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92 posts tagged with Commitment.
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Is Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) bunk?

Hi all. A close friend is starting therapy with a therapist "certified in Client Focused Therapy and in ACT (Acceptance and Committment Therapy)". I'm a bit worried for her - what is the medical consensus on ACT? Is it bunk? Are there any resources I can direct her towards? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 19, 2014 - 9 answers

Perspective on the idea of "growing apart" in a long term commitment?

I recently started seeing someone new, who happens to be the first person I've dated who's divorced. When he told me that he was divorced, he said they "grew apart," after over a decade of marriage, though he also indicated that his ex-wife didn't feel that way, and didn't want to get divorced. I had the sense (though this was a brief conversation, and we're just getting to know each other) that he didn't necessarily *try* to fix things. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 27, 2014 - 26 answers

I have "commitment issues", which are incompatible with what I want.

I've always known that I want to find someone and fall in love and raise a family, the whole bit. That's my end-goal, no other ambition in my life is more important to me.. But I always freak out in relationships. I'm almost always the one moving things forwards, because I know what I want, but I get so anxious sometimes.. I'm currently dating someone who is actually perfect for me. He's like me in every way, I've never had better. I don't want to lose him, and I'm not planning on it, but I'm hoping to get advice as to how to stop "freaking out". [more inside]
posted by Ellabelle797 on Sep 17, 2014 - 7 answers

Can/Should We Get Past This?

We moved in together, but things are going poorly. Not sure where to go from here. [more inside]
posted by Gray Skies on Sep 17, 2014 - 39 answers

How can you recognize a secure person if you’re insecure?

Am I ruining a great relationship with my anxiety or am I anxious because my relationship is not great? Is there a way to tell the difference between irrational anxiety and alarm bells? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 20, 2014 - 9 answers

Help me find perspective, is my relationship half-full or half-empty?

I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 years now, but it seems like we can't seem to find a good "groove". We're satisfied in the relationship for a while and then we get into petty fights and don't resolve them. I thought I was happy with him and really enjoyed his company. However, it's been more and more stressful and I need help figuring out if I've checked out for a while, or if the relationship has run its course. Hope me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 14, 2014 - 17 answers

In a relationship, in love with a friend, need to make some decisions

I’m in a stable and loving relationship that is approaching the deadline for commitment. I’ve had strong feelings for someone else for a long time, which I’ve managed to control, but have recently resurfaced with a vengeance, and are making me seriously question whether to commit. Help! [more inside]
posted by ashkenazy on May 27, 2014 - 33 answers

Such a tough space. Please give me some hope.

Please help me to stop comparing my relationship to others. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 8, 2014 - 32 answers

Save me from my dumb brain

How can I stop thinking about the woman who broke my heart? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 16, 2014 - 15 answers

Is this just summer-fall-winter-spring-summer-fall-winter-spring love?

Struggling with my boyfriend's apparent lack of effort in our relationship, but I'm not sure if it's worth trying to work though, because he won't discuss if he have a future together. [more inside]
posted by hasna on Feb 12, 2014 - 39 answers

Just not into him or fears from the past? 35f ponders marriage, again.

TL/DR: My BF (30) and I have been together a year and 1/2. Moved too fast for me, and him too in retrospect. Never got on my own feet after bad divorce and that feeling has endured the length of my current relationship. Close friend and 1000000 people on Meta suggest breaking up. But...I panic at that, too. [more inside]
posted by dollyllama on Jan 9, 2014 - 25 answers

Are women supposed to bring up the commitment talk?

I've been "seeing" someone for three weeks now, and he seems interested... I think... but hasn't mentioned anything regarding a relationship or exclusivity yet. Should I bring it up or wait it out? [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Dec 13, 2013 - 26 answers

Getting over a love and hate relationship with a womanizer

I dated a guy, on and off, for more than two years... He didn't commit and even slept with other women while he was sleeping with me. I still loved him but hated him at the same time. I tried to get my revenge but I don't know what to feel anymore. [more inside]
posted by sedulous on Nov 17, 2013 - 20 answers

Party Animal Boyfriend - When is it too much?

My long term-ish boyfriend has developed over time a fixation with a particular crowd of young, party-going types and it's become more and more of a roadblock for me. He gains a significant degree of his self-esteem from going to parties/events that feature music, drug use, and what appears to me no more than lots of idle talk and some vaguely creative pursuits. Meanwhile, my boyfriend is in fact on the older side - approaching 40 - with no sense of financial planning or pursuing a truly meaningful career. It would seem that he has found a community of supportive, yet drug-using and less than gainfully employed young people to supply him with an ego boost. I, however, am entering a period of life in which I feel it's time to finally pursue commitment and plans for financial and familial security, yet I constantly feel abandoned as my boyfriend is out staying up all night at these parties. [more inside]
posted by afabulousbeing on Jul 10, 2013 - 40 answers

What really matters in a long term relationship?

