Ask MetaFilter questions in the society & culture category

How common is hard drug use, really?

Conspire — Fri, 24 May 2013 15:20:35 -0800

I was recently sitting down to tea with a friend of mine's (we're both in our early 20's), and the topic wandered over to hard drug use (e.g. stuff like cocaine and crystal meth, not marijuana or alcohol.) When comparing our perceptions of how common hard drug use was, we were completely surprised when our answers were polar opposites: I saw it as an extremely rare thing, but she said it was something virtually everyone did but no one talked about. What's the truth here? How prevalent is hard drug use anyway? And why do our experiences differ so much? Rather than statistics on abuse, I'm more interested in statistics on how common hard drug use on a casual basis with people who are otherwise living relatively stable lives, as that's what our conversation focused more on.

If it helps in explaining why our perceptions differ so much, here's a little information on our respective backgrounds and the things that came up:
- We're both university students in our 20's
- We're both well connected with working professionals in our respective fields: I'm in academia largely in the biology/computer science sector, and she's in corporate marketing working for a company similar in size and scope as Proctor and Gamble
- One of the things that she brought up was that cocaine use in the corporate world was extremely common based on her experiences and subject to peer pressure like alcohol is.
- Her social circles have on average, fewer people with or working on university/college degrees - I would estimate at least 90% of the people I know have one or are working on one, while she estimated only 10% for herself.
- Her social circle probably skews a few years younger than mine's - that is, she tends to hang out with people more her age (18-24), while my social circle is at least a few years younger than me on average
- My social circles tend to be more diverse and include more marginalized communities as I hang out a lot with queers, feminists and Deaf people

I'm curious to know why we see things so differently, and what's the real truth behind it!

I have no social skills, and no self confidence. I need to do something.

anawesomeguy — Fri, 24 May 2013 10:17:30 -0800

I'm 30 years old, and am basically incapable of functioning in social settings. Can't make conversation. It's long since gone past awkward. It's embarrassing. I need to change. I don't know how. I'm not sure how to post this in a short, coherent, and understandable story. There are so many random details, but I'll try:

I'm a 30 year old guy, and my social skills and communication skills are not what they should be. Now. I guess there are two parts: social skills, and my lack of self confidence. So first, social skills: I do have some good friends. But I struggle to make friends. I struggle to talk to people. I struggle to hold conversations with people I do know. I get along with most people. But I REALLY struggle to take things past surface acquaintances and form real friendships.

Here is my key issue (I believe): I just never have anything to say to people. Or know what to say. Or how to make conversation. Partly, I wonder if it is because I have a bad memory. Somewhere, years ago... I feel like I just lost the ability to think. And I feel like there isn't a lot going on in my head anymore.

Here are some examples: I just moved to go back to University. I get along fine with everyone in my class. However, like I say - it's all just surface stuff. Most of them have made really good friends with a few people in the class, and they go out and do stuff together; but not me. They're happy to talk to me there, but I never know how to take it further.

I have a tendancy to show up to things... and just sort of stand around on my own because I don't know how to make conversation. I can say hi. I can say how is it going. How did you go on that test. But other than that... I really, really, struggle. So often, we all show up for a class... we'll be waiting around together, people talking... and I'll be standing aloof in a corner. I can approach people; but for the most part I don't have anything to say or to ask... so I can't.

Another example: get togethers with people. Say, christmas time with the family: I just sit there, and say nothing. Because I don't know what to say. I don't have anything to contriute to most conversations. I don't know how to start them. I don't know how to join in on them.

I don't know how to joke around with people.

I live on campus at Uni... and I stop and have chats and stuff with the people I'm sharing with; but I often struggle to maintain the conversation.

One really awkward thing is that if I do ever manage to spend time with a person... it falls really flat. I don't have anything to say. Driving in my car... I'll sit there in silence, feeling awkward, because I have nothing to say.

I've noticed this and it's a key problem I have: other people usually make the conversation, and topics, and I respond. It's the same with good friends, close family members. I can't make communication. It's like... I speak if spoken to. Otherwise... I don't know what to say. Like... LITERALLY THERE IS NOTHING IN MY HEAD. NOTHING.

