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You can't be friends with your abuser.

Help me accept that I can't be friends with my ex-boyfriend. The relationship was abusive but we've had to maintain contact while we disentangled our lives and I got on my feet. Now that time is over and I have to move on. I am finding it very hard. How can I start moving on towards my future? [more inside]
posted by misspony on Jul 15, 2014 - 19 answers

I should go to the wedding. Or should I?

Two lovely friends of mine are getting married. A number of people I know are also invited, none of whom are close friends. Unfortunately, my terrible, horrible, no-good, very-bad ex - the one who did this to me - is invited too. Help? [more inside]
posted by sevensnowflakes on Jul 14, 2014 - 35 answers

To be there, or not to be there?

Ex wants to pick up room full of stuff this Saturday. I don't want to be there. Is that cool? [more inside]
posted by Classic Diner on Jun 17, 2014 - 22 answers

Boyfriend's ex is seriously ill

My boyfriend's ex has leukemia. While she could recover if her bone marrow transplant is successful, there is a strong possibility that she could die. My boyfriend is very sad about her illness. This seems completely natural, and I want to be supportive. But at the same time, I am uncomfortable with what he has told me about his feelings. Are these feelings romantic? If not, how can I support him? [more inside]
posted by Triscuitier on May 27, 2014 - 40 answers

suicidal ex speaks incoherently, needlessly names me- do I warn his dad?

My suicidal ex bumped into A, an acquaintance of mine, a few days ago and, according to A who later contacted me to warn me about it, he talked strangely, incoherently, in an evidently sick way and mentioned my complete name several times for no apparent reason. As when I last heard him (to tell him to stop calling me), three weeks before this, he seemed to be in a fairly good mental state, I am now debating calling his family to let them know about it. Should I do it or would it be out of place and maybe even open up a can of worms I've barely managed to close? [more inside]
posted by opalshards on May 12, 2014 - 23 answers

19 = bad life decisions

Should I get back together with a cheater? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 10, 2014 - 27 answers

3 year pseudo relationship with ex AFTER breakup. Does he love me?

I met my ex online 4 years ago. We hit it off and started dating shortly after. A mutual breakup occurred about 8 months later due to some arguments we had. He was in love with me during our relationship, but I did not fall in love with him until after we broke up. A couple months after we broke up, we made the brilliant decision that I should become his new roomie. During our time living together we had sex on a regular (weekly+) basis. I dated a bit, but nothing serious. He did not date. We ended up living together, along with his brother, for 2 years. During this time we hung out most days. I moved out about a year ago, but he insisted that I keep the key to his house. We still hang out about once a week and have sex nearly as often. The sex tends to be pretty intense and I know that definitely complicates things. He never expects the sex; he is perfectly fine with me going over just to watch a movie and then leaving. Recently he has been cuddly in bed and that is something new. I usually sleep over after we haven't sex. He still hasn't dated since our breakup 3 years ago. [more inside]
posted by GrapCrap on Apr 7, 2014 - 29 answers

Does she (really) love me?

Accidentally went through my girlfriends email and read what I was not supposed to read. [more inside]
posted by Parh6512 on Apr 4, 2014 - 43 answers

How to tackle the awkwardness of bumping into an ex?

Help me deal with the awkwardness of seeing my ex probably tomorrow. [more inside]
posted by Attozes on Mar 24, 2014 - 16 answers

"Is this thing I agreed to a date? And if so, can it not be?"

How do I maintain a platonic relationship with my ex when I'm not sure whether he's on that same page? [more inside]
posted by dekathelon on Mar 7, 2014 - 27 answers

Is it ever a good idea to date your ex?

How do you know if it's a good idea to date your ex? Is it just NEVER a good idea, as is the commonly accepted wisdom? Or can it work out sometimes? Should I give it another go? [more inside]
posted by quincunx on Jan 19, 2014 - 19 answers

Does this relationship worth continuing?

I have known this girl for about 8 months. She has put a lot of pressure on me to meet her parents and wants to see my parents as well. In the beginning of our relationship she told me that she was done with dating and the last person she wants to be intimate with should ideally be her husband. She said that she dated two other people in the past and I am the third one. Since she was 30 years old and her number was too low to me, I asked her if she met other people in between her serious relationships and she said yes but she claimed she was not intimate with them. Anyways I did not care about her number as long as she was honest with me. [more inside]
posted by mbn1455 on Dec 20, 2013 - 41 answers

Too close for comfort . . .

I've searched previous threads regarding appropriate relationships with exes, but I'm still a little confused with my situation. Would really appreciate some feedback from both the male and female perspective. [more inside]
posted by canda on Dec 19, 2013 - 24 answers

the one left behind

I've been seeing a lot of stories from people who left their relationships so that they can go on to be better versions of themselves, because they felt their ex held them back. Is there anything from the perspective of the ex that got left behind? [more inside]
posted by divabat on Dec 3, 2013 - 40 answers

Should I give this another shot?

