14085 Ask MetaFilter answers by jessamyn (displaying 1 through 50)

Is it possible to maintain a polyamorous relationship where my partner's other partner is someone I despise? I am very much in love with someone who is married to a person I have met, talked with, and entirely hate. Do metamours typically get along? Should they in order for a relationship to be healthy?
comment posted at 3:41 PM on Aug-24-16


I have a very ugly, troubled relationship history with "Carol." Recently she quite unexpectedly asked to meet for lunch. I do not know what to do.
comment posted at 6:20 AM on Aug-22-16


This might seem like a stupid question, but how do people who have hair that requires blowdrying and have to wake up before their partners manage that? Hair care product and/or relationship tips both welcome!
comment posted at 6:49 AM on Aug-22-16


I have a ginormous Rosemary bush which I need to trim back to manageable amounts (at the moment it covers our path, which is obviously not ideal). I like Rosemary with lamb, but theres limited variations on that. Are there any recipes where Rosemary might not be the obvious thing to use? Does it freeze? Any other non-obvious uses? I've offered it to neighbours but it doesnt seem to be a thing amongst my mainly Asian/Afro-Carribean neighbours, but if there's a way of giving it away I'm all for it!
comment posted at 4:14 PM on Aug-21-16


I am thinking about replacing and refreshing a lot of things in my home, and I would really like to start my research with an eye towards ease of keeping stuff clean. What kind of product features, materials, etc. do you find make them easier to clean (and keep clean) than other products in the same category?
comment posted at 4:17 PM on Aug-21-16


I wasn't honest with my partner for several months about my feelings for her. She told me weeks ago that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with me. I did not feel the same way, and to avoid hurting her feelings I didn't tell her. When I did tell her two days ago, instead of being happy, she felt I betrayed her trust. It really hurt her to learn that I was hiding my feelings. She says she can't be sure I won't continue to hide my feelings from her. How do I rebuild her trust?
comment posted at 4:07 PM on Aug-21-16
comment posted at 4:09 PM on Aug-21-16


I am in a difficult living situation and I need to receive some documents through the mail without a) the people I'm living with or b) my family knowing about the documents. Is a P.O. box sufficiently secret/private for this? (I'm in the US)
comment posted at 7:00 AM on Aug-20-16


We're growing (yay!) but we need a more regular way for about twenty people to access (mostly hard science) academic peer-reviewed journals. Do you and your org have subscriptions you're really satisfied with?
comment posted at 2:20 PM on Aug-19-16


How can I get a fresh clean feeling in my mouth without brushing my teeth or chewing gum?
comment posted at 8:35 AM on Aug-19-16


Can you give me examples of behaviors "everybody knows" who has grown up in a specific climate, but is never talked about so no one ever thinks to explain this to people new to this climate? I'm especially interested in examples of where this lack of forewarning has caused problems. My example below the cut.
comment posted at 4:02 PM on Aug-18-16
comment posted at 6:50 AM on Aug-19-16


I want to learn more murder ballads - specifically American ones (though if you really want to recommend something from another tradition I'm not going to complain). I spend a lot of time singing to myself while doing housework or knitting and so would prefer to learn arrangements that can be easily and satisfyingly sung without accompaniment. Thank you!
comment posted at 3:29 PM on Aug-18-16


I'm looking for books with nerdy protagonists, especially academically inclined nerds. Any genre, though I'm especially interested in fiction about the real life of a nerd. I'm interested in middle grade, YA, and adult. It can be mystery, fantasy, or science fiction. Examples of what I'm looking for: I enjoy Flavia de Luce's interest in chemistry in the series by Alan Bradley. As far as realistic fiction goes, I like the style of the Princess Diaries though Mia's not as nerdy as what I'm looking for. I'm particularly interested in protagonists who like math. Thanks!
comment posted at 2:29 PM on Aug-18-16


When you think of numbers, do they have some specific, reliable spatial organization in your mind?
comment posted at 12:27 PM on Aug-18-16


