Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with Asperger's

I think I might have Asperger's. What should I do?

edguardo — Sun, 22 Nov 2009 11:32:59 -0800

I think I might have Asperger's. In my case, should I even bother being tested? What would a confirmation/disconfirmaton mean? I'm 22 years old, male, college student, soon-to-be post-bacc medical student.

I've been medicated in the past for anxiety and depression (Lexapro), but I've been drug-free for a year and, I think, coping really well.

My coping methods, however, are optimized for living alone, as I did for a year before my girlfriend moved in with me a few months ago.

When living alone, I can take all the time I need to myself to chill out, calm down, and take myself out of overwhelming situations, generally involving other people. I've been controlling my anxiety and mood swings by avoiding the things that cause them, and now that I live with someone else in a small apartment, I feel like a lot of my "solutions" have just been temporary fixes.

Now, I'd say we just need to work things out and talk to each other, which we're good at doing when we clash, except for the fact that both my girlfriend and my mother think that I have Asperger's.

If it were just me, I wouldn't bother seeing a mental health professional, since I know there's no "cure" for AS and it's just something you deal with. But it isn't just me; I have my relationship with my girlfriend to consider, and I know I can be very difficult to live with (I find myself difficult to live with sometimes too).

My girlfriend says I've become easier to deal with since she's decided I have AS, and my mother says she's wondered for years if I had mild autism. It just seems so late in the game, so to speak, for this to come up.

I'm afraid that if I am determined to have AS, that I'll be considered a faker or excuse-maker since I'm fairly well-adjusted. I'm afraid that if I'm determined NOT to have AS, that I'm dealing with something like a mood disorder instead, and I'm not interested in going back on medication.

I've already sent an email to a local psychiatrist who works with autistic children, asking if she counsels adults or who I should see about it. That's a first step, but how do you think I should proceed?

Should I mention I'm mentally ill on a graduate school statement of intent

Anonymous — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 05:35:36 -0800

Should I mention my mental illness on my graduate school statement of intent? Brief background - I have social anxiety, depression, and Asperger's syndrome and a year ago, I graduated with a B.S. in Economics from a fairly prestigious technical school. I really want to go on to get a Master's in Economics, followed by a PhD.

However, mostly due to depression and anxiety, my grades were not that fantastic, 2.6 or so overall and my grades in some of my econ courses were not that great (for instance, I got a C in my Math Methods of Econ mostly because I had to miss a week of class since I was in the mental ward at a hospital because I was ready to kill myself). I do have support from one professor who I actually talked to when I was in school who would be glad to write letters of recommendation to some schools I'm looking at he thinks are realistic options given my background, not to mention I did pretty alright on the GREs (though only a 670 on the Math and 580 on the writing).

However, it was suggested to me by someone that I mention the fact I have mental illness, especially Asperger's, on my statement of intent, that is my essay on why I want to attend graduate school. I've been told that schools like to let in disabled applicants because it makes their departments look good, and that having Asperger's would be an asset as people would think I'm some kind of genius (to be honest, I really wish I had that super-Aspie power of concentration on academic subjects, as I tend to obsess over the Internet and more useless topics). Likewise, someone else suggested I use it as saying that I've "overcame adversity."

But I'm concerned about the fact that there's a stigma associated with mental illness and that an economics department might be reluctant to accept me into their program because they think I'm sort of skizo who hears voices or has multiple personalities or more or less just flake out. I'll also be honest - I really don't think I've "overcome" my mental illness. I wish I could give an inspiring personal account how I overcame it but it's something I struggle with everyday but if I mention it, it would explain why my grades were less than stellar. I think that they might view the fact I'm mentally ill as more of a liability than an asset to their department.

As a tangential issue, I'd like to have the aforementioned professor look over my statement of intent since I can't think of anyone else to do it, but I'm afraid if I do mention it, he'll find out I'm mentally ill and that would ruin our relationship and he'd stop wanting to help me.

So should I bother mentioning I'm mentally ill in my statement of intent? If so, how should I go about it?

I'm not so much ashamed that I'm mentally ill, only that I don't want to be rejected on the account of the stigma associated with mental illness.

As a final clarifying note, yes, I do realize that graduate school will be harder than my undergraduate program. However, I do want to get a PhD eventually because I love doing research and that's something I'd like to do for the rest of my life because it actually makes me happy.

question about autism and adolescence

Anonymous — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 12:59:06 -0800

How would you best support an autistic child, as they move into adolescence? I should note that this question is stemmed from recent interactions with my 10-year old nephew. This of course does not make me any kind of an expert on autism and asperger's, and I am trying to posit my questions and reflections respectfully, with some background understanding. Please forgive and correct anything that I may be ignorant on.

