When what you wanted isn't good enough anymore.

October 17, 2005 8:15 PM

How do you handle it when the job you always wanted turns out to not be what you want?

I've always wanted to be a psychology professor since I was in high school. I've been here two years and I've started to realize I really don't want to be here anymore. I thought so much about what I would do, and planned it all out, and now I don't know what I'm going to do or where I'm going to go. I always had a map, and now I'm clueless. Has this ever happened to you? How do you go on when you don't know what you want to do?

posted by stoneegg21 to Education (18 answers total)

Why should (not) knowing what you want to do affect your ability/desire to go on? Major changes in career are the norm these days. Most people have several. I'd say that you should make sure that your reason to go on isn't hitched to a career in a specific field. There are many other options other than career for reasons to go on.

Sorry if I'm missing the boat. It's hard to tell exactly what you're asking. If you're just asking for how to find a new career, I'd start with this year's edition of "What Color is Your Parachute"
posted by winston at 8:45 PM on October 17, 2005

The Chronicle of Higher Education is forever running "beyond the academy" type pieces. The career advice therein is normally aimed at folks who failed to get a tenure track job in the first place, but might help you as well.

The important thing is you get out before your lack of enthusiasm shows in the classroom. The world has two many burned out professors.
posted by LarryC at 8:50 PM on October 17, 2005

too many...
posted by LarryC at 8:51 PM on October 17, 2005

I've never known what I wanted to do, consider yourself lucky. That said, you just have to try out different things. You don't like being a professor? Go into private practice, consult for a marketing company, write a book, whatever. Or chuck it all and start from scratch in another field (I'd be willing to bet your old job starts looking pretty good). Or maybe you just don't like the school/students/location/administration and you should try teaching somewhere else for a while. Lastly, are you sure it's the job? There isn't something going on (or failing to) in your personal life that's causing problems and spilling over to your work life? As a psych professor I'd assume you already thought of that, but considering the question you're asking maybe not.
posted by cali at 8:52 PM on October 17, 2005

Actually, I second Winston. You'll just have to do some soul-searching and thinking; meanwhile, continue your work. It won't hurt you. The important thing is to start focusing on what you really do want, and begin taking steps to get there. Don't feel down about this -- better to reorganize now than labor in misery for years.

Another great book: I Could Do Anything, If Only I Knew What it Was.
posted by Miko at 8:52 PM on October 17, 2005

My eyes hurt from the damn library lighting, so this is going to be short, but I hope it helps. I've been going through a similar thought process.

One thing that I've been thinking about is failure. We've put all this time, energy, sweat, blood and tears into this line of work (academia) and it's set up so that ending it = failure. If you leave before the master's cut-off, it's a failure. If you leave before the Ph.D., it's a royal failure. If you leave afterwards, you're a failure or you couldn't cut it.

This isn't a productive way of thinking about it. A more useful way of thinking about it, in my mind, is that you're making new decisions with new information. How could you have possibly have known what it would actually be like once you got there? It's always, always different in reality than in our dreams/expectations, and if you find out that that new reality doesn't align with your own point of view, well, you're making a new decision. This realization has helped me *tremendously* to get away from the whole "ohmigod, I worked so hard to get this, and now I've got it, and I don't really like the way it is, so do I leave now or not, or what?" and more into the thought process behind that.

It helped me calm down and evaluate what was going on.
posted by fionab at 9:14 PM on October 17, 2005

Think about what it is you dislike about your current job and whether you can revector your career to involve just the things you like and avoid the things you don't. You may not have to leave psychology entirely in order to be happy. Perhaps you're looking for a place where you can do nothing but teach, which might mean thinking about community college. Maybe you're looking for more research opportunities or more practical application of your knowledge, which point the way toward industry or private practice. It could be just the people/city/environment of your current school, in which case a change of city could reinvigorate you.

If you're in a position where you can take a few months away from work, that can be extremely valuable in figuring out what you want to do. It's tough to write your ideal job description if you're miserable in your current job. Then you can figure out what kind of change you need to make and if there's anything left in psychology for you.
posted by rhiannon at 9:24 PM on October 17, 2005

I second fionab. You had no way of knowing that the career you chose in high school (when most of us are substantially different people than those we become as adults, after having a bit of life experience and education) wouldn't turn out to be your dream after all. This is no reason to panic. (Not that you are.) Luckily, you have a job which gives you a little breathing room to check out some of the books other people have mentioned, and to consider your future and where your passion may lie. You also have an education and job experience, which will help you on whatever path you choose. You are well-situated; relax and reflect on what has really brought you joy in life and how you can turn it into a career.
posted by amro at 9:28 PM on October 17, 2005

I figured out what I wanted to do, and tried to have at it. What I ended up in, was a complete disaster (my current supervised program).

I still know what I want to do and I went and found the lab to do it in (somewhere else). I'm "dealing with" the current bs that I stupidly signed on so I can move on.

Stick it out, try to complete the milestones, and seek out an alternarnative... Once you have the next thing sorted out, tying off loose ends becomes more of a priority.
posted by PurplePorpoise at 9:43 PM on October 17, 2005

Before tossing the entire career overboard, consider whether other factors are the real cause of your dissatisfaction. For example:

1. The "Prince Charming" factor. Are your expectations for obtaining fulfillment through your career unrealistically high? If so, widen your search for contentment, to include activities outside of the job, and accept that (like most of us) you cannot rely on the profession alone to imbue your life with joy and purpose.