I love my boyfriend dearly but am starting to doubt our long term potential. I don't know if I'm asking smart questions, or letting my inner commitment phoebe dictate my thinking. [more inside]
posted by meb123 on Apr 25, 2013 - 25 answers

Help with a 12 month attention span?

I seem to get 'bored' with everything in my life - friends, relationship, job, country - every 1-2 years. I then make major life changes and it is starting to seriously affect me. Has anyone else experienced this situation? Does it get better? If not, do you have some good coping strategies? [more inside]
posted by Isn't in each artist (7) on Feb 25, 2013 - 18 answers

Stick it out or move on from this unequal relationship?

I'm in a relationship with wonderful woman (4 months) who I am falling for but should I break it off now because it's unequal? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 12, 2013 - 16 answers

ACT therapists in Toronto?

I'm looking for an ACT therapist in Toronto. Does anyone have personal recommendations? [more inside]
posted by mendel on Jan 2, 2013 - 1 answer

To reproduce, or GTFO, that is the question.

Can someone help explain my boyfriend to me? Special snowflake, yadda yadda, you are not my (or his!) therapist, etc. [more inside]
posted by domo on Dec 13, 2012 - 55 answers

Why did you break up?

Why did you break up? More specifically, you thought you found someone you're compatible with, you guys mutually made a commitment, but yet you ended up breaking up a year or two later, or later in life. What was the reason for the breakup? [more inside]
posted by never.was.and.never.will.be. on Dec 5, 2012 - 46 answers

Relationships as a choice - despite dependence?

"I love you, and I choose to be here. ...Of course, if this doesn’t work out, I get deported." I could use your perspectives on choosing to be in a relationship despite sometimes feeling trapped in it? [more inside]
posted by Someone Else's Story on Nov 23, 2012 - 13 answers

Living a more entrenched life

What does it mean to be committed to your life? How can you become committed to yourself? [more inside]
posted by so much modern time on Oct 17, 2012 - 14 answers

How to stay when it hurts like I'm already gone

How do you stay in a relationship when you know there's a very good chance it might end soon? [Siberian winter's worth of snowflakes inside.] [more inside]
posted by Sockmaster on Sep 17, 2012 - 42 answers

What is the best choice for this relationship?

Should I tell the person I've dated that his time is up? [more inside]
posted by kellybird on Sep 9, 2012 - 30 answers

How can I give romantic relationships a different place in my life?

How can I give romantic relationships a different place in my life? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 10, 2012 - 24 answers

Which works better, the carrot or the stick?

GroupCommitmentFilter: I've been trying to put together a large group of people to participate in an artistic performance-based hobby that they all claim to enjoy. I'm the group leader, and it feels like I'm herding cats when it comes to getting people to commit to attending training sessions so that our shows will be of a high quality. I'm constantly altering my plans so that the least experienced people aren't left behind. How can I get people to step up their game and commit to the group without alienating them? [more inside]
posted by adamk on Mar 20, 2012 - 12 answers

How do I love better?

I really don't want to end up alone. What can I start doing to break this generational cycle? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 26, 2012 - 12 answers

How to distinguish relationship doubts from a complicated history?

I've been with a wonderful man for 4 years and I'm panicking about ending the relationship for no good reason. I still get smiley when he texts me and he makes me laugh, he's gorgeous, but I have these sudden adrenalin rushes and an overwhelming panicky feeling that I have to end the relationship immediately. I asked for three weeks apart to clear my head, and we made it to two before I wanted him here again... but the panicking is back! [more inside]
posted by Anne Onymouse on Feb 24, 2012 - 29 answers

Are we wrong for each other or too scared to try?

My partner and I feel comfortable and safe in our relationship, and we feel love for one another. But we are sexually unfulfilled, and to a smaller extent emotionally and/or intellectually troubled. How do we know whether to break up or to work at it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 28, 2012 - 20 answers

Help me be okay with non-commitment.

I've been dating a guy for a few months who is really awesome -- but not ready for a relationship. How do I deal with this? [more inside]
posted by DoubleLune on Jan 25, 2012 - 60 answers

#NotThankful for your seemingly endless bliss and my resulting jealousy. Or your dumb twitter #hashtag.

When you're in a long term relationship or marriage, how do you deal with feelings of jealousy of other couples seemingly endless "honeymoon phase"? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 14, 2011 - 38 answers

What am I doing wrong in my relationships?

