Cultural tips for the U.S.

January 13, 2005 4:51 PM

Soldiers in Iraq receive Cultural Smart Cards [PDF] which, among other things, provide a series of "Do This" and "Don't Do This" behaviors designed to avoid cultural misunderstandings. Some of these are quite obvious (e.g., "Never offer a Muslim alcohol or pork," "Don't engage in religious discussions") others are less so (e.g., "Don't make the 'OK' or 'thumbs up' signs; they are considered obscene," "Don't praise an Iraqi's possessions too much. He may give them to you and expect something of value in return," "Try all food offered to you, even if in small portions"). What would a similar card look like for foreigners visiting the US? I'd think that it would include something about it being customary to tip, maybe something about personal space. What else?

[Bonus points if we can avoid turning the thread into an argument about politics or the war].
posted by i love cheese to Society & Culture (54 answers total)

The best place to look is at some big university's guide for incoming foreign students. Private example.
posted by Gyan at 4:55 PM on January 13, 2005

I would imagine that it would depend a lot on where the foreigners visiting were from.
posted by duck at 5:03 PM on January 13, 2005

Funny I was just thinking about this. I don't have an answer for you, but I'll add to your question. To wit, I have just spent several weeks travelling in Asia, and I used several guide books (typically LonelyPlanet) to help me socialize with the natives (spitting in Shanghai, bowing and cards in Japan) What might foreign guide books say about doing business or socializing with me--a typical New Yorker?
posted by Duck_Lips at 5:36 PM on January 13, 2005

What else?

No sudden movements.
posted by trondant at 5:37 PM on January 13, 2005

* Don't engage in religious/political discussions

* When in doubt, try to be more politically correct than you probably would at home

* Don't mention how at least a small part of foreign ill will towards America may, just may, have something to do with her foreign policy and not with hate for freedom

* Do not fuck with the police, ever, at all cost, especially if you aren't Aryan, well-dressed and freshly shaven

* Do not drink alcohol in public

* Do not mention Abu Ghraib/Guantanamo and the war in general

* Do not comment on firearms ownership laws/death penalty
posted by matteo at 5:48 PM on January 13, 2005

Look people in the eye when you talk to them, even your elders and members of the opposite sex.
posted by cali at 5:50 PM on January 13, 2005

It really depends on the region. A New England card might include:

• don't make small talk with strangers

• don't talk about money with anyone

• your mother's sister is your "AH-nt" and your mother is "ma" or "mum"

• don't wear clothing with a New York Yankees logo
posted by Mayor Curley at 5:59 PM on January 13, 2005

I'd suggest NOT talking about how the women here in the US act differently or are "allowed" to act differently than the women at home. You might be the nicest guy in the world but this sort of talk will probably come across as pretty misogynistic to an American.
posted by pwb503 at 6:12 PM on January 13, 2005

• Stores stick to their prices. Don't haggle.
• Don't go topless.
• Don't criticize religion to strangers; America is particularly religious.

posted by NickDouglas at 6:13 PM on January 13, 2005

* Do not fuck with the police, ever, at all cost, especially if you aren't Aryan, well-dressed and freshly shaven

Is this an example of "trolling"?
posted by mlis at 6:15 PM on January 13, 2005

Most places in the US people do not expect you to kiss them when you first meet them, they tend to shake hands, and women don't always even shake hands

If you have something to say about the weather, you are prepared for any social situation

Peeing outside in a public setting is against the law, though some people still do it

If you are preparing a meal for someone or taking them out, it is a good idea to know if they are vegetarians, vegans, have nut, wheat or milk allergies, are on the Atkins Diet or the South Beach Diet, or have other food restrictions.

Most American women do not consider positive remarks about their "strong thighs" complimentary, no matter how nicely you may have meant it

posted by jessamyn at 6:20 PM on January 13, 2005

From eduPASS:

It is not polite to call someone before 9 am or after 10 pm, unless it is an emergency. The only exception would be if he or she told you it is ok to call earlier or later.

I thought 9 pm was the cut-off for parents, 10 for non-parents, 11 or later for other students.
posted by NickDouglas at 6:34 PM on January 13, 2005

I was looking into this a while ago, and found a whole book on the subject: Culture Shock! USA

I'm tempted to buy it as an American.
posted by smackfu at 6:45 PM on January 13, 2005

If you are smoking and someone coughs, it is often a polite way of asking you to extinguish the cigarette.

No, this means you should inch over to them and burp.

I once saw a guide book with exactly this theme. It was a foreigner's guide to living in America. It was in the bargain bin at Barnes and Nobles...I wish I could remember the name of it...