I used to have to go to work conferences and they were the worst. I'd end up standing there on my own.

I've noticed it may be a group things. If I am with a few friends I am close with, I can sit around and talk and laugh (though still less so than the others) but as soon as there are more than a few there... I just completely close up.

I also am developing an alcohol problem. Because after a few drinks, I can talk anyones ear off. And I wish I was like that all the time. It's amazing. I make friends with so many people when I've been drinking. I'm funny, I'm engaging, I'm confident, they like me, they respond to me.

Then when I'm sober... I'm this meek, self conscious guy that has nothing to say.

I don't know if this is all related to self confidence - because I used to have self confidence, say 10 years ago, but I still had poor social skills then. But if I think back... I remember when I was in school, I used to always get in trouble for talking too much in class. Now... in class, I sit there in silence... wishing I could make conversation with the person next to me... but I have nothing to offer.

I could go on and on, but onto the self confidence thing: I have basically, none whatsoever. I always think, "Why would that person care what I think" "Why would that person care what I have to say" "Why would that person care who I am". I don't think I'm capable of anything, I don't think anyone likes me, I can't think of any reason why they should, I don't think I have any charisma or personality that people would like, I don't feel like I have any use that can contribute to anything or anyone.

I basically feel like I'm nothing.

Sometimes I feel like if I had self confidence (ie, I'm a superstar when I get drunk) things might be different; but I think I used to have self confidence and I still couldn't make conversation.

It's also a phone thing as well. I literally cannot make conversations on phones. And I should because I moved away for University. But say, if called my brother who I love so much... I have nothing to say to him. "Hows things?" "Hows school?" "Cool".

And I wonder... if its because my memory is so bad? I never recall stories or anecdotes to tell people or to share, or to contribute to conversations .

I just don't know. But I do know that I'm sick of being in social situations where I stand around on my own looking like an idiot; or say a few boring, uninspired words to the people around, then nothing else. Sometimes I put off catching up with people I've met that are willing to catch up with me again, because I know I'm going to sit around in awkward silence and not say much anyway.

I really don't know what to do or where to start. Help, please?

Anything fun to do in Charlotte, NC from 6 tonight til about midnight?

functionequalsform — Thu, 23 May 2013 13:25:25 -0800

My connecting flight from Charlotte to NYC has been canceled until 6 am tomorrow. I have a sweet airport hotel room, but want to get out and explore a little. Suggestions? So, i guess I'm a typical Brooklynite: I like good beer, wine, and food. Weird and fun bars or maybe a silly dance night, or a local band's show. I also like history, so maybe there's a good Civil War site somewhere nearby?

I have no car. Cabs only. I also want to be in bed by about midnight.

Help a stranded Mefite make the best of a long layover?

Resources/discussions for 2012 incident at Diamond Mtn Retreat Center

lakersfan1222 — Thu, 23 May 2013 09:33:44 -0800

Last summer, chaos erupted during a three-year long silent meditation retreat at the Diamond Mountain Buddhist University and Retreat Center, see this FPP for the background. The retreat was scheduled to end right around now, and presumably the silence around the incident would be then broken, but I can't find any further discussion about the event itself or the aftermath. Can anyone point me to online discussions or resources where I might find more information? I have seen this update on the Diamond Mountain website. Thank you.

How common are fictional characters in real life?

Miko — Thu, 23 May 2013 05:45:15 -0800

Last night I realized that two of the places I have worked have had, as part of the lore of the place, a fictional character who everyone willingly pretended was real (in a tongue-in-cheek way). These were both in semi-educational institutions, but it was the adults who propagated the myth of the character, for each others' entertainment. These characters both sent postcards from around the world, and gathered to them improbable stories about their adventures. I'm wondering, how common is this phenomenon, and can you describe any fictional characters that have been part of the lore and legend where you have lived or worked? Examples: my summer camp has an "Uncle Traveling Matt"-style character who has been spoken of there for at least 40 years. The fun of him is that, like Snuffleupagus, you always just missed him - he visited yesterday, or he was sitting in the back of assembly, didn't you see him? And a museum where I worked had a character from one of the songs that we agreed was real, and who would send postcards from wherever one of our staff happened to be coincidentally visiting.