My nephew, who I will call Alex, has asperger's. Now I realize that it seems to be trendy to "have asperger's," but it is not a trend with him. We noticed some behavioral differences from one years old, onwards - stimming, intense preoccupation with subjects, and impairment in deciphering a lot of social cues.

Concerning his social interactions, my sister and brother and law have encouraged Alex to try and pay attention to the patterns of others. From what I understand, repetition and like of patterns is common for those in the autism spectrum - my nephew is no exception. Mostly, I feel like this has been a helpful suggestion on their part.

At least within family, Alex tries to mimic his interactions based on other family patterns. Hugging, affection, socio-familial "rules," etc. I feel like though, as he's moving into adolescence and beginning to move from being a child to a young teen, that I don't know how to work around aunt/nephew interactions with someone who has great difficulty in understanding that our interactions will (should?) change.

For example - with my niece (6) and other nephew (3), I would normally give them big squeezy hugs when I see them, because the 3 year old is shy and won't hug me otherwise, and the 6 year old because she's my mini-me. They're both still young enough for me to tease them with an annoying tickle (my occasional auntie duties, I think). They're still physically small enough to sit on my lap without it being awkward and weird. I used to give my niece "eskimo kisses" (nose-to-nose) but we've both kind of naturally outgrown this. I still give eskimo kisses to the 3 year old.

Recently when I went to visit home, Alex would give me the same squeezy hugs that he's picked on, tried to sit on my lap on several occasions, asked me for an eskimo kiss, and tried to tickle me after he saw me tickling the 3 year old.

I feel like this is inappropriate for a 10 year old and his 20-something aunt, especially because I'm barely 3 inches taller than him. I don't think he's intentionally trying to make things weird, but in trying to make up for his difficulty in deciphering social cues, is just mimicking how I interact with his younger sister and cousin, and also how I would interact with him when he was younger/smaller.

Am I just a prude? I am not his parent and obviously have no place in really truly claiming what it's like, and how one should deal with a child on the autism spectrum.

But I would like to hear from those with experience, on how to deal with an autistic/asperger child as they move in/through adolescence. I love my nephew - he's a charming, talented kid - and I don't want to hurt him and make him feel like I'm more affectionate and interested in my other nephew and niece. Yet, these past interactions left me feel quite uncomfortable. How can I explain to him that our aunt-nephew relations will not change how much I love and support him, but how I show these to him will be different? And different from his sister/cousin? I would love to hear suggestions and anecdotes of helping to make social interactions with an adolescent autistic child more smooth and appropriate through these changes.

Adult Asperger's is [Maybe] Confusing Me

fantine — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:18:54 -0800

I'm worried that I might have adult Asperger's or some similar social disorder that is keeping me from living a full and happy life. Lots of details after the jump. Basic stats: 21-year-old, female college student, intelligent, and in good general health. My Myers-Briggs type indicator is INTJ.

I've been thinking about the possibility that I have Asperger's or something similar for a few years now but have felt that something is off especially acutely lately. Prompted by another AskMe answer, I took this quiz and got 36.

Brief history of my life: happy childhood, wonderful, supportive family. I was awkward in high school and had very little social life but did have some close friends. Most of my time was spent studying or reading/researching my hobbies. Now I attend a elite, small, liberal arts college where I am generally well-adjusted and have an excellent group of friends.

What concerns me are two general fields in my life: feelings and social interaction.

Now, I have feelings, where I feel affection or admiration or enthusiasm. But something tells me that I don't feel as strongly as normal people do, that I ought to feel a stronger tie to my friends and family. I have a hard time showing empathy; when someone I love is sad or disturbed, I often feel out of place and wish I could comfort them, without really knowing what to say or how to act. I feel fairly stoic most of time, though I can have times when I am fairly dejected and not feeling very well.

As for social interactions, I have gotten better than I used to be, where I could barely talk to people in social situations. Growing up, I always preferred parties with adults since I found it easier to converse with them than with my peers (this is less true now that I have a great peer group at my college). With the onset of legality, I've appreciate the help of a drink or two to help me relax in social situations and feel less ill at ease. Still, there are times when I'm in a car on the way to an event or in the middle of a circle of people and all I can think is "Get me out of here." I find small chit-chat hard to handle and forced.

