Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with Assistance

Help me help her

yawper — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 09:39:54 -0800

How to help an elderly family friend with homecare, meals, transportation and other general stuff? What services are available in Ontario, Canada and how best do I navigate them? A close family friend is in need of help. Mary is elderly (86) and lives with her husband (95). They have virtually no family to help them, and she is doing everything herself. She's got osteoporosis and a bad back (along with the other issues that tend to accompany old age). Her husband is worse off. He had been battling a bad cough for a couple weeks and recently ended up in the hospital for 5 days. He's been home now for a week and a half and improving, but Mary is in a desperate situation...caring for him all alone.

There are a few issues I want to help her with. We are in Ontario, Canada.

- Home care for her husband. He is a veteran so entitled to some benefits. She’s been in contact with someone from the veterans’ affairs office, but it seems like a long process to get something concrete established. Does anyone have any advice on getting through this process quickly?

- Home help for Mary. She has difficulty doing laundry, cooking, cleaning, etc. I will be calling CCAC this afternoon to find out what public services she might be entitled to. Can anyone tell me what I can expect? Services provided, frequency of visits, etc.

- Meals. Her husband is entitled to Meals on Wheels though his veteran's benefits, but Mary is not. Do you know of any other services that might help them in this regard?

- Transportation. Her 95-year-old husband still drives them to doctor’s appointments. Are there services for this?

Lastly, what can I physically and financially do to help her? She has always been very proud and independent and hates to ask for help, but is incredibly grateful when she gets it. I live 1.5 hours away from her so I can visit her about once a month for a whole day. Besides doing her groceries, cleaning up the house, cooking for her, and leaving her with gift cards for groceries and gas, what other little things might help her? I’m fortunate to never have been in the position of caring for an elderly or sick person; I don’t know what I’m missing.

Yes, I know this can be sensitive territory, but I will not be stepping on anyone’s toes (i.e. her children are not in the picture). She has no advocate and virtually no support. She called me because she needed someone to vent to. I offered to help her with this and she readily agreed.

kelly clarkson, thine words ring true

Anonymous — Mon, 10 Aug 2009 18:13:46 -0800

How can I learn to stop being so self-reliant? How do I begin to need other people again? I don't like asking for help, and when offered, I usually refuse it. I have this mentality that I can "do it myself," which I fear might be weakening friendships, potential relationships, and professional prospects. I'd like to learn how to not be this way, without becoming co-dependent.

A bit of important background info. My mom died from cancer when I was 10. I learned to take care of all my own needs, in addition to many of hers when she was sick. My father was physically, emotionally, and psychologically abusive towards my siblings and I. We thus had a weird combination of being very, very controlled by him - yet were forced to grow up quickly, and depend on ourselves for our emotional needs and responsibilities. We all have varying levels of this behavior, but I think I've got it the most. This might have to do with being the youngest, and having the least amount of time with a healthy parent (our mom). After her death, there were no stable adults or guardians who came into our lives. Taking care of my own emotional needs, and other responsibilities became a survival mechanism, so it's all I know how to do.

This question on learning to be less self-reliant stems from my tiredness of being single. I've been single for a few years. I've been on dates, but those haven't really progressed anywhere. I hate asking for help. I feel like I'm burdening other people, and avoid it at all costs, unless absolutely necessary. Even when someone offers help - say, a roommate offering to drive me to the grocery store to pick up things so I don't have to walk/carry it home, my instant response is "thanks, but I can do it, I'll be fine." This is my automated response to everything. It's become instinctive.

I'm no job searching after graduate school, and I think it's also going slow because I've built up this mentality that I should and ought to be able to land something on my own. Networking makes me very uncomfortable. I know it's not nepotism because I still have to prove myself, but asking for people to put in a word for me, or refer me (etc) make me extremely uncomfortable. I feel like I should be able to do it on my own, but I know that in the "real world" nothing happens like this. But I'm finding it extremely difficult to change my patterns.

