what a pet name really says

November 13, 2006 9:04 PM

Is there a different degree of intimacy and commitment implied with each pet name?

I always thought pet names were interchangable at any stage of the relationship, but when I once called my boyfriend "honey," he joked, "Whoa, we're not there yet."

The way I see it, "sweetie" has always been sort of casual, affectionate and fairly noncommital; "baby" more doting and oftentimes suggestive; "honey"... well, it sounds as if what'll follow is a request to take out the trash. "Dear" seems antiquated. "Darling" tender, but somewhat affected. And a lot of other, hyphenated ones seem sweetly intimate in a goofy, inside-jokey way.

What moods/associations do certain pet names carry for you?

posted by Lisa S to Human Relations (8 answers total)

(Isn't this a bit chat filter y?)

It - as always - depends on the couple, I think. If I called my current SO "honey" he would look at me weirdly and even glare, I think.

Sweetie/Darling/Baby seem to be more of the doting, blindly in love type.

Dear/Honey are a bit more practical and more.... realist sounding, IMO.
posted by Phire at 9:12 PM on November 13, 2006

I'm keen on "babe" as a general term for the woman in my life, and haven't been rebuffed by any. I don't overuse it, mind you; it's more like: "I'll be out 'til 11. See ya then, babe."

But, at the same time, I'm not at all keen on "baby." Just seems cheesy or tacky.

Dear seems a bit uptight, for some reason. No pun intended, but honey seems a little too saccharine.
posted by barnacles at 9:42 PM on November 13, 2006

Random thought: there's nothing wrong with calling them "Love". It's very generic (I call my female friends that, too) and not as... possessive as baby/honey might seem.
posted by Phire at 9:46 PM on November 13, 2006

sometimes this stuff works, and other times it doesn't. it's a risk at the beginning that someone takes.

I used to absolutely loathe pet names in relationships and resisted them at all costs. Then I met someone and she started calling me "baby" like 2 months into our relationship, and I didn't complain, although I didn't like it too much. It eventually grew on me, and now we throw it all over the goddamn place.

This isn't really the question, but I would offer that lack of intimacy/commitment should not be considered in possible reasons why pet names might not work at all for you and yours. Maybe something less typical - like an inside thing - could work best for you if "Honey" makes your bf uncomfortable. I sometimes jokingly call my gf "ho" if I'm calling her from across the house. Clearly this may not work for everyone.

Then again, you mentioned that he was joking. Maybe try it on him again, and see where it goes.
posted by littlelebowskiurbanachiever at 9:51 PM on November 13, 2006

I've never known anyone to reject an application of any pet name because they don't feel the relationship is "there yet." I've always just thought the pet name chosen was at the discresion of the person using it, whatever they're comfortable with saying.

For whatever reason, I don't like to call my boyfriend baby, sweetie, darling, or dear. It makes me feel strange and sappy. Sometimes I'll call him 'honey', but only when it's said with a smile, and sometimes when I need something. For the conversations we have (usuallly about our relationship) that need a pet name I use call him 'my love'. It's my favorite term of endearment. For the everyday, where-are-you-in-a-crowded-room pet name I just call him 'boyfriend'.
posted by youngergirl44 at 10:00 PM on November 13, 2006

I call my partner "love", "hon", "babe", and "my love" when I'm feeling sentimental. But I have on occasion referred to close friends with all of those terms, so take it as you will.
posted by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on November 13, 2006

Also--"love", "hon", and "babe" are used in casual settings. Actually, when I use those terms I'm not seeing myself so much as a person calling their partner a pet name as the lady behind the counter at a diner (I mean, in terms of usage of slang, not innuendo).
posted by Anonymous at 10:28 PM on November 13, 2006

The classics I use for my S.O. are Love or My Love (all the time), Darling (my romnatic, doting pet name... maybe it is affected, but embrace your inner gothie romantic!) and Sweetheart (which he sometimes chafes at, hearing it as though spoken by a gum-cracking waitress, when I mean to use it to evoke the two kids sharing a milkshake kind of romance, or when I'm even more lovesick than that.)

I think Baby is New Jersey sleazy, and Babe is L.A. sleazy. Honey is bleh, Sweetie is AbFab. Sometimes I do Sugar. When he's bein' sweet.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:33 PM on November 13, 2006