December 6, 2004

4:31 PM

If you were a Dadist what Christmas / Hanukkah / Kwanzaa gift would you give, to whom, and why?
posted by b1tr0t to (28 comments total)

I would vomit on the front door of my beloved, if I had such a thing, and write a poem on the door detailing my undying love for her and her pets.
posted by angry modem at 4:35 PM on December 6, 2004

A would give my fundie sister the gift if a VERY expensive 'escort' wearing a Santa cap and with jingle-bell pasties covering her nipples - tied to a chair and blindfolded in the traditional S&M style with red silk ribbon.
posted by Ryvar at 4:38 PM on December 6, 2004

I'd give my wife a gleaming white urinal since she's a sucker for the classics.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 4:40 PM on December 6, 2004

This. Doesn't it speak for itself? ("A ba-a-a attachment makes this goat more goaty." Yes!)
posted by scody at 4:48 PM on December 6, 2004

I would give them a Christmas bullet wound to the shoudler. Next June.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:03 PM on December 6, 2004

In the spirit of Dada, that is not a wise ass answer. Oh, and I would give it to some stranger.
posted by Joey Michaels at 5:04 PM on December 6, 2004

A poem written on a napkin with absinthe spilled on it.
posted by sophie at 5:18 PM on December 6, 2004

I'd give them nothing, but then claim I did. If they ever brought it up again, I'd go into a long-winded rant about how they didn't appreciate my generous gift. Years later, I'd start demanding nicer and nicer gifts from them because they never fully appreciated the gift I gave them.
posted by j.edwards at 5:53 PM on December 6, 2004

A single plum floating in perfume, served in a man's hat.
Who wants it?
posted by Who_Am_I at 5:58 PM on December 6, 2004

I'm neither a Dadist nor a Dadaist, but I once gave somebody a gift-wrapped bucket of nails, to mark the occasion of Thursday afternoon.
posted by sfenders at 6:08 PM on December 6, 2004

A single plum floating in perfume, served in a man's hat.
posted by brownpau at 6:29 PM on December 6, 2004

I did not see Who_Am_I's entry, so I'm Dadaistically entering a postmodern repetition plea in protest of the redundancy of consumerist holidays.
posted by brownpau at 6:31 PM on December 6, 2004

Don't know to whom, but:

A hobby horse.
posted by dagnyscott at 6:42 PM on December 6, 2004

A blade of grass. A drop of blood. A spider, in the act of stinging its prey. A flood plain. A toddling train. A muddy grey overcoat. Six blind muskrat. GM potatoes, modified to produce Viagra. Yarn. Socks. Moldy wiring harness. A miniature chair.

More great gift ideas.

Also, a single plum floating in perfume, served in a man's hat.
posted by sfenders at 6:54 PM on December 6, 2004

bndfjklbnl
posted by LimePi at 7:02 PM on December 6, 2004

A table leg and a foot of rebar, since I have them lying around.
posted by kenko at 7:11 PM on December 6, 2004

Give your recipient a used paper cup. Respond to complaints of the quality of gift by saying "It's dada, man" for up to three consecutive complaints. If complaints persist after the third "It's dada, man", tell the recipient that the cup was actually a joke and that you have another real present for them that will explain the paper cup. The real present is a gift-wrapped book. Either Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values or some origami book. Give the recipient the real present, then spin around once on your left foot.
posted by mexican at 7:14 PM on December 6, 2004

45 houses.
posted by melissa may at 9:11 PM on December 6, 2004

An exploding candle.
posted by No Explanation at 10:20 PM on December 6, 2004

A single plum floating in perfume, served in a man's cat.
posted by squidlarkin at 10:22 PM on December 6, 2004

Had a friend who, back when we were in school together, went to see her professor about the paper she'd written on Dadaism (or is that Dadism?). She asked, "So, what'd you think of it?" He held it up in front of his face, made some bizarre noise, and ripped the entire thing in two, lengthwise.

So I'd find out this woman's current address and send her half an essay.
posted by Clay201 at 10:25 PM on December 6, 2004

A birthday card, one of those kinds that are designed to hold money. Inside is a personal check, for the square root of -$1.
posted by Vidiot at 10:37 PM on December 6, 2004

a spot contract for 15,000 pounds of frozen concentrated orange juice, with delivery. The recipient would be the first entry in the phone book whose name can be encoded as the number of the beast.

Also, I'd buy puppies for the elephants at the zoo.
posted by mosch at 12:16 AM on December 7, 2004

There are a number of books to be found on Amazon.com which would make lovely presents, if your Dadaist did not already own them.

Art and Anti-Art might be nice.
posted by tenseone at 4:48 AM on December 7, 2004

For a Dadist Gift I would go into the recipient's house and take everything out of his or her living room, leaving the room completely bare.

p.s.: scody, I ♥ the goat coaster.
posted by Fuzzy Monster at 6:04 AM on December 7, 2004

The severed foot of a Burmese soldier that has the Magna Carta embroidered on the sole with copper wire.
posted by picea at 6:05 AM on December 7, 2004

A pingle flum sloating in herfume, herved in a san's mat.
posted by brownpau at 7:24 AM on December 7, 2004

A single cup of rum floating in perfume, served in a man's cat.

Also, permanent rights to never use the number 13 again.
posted by haqspan at 3:17 PM on December 7, 2004