These stories are distinctly different from imaginary friends, actual legends of empirically existing people, or stories about supposed hauntings. These stories are presented as very real individuals with lives of their own who remain just a bit inaccessible.

Recommend me unexpectedly compelling interviews

Rory Marinich — Thu, 23 May 2013 03:58:43 -0800

Serious and fascinating interviews with people (celebrities, musicians, whomever) who are not usually considered serious or fascinating? By the metric I'm using, Lady Gaga or George Clooney are probably a tad too highbrow; Tom Clancy or Katy Perry are fair game. It doesn't matter who the people are, what they do, or what they're known for, only that they are generally not taken especially seriously or considered to be all that interesting.

Who are today's innovative, socially involved, networking Freemasons?

HopStopDon'tShop — Wed, 22 May 2013 12:40:04 -0800

Is there an international group of innovative, charitably-minded people that get together and share ideas (physically) in the way that the Freemasons, Rotary and Lions Clubs all do? But without the ceremony, pomp and irrelevance (of some of these associations). I'm looking to meet and learn with locals that are passionate about their society, successful, enthusiastic and all of that good stuff. However, the majority of the institutions that I am aware of are, frankly, a bit stodgy and very male (even if they are, at this point in time, open to everyone). I would love to join a group that is dedicated to all of the usual good stuff but is truly dynamic, not bogged down by their own history and habits and so on...

I want something really out there pushing it... Like an ongoing TED conference or something I suppose. Any suggestions?

Example of famous organizational decision based on faulty data?

jeanmari — Tue, 21 May 2013 17:46:30 -0800

I'm looking for examples of high impact organizational decisions based on faulty data that had long term negative impacts. (My use of the word "organizational" is meant to imply a "group of persons organized towards some end." Could be a corporation, or a not-for-profit, or a govt entity, etc.) I have to give a public testimony tomorrow re: the quality of data being used to defend a pretty massive and impactful decision that will be close to impossible to reverse.

This has been a very long project and I'm mentally exhausted. When I was pulling together some of my thoughts for what to say, someone else asked me for examples of other large or notable organizational decisions based on either faulty data or a faulty decision-making process.

I'm blank. Mentally exhausted and blank.

I've looked for examples of "garbage in, garbage out", "Sunk Cost Fallacy," "Willful Ignorance", "Tragedy of the Commons", "Problem of Many Hands" type decisions in any industry or context...I'm not interested in just examples from the tech world though. I'm looking for an example of a decision where, after the fact, some independent entity acknowledged, "Yeah, we should have considered that." Or a plan that was put forth was pushed through with disastrous results, even when data showed that it should have been halted or changed.

I'm hoping it will help me to work out how to present my testimony tomorrow.

Getting married after getting married: the insurance-panic edition

badgermushroomSNAKE — Tue, 21 May 2013 15:25:14 -0800

Help me, etiquette mavens of AskMe! Fiance and I are in the midst of planning a wedding for this fall, but we just found out that he's losing his health insurance soon. How ok is it to have a courthouse ceremony now, but still hold a "real" wedding in the fall? My fiance and I are in the midst of planning a wedding for September-ish (no deposits yet; the planning was in the early stages), but we just found out that his insurance from his work might be terminated within the next month. So the obvious solution is to move up the wedding date, right? The thing is, I will be devastated if I have to give up my whole-family, big-dress, dancing-and-partying-for-hours-in-a-beautiful-venue wedding for...a rush, a courthouse, four people, and no reception. I only get one wedding in my life, and I want it to be a real, big-deal one.

We're not desperately emotionally tied to the day we sign the papers being the same as the day we have the party to celebrate it, so one possible solution is to do the courthouse now and have our "real" wedding as planned, in the fall. The courthouse wedding would be merely that - no gifts, no reception, no guests other than our parents, no big deal. We're considering doing it so quietly that we won't even tell people who aren't close family that we've done it. Basically, I want to shift absolutely everything other than signing the legal papers - from the announcements to the invitations to the "real" vows to the party - to center around the fall date. The fall ceremony would be secular and low-key in nature, more a short opportunity to explore how we love each other than to dot paperwork i's and cross legal-requirement t's.