I searched for similar questions but had a hard time finding something that applied to what I think is a very specific situation. I'm trying to decide if I should attempt dating an ex, and I'm hoping the Hive Mind can help me out. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 20, 2013 - 23 answers

How does an isolated person heal from a breakup?

I need tips on how to handle/distract myself from a break up when I'm low on the friend count and the money count and don't really leave the house. Ever. [more inside]
posted by biochemist on Oct 30, 2013 - 25 answers

ex tried to kill himself and now wants to see me: what to do?

My ex attempted to committ suicide three months ago; I've come to know about this just today as I've been made aware of the fact he asked about me to a friend of his. I'm torn between not going and keeping him and our relationship in the past to protect myself or going and risking having him think that means we can become close again. [more inside]
posted by opalshards on Sep 26, 2013 - 24 answers

Seeing an old ex stirred up more feelings than expected

So more than 4 years after the breakup and we only dated 6 months. But I see her car in the parking lot at the grocery store I go to. I've never seen her there before. I keep looking and see that it's definitely her in the car. We didn't talk. I don't think she saw me. I was leaving as she was pulling in. But my heart definitely raced and all sorts of emotions came flooding back. I was disappointed that it affected me as much as it did. Does this need fixing? How would I fix this? [more inside]
posted by yeahyeahyeah on Sep 26, 2013 - 7 answers

Is this just a special-snowflake-petty relationship concern?

If your partner did something wrong when you first started dating and you didn’t find out until later when you were deep in a happy relationship, what would you do? How much of the past do you let go and how much of the past do you let define the present (e.g., break up)? [more inside]
posted by inevitability on Sep 12, 2013 - 47 answers

Why do you keep in touch with your ex?

Went through a bad break up a few months ago and have recently been emailing back and forth with my ex. Our conversation is at a point where I can either let it die or keep it up. I've been trying to weigh the pros and cons and honestly can't think of too many pros. I'm just curious about people who do stay in touch with their ex(es). What do you gain from it? [more inside]
posted by aleatorictelevision on Sep 5, 2013 - 42 answers

hurting over past relationship now more than when the break up happened

I feel like I'm going backwards with the break up over my past relationship which occured over six months ago. I was fine for months afterwards and, in the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling increasingly guilty over my behaviour toward my depressed ex and it hurts to think about memories together and him in general much more than it used to. Is it normal, could it be because our one year anniversary would have been in a few days? Why is it happening, when I feel like I care more about my current bf than I did him? Am I betraying him? What should I do? [more inside]
posted by opalshards on Sep 3, 2013 - 5 answers

"So, about that thing I did..."

A person from my Past has friended me on fb out of the blue. I haven't seen him in around 15 years. We didn't part on good terms and I've had a lot of regret and shame over the years. He sent me some general messages. Now, should I apologise for the past or leave it alone? Many details below. [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Aug 29, 2013 - 35 answers

If I don't miss my ex, then why do I care that he has a new girlfriend?

Hi. I dated my ex for three years and we broke up a little over a year ago. At first I was very hurt and depressed, missed him terribly, was counting on getting back together, and couldn't imagine ever being attracted to or dating anyone again. Now I don't miss him at all and have no desire to be with him, and no longer compare every guy I meet to him. I thought I was over everything, but then last week I found out he's finally dating someone else and I can't help but feel hurt, like I've been replaced. I keep thinking about what she's like and why he likes her even though I do not want to be with him at all. To make matters worse my ex and I work together, so it's possible we might all run into each other, and that makes me want to vomit. I feel like I'm moving ten steps backward in my healing process. How do I proceed?
posted by thank you silence on Jul 28, 2013 - 10 answers

What are some hacks to not crave my ex?

I am already doing no contact and no exposure to my ex. Still, I get very regular cravings, thoughts, and dreams about them. It takes time out of my day, and disrupts my other relationships. I don't imagine I can make this stop, maybe ever, or for a long time. It's already been about a year. What are some practical, concrete tips to make this impact me less? [more inside]
posted by htid on Jul 19, 2013 - 17 answers

Dealing with The Ex (who isn't mine).

Before meeting me, my boyfriend was involved in an intense LDR which ended in a dramatic and painful breakup. His ex will be visiting our city for work next week. I've just found out through the grapevine that she will also be attending a show that we have had tickets to -- and been looking forward to -- for a long time. Do I tell my boyfriend and potentially put him off from going to the show? Do I keep quiet and hope we don't run into her? HALP. [more inside]
posted by fight or flight on Jul 9, 2013 - 23 answers

Why am I getting crazy/threatening phone calls from my ex's new girl?

I've started getting threatening phone calls from my ex's new girlfriend and I'm trying to figure out what's going on. [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Jun 10, 2013 - 25 answers

How can (or should) I stop a bad guy?