Anyhoo, this eduPASS site is interesting stuff. I enjoy the little tidbits, such as reassuring students that making eye contact is not disrespectful.
posted by Sticherbeast at 6:46 PM on January 13, 2005

Great link gyan.
posted by orange clock at 6:49 PM on January 13, 2005

Patting a woman on her rear end is not appropriate, and will likely get your face slapped.

When I go for a run, it is really tempting to do this, since I'm running away anyway.
posted by orange clock at 6:53 PM on January 13, 2005

Gyan, your edupass link is awesome. I got a chuckle out of the stereotype list:

Boastful and arrogant.
Disrespectful of authority.
Drunkard.
Ignorant of other countries and cultures.
Loud and obnoxious.
Promiscuous.
Rude and immature.
Snobbish.
Think they know everything.
Thinks every country should imitate the US.
Uninformed about politics.

Reads like a MeFi tagline list, doesn't it?
posted by boomchicka at 6:55 PM on January 13, 2005

Besides politics and religion there are certain other arguments you should never get in...

PC vs. Mac
The Clash vs. The Sex Pistols
Beatles vs. The stones
Bikes vs. Cars
Fender vs. Gibson
Ali vs. Forman
Sonny vs. Cher
posted by drezdn at 6:57 PM on January 13, 2005

- Don't get all up in someone's grill.

- Don't playa hate.

- Jennifer Lopez was dating Ben Affleck, who is now dating Jennifer Garner, and Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt are over. J. Lo was dating Puff Daddy who became P. Diddy who...

By the time a foreigner figures those out, s/he'll be well adjusted.
posted by Frank Grimes at 7:09 PM on January 13, 2005

I read a smart guide to living in the United States in Russian. One of the things I remembered was "if offered food, don't refuse politely. American's will never offer you food twice".
This actually makes sense to me.

I have advised Russians not to talk about atheism. It just doesn't go over well, even with agnostics.
posted by gesamtkunstwerk at 7:30 PM on January 13, 2005

When walking at a crosswalk, sprint away from the oncoming traffic, even though they are turning on red and you have the walk signal

Do not eat hot dogs from street vendors

When people ask you, "how are you doing?" they aren't particularly interested, it is just a polite greeting

"What up" can be substituted as an initial greeting (not a response) in the above case when dealing with people under 30. The correct response would be "nothin'," "nothing much," or the same "what up"

When someone greets you, normally in passing, with, "alright," the appropriate response is a mirrored "alright." It means "everything is ok and we are two in a similar circumstance, passing the other, sharing a common experience"

As a male, never talk to a girl who is alone in a bar, as girls never go to bars alone. Her boyfriend is nearby, and he wants to fight you. She may want this also, which is why she is flirting with you

At night, always take a cab.

posted by orange clock at 7:31 PM on January 13, 2005 [1 favorite]

Shower daily.
Brush your teeth.
Use deodorant.
posted by Wet Spot at 7:36 PM on January 13, 2005

Do not push forward in line or run to the front of it - wait your turn (apparently waiting patiently in line is not a universal practice).

If you are touring the Grand Canyon, DO NOT FEED THE FUCKING SQUIRRELS. Both of the last two times I went there, despite HUGE signs in many, many languages posted everywhere that read this, I saw a ton of foreigners of all descriptions feeding the goddamn squirrels. The result was that the squirrels were so accustomed to humans they would actually run up your body and down your arm to get at the food you were eating. I am not joking or overstating - this actually happened to me, my sister, and my brother.
posted by Ryvar at 7:57 PM on January 13, 2005

• Observe a greater margin of personal space than you might be accustomed to. Arm-length is appropriate for most casual interactions.
• Line up. Americans do not typically form a crushing mob at the counter when ordering fast food, buying movie tickets, etc. Person-size voids in these situations are not meant to be filled. [On preview - Ryvar beat me to it.]
• If someone smiles or nods at you, make an attempt to return the gesture. We are not automatically suspicious of you, but aloof scowling doesn't win points.
• If your native traffic laws and driving courtesies are mostly theoretical, please be aware that ours are not, and we can take it somewhat personally.

posted by Tubes at 8:05 PM on January 13, 2005

If you are touring the Grand Canyon, DO NOT FEED THE FUCKING SQUIRRELS.
Yeah, I worked there for a while and that always made me really angy. Especially because of all the signs everywhere and it was practically the only message translated into lots of languages.
posted by sophie at 8:09 PM on January 13, 2005

When Americans say they'll call, they may not mean it.