I'm worried, though, that if people know we've had a courthouse ceremony, the fall wedding is going to be considered socially unacceptable and that we're somehow going to be viewed as attention-grubbers (or worse, gift-grubbers) for holding something we call a "wedding" so much after (about 3 months, give or take) the "real" ceremony.

Assume standard (northeastern) American etiquette rules here (we're New York-based): Is this a realistic worry, or can I have my big wedding with a clear conscience? Can we just not tell people about the courthouse ceremony, and let them have the impression that the fall wedding is the only wedding? Is there a page in Miss Manners about this that I've missed?

(I know etiquette, especially wedding etiquette, can be a divisive discussion topic, but can I please ask that you guys go easy on me as far as assumptions and judgment? I'm already struggling with some semi-related wedding drama issues, and I'd like to not hate myself any more at the end of this than I already do.)

Wedding ceremonies for the non-religious?

charmedimsure — Tue, 21 May 2013 09:15:11 -0800

What did you, a non-religious person, do for your wedding ceremony? What was the basic structure? What resources did you use to help you plan? We're getting married in two and a half weeks and have done pretty much everything except plan the ceremony. Where we live in Alaska, anyone can marry you, so we're having my future brother-in-law officiate. Great! but it means that our officiant doesn't really have any resources for us to rely on.

We're getting married in a beautiful outdoor location (weather permitting). The groom was raised Jewish and, while not religious at all any more, wouldn't mind incorporating some aspects of that tradition. I was raised Mormon and am not at all interested in bringing any of that into the ceremony.

Help?

What films would you recommend to educate me in cinema?

Kirn — Tue, 21 May 2013 02:28:04 -0800

I feel very uneducated in 'important' cinema and I'd really like to know and understand more. If I knew how to properly define 'important' I probably wouldn't need to ask the question, but names like Kurosawa, Tartakovsky, Fellini that I know I don't know anything about. What I'm hoping the lovely hivemind can do is give me a good starting point - something equivalent to the five-foot shelf of books that contains an entire liberal education (http://archive.org/details/harvardclassics), but for cinema. DVD collections (or YouTube links) that form part of this would be welcome too. Basically, help me educate myself in cinema!

It's from Vivre sa vie.

MiaWallace — Mon, 20 May 2013 21:09:48 -0800

Can someone who speaks French tell me exactly how this quote should be formatted? A friend wants to get the following quote tattooed on herself:

Click me!

What we're not sure about is which manner of accent marks there are in the words "preter" and "soi-meme." If someone could be awesome and type it out for her, we'd be much obliged. No one likes a mis-accented tattoo.

Tell me about Minneapolis' Parks

Shohn — Fri, 17 May 2013 15:54:49 -0800

Do you live in Minneapolis? Have you lived there in the past? What can you tell me about the Parks system there? I was recently contacted by a recruiter to apply for a job with the Minneapolis Parks and Recreation Board. This is a pretty high-level position, and falls well within the realm of "dream job" for me. So, I'm looking for information, anecdotal and otherwise, about the park system there.
Everything I've read and heard tells me that the citizens support the MPRB very strongly, and that it's a great system. I'm also given to understand that much of the operating budget comes from a special taxing district that's dedicated to the MPRB, which is a pretty cool deal.

So please, tell me your stories about the parks there. Do you use them? What do you love? What do you hate? What's your impression of the political climate there surrounding Parks and Recreation issues?

Thanks!

Sources for long-form non-fiction, essay, cultural crit on web

asher — Fri, 17 May 2013 09:55:13 -0800

I'm looking for websites that post longer pieces (3000 words+) on topics like science, culture, personal essay (not so much regular long-form journalism). These could be magazines like seed or nautil.us or online only. Recommendations?

JFK and 9/11 conspiracy theories

Burgatron — Fri, 17 May 2013 03:41:47 -0800

Were JFK conspiracy theories held in the same regard as as 9/11 truthers are now? John F Kennedy conspiracy theories are a part of popular culture, feeding books, documentaries, movies etc. Which made me think 1. Were the people who held these views thought of as kooks in the 1960's? 2. 30 years from now could there be the same thread take hold in popular culture in relation to 9/11?