In sum, I think being overly independent is hindering me from progressing in relationships and professionally, too. My problem is not that I don't think I need help from anyone - I know the world is a very reciprocal place, and we all need other people. But I'm so used to doing everything myself, am so stuck in my patterns of self-reliance, and don't know how to break out of the guilt and self-shaming of asking for help. It makes me feel weak, vulnerable, and not in control. I am not a control freak when it comes to other people, and I don't judge people that aren't independent, but making sure I "have it together" is a survival mechanism that I adopted since childhood. My question is for advice - how can I get out of this cycle, and learn to ask and accept help from others? How can I do this, without becoming co-dependent on others? What are some ways or tools that I can adopt to loosen the grip on my own self-sufficiency?

If it matters, I'm a mid-late 20-something female. Thank you.

AAA alternatives?

danny the boy — Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:23:14 -0800

AAA alternatives? So I've just learned about the political lobbying AAA does, and I'd rather not support that if I can help it. In a slight tangent to this thread, someone mentioned Better World Club as an alternative to AAA (and their anti-bicycle, anti-environment lobbying). Anyone have personal experience with this or other automobile clubs?

Or do I even really need a car club membership? I haven't used any part of my AAA membership for 7 years...

Low cost or pro bono legal aid for domestic violence / abuse victims in California?

sergeant sandwich — Sun, 28 Jun 2009 22:00:41 -0800

My friend and her ex-boyfriend got in a fight, he got violent and beat her up pretty bad. She got in the car with their baby and fled cross-country to stay with her parents. There is a hearing next month to determine custody of the child, and she doesn't want to lose the kid to what is likely going to be an abusive father. Lawyer up, right? Problem is, not a lot of money. Can you point me to any organizations in California that provide pro-bono / sliding-scale / low-cost legal aid services for abused women? So, my friend and her (now-ex) boyfriend had a child together and were living together in Fairfield, CA. In April of this year, they got in a fight over something (I don't know what), he snapped and beat the shit out of her. She took the kid and the clothes on her back and drove to her parents' house in the midwest, where she's been staying since.

There's a hearing in Fairfield at the end of July to determine the custody of the child, and she's scared that without a lawyer she's gonna lose her son and/or be forced to regularly see Mr. Violent if there's some kind of joint custody agreement.

As you can probably imagine, having to leave all your belongings and job behind on a moment's notice with toddler in tow has put her in a financial pickle, and she's having a hard time finding the $3k it will cost her to hire the cheapest lawyer she can find, and on top of that there's tickets for the flight back out to the hearing, etc. I and other friends have lent some money to help, but none of us can pony up that kind of cash on short notice.

I imagine there must be some organizations and/or social service groups which provide legal aid or representation for women who are victims of domestic violence. I've done some googling and found a few in California, but I suspect there are some knowledgeable people on AskMe who can set us on the right direction as far as finding help.

I'm not personally involved in the situation in any way, just trying to lend a hand after the fact. Any assistance anyone can provide would be appreciated in a big way.

Is there a cheap, easy way to put a custom welcome page on a home wifi network?

nathanrudy — Sun, 17 May 2009 16:38:55 -0800

Is there a cheap, easy way to put a custom welcome page on a home wifi network? I'm leaving the connection unsecured, and would like anyone who comes on to see a custom home page telling them about the area and why it's an open network. I have guests at my camp in NH and would like them to see a page come up with local links and assistance when they hop on the Internet. It would give them info on who to call for help, where to go for pizza, what gyms are available, where to rent a boat, etc.

What helps after a suicide?

dbmcd — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 08:10:49 -0800

How can I help a suicide's widow? A dear friend committed suicide yesterday. My husband and I were notified by a mutual friend because the dead man thought of my husband as a friend (one of his few, I think). His partner (they never married) is staying with some closer friends for now. My question is: What can I/we do to help her? A tiny bit of background - he had struggled with depression for years, and the last time we saw him he'd been through another tough bout, he described it as his worst in years. Now his pain is gone, but hers remains.
We immediately offered to "do anything she may need". But I have the sense that kind of offer is too vague for this kind of situation. Should we call? Show up and say "How can we help?" She's got a small business and her partner used to help out quite a bit; I'm currently unemployed, so could possibly be of some use to her.
Any of you who have been in position (and my heart goes out to you) - what was the 'best' help you got? What isn't so useful.
Thanks so much for your help.