Your fridge dispenses water from its door, and you've had it for at least a few years. Are you happy to have a water-dispensing fridge? Anything you wish you'd known about it earlier? Do you do anything special to clean or maintain the waterworks?
comment posted at 11:34 AM on Aug-18-16


I had an unexpected emotional reaction to a rape PSA-type video in a meeting today and had to leave a room of about 50 people while trying (and mostly failing) to conceal how upset I was. I’m feeling both drained and embarrassed, and not a little nervous about going in to work tomorrow, and I wanted to get some perspective and advice about what to do next.
comment posted at 9:27 AM on Aug-18-16


When you talk to yourself, inside or outside of your head, what do you call yourself? Do you use your given name, your family name, a nickname, what?
comment posted at 6:37 PM on Aug-17-16


Are medical practitioners expected to re-do sessions free of charge if a patient is unsatisfied? What, if any, are the limits of this expectation?
comment posted at 8:23 AM on Aug-16-16


You're cooking dinner for someone, in your tiny kitchen. You're a pretty good cook, and they're not, so you are occasionally asking them to do simple tasks ("Can you put this in the fridge for me?") but you're doing most of the work. What is the nicest, quickest, least irritable way to say "Can you please sit down, because when you hover by the sink or the oven you're in my way?"
comment posted at 6:21 PM on Aug-15-16
comment posted at 6:37 PM on Aug-15-16
comment posted at 8:36 PM on Aug-17-16


I'm having no trouble falling asleep. But I can't stay asleep.
comment posted at 6:28 PM on Aug-15-16


So we're building a new house. What can we do to creep out the next people that own it? It makes perfect sense really, I saw a gif on reddit where some folks replacing carpet took the liberty of painting "get out!" in red paint on the floor below the carpet for the entertainment of the next people to replace the carpet. I would like to do similar things.
comment posted at 1:31 PM on Aug-15-16


I love the taste of Starbucks' iced chai, especially in the summer, but I definitely don't love the price. I'm looking for suggestions on how to make my own - preferably some kind of concentrate that I can make on the weekend, take to work and leave in the fridge, then each morning add some concentrate to milk and ice. Google has turned up a lot of suggestions but I figured I'd start with you lovely folks to see if anyone has a recipe they like. Thanks!
comment posted at 1:42 PM on Aug-14-16


If one were an expert in Blogger design options, what could one do with such expertise? Brainstorm me, please.
comment posted at 6:50 PM on Aug-13-16
comment posted at 6:15 PM on Aug-14-16


I will be teaching a web design elective to 6-8th graders. The class will last one semester. What do they need to know?
comment posted at 6:43 AM on Aug-13-16


I've been toying around with the idea of starting a blog for learners of a particular language for which there are few resources. As part of this, I would like to paraphrase/lightly adapt texts from original news sources and then provide my own vocabulary/grammatical notes/translation. Sources would of course be cited. I don't intend on profiting directly from this, aside from perhaps advertisements on the website. As far as copyright is concerned, does this fall under fair use?
comment posted at 10:43 AM on Aug-12-16
comment posted at 11:38 AM on Aug-12-16


Historically, how have ladies dealt with armpit hair?
comment posted at 9:09 AM on Aug-12-16


Good advice, and widely repeated on the internet. What is not widely repeated is what to do if you failed to take that advice and now have a blocked Eustachian tube for a few days. Thoughts? (For the record, it wasn't me, I have no shame in sneezing even in libraries.)
comment posted at 6:53 AM on Aug-12-16


In the 2012 film Act Of Valor, an extended passage is said to be the words of the Shawnee leader Tecumseh; here in 2016, it's all over web-pages that assume it's a real quote by him. Where did this quote first originate? Was it genuinely spoken/written by Tecumseh, or is it an invention from Act Of Valor screenwriter Kurt Johnstad, or is it an invention by someone else?
comment posted at 1:13 PM on Aug-11-16


Google Apps used to be free when you only required a single email account with your own domain, using this App Engine trick. Does it still work?
comment posted at 12:51 PM on Aug-11-16


