Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with Compulsive

Where can I get support for sexual addiction/compulsive behaviour in the UK?

Anonymous — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 08:09:12 -0800

Where can I get support for sexual addiction/compulsive behaviour in the UK apart from paying for a therapist or joining a 12 step programme? I have a problem with sexual addiction which seems to happen only some of the time, maybe because of physical or mental changes.

It can lead to dangerous behaviour, or at best a big waste of time and energy.

I can't afford a therapist, and I feel the 12 step programmes are not right for me because I don't feel it's realistic or desirable for me to give up all extramarital sex or kinky activity.

What I could really do with is someone to call when the problem comes on to help get me through the moment.

The samaritans helpline say it's not really what they do.

Any advice?

You could email me at anonymammal---@--gmail-----.-----com take out the dashes ---

Thanks

Help for a child with compulsions

serazin — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 15:42:56 -0800

A child I know and love appears to have behaviors consistent with OCD. I'd love to hear your personal experiences with treating or adapting to this condition/way of being. I'm not looking for diagnostic advice - this child is in the process of receiving evaluations from an MD and a psychologist (although if you have advice for specific questions that should be asked in these evaluations, that kind of suggestion is welcome). I am interested in hearing from folks who either have this condition, have always suspected they have this condition, or are close to people who do, and hearing your stories. Specifically, what support did you or would you have found helpful.

Thank you!

Bye-bye, web.

Electrius — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 20:19:07 -0800

How do I cripple web access on my MacBook Pro? I'm running Mac OS X Leopard on an early 2006 MacBook Pro. Here's what I need to do to my computer:

1) Disable access to the web in such a way that it would take more than three hours to reverse whatever I did to my computer, if it is reversible at all.

2) All other internet functions remain operable, especially email.

I'm up for anything at this point. I compulsively check too many websites too often— I have no trouble doing this a little on Fridays, but the rest of the week it should seriously be off-limits. I can look up and suddenly an hour has gone by.

Any solution, including one involving soldering, would be good. I just can't seem to keep my hands off the damn thing. So, how do I accomplish this? Is it even possible?

(I need to use an admin account for day-to-day stuff, so giving me a non-admin account and setting parental controls on it would really put a damper on my lifestyle.)

Help the son and daughter-in-law of a compulsive hoarder!

SpecialK — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 21:23:51 -0800

I have some friends (a married couple) from Denver who have just found out that 1) his mother had a stroke at the age of 70, 2) his mother was a hoarder, and has kept everything in her house for the past thirty-plus years that she's been living alone (with no power, heat, or water) 3) in Peoria, IL. I'm trying to find resources that they can use on their limited budget for psychological (support group), financial, and other assistance. More tragedy: The husband just got laid off from a networking job in Denver and missed his first interview since the layoff, which was supposed to happen on the day after they found out about the mother. They were skinny in the wallet in the first place, but now they're spiralling further into debt as they have to afford the time away from the husband's job hunt and they incur the costs of hotel rooms and food in a remote area where they don't know anyone... plus medical care for the mother, who is now in a nursing home and needs extensive therapy to recover from the stroke. There's no other family for them to fall back on, and the mother has no assets besides the house which can't be sold.

So far, they're doing everything they can. They've made the house as safe as it can be (it was a fire hazard with junk piled all up around the boiler in the basement and the boiler only half working), they've gotten a lawyer and are moving for guardianship of the mother, and they've told their friends about it so that we can start marshaling resources to help them out.

Beyond the obvious, there's one thing I'm most interested in and that's active support communities (she's found two that are inactive or barely active in Chicago, but Chicago is not Peoria) for the relatives of Compulsive Hoarders. National/Web organizations are fine.

Any ideas on who someone who needs the help of a charitable organization in Peoria, or what charitable organizations (the couple has no religious affiliation... and religious groups might not be the best choice) might be able to provide some resources in the area for them. Right now the mother's house is completely uninhabitable due to the vermin infestation and lack of power and water to the house, and they're staying at the (barely) habitable Holiday Inn before they have to return to Detroit.

Any other suggestions to help them out? We've started a "tip jar" online, are putting a mailing list together, and are looking for other ways to raise money for them.