2. The "My Boss Is a Jerk" factor. Is the problem the specific situation rather than the career itself? If so, change the situation or the employer, but not the career. A good job can be ruined by having to deal with awful people, particularly if they have power over you.
posted by mono blanco at 9:44 PM on October 17, 2005

I got my dream job in my 20s and realised I freaking hated it. So I thought about the things I imagined myself doing when I was older and my career was "over". Then I got a job doing that. I went from mostly pure reserach to applied science (a step down in my mind at the time- research is where the smart people are), did a graduate degree and have had to move away from home for a few years to get the necessary experience. It was a big sacrifice and I couldn't be happier. I hope to do this job for the rest of my life and when I retire, I'll probably keep doing it just because.

My BF is still royally pissed that I moved 2000 miles away for 2 years though!
posted by fshgrl at 10:27 PM on October 17, 2005

If you are two years into a job as a university professor, then I would urge you to stick it out a little longer. The first little while can be a bewildering whirl of new responsibilities, nervous tension, expectations, and complete and utter stress, tiredness and self-doubt. Then things settle down, you learn to cope, and it can be a pretty sweet gig. This may not reflect your situation at all, but once you are settled in the job it is remarkably flexible in terms of what you make of it -- moreso than many or most jobs.

Also, sometimes a change of institution can make a lot of difference.

Finally, contemplate what are the concrete alternatives. I'm all for "follow your bliss" but really, don't get out of the frying pan into the fire.

Good luck with your decision and thinking. Sorry I can't be of more help -- I love my job, though I was very close to quitting after two years or so myself.
posted by Rumple at 11:01 PM on October 17, 2005

What kind of psych are you doing? What kind of school are you at? I realize that you can't just make the jump from, say, clinical psych to neuroscience. However, there are a lot of different jobs that could still be described as "psych professor". Maybe you could try one of those?

I know a couple Psych Ph.D.s who went on to be very successful in different fields. One works at Google, another is in charge of software development for this supercool virtual reality environment.

To answer your actual question, the only way you can find a fulfilling life it to constantly reevaluate your goals. You're obviously driven and talented enough to achieve whatever you set your mind to.
posted by Eamon at 12:21 AM on October 18, 2005

I have wanted to be an academic neurologist since I was eleven. Emphasis on the 'academic'.

I am now an academic neurologist, practicing in a major research university. My track record over the years has been that I am an extremely good neurologist and a mediocre-to-competent academic. While I am always delighted to see patients, I find that the idea of coming up with viable ideas for research and trying to get them funded is frightening and unpleasant, and I do not feel like I have any native talent for it, much less the politics involved.

The "privilege" of staying in academe at this point in my life - I'm 33 - is bought at the cost of a serious pay cut, probably 75% less than I could be earning out in private practice.

I always thought - as a kid - that if you weren't in neurology because you wanted to find out new things, you must be a pretty sorry person, because there's so much that's still unknown. I still kind of feel that way, but I also feel like working docs contribute a lot and have nothing to be ashamed of.

Anyway, I guess I don't have any point, except that a lot of us go through these kinds of things. I'm still not sure what I'm going to do.
posted by ikkyu2 at 1:15 AM on October 18, 2005

Don't throw good time after bad. I invested a lot of time, energy and money in law school before coming to the realization that I would be a desperately unhappy attorney.

I am now a reasonably happy working geek.

Metaphorically speaking, don't be afraid to abandon your luggage at the station and try something else. Life's way too short to do something that you don't enjoy.

P.S. I find myself using the legal training all the time in the field I now work in (IT consulting)... and I'm betting that a solid background in psychology would be an asset to you in all kinds of different fields.
posted by enrevanche at 6:27 AM on October 18, 2005

Journalism was the thing for me - I had a vague desire to do it since I was a kid, but ended up studying engineering in college as it was a safer bet and the journalism desire wasn't strong enough. It grew, though, and I found myself in journalism eventually. Which I hated. Hated. In the end, it was a little blurry whether I jumped or was pushed. But there was more pushing, because it's very hard to walk away from something you've longed for and worked hard for.

Moved from there into Internet advertising for no other reason than I needed a job and the company was hiring, and I've never been happier. Now, when I look back, I can't understand what I was doing in a newsroom in the first place.

This is a long-winded way of saying that one thing leads to another, even if it's not immediately obvious - everything I've done in the past helps me now. And if you know that you really don't like something, you should move. Most decisions, for me at least, are just about gathering the courage to accept something I've known all along.
posted by StephenF at 8:24 AM on October 18, 2005

try this: moonlight, freelance, consult, etc.

Your training sounds like it would be extremely useful in many different fields. The conflict may not even be academia vs. private practice. Connect with a marketing professor, tell her what your situation is and see if you can "audition" another kind of work with her. Do the same with other profs in other disciplines. Music? Religion? Philosophy?

Perhaps what your doing now will be foundation for a very unconventional career. The unconventional folks seem to be happiest and most prosperous.

And don't be afraid to cut bait. if your life is a story then a radical change in career/interest makes for a much more interesting narrative.
posted by ransom at 9:02 AM on October 18, 2005

Ive gone the Phd route and realized along the way that the Ivory tower was not what I would have liked it to be. If it had been more of what I imagined, a collaborative enterprise of human discovery, etc..., I probably would have stayed. However, what you describe seems to be a situation where you put your life on hold (in terms of being there enough to experience it fully and form subjective opinions about your present and goals) on route to this goal that you thought would bring you the satisfaction you imagined. In psychological terms you subordinated the present for the future. What you need to realize (or probably already do) is that the satisfaction you imagined from being in a position where you could fulfill your potential is what you are really after, not a particular job or title. The trick (or easy part) is figuering out when you are truely present (and fulfilled). Basically, thinking about times in the past when you have been, and using the summarized esence of those experiences to finding what you can do now that would bring you that satisfaction. The fact that this job, as it is right now, doesn't bring you that satisfaction only means that you are on your way to finding new ways of experiencing that fulfillment and satisfaction.
posted by blueyellow at 9:28 AM on October 18, 2005