/otherwise fake snake. The problem I'm finding is that different people have different ideas of giant, and that giant-ness doesn't scale well price-wise. I can get a 6 foot snake here for ~$10, so that's about $1.67 a foot....but at the other end of the scale is the $100, 18-foot snake at a staggering $5.55 a foot. I'm hoping that I can find a pretty ridiculously long snake for under $20, and in my mind, that should get me at least 12 feet or so. Is there a secret store people go to for giant things?

fake tears that won't run?

mcsweetie — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 19:44:20 -0800

I need fake tears for a photo shoot, but they have to stay put. how can I make some fake tears that, like the colors of the american flag, won't run?

Where to find realistic faux food?

allisonrae — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 11:28:02 -0800

Where can I purchase the best fake cake (and fake food in general) for a fake feast fit for queens and kings? I've long had an admittedly weird, whimsical notion to create a tableau of fake food on my dining table as a sort of centerpiece. Not a bowl of plastic fake fruit so much as a three-tier cake on a cake stand, maybe a couple of plates with a t-bone steak, potatoes, and veggies. A couple glasses of "wine" or a tray of faux chocolates or petit-fours might be fun.

I've had a hard time figuring out where online to purchase this sort of stuff. All the sites I've found via google feature very small, low-res pictures. I'm wary to spend $80 on a fake cake without knowing whether it will look like a glossy lump of play-dough or something that could really fool someone. I know the realistic fake stuff exists... I've seen these sorts of items before in the occasional diner display case (although nowhere I can remember the name of or else I'd just call them up and ask).

Any suggestions?

Iz I stooopid?

Anonymous — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 06:15:59 -0800

Do I really need to have graduated from a 4 year university to get a job in Germany? I have been working for a company for several years - and a while ago took a job in a country where I was unable to get a work permit because I hadn't graduated from college (I went for 4.5 years, and due to blah blah blah...didn't graduate). I've been doing my (art field related) job for over 10 years now, have risen through the ranks and now am holding one of the top positions in my field.

I'm being transfered to Germany, and now have to apply for a work permit again in another country, and even though everyone in my company knows that I didn't graduate, and could care less, I'm thinking about getting a fake diploma, or making one myself, just to ease this process. Should I do it? Should I suck it up and just provide the things again that I provided for my first foreign assignment (HS diploma, college transcripts, cv) and see where the chips fall?

I'm currently in a non-EU country, so I'm hoping that Germany is more sane with the whole experience vs education thing, but on the other hand, I REALLY want this to work out.

Where to buy fake birds in Toronto?

crawfo — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 20:20:25 -0800

last minute panic costume: going as woman from The Birds need to find some fake birds to buy in Toronto. . . any chance someone has a line on these? tried the dollar store, but no luck. thank you!!

Where can I find a fake burrito?

niles — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:42:57 -0800

I need a fake Chipotle burrito. Unfortunately it doesn't look like there's a big market for plush Mexican food toys. Where can I find (or make) one? I was almost hoping Chipotle would have something along the lines of Culvers' Team Scoopie plush ice cream figures, but no such luck. Is there any sort of "fake food" store? If not, I'm perfectly happy making something myself - though it can't just be a roll of tin foil, as this will need to be able to be unwrapped.

Thanks for any ideas!

Oh, snap!

Mountain Goatse — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 07:52:39 -0800

KillingFilter: Death by neck-snap? In movies and television, people are sometimes killed with a simple-looking snap of the neck (this last one is full of awesome). This always seemed cheesy to me. Is it really this easy to kill someone? And do they die instantaneously? Wouldn't the would-be killer just be creating a quadriplegic?

Bonus question: As I was writing this question, I was envisioning the Action Hero sneaking up on and dispatching the bad guy's minions and henchmen with this method. However, all I could find on youtube was women being killed this way. Rule 34 strikes again?

Fake DJ required

ashaw — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 16:56:22 -0800

Can anyone recommend mac software for someone who has absolutely no experience at beat matching etc, to 'DJ' a party. By DJ i mean play music without horrible gaps and ridiculous tempo changes, and to do so in a spontaneous way (choosing songs on the spur). I've heard some programs can beatmatch/crossfade and calculate BPM automatically. Suggestions please, and opinions on this. The demo looks and feels okay (loving the iTunes integration though), but would like alternative suggestions in order to scope the field a little before forking out the cash.