Is there anything consoling to someone who's lost their job?

Anonymous — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 06:37:02 -0800

She got canned. But what do I do? My girlfriend just found out that her last day of work is in three weeks. She was told that it was a corporate decision and not performance-based. She'll be eligible for unemployment so we won't be in dire straits right away..But I guess none of those details matters really, I just want to know what I can do to help or be more supportive.

What could I do?
What could I say to keep her positive?
What could your loved ones have done to make things easier for you when you lost your job?
???

Thank you for your insights.

Please hope me, President Obama

Anonymous — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 18:03:56 -0800

NoInsuranceFilter: I awoke New Years Day in the hospital. My clothes had been cut off, I had a catheter in and a wrist restraint on my left wrist. I had five stitches in my eyebrow. The bill has arrived. Out with a friend, drinking and apparently got ahead of myself. Said friend was concerned with other things and claims to have not noticed my state. He says that he recalls seeing someone steal my shoulder bag off my prone body after I was struck and fell to the sidewalk head first but claims to have been more concerned with the blood coming from my head. I lost a digital camera and my passport along with numerous objects and papers gathered during years living abroad. Despite his claim at having been concerned with my safety, I awoke six hours later alone in the hospital. He wasn't so concerned to have even gone to the hospital with me. I called him and asked him to please pick me up when the hospital indicated it was time for me to go and he called back and asked if I could find anyone else to get me.

Now, the bill has arrived.

Blood bank - $137.00
Emergency - $18,637.50
Pharmacy - $218.00
IV Solutions - $116.00
Pulm Func - $86.00
Drug/Detail Code - $682.00
CT Scan - $24,379.00
Speech Therapy - $307.00
Radiology - $1015.50
IV Therapy - $636.00
Clinical Labs - $2700.50
Clinic - $25.00
Total: $48,940

I was in the emergency room from ~0230 until ~1130. The UC hospital even sent a small blue envelope so I could send my remittance.

I've contacted the county and asked for assistance. I'm a late-30's full-time community college student preparing to transfer. I receive financial aid and pick up occasional daily work as a consultant. On paper, I don't have a job.

I meet with the California county tomorrow and wonder what they will be looking for on my bank statement? The depression I felt after taking a beating, losing personal and valuable possessions along with losing a friend was beat back a bit with the purchase of an LCD TV made before the bill arrived. While I spent less than $500 should I be concerned with the county representative line-itemizing my most recent expenses? I haven't made any withdrawals and am not hiding monies. Should I hide expenses? My checking and savings are less than $600, combined. I just received a $1000 financial aid check but it won't be on my current statement. It is earmarked for the next two months rent.

I own a car but it is registered non-op. My possessions worth noting are the car, my bike, a bed, the tv and my laptop.

Finally, a professor suggested writing to my representatives both locally and nationally regarding the ridiculousness of this bill. Should I bother?

If I've left anything relevant out, I can be emailed at fortyeightnineforty@gmail.com

Easy remote assistance involving Windows 98 computer, in late 2008?

galaksit — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 09:39:11 -0800

Are there still any easy-to-configure remote assistance solutions where the non-technical end user is on Windows 98? Small sums of money may be available, but free preferred. I had been a happy Fog Creek Copilot user for this purpose but they have withdrawn support for 98. It appears Crossloop was another easy solution, but the 2.x versions moved the minimum requirement up to Windows 2000. I haven't found a working link for the 1.x versions and even then don't know if it would communicate with a central server that would block it.

I'm a bit overwhelmed with the effort of finding other solutions and proving that they work with a 98 box at the non-technical end, so hoping someone has recent proven experience of the situation that they could share. Thanks.

How do I find the lack of radio waves?

mdbell79 — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 06:06:24 -0800

What town in the United States has the lowest amount of detectable radio waves? Obviously, there are a lot of places (or used to be, anyway) where you can't get anything to come up on the radio dial. Which of those places would have the absolute least radio? As in, even though there are maybe hundreds of remote locations in the US (and let's say the continental US, because Alaska is probably the winner here anyway) where it's impossible to pick up anything listenable, would there be any place where there wasn't any radio that could even be detected?