Can I stop my kitty from compulsively scratching her face?

weatherworn — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 18:51:00 -0800

Is there anything I can do to keep my kitty from scratching her eyes? She's been in an e-collar for two months post-eye-surgery, and it's time for freedom. But whenever she's out of the collar for more than an hour or two, she scratches her eyes and ends up bleeding. The vet says she's just neurotic and needs to get used to being uncollared, but I'm worried she's going to do some serious damage to herself. My lovely Laila-kitty has been through a lot since we adopted her the first week of August. She's a six-year-old medium-haired tortie, and she'd been at the shelter for a month when the we met her and fell in love. Now she's a single, indoor-only cat. The boyfriend and I work from 9 a.m. to 5:30 p.m., leaving her alone in the apartment.

She had a case of conjunctivitis that the shelter had been treating with some mild eye drops for about a week. We would later find out that feline herpes was the culprit. She was spayed the day before we brought her home midweek; all of the uproar made her herpes flare up something fierce. By her check-up on Saturday, her cornea had ulcerated, and her eye had nearly, well, burst. We rushed her to an emergency ophthalmologist for a conjunctival pedicle graft on her left eye.

Two months and several thousand dollars later, she's gotten an all-clear from the vet to be freed from the e-collar. (Actually, due to a chronic ear sensitivity, she *needs* to be freed from the e-collar so the current ear problems can die down.)

However, every time she's been out of the e-collar for more than an hour or two in the last couple months, she's scratched and rubbed her eyelids and mouth to the point of bleeding -- leading to another expensive visit to the emergency vet.

She had a checkup today, and her graft is doing just fine. She treated with Revolution just in case she had fleas (although the vet didn't see any), and her claws were trimmed. The vet suggested that the past two months in the collar had just made her neurotic and that she was going to groom compulsively for a while. However, in the few hours since we brought her home, she's already rubbed and scratched her right (non-surgery) eye raw -- and that's with us watching her almost constantly!

What could be causing her compulsive scratching behavior? What the holy hell can we do to keep our kitty from self-harming? (Declawing is not an option.) I'm scared that she's going to cause herself some serious damage.

Possible structural failure due to a hoarder's heap?

Kevin S — Mon, 30 Apr 2007 18:56:43 -0800

I am concerned about the possibility of structural failure due to a hoarder's heap. My 80+ year old mother has a woman friend in her 60's who lives with her much of the time, occupying a spare bedroom. The friend is a "compulsive hoarder"; i.e., a person who is constitutionally unable to discard anything - newspapers, boxes, magazines, old clothes etc. Her room looks like a dumpster (fortunately there is no organic matter and no odor). The debris "mass" occupies about 75% of the 15' x 13' room and on average is about 4 feet deep but in places approaches 6 feet. There is not even a goat path to get from the door to the bed; she crawls over the pile to get there.

There is a vague "plan" to get her stuff out of the room. But in the meantime I have numerous safety concerns (fire hazard, dust, mites, emergency egress), some of which are likely code violations.

I am wondering specifically about floor loading and the possibility of structural damage/failure. The heap is an undifferentiated mass, so I really don't know what the average density is (e.g., if it is 10% paper or 75% paper). So assuming (in the extreme case) that it is mostly newspaper/magazines, is there a possibility of structural failure? It is a 1950's frame house. The room is supported by wooden joists that run the 15 feet between the foundation wall and the beam running down the center of the house. Each joist is about 1" x 8 " with 45 deg X's cris-crossed between the joists. Sitting on the joists is the plywood subfloor, with hardwood above. Looking up from the basement, there is no obvious sign of damage.

Any advice or suggested analytical approach would be appreciated.

Depressive Compulsive?!?!?!?!Then please help

eve28 — Sat, 24 Mar 2007 01:41:53 -0800

Is there such a thing as DEPPRESIVE COMPULSIVE? Is it something real? Chemical? What and why can't I stop feeling sad, depressed, inadequate? To just put it out there I am a depressive compulsive and I have been dealing with this thing MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!Literally. I'm a 28 yr. old female, who had a very traumatic life, who has dealt with many therapists, written many journals, talked to friends, family, GOD, and hell, about a year and a half ago, I started taking Zoloft. I met a therapist, whom I liked very much, got on the pills, started to feel a little better, (at least for the moment) even though therapy was excrutiating EverY Single TimE!! I stayed with her for over 15 months. I could really trust her.

Later, like 7 weeks ago, I moved and although my rational mind knows that a transition such as moving cross-country is stressful and can take some time for adjustment, I am still feeling low. I know no pill is available to heal this illness 100 percent, but I am starting to believe that some people, me mostly, must be lacking some sort of chemical. A transmitter or receptor or something that gives me the power of happiness, motivation, dedication. Is it possible that these are genes that some of us have in our DNA and some do not? Or, am I just crazy. Look, I guess I just want to know what This is...Is it something that depression does to you? Is it a gene one holds in their DNA? Is it all chemical? Is it how close one is with God? WHAT is it?