Sorry to all the purists out there, but this is a totally spur of the moment thing, and I have no wish to actually learn how to DJ. I hope to be able to use a Macbook at said party.

Source for fake boxwood material?

monkeybutt — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 13:54:00 -0800

Source for fake boxwood material? Does anybody know of a source for fake boxwood materials (or similar)? I've seen faux boxwood topiaries in shapes (spirals, rings, etc) in stores but what i'm looking for the the supplier of the raw plastic material for these creations. i'm looking to make an entire wall out the stuff.

thanks

"You're hired! To get fleeced!"

Darth Fedor — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 19:51:38 -0800

Is this a job offer or a scam? I responded to an ad on Craigslist looking for a typist to work from home for $250 a week. I sent a reply, and got the following reply. I really need extra income, so though I feel more sure by the second that this is a scam, I'd just like to make sure. Sigh. Here's the reply:

Hi Ben,

Thank you for showing interest in this position. I have read your e-mail and I am happy to tell you that you are eligible for the job position. I have sent you a little more information telling you about this job. If you have any questions that I can answer, please feel free to contact me again. I do hope you decide to join us, and I look forward to seeing your success!

Sincerely,

Sarah

wilkinssarah@rocketmail.com

INFORMATION
We are seeking self motivated individuals with the desire to work with online advertising. You are required to have a computer with Internet access, a valid e-mail account, and basic typing skills. You can choose to work full or part time. The position involves processing typed responses from advertisements placed online. These responses vary in length according to each client that you work with. You can consistently process 5-10 orders per day, and make approximately $200-$800 a week. Further inquiries about processing will be explained in specific detail in the training materials. All transactions will be processed through your e-mail account. There is no contract to sign with this position, and the amount you choose to process is entirely up to you. As with any position, you must be able to respond to advertisements in a timely manner. The benefit of this position is to work from home around your own schedule.

REQUIREMENTS
Basic Internet knowledge
Good typing skills
Willingness to learn and set goals

COMPENSATION
You will be paid $9.00 to $29.00 for each order that you process. The amount of money you earn is entirely up to you, but please be advised that you will be responsible for keeping track of your earnings during tax season, as we do not take out any taxes or provide you with a 1099 form.

TRAINING
The training material you will receive will give you step-by-step instructions on how to get started. Once you receive your training materials, you may begin working immediately. There are no special software requirements for this position.

METHOD OF PAYMENT
You will receive your payments through PayPal for each application that you process. There is a ONE TIME non-refundable fee of $10.95 USD. This covers the cost of the training materials being sent to you via email. Once you process your first response, you will have made back this fee. This is just a small processing fee, protecting from those who are not serious about doing this work. No business can cover administrative costs, wasted time or provide costly materials to everyone who inquires about this position. If this is not acceptable to you, or you cannot afford the cost, please disregard this e-mail. The training materials and information will be sent to your e-mail within 24 hours of payment, and you may begin working that very same day.

Payments are accepted via online through PayPal. If you do not have PayPal, you can set up a free account at http://www.paypal.com use wilkinssarah@rocketmail.com

as your reference for signing up. Paypal is a safe and secure way to pay online, and you can transfer the money to and from that account directly into your checking or savings account. It is easier and much quicker for everyone. The sign up is free! Send your payment through Paypal to the payment address wilkinssarah@rocketmail.com

for your training materials.

After payment has cleared, you will receive your materials within 24 hours. If you do not, please e-mail me with your PayPal address so I can confirm receipt.
***

I tried to find the original job posting, but it has been flagged for removal. I feel stupid, because I was pretty excited about the job. It's fake, right?

explain this email to me please

mizrachi — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 01:42:21 -0800

what is this email? I just received it.

Subject: To all the persons with ingenuous head and heart

To all the persons with ingenuous head and heart

If the bitch things hadn't happened to us , I won't care how dark the bitch China is . I hope my family and friends can live peacefully as you do . But all our family members were driven mad in the past, and worse now .