I dated someone who harmed me. What can, or should, I do to prevent him from hurting others the same way? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 24, 2013 - 43 answers

Looking for advice on how to remain friends with ex

What might I do or not do in order to help us move from relationship to friendship? [more inside]
posted by fishingforthewhale on Apr 8, 2013 - 12 answers

How to stop pining, take action, or get over it?

What should I do about the ex that haunts me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 1, 2013 - 19 answers

The ex is moving on, I thought I was but I'm not. What do I do?

My head is a mess after seeing my ex tonight for the first time since we broke up, kissing her, and finding out she had a thing with another girl that never went anywhere. I'm hurt but doing okay, but I'm afraid that if I don't take some kind of action I'm going to get incredibly more hurt in the near future. But what do I do now? [more inside]
posted by Pericardium on Mar 20, 2013 - 23 answers

How to become friends with my ex while I'm still working out my feelings

How do I stay in loose, friendly, honest contact with my ex (from a short relationship) to build a friendship while I still have some residual feelings for him? I know we are only friends now, and I want to respect my boundaries and also his. There's no chance we'll see each other in person for a long time, so this is all about communication and not about sex. [more inside]
posted by zettoo on Mar 14, 2013 - 18 answers

Dealing with passive-aggressive ex 'losing' kids stuff on visits.

Title says it. Passive-aggressive ex ' accidentally loses' my sons stuff on every.single.visit. Meaning I have to replace one or more of the following: toque, mitts, socks, hoodie, pullups, footwear, etc. every week and I just can't afford it. I can't send my toddler naked. Is there anything I can do about this lame game?
posted by tenaciousmoon on Mar 12, 2013 - 30 answers

Is continuing to sleep with an ex ever not a bad idea?

TL;DR: The guy I'm dating non-exclusively is still sleeping with his ex. I can't decide if this is a red flag or not. For the record, I have been the one insisting we keep things open. [more inside]
posted by krakenattack on Feb 28, 2013 - 36 answers

Friendships after relationships

I'm trying to figure out the best way to understand and handle the relationship between myself and a good friend who is also my ex. Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by jlibera on Feb 4, 2013 - 20 answers

How to get an ex off the mind.

How much thinking about your ex is too much, and how do you control it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 17, 2013 - 13 answers

Help me deal with a (crazy?) ex.

LTR ended without a word. We're going to have to see each other a lot. How should I handle this? [more inside]
posted by sevensnowflakes on Jan 13, 2013 - 34 answers

How much contact is appropriate after a break-up?

I broke up with my then-fiancée in September 2012. What is the appropriate amount of contact after a break-up? I've struggled with finding a good balance. Give me some advice for the next go-round. [more inside]
posted by mellosphere on Jan 8, 2013 - 32 answers

How to behave around your ex

What should I wear and how should I behave at a dinner, where my ex will be with his new gf? [more inside]
posted by artystar on Dec 5, 2012 - 58 answers

Repeating old relationship patterns

Still not over the same old guy? [more inside]
posted by bookgirl18 on Nov 20, 2012 - 12 answers

After a breakup, how do you deal with the rejection?

After a breakup, how do you deal with the rejection? [more inside]
posted by thank you silence on Nov 15, 2012 - 23 answers

Feeling like a lame duck in the dating pond

How to make sense of dating? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 14, 2012 - 12 answers

Help me stop e-stalking my ex

Will you share some practical tips on how I can stop e-stalking my ex. [more inside]
posted by feastorfamine on Nov 8, 2012 - 20 answers

Why can't I get over my ex?

Why can't I get over my ex and why is my self esteem so low? Will him and his new gf work? How do I behave around them? [more inside]
posted by artystar on Nov 8, 2012 - 26 answers

How can I win his heart back?

please help me gain back his trust and love - i feel like i'm dying [more inside]
posted by canadiantuxedo on Nov 1, 2012 - 65 answers

Is he flirting? Trying to get my attention?

Is he flirting? Trying to get my attention? [more inside]
posted by femmefatale123 on Oct 28, 2012 - 43 answers

Help! I have to interact with my ex while I'm still hurt and angry.

One week after our (non-mutual) breakup, I have to work with my ex at an event. How should I carry myself? [more inside]
posted by feastorfamine on Oct 22, 2012 - 38 answers

Should I move to San Francisco?

Should I move to San Francisco? Every reason in the world to move, and one reason not to. [more inside]
posted by blue rare on Oct 8, 2012 - 35 answers

Is this a new friendship or a ticking timebomb?

My ex has sneaked back into my life during a difficult time. I'm appreciative of his support but I'm nervous about backsliding emotionally. How do I set the right boundaries? Or is this just the "being friends with your ex when you're ready" thing I've read so much about here on the green? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2012 - 17 answers

Don't want drama but don't want other girls being lied to

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of three and a half years. In the time we were still living together but broken up I found out he was starting several relationships. Should I let these women know? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 27, 2012 - 88 answers

I really like my ex. Help!

First time round, he got his heart broken. Five years later, we meet again. I really like him but he’s not long out of a relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 23, 2012 - 10 answers

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