I feel tired, I have sleepless nights, racing thoughts, hurtful images, tired, low, sad, I feel as if I wont make it because I have no idea what I want and where I'm going even though I have dreams and ideas. I have a job, not totally in love with it, but I do like it, yet at the same time, I am still keeping my options open. I also see faces as I am trying to sleep. Sometimes they are good, sometimes bad, sometimes indifferent. This has happened my whole life. I am not sure if anyone thinks I'm crazy, but I really don't care about that. All I care about is if someone out there is willing to give a helping hand and provide me with some insight.

I am looking for a legitimate answer here. Please do not forget I have had this my whole life. I can not get into all the details of my haunting past, but even if I could, a man once told me, "no one cares about your past and no one cares where your at.."So thats it any and all thoughts accepted, even if it hurts....

Foiling the workplace food thief...

ObscureReferenceMan — Tue, 14 Mar 2006 11:21:26 -0800

Where can I find lockable food &/or drink containers? In an effort to deal with rampant theft from the work fridge, I'd like to find some kind of storage device that can be locked. And I know exactly what I want - remember the movie "Conspiracy Theory"? After Mel's character unlocks his fridge, he takes out containers with little combination locks on them. That's what I want, but can't find (google search, and checking specialty/gadget stores yielded nothing). Specifically, one to hold a pint of milk. Maybe one for a small food item - sandwich, small Tupperware, etc.

Please, don't say "Find the miscreant, and tell him/her to cut it out", or "Suck it up, wussboy!" This is the solution I'm going for. I know it's weird, but I could tell you some stories...

Compulsive lying questions

Anonymous — Fri, 10 Mar 2006 03:40:29 -0800

Some questions about infrequent compulsive lying - how common is this? What is your reaction to it? More questions inside. A person close to me has a problem where, once or twice a year she seriously embellishes a personal story. This almost inevitably leads to more questions and the lie gets bigger. Afterwards she feels horrible, and more than once she has had to get in touch with the person she was talking to and explain that the story wasn't true in order to feel better.

It's quite clear why she feels motivated to tell these lies: in another time and place (before moving and changing careers) she used to be a big shot, and she really misses that feeling. It is less clear why the compulsion is too strong to resist. When this happens, she feels like she must be crazy.

Does anyone have any information on this problem? Do you do this or know someone who does? If someone you know were to admit that they made up a story to impress you, would you lose all respect for them or would you laugh it off? Any other advice appreciated. You can also email anonaskmeanswers@fastmail.fm if you don't want to post here.

Am I nuts?

Anonymous — Mon, 06 Jun 2005 15:00:54 -0800

I'm obsessed with quantifying things and ranking things. While it doesn't seem to have any negative effects on my life, I do think about it constantly. Am I obsessive-compulsive? Should I talk to a psychatrist? I was afraid to talk about it for most of my life (referring to it as my "research project"), but now I'm starting to open up about it, and it's making me consider how it could be affecting my personality. It hasn't prevented me from having a great career, having a 4.0 GPA in school, a girlfriend, hobbies, and a social life, but it's like a constant thought in my mind. Whenever I encounter any new activity, subculture, game, or whatever, I immediately want to find ways to score and rank things that have to do with it. I feel like I'm looking for some kind of system that would reward this kind of ranking, and that it will be some sort of zen enlightenment.

Here's an example: my girlfriend will mention some new type of yarn she's using, and I will immediately ask, "What's the most expensive kind of yarn?" or "What's the rarest?" or "What are the top 5 most difficult stitches?" Why do I worry about this so much?

Is there a term for unbidden standard thoughts? Can I train myself to stop thinking them?

jack_mo — Mon, 15 Dec 2003 14:20:12 -0800

When I perform some everyday tasks, or walk past certain locations, I think the exact same things every time. It isn't just me, is it? Is there a term for these unbidden little standard thoughts, and can I train myself to stop thinking them? [examples inside] For example: every time I walk past the local bakers, my mind recites verbatim a conversation I had with the woman behind the counter on the day Labour won the 1997 general election. Every time I make toast, I use a special buttering method (!) taught to me by my Grandad, and my mind first repeats the time I was taught, then the time I told a friend about it sometime in 1996, and then - for a touch of meta-whatever - I always think about why I'm thinking about all this yet again in exactly the same terms as when I first noticed the phenomenon.