When Americans line up at a store counter, the person behind the counter is expected to keep track of who was there first.

Most Americans rarely use public transportation outside of the largest cities.
posted by atchafalaya at 9:03 PM on January 13, 2005

Welcome to America: now DO NOT FEED THE FUCKING SQUIRRELS
posted by matteo at 9:09 PM on January 13, 2005

Toilet paper can and should be flushed.
Try to eat silently.
It's not necessary to offer a bite of your candy bar to everyone in your group, but it's nice to share your chips or gum.
Ask before taking the last portion.
Complaining about one's boss is very common and doesn't make you bad worker.
Americans would rather say "I don't know" or "No, I can't" than mislead you.
Touring the states by Grayhound bus sounds like fun, but you'll be miserable by the second day.
posted by hydrophonic at 9:38 PM on January 13, 2005

That website is cool Gyan. I love the last line under tipping : "Bribery is not considered appropriate and often illegal. Attempting to bribe a policeman will certainly get you arrested. "
posted by Megafly at 9:38 PM on January 13, 2005

Try to eat silently.

Great crunchy gravy, how did I miss that one.
Yes, for all that is holy, keep your lips together while chewing at all times.
(Even if some astoundingly boorish natives fail to do so.)
posted by Tubes at 9:53 PM on January 13, 2005

E2 has an edited version of the Georgia Tech foreigner's guide that's nice.
posted by abcde at 10:22 PM on January 13, 2005

Bad link - here.
posted by abcde at 10:23 PM on January 13, 2005

MetaFilter: DO NOT FEED THE FUCKING SQUIRRELS
posted by mrbill at 10:27 PM on January 13, 2005

A foreign-student guide I once read made this point: Just because an American is friendly to you, do not assume you can ask him or her for a favor.

Americans can be very friendly without intending to signal that you have become their friend. You can't ask to borrow their money, use their car, or crash in their basement after a few hours of bonhommie. In many other cultures acting like a friend implies obligation as well as conviviality. But the instant congeniality of Americans is merely a social grace.
posted by mono blanco at 10:52 PM on January 13, 2005

I found this useful NY-centric version a while ago, plus my own slight addendum.

Also, there's always my old standby Rush Hour Subway Guide.
posted by Caviar at 11:34 PM on January 13, 2005

• The price is marked with a tag on the item. It is normally not negotiable, unless you're in an antique store.
• Get in line and wait.
• Topics of conversation to avoid: religion, politics, money.
• When in doubt, talk about the weather. When in New York, talk about the rent.
• Don't point and stare.
• Americans like to talk at volume 11. They're not necessarily yelling at you.
• Avoid in public: picking your nose, spitting, scratching your groin, chewing with your mouth open, wiping a snotty nose on your shirt, farting, belching, personal grooming.
• The American greeting: A handshake followed by "Hello, nice to meet you."
• Don't touch people you don't know.
• Give us any reason at all to talk about ourselves.

posted by Civil_Disobedient at 12:20 AM on January 14, 2005

Reminds me of this Guide for Americans visiting the UK
posted by brettski at 1:06 AM on January 14, 2005

One thing I learned: pricetags on products in American stores do not include the sales tax, this will be added to the total when you pay at the register.
posted by milov at 3:32 AM on January 14, 2005

* When in conversation with an American it is not necessary to continuously show your attentiveness verbally, in fact, many Americans may find constant "Mmmm"s unnerving and even impolite. Eye contact, occasional nodding, and a sound signifying agreement when the speaker makes a point will suffice to indicate that you are paying attention. Conversely, do not be offended if American attentiveness does not seem up to your country's standards; frequent eye contact and nodding means that they are listening.

When I was visiting Japan I found it a little unnerving that, while talking with someone, that person would constantly go "Mmmm". I realize that's their way of showing that they're paying attention, but in America that comes off, interestingly enough, as not paying attention and instead just agreeing randomly with whatever is being said. I found that endlessly fascinating.