Why do my relationships enter the LET'S MAKE THIS A SERIOUS COMMITMENT I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH YOU stage at an absurdly rapid pace? I used to think this was a kind of charming quirk, but my apparent inability to slow things down in order to determine the suitability of my partner has begun to concern me a bit. Special snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 7, 2011 - 31 answers

Can I get a jump?

I feel like I'm stuck in that awkward phase of a relationship between dating and when things become serious. I'm ready for something more. I'm not sure my boyfriend is, and I'm concerned. Snowflakes abound. [more inside]
posted by erstwhile on Oct 15, 2011 - 20 answers

Commitment Ceremonies 101

Commitment ceremonies: how do you do them? Particularly - how do you explain the idea to family? [more inside]
posted by divabat on Sep 22, 2011 - 29 answers

I think I need to communicate, but how?

New guy moving away in a few weeks--how do I tell him what I think? [more inside]
posted by queens86 on Sep 6, 2011 - 22 answers

How not to people-please your way to relationship angst

How do those who tend to people-please stay honest with their feelings and needs in romantic relationships? I want to avoid becoming overwhelmed and disoriented after about half a year or so, which seems to happen again and again. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 27, 2011 - 14 answers

As we have a short life.. we have limited resources

Getting over the fear of committing time and money into a relationship if we aren't promised it will stand the test of time? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 24, 2011 - 10 answers

What happens when you marry someone you love but aren't deeply "in love" with?

Have you (or someone you know well) loved someone but weren't "in love" with them (had a strong, warm, happy relationship but one that wasn't very intense, passionate, etc) and gotten married/been in a long-term partnership? Did it matter that you weren't "in love" exactly? If it led to problems, what were they? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 22, 2011 - 56 answers

Dating when 30 is like being 12 all over again. Seriously.

Need advice before I accidentally sabotage this awesome new potential relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 6, 2011 - 16 answers

Can't Commit to a Long Term Relationship

My problem is that I can't commit long term to romantic relationships. This commitment phobia automatically colors me as a bad person because the right thing to do in this society is to find that one special person and commit to them for the rest of your life. (ideally) [more inside]
posted by BettyBurnheart on Jun 30, 2011 - 36 answers

How soon is too soon to start feeling restless in relationship?

Should I be concerned that my SO is already scared of feeling "trapped" because of our long-term/forever potential after 2-3ish months of dating (and 7 of close friendship)? He mentioned noticing other women more than normal and equates it to feeling scared of eternal monogamy. Is this a giant red flag? Or am I picking a fight with someone willing to be honest with me about his feelings? Or both? More details inside. (anon because he and mutual friends are aware of MeFi handle) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 25, 2011 - 25 answers

Abandon ship, once and for all, or fight for what I have?

Seven months ago I cheated on my partner. Six months ago I came clean to him. Three months ago we broke up. This past week we have begun to spend some time together, and I feel like we both reached a breakthrough last night. Am I crazy to have this renewed faith in/willingness to work for our love? Do I need to finally let it go? Much more inside. [more inside]
posted by fignewton on Apr 21, 2011 - 23 answers

Could my relationship break be temporary and successful?

My girlfriend have decided to go 'on a break'. I'm interested in hearing about how others have fared in such an arrangement. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 20, 2011 - 36 answers

Did this relationship end for the right reasons? IS it even over??

Is he a commitment phobe, or is it me? Does he just not like/want me? [more inside]
posted by Fenshwee on Apr 2, 2011 - 65 answers

Kind of freaking out about commitment.

Why do you commit to being in a relationship with someone? [more inside]
posted by shornco on Apr 2, 2011 - 31 answers

No, you just have to wait...

I love my boyfriend very much. We have a wonderful relationship and I would like to get married. We would both like to get married. We've talked about it, and agreed that we share this goal. Yay! However, we have very different ideas about when to get engaged. I want to shout it from the rooftops, but he wants "more time". Please help me understand his reasons for waiting to make our intentions official and public. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 13, 2011 - 31 answers

How the heck do I handle relationships, and the possible end of a promising one, in my mid-20s?

Dear MeFi, How the heck do I handle relationships, and the possible end of a promising one, in my mid-20s? [more inside]
posted by mostly vowels on Jan 2, 2011 - 7 answers

Does this have any hope of not ending in tragedy?

Star cross'd lovers facing another hurdle - can I convince him it's worth it to keep trying? [more inside]
posted by lizbunny on Dec 2, 2010 - 41 answers

Funny stories: some things about your long-term s.o. that once upon a time gave you anxiety attacks?

He's a silly nerd. I love him for it, but the more I find myself getting seriously attached to those things that he does, the more I find myself worrying that one day I won't be able to appreciate it as much as I do now... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 30, 2010 - 14 answers

Caught in same love trap again

What do I do about bipolar boyfriend? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 29, 2010 - 16 answers

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