Also, it's hard to read people. While I have a dry sense of humour and enjoy employing sarcasm, I find it hard to tell when others are sarcastic. Apparently I also project an unfriendly air; I have been told that some people though I didn't like them when I only felt indifference to them. On the topic of romantic relationships: I've never had an official one, just a few "things" with some guys in high school and college. This does bother me.

I read a lot and get really drawn into the story, especially with fantasy or science fiction. Sometimes when I'm reading, I look up and feel almost surprised to *not* be in the world of the book I'm reading. I'll get sometimes a sense of dreaminess when I walk around, a sort of quiet detachedness.

In the area of my personality, I am very introverted and can spend lots of time by myself. I tend to get intensely into my hobbies and kick things off by buying a lot of books and doing a lot of internet research when I find something new. For example, I was really into Lord of the Rings in high school and I learned Quenya, read The Simarillion, made costumes, bought the atlas, etc. I haven't dropped that interest entirely, but I'm less into LotR now, and more in the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer. So I watched the whole series, read the comics, looked up quotes online, read the Wikipedia entries on the episodes, etc.

This guy's question also resonated with me. I love facts and trivia (as evidenced by six years on Academic Teams/Quiz Bowl) and I hate the idea of being shown up in knowledge or knowing that someone is wrong and won't admit it. I like to find typos and correct them and have been known to correct teachers and profs (I know this is smart-assery, but can't help it).

I know I should probably talk to a professional about this, but I'm not on campus this summer and the school therapists are not therefore an option. I'd probably have to talk to my parents first, and I think they'd be really thrown by this. In many ways, I am at my best with my family since I love them and am comfortable around them, so they don't see my extreme reactions to social situations or social trepidation. I feel that if I shared this with them, they'd be surprised and confused and not necessarily reject it out of hand, but I imagine they'd not see it coming.

Please help me, AskMe. This is really been frustrating and I'd like to make some progress in my life.

Asperger's and Fatherhood

Anonymous — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 06:40:57 -0800

Should I seriously consider a long-term relationship/having children with someone who seems to have a mild case of Asperger's? This might seem like a shallow question, but honestly if I wasn't considering starting a family very soon it would never occur for me to ask it. I am fine with him the way he is. I actually like the fact that I need to be brutally honest to carry meaning through, and I can walk him through moments where he can't relate to others. But - if he is in anti-people state, I can always keep myself busy with my own hobbies/friends. But what if we have children? Will he have a hard time understanding what the children might want? Will he shrug them off? Will he treat them as one of his "projects" and pay a lot of attention to them one moment only to completely forget about them the next? I am really worried, because I do very much love this person. I guess I'm just looking for stories and opinions from you guys, so at least I don't feel so alone about this. I thought Metafilter would be a good place to ask for that.

I known YANHD, but does my boyfriend have Asperger's?

Anonymous — Sun, 27 Jul 2008 05:11:40 -0800

Is it possible my boyfriend has Asperger's and doesn't know it? (Or knows it, and hasn't told me?) If so, is there any real reason why I should be ending this? Should I even bring this up? He's a wonderful man and we've been together many years. And I am a bit of a hypochondriac, and at 2AM I can worry as much about him having some crazy disease as I can about myself. But... he does have a lot of the characteristics of someone with Asperger's. (And the rest of him, I don't know, does that rule out Asperger's?)

Here're are the characteristics I'm thinking of: (1) he is obsessive about a lot of stuff - doors locked, hygiene, things where they belong, timeliness, etc. (2) noise REALLY bothers him - we joke he has noise PTSD from a particularly noisy apartment he hadI; (3) he gets really into collecting things - stuffed animals (well, when he was younger), music, books, wine; (4) he is very, very into music, certain type of literature, art, football; (5) he memorizes things like mass transit routes, airline hubs, geography; (6) he sort of flaps his hands when he gets stressed - for some reason he seems to think this is cute; (6) he's rarely capable of feeling sorry for someone else unless he is connected to them in some way - he doesn't believe in empathy; (7) he can get hooked on a phrase and repeat it a lot; (8) he gets very upset when things aren't "right" - CDs in place, kitchenware in the right drawer, clothes in the right hamper, etc. (9) he's bad at basic math but very good at history, logic, etc. (10) he has some weird food quirks (citrus), but otherwise will eat anything; (11) he's a bit odd; (12) he's terrified of change; (13) he has a lot of anxiety; (14) he likes routine a lot; (15) it's very hard for him to make eye contact with people when he feels shy.