FYI

The Beijing bitches of our housing zone is from the worldwide famous Chinese No.1 University, the TSING HUA University ( I thought the No.1 should be the Peking University instead ) , which is the service company of our housing zone . They SERVICE us here by terrorism only since they have power as the government leaders .

Our house is new and the housing zone is new as well , I stand out organizing our House Owner Committee, asking our neibours to sign for this committee in our house , hoping to contribute something to our housing zone future . This enraged our Housing Service company , the HuaQingWuYe . Thus they arranged a dog to bite my mother !
And they note the Police to threat us , they send more than 100 bitches to our house , one by one , almost every day , to threat and disturb us , they use more than one year to arrange a complot to our Shenzhen company , they sent an agent provocateur to our company , and ask the supplier to send copied products to our company once we have new order from customers, that agent provocateur's name was also shown in the bitch sentence files , his name is Ye ZhiXuan. He has " worked " in our company for one week till all our clerks were put into prison by a secret abduction in the middle sudden night of May 21st., 2007 !

The bitch government clerks had also rob all our computers, 7pcs computer towers and 2pcs notebooks that night, as well as many goods , piratical or non-piratical !

I ask for help worldwide .
And the Beijing bitches threats to kill me .
And the Beijing bitches finally abducted me into the Shenzhen prison the same way as they did to our company clerks , on Jul. 13th., 2007 .

We were tortured into half-death by their bitch way in the bitch prison , you can't bear . You can only pray the earth to blast and kill all the bitches for you .

4 persons of a family , including a cousin , in prison , not knowing alive or dead , can you bear ?
No one of the bitch Chinese government do anything to punish their bitches and pay for their bitch actions to us till now , though I'm still asking for help worldwide !

Dear GeGe , if you still think such a bitch government is hopeful , please type out all the documents in the "http://www.firstsing.com/news_8.htm
http://www.firstsing.com/sue2007.rar "
and send to the highest court of the bitch China through the address below :

最高人民法院立案庭东城区东交民巷27号100745 85256114
The Registry Court of The Highest Court of China , Building No.27, DongJiaoMinXiang, east city zone, Beijing, China
Zip 100745 , Tel. 86 010 85256114

Don't say it's my idea .
We don't know whether the bitches will do next . They are stakeouting all our family members and friends every day .
If we can't do anything to save ourselves , they might kill all of us by their bitch way sooner or later .

Fake Tan vs. Sun Tan

lukeo05 — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:01:37 -0800

How does a real, UV created tan work when it is acquired after skin has been fake tanned with a cream/spray type product? If you fake tan before a holiday, when you get on holiday, how will the sun effect you? Will it not make a difference until the sun tan reaches the level of the fake tan, or will it all add together to create more and more tan...?

It's not real, dammit.

Skyanth — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 05:19:54 -0800

How do you deal with friends or family sending you (and everyone else in their address book) fake virus warnings and other hoaxes? Do you tell them to do a &$(#^% simple online search before they send the thing on to everyone they know or is it better to ignore them?

And if you do tell them, do you send the mail back to everyone who was on the list (even the people you don't know), hoping that you might catch another one who was going to make the same mistake (but using the same deplorable mechanism)?

If I send to all I feel like a pedant. If I ignore it I feel like I didn't take the chance to at least stop this branch of the hoax in its tracks (and I do believe that the internet would be a better place if everyone did this because then it wouldn't become a hoax in the first place). And I've tried educating them on the nature of hoaxes, but somehow they seem to lack the "this must be fake" alarm bells that some of us were born with so that doesn't seem to have any effect.

What do you do?

Do you know any fake James Bond title songs?

lord_yo — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 15:55:27 -0800

Do you know any fake James Bond title songs? I'm looking for songs that sound like James Bond title songs, but aren't. They could be parodies (like "The Man Made of Guns" by Kris Straub), fake title themes (like on Arling & Cameron's "Music for Imaginary Films"), or just songs that seem inspired by James Bond themes (such as Robbie Williams's "Millennium"). Any recommendations?