Great post, and great thread.
posted by deafmute at 5:13 AM on January 14, 2005

• don't whistle at, make suggestive/"amusing" comments/noises to, or touch women you do not have an intimate relationship with.
• not even single ones.
• really. not even if they're wearing sexy clothing, have blonde hair and you believe you are the latin lover from paradise. ¿cachay?

i've never worked out what the road crossing rules are in the usa. i'm used to making a dash when i can, yet i've been with americans who seem way over-cautious and make detours to use marked crossings, and also in cities where cars will stop to let you cross at junctions even when there's no marked pedestrian crossing.

also, tipping confuses me in the states and is way higher than anywhere else. and what's with asking "how are you?" are not waiting for a reply? and milov has a good point - the random price increase when you get to the till is really odd.
posted by andrew cooke at 5:46 AM on January 14, 2005

Useful advice from the edupass site:

Never show your fist with the middle finger extended. This is an insult.
posted by Clay201 at 5:58 AM on January 14, 2005

When walking down the street, avoid random strangers with clipboards. They either want to waste your money or time.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 6:43 AM on January 14, 2005

Caviar, love your stuff.

Here's mine: Do not hold hands with anyone unless they are (a) a child or (b) someone you sleep in the same bed with. If you and (b) are the same sex, be prepared for verbal harassment or worse, in most areas.
posted by scratch at 7:02 AM on January 14, 2005

No matter how hard you try, there's no way to reason your way out of the need for tipping. It's a part of the culture that you have to play along with, or else you'll just come across as cheap.
posted by smackfu at 7:09 AM on January 14, 2005

Shower daily.
Brush your teeth.
Use deodorant.

If you do not do what WetSpot advised above, PLEASE do not douse yourself in heavy colognes such as Obsession or Drakkar Noir.
posted by cass at 7:31 AM on January 14, 2005

Shower daily.
Brush your teeth.
Use deodorant.


AMEN. And if you don't do those things, the minimum amount of personal space you need to allow doubles. It does not get smaller!

This page can be quite helpful for out-of-towners visiting Chicago.
posted by SisterHavana at 7:39 AM on January 14, 2005

I love the Economist and its Cities Guide. Here are the "business etiquette" pages for the US cities:

Atlanta
Chicago
New York
San Francisco
Washington DC

(I think I have seen these posted here before, but thought they're appropriate)
posted by theFlyingSquirrel at 7:43 AM on January 14, 2005

Andrew, crossing depends on where you are as does sales tax. In LA, you wait for the light; in New York, you cross when you want; in smaller places, cars may wait. Sales tax is set by the city or county. If you don't want to be surprised, just ask the person at the register. I believe it is still less than 10 percent everywhere.
posted by dame at 7:44 AM on January 14, 2005

There was an amazing article in the Economist a few months ago (surely behind their subscription wall by now) about what English phrases mean to diplomats from different countries. Very very tricky business. Apparently there was a book (planned?) about it. The only example I remember was that, when an English diplomat says "I hear what you are saying", it does not mean "I appreciate your argument and agree" but rather "I disagree and wish to cut off this line of discussion."

Returning to the thread...

-- Englishmen: do not use "Riiight" to indicate that you have just learned something, as it will instead come off as "I knew that already and so should you have." Also, do not call cigarettes "fags" (and ideally, don't smoke them).

-- Try to avoid sweeping statements about "Americans". Most of our states have larger populations than your country.
posted by Aknaton at 10:42 AM on January 14, 2005

practically speaking, everyone, even small children, will address you by your first name without an honorific. even if you're a professor and that person is your student. you'll pretty much be expected to do the same and people will feel awkward if you don't address them by first name. unless you're dealing with a judge or military officer. or the most senior executive.

also, i love the "americans will never offer you food twice" advice above, although i find it doesn't hold true in the south or texas, or the historically italian neighborhoods around here.
posted by crush-onastick at 11:48 AM on January 14, 2005

When someone greets you, normally in passing, with, "alright," the appropriate response is a mirrored "alright." It means "everything is ok and we are two in a similar circumstance, passing the other, sharing a common experience"

I've never had this happen.
posted by abcde at 12:12 PM on January 14, 2005

It is never appropriate to have sexual intercourse with your partner in public.
posted by klausness at 12:23 PM on January 14, 2005

When someone greets you, normally in passing, with, "alright," the appropriate response is a mirrored "alright."...

I've never had this happen.

Very common in the Caribbean, although "okay" is the response to "all right?"
posted by Mo Nickels at 12:36 PM on January 14, 2005

dame: Arab, AL (Cullman County) has the highest combined rate of 11%. Which makes me happy, as I assumed the 9.25% I paid was the highest.

I've noticed among my foreign friends in school the hardest thing to get used to was the false sincerity I had never even paid attention to. The "how are you doing today?" salesclerks greet people was particularly bad (but led to some amusing situations. well, for me.).
I actually felt kind of lousy having to explain that when americans ask someone how they are, we really don't care, we're just expecting them to say "fine" and smile.
posted by Kellydamnit at 12:45 PM on January 14, 2005