Is there even a way to find this out?

Even better, is there any way to find out what the answer would have been in 1970? 1980?

I'm thinking mainly commercial AM/FM radio, and I don't even have a clue how to start looking into this. I figured that if anybody could help me figure it out, it'd be the metafilter crowd. If you need more information about what I'm looking for before you can help, I'd be glad to offer what I can. This is research for a project I'm working on, and although it's not vital it's a detail I'd like to be able to incorporate.

Neeed assistance

quseio — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 22:26:19 -0800

I am part time and make 100, or so dollars a week.often less what i want to know is can i recieve any goverment assistance i can barely afford insurance. I am trying to find a better job but it isnt going very fast i live in lancaster pa

Support for website redevelopment - it's too expensive!

divabat — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 14:31:26 -0800

My education website is in major need of an overhaul. However, I can't afford to pay developers the cost price for it. How can I get funding or assistance for this project? My education blog (linked in my profile) has outgrown its current WP.COM home. It's become a major resource of information for like-minded young people, and I want to harness this capacity further.

I found ExpressionEngine to be the perfect backend for the redeveloped site, and originally I went through EE's Pro Network to find someone who could help me get this site up pro bono. I found one developer, but after a while he found a full-time job and couldn't continue anymore.

I'm just one young person running this site alone; even EE's $99 for a non-profit license is just at the border of what I can afford. I've asked around for help from peers, but the skills of those who piped up are nowhere near what the site needs. I also don't qualify for free webdesign from companies who do non-profit websites because I'm not a registered non-profit. Most of my readers don't have access to PayPal or credit cards so they can't exactly donate to the cause.

Are there any organizations out there that help cases like mine? Where else could I look for support and assistance?

There are a few grants here that I could apply for, but I don't know the exact dollar value for a website redevelopment. How much should I quote in my proposals? Which orgs would be good for this? (The website's mainly geared towards Malaysians, which is CRAP when it comes to grants and funding; however, living in Australia, I can tap into resources here.)

Is it OK for me to look around for developers/designers whose skills and styles are suitable, and ask for assistance? What's the protocol in this case?

There aren't any strict deadlines, though I do have some set requirements for the website.

I really don't want to be one of those sketchy companies that undercut designers/developers and/or ask for spec work; however, I really can't afford what they deserve on my own, and could use some help to give my website the support it needs.

Assisting the blind?

repoman — Thu, 05 Jun 2008 09:43:29 -0800

Are there general guidelines to helping/assisting a blind person? I got off the train today and encountered a blind person who seemed to be having a little difficulty navigating the concourse. I know 'common sense' would have me say 'excuse me, would you like some assistance', but I wasn't so sure. The place was crowded, she wasn't in danger, I did not wan't to spook her, you get the idea. She managed to get to the escalator o.k., but it would have been much easier for her if someone assisted her. Just general guidelines from people that know would be helpful as I run into this situation often enough. Thanks.

How can I get money to finance my move?

notjustfoxybrown — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 18:09:33 -0800

Are there any companies that still pay to relocate employees? I'm trying to make like a sheep and get the flock out of Phoenix. I have some savings but I'd rather not use all of it for my move. Every move I've ever made across state lines, with the exception of my most recent one, was financed by a company. It seems to me that these days, no one is interested in offering that. Many of the listings that I see (I'm looking in major cities only) specifically say "no relo." Why have these MFs become so cheap!

Tuition Assistance

apdato — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 14:40:20 -0800

What companies offer tuition assistance? What national or Milwaukee area companies offer tuition reimbursement or assistance? The only ones I know that do are Blockbuster and the Home Depot. Is there a list online somewhere?

Making Visual Teaching easier on XP (OSX equivalents needed

filmgeek — Tue, 29 May 2007 13:30:04 -0800

As a followup to this question (2 years ago)... I need in WinXP to have three features (and I'll take any of the three, preferably all). 1) Bordered Cursor (round ring, called Pinpoint for OSX). Bonus for a visual change when you click (and right click) 2) Key overlay like KeyCastr for OSX, showing the audience control/alt keys as you type them in an overlay. 3) Dynamic Zoom (yes, I know it's open gl based, I have only open GL cards) to push in. MacOS Universal Prefs.