That said, he's also a bit of a conundrum, because he's also incredibly loving, goofy, funny, affectionate (physically, emotionally). He has lots of friends, male and female, and I don't think I know anyone who has closer friendships than he has. And none of those friends could be considered to have asperger's - they're generally outgoing and "cool." He camps, travels for months on end, followed the big jam bands when he was younger, has a very messy house when I'm not around. He has a huge heart, and when something's serious, he really feels for that friend (or me) and is 100% there for him/her. He's not exactly athletic, but he does lots of sporty stuff (camping, diving, swimming, touch football, wrestling). He loves adventures and trying new things. This has included quite extensive drug use when he was younger, but he's so freaking in control he didn't seem to have any trouble giving it up. Likes beer a lot. People often call him "a dude" although slightly less so now that he's out of his twentie. Lead his high school drama group. He's a big cuddler, including all night long unconsciously. He's spot on when someone else (me, a child) is anxious or sad. I don't know if any of this second category of characteristics weighs against asperger's or not, but they are the qualities that make me think I'm just imagining this.

We're planning on getting married soon and having a family in a couple of years. We kind of cope with the trying parts of his personality (the obsessive qualities) and revel in the great parts (the music and wine fascination, e.g). I love him. But I'm afraid the obsessive qualities could get wore and/or that I'd be likely to have an autistic child if we have children biologically. I feel disloyal for even asking this question. Any advice, thoughts?

I can follow up at doeshehaveit at gmail.com.

Just like dooce.com, but with autism?

pootler — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 23:24:19 -0800

Which irreverent, funny parenting blogs have extra added autism? My 4 year old recently got a diagnosis of (very) high IQ and autism and I'm looking for stories from people in a similar position.

Type 'autism blog' into google and you get plenty of hits. But I'm looking for really good blogs from parents who are dealing with young kids wih autism.

I've been reading Dooce and Schuyler's Monster for 5 years and they have helped keep me sane when dealing with a my 'special' kid. :-) I love their humour and their refusal to pretend that children are perfect little gifts or that being a parent is not anything but a joy. The Poo Bomb was the best medicine for us too, when the kid was a horrible, dificult, terrible baby.

We deal with a lot of the same stuff that Leta and Schuyler's parents deal with, but they don't have autism. I know it would do us all good to read a blog by someone who is in the same place we are. Who should we be reading?

Will Work for Cash.

lekvar — Thu, 03 May 2007 15:50:54 -0800

I've been "mentoring" a kid with Asperger's Syndrome for years. He's about to graduate from High School and he needs a Summer job. I need recommendations on how to make this as smooth as possible for him. I've known this kid since he was 11, I fixed his first computer and gave him his first PowerMac (his true obsession). He comes from a home that could politely be described as dysfunctional. If all goes according to plan he'll be moving out on his own after graduation, but he's going to need a job, but he's never held one before. Hell, today's the first day he's gotten to school and back without a ride from his mother. This is a very big step for him.

As stated above, his fixation is computers, specifically Macs, but I see little chance of him holding down a job as a "Genius" at the local Apple store, as he has a number of the typical Asperger's issues regarding social interaction. He's sharp as hell and eager to earn his own way, but he lacks polish.

What I need is advice on what sorts of work would fit his general situation, and what I can do to make the transition for dependence to independence as painless as possible for him. I can probably get him a job here at the printing company I work for, which would be a good long-term skill to get him through college, but I'd like to see what the Hive Mind has to say about what might be best for him first.

Aspergers Dilemma

gallois — Fri, 21 Oct 2005 09:39:25 -0800

Some dear friends of mine have an 11 year old son with Asperger's Syndrome, and I'm concerned because they are doing little if anything to aid in his socialization, allowing him to spend practically all of his time watching tv and/or playing video games. He has no friends at school and gives me the impression that he goes through his day there basically alone making minimal contact with any of his classmates. I'm very concerned about his developmental options at this crucial time in his growth, and not wanting to offend his parents, seek some way to give them a sense of some options for getting him out from in front of the TV. They seem ashamed of his having AS and will only discuss it reluctantly and defensively. I think he's very high functioning but they have stated that they believe that they may have to care for him for the rest of his life.

Is there anything I can offer in this delicate situation?