The TV show Fargo is great. I really enjoy it. But aside from the great storytelling and filmmaking skill, I realized it ticks some boxes that I want more of: 1) crime 2) in flyover country 3) during the winter Can you suggest books, movies, or TV shows that meet these criteria?
comment posted at 5:17 PM on Aug-9-16


It is a running joke that I suck at being on vacation. I'm going away this weekend and really want to not suck. Help.
comment posted at 11:22 AM on Aug-8-16


What is the best way to counteract the phrase and philosophy of "I'm so tired of political correctness" or "political correctness has gone too far"?
comment posted at 11:24 AM on Aug-8-16


I'm getting kind of tired of the bedside lamp I've had since I was like twelve years old and I've decided I'm finally grown up enough to buy a new one. But which one is the best, Metafilter? Which one?
comment posted at 9:36 AM on Aug-8-16


I'd like to use my iPhone 6+ in Britain during our two week vacation. Fido offers me a sad $10/20MB/day data plan. I assume I can do better by buying a different SIM in when I get to Heathrow. But what flavour of plan and what sort of provider should I be looking for?
comment posted at 1:51 PM on Aug-7-16


I'm a very light sleeper who hates to be awakened. I have a bad cold. I feel like my partner is not respectful enough of my need to stay asleep. I need your advice.
comment posted at 2:00 PM on Aug-7-16


The only car I have ever owned was totaled recently, and I have no idea how to research this, so trying here.
comment posted at 12:35 PM on Aug-6-16


I've solidified some tendencies over the last 10 years or so that I wish I could dissolve. It looks like introversion, but that's not a perfect label. It is not coping strategies that I seek, but ideas to really effect change, and any hope you can give me that such change is possible.
comment posted at 12:49 PM on Aug-6-16


I'm working on a personal research project (not connected to any school/work) and am looking for resources that expand on these two themes: "an informed citizenry" and "the responsibilities of the citizen in a democracy."
comment posted at 11:24 AM on Aug-6-16


Dear Mefi, another ‘books with a feel like…’ post. This time I’m after novels set by the sea (or by a lake if we must), but with a fabulist, magical or eerie feel. Not looking for out and out horror, just a feeling of strangeness in the air. Ambiguity a plus, and many bonus points if set in a run-down seaside town. Examples below the line...
comment posted at 11:18 AM on Aug-6-16


I have a WP site where several (more than 10) of the posts have the same text in the title. Like this, but not: Sneakers: Nike; Sneakers: Asics; Sneakers: Converse; Sneakers: Saucony. When I search (in the WP search bar) all of the posts come up except for two of them. I can't find anything wrong with the posts...they just don't appear.
comment posted at 1:24 PM on Aug-5-16
comment posted at 1:58 PM on Aug-5-16


I’m seeing a pattern in my life where I get very frustrated when I have to pick up the slack, or am inconvenienced in terms of time or money by people on a repeated basis. These are non-optional relationships (relatives, colleagues etc). Occasional situations involving people who are generally considerate of time/money/effort do not bother me. What I’m talking about is feeling ground down and at times enraged by repeated instances of mistakes/inconveniences, last minute schedule changes that impact me etc. by a select few people . These select few people in my life are categorized in my brain as, for lack of a better phrase ‘low performers’, due to the high number of times I have covered for them or been inconvenienced by them.
comment posted at 12:03 PM on Aug-5-16


I'm hoping for help in imagining what my body and my needs will be like when I'm retired, in 30+ years' time, as I look for a home or a piece of property. The lifestyle things are obvious--a garden, proximity to friends/family/community, room for houseguests--but what else about the physical property ought I keep in mind?
comment posted at 6:54 AM on Aug-5-16


Recent articles featured on MF learned me that not everyone gets goosebumps, and that not everyone has a mind's eye. What are some other things that not everyone can do, either mental or physical?
comment posted at 6:15 PM on Aug-4-16


I'm confused about what my goal is in being there.
comment posted at 8:55 AM on Aug-4-16


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