Computing for those with short-term memory problems?

planetthoughtful — Wed, 15 Nov 2006 00:33:00 -0800

Help me help my father: My father is elderly and has problems with his short-term memory. He wants to use a word processor to write about things that interest him, but he forgets fairly basic application techniques, such as how to save, open and create new documents. I'm trying to think of ways to help him that don't mean having to write a 300 page book of instructions aimed specifically for his needs (but if it comes to that, I'll do it). One thought I had was recording animated help files of basic procedures, so he can refresh his memory at each editing / writing session. Another thought I had was installing a portable version of OpenOffice.org and removing any icons / extraneous visual elements I can to make the interface as simple for him as possible. I'm looking for advice from any others who have given this some thought - any help will be very appreciated. Also, if you have any other advice on how I can make my father's computing experience as painless as possible (eg, software recommendations that would allow me to attach to their computer across the internet and manipulate whatever application is causing concern / distress - extra karmic points for free alternatives) , I'd appreciate hearing about those as well. Both PCs (mine and my parents') are WinXP SP2.

Help me pee like a man!

miss tea — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 09:50:12 -0800

Women who pee standing up: have you used any of the different disposable/reusable products available out there? And if so, what did you think? I am specifically interested in something that would be good for hiking, camping, that kind of thing. Please note that I am aware that some women are able to use their kegels to direct their urine stream. I am not one of them; or rather, it works just fine until the last few spurts which inevitable get all over my shoes or clothes.

Activating OSX Remote assistance via an IM chat

filmgeek — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 12:07:17 -0800

I need Apple's Remote desktop to be as easy as Remote Assistance in Windows Firewalls, routers, explaining to non tech people tech items.

Rarely do I want a feature that exists in windows. Here's one.

When I use MSN Messenger, I have the ability to have my friend "ask me for assistance"...and it (usually) works out the piping for the Remote Assistance product.

Is there a way to get the same sort of easy functionality in OSX? I have remote desktop, and it works great on a LAN, works great with a fixed IP...but I want it to "know' the ip of the person that's IMing me...and permit me to control their machine.

VNC isn't going to cut this (It's already built into OSX...in fact Remote desktop uses some of this.)

I'm looking for the "Invite someone else to control my computer" in a single click, without having to deal with network BS.

How do I help my friend get help?

twiggy — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 19:21:59 -0800

I have a friend (seriously) who has serious problems with social anxiety, to the point she is sometimes paralyzed with fear or depression. She cannot hold a job because of it, and therefore has no insurance for medical attention - what can she do? I'm no doctor, but based on all of the reading I've done and her descriptions of problems she's had, I imagine she would benefit greatly from cognitive behavioral therapy. She has been on anti depressants in the past, when she had a job and insurance, but they were only minimally helpful.

Are there financial assistance programs for someone in this situation? She is located in central Illinois, if that matters.

I feel so terribly for her that I would try to help pay for the medical expenses myself if I could afford it - but I absolutely can't handle that kind of expense at this point in my life.

She currently lives with her parents, one of whom does not work, the other of whom gets a modest disability check that supports them all due to a job injury. She's too old to be claimed as a dependent on her parents insurance.

She seems so stuck in a downward spiral due to the catch-22 she's in, and I'm at a total loss for what to do to help her other than be a supportive friend. I thought maybe the wizards of AskMeFi might know something I don't about how she may be able to find affordable help.

Who has business and marketing saavy?

goalyeehah — Wed, 31 Aug 2005 20:10:53 -0800

1) I need assistance with business and marketing issues. I know that there are organizations out there where retirees offer their services and expertise. Does anyone know any of their names????? 2) What is podcasting????? What is required????? I am running a small yoga studio out of my home and am planning on expanding. I have never run a business before and would like insight and support from someone who has been there, done that. Same goes for marketing, in which I seriously lack expertise.

I am also interested in how podcasts are set up?