Books about the history of New York City

caek — Thu, 16 May 2013 08:14:35 -0800

I'd like to read about New York City. I'm looking for more general "New York 101" overviews, or books about longer eras/themes. I'm not looking for books about cultural "scenes" or specific events/short periods. I have my eye on "Gotham" by Burrows and Wallace, which seems like the standard one volume history, and also "The Power Broker" by Caro (which, to give you an idea, is about as focussed and specific a book about New York as I'm looking for right now). What else can you recommend?

Is this an accent or am I hearing things?

toftflin — Wed, 15 May 2013 17:48:56 -0800

These two YouTube videos, Video 1 and Video 2, contain men speaking English with a similar accent. Is this an accent? Can anyone identify it? Both the speakers appear to be from Canada, possibly Vancouver, British Columbia specifically. Assuming they aren't related, is this an accent or just a case of similar sounding voices?

Where can I learn about CIA safe houses?

You Guys Like 2 Party? — Wed, 15 May 2013 13:02:36 -0800

I'm interested in writing something about CIA safe houses and need to do some research. Are there any good books/docs/etc that detail how these safe houses worked and specifically about what it meant to be a CIA agent overseas? Thanks!

Eurovision me, Montreal!

snorkmaiden — Wed, 15 May 2013 10:04:23 -0800

I really want to watch Eurovision on Saturday! Ideally, I'd like to do it in a divey bar, possibly a divey gay bar. Is it possible to live my dream in Montreal? It's available to stream online, but I'm looking for more of a community watching experience.

I've also discovered via Google that the Goethe-Institut is screening it, so in the absence of other options I'll go there. This is my first year in Montreal, and I don't know if this is something the Goethe-Institut does regularly... if it is, and if anyone has been in the past, I'd also be interested to know how it was. (Does it generate a good crowd? Is there a fun vibe? I'm imagining it being more like watching a movie in class, but am I wrong?)

Please, Montrealers, share with me your secret Eurovision night knowledge!

Silver Tsunami: Baby boomer cliches?

cacofonie — Tue, 14 May 2013 17:23:53 -0800

I'm looking for other expressions and/or cliches for the baby boomer generation getting older and the impending economic and healthcare disaster that its going to cause for all of us? The only example I can think of is the "silver tsunami"

Questions to ask during a post-project interview with an artist?

chudmonkey — Tue, 14 May 2013 16:39:55 -0800

What are some interesting and provocative questions I could ask an entertainer upon his completion of an ambitious year-long project? A good friend and fellow performer of stand-up comedy has recently completed a self-invented year-long project that had a focus on generating and performing a great quantity of material. (A good analog to his project would probably be Jonathan Coulton's "Thing a Week" runs) I'm going to sit down with my friend and record a brief interview about his experience, and I'd love some suggestions of questions to pose him to supplement the ones I've thought of.

Ultimately, I hope the interview will be a nice keepsake for him and I want to encourage him to speak honestly and with feeling about both the successes and struggles of the project, and how he's changed during.

Thanks in advance for any question ideas you can share, as well as your tips on interviewing in general.

DIY/tactical/guerrilla/pop-up urbanism projects for the win

spamandkimchi — Tue, 14 May 2013 14:27:45 -0800

What are the DIY and temporary urban interventions happening in your neighborhood or town? Think parklets a la PARK(ing) Day, guerrilla gardening, the Chicago Compost Shelter, ciclovia, etc etc. Extra points if it's in NYC or LA as I'll be in both cities in June and can check them out in person.

commercial where woman steals bite of friend's cookie?

cmp4Meta — Tue, 14 May 2013 07:13:03 -0800

What is that commercial that's currently running where a woman steals a bite of her friend's cookie? They are standing at a fence and she steals a bite. Her friend says, "You just bit my cookie!" And she replies with her mouth full: "No way!"

Looking for blogs and news sources about Romania in English

oclipa — Mon, 13 May 2013 09:12:54 -0800

In the not too distant future I will be relocating to Romania (through work), probably for a few years. Before I go, and while I'm there, I'd like to keep abreast of local current affairs and culture. What well-written and well-informed blogs or news sources *in English* should I keep an eye on? (obviously I am hoping to use this posting as a chance to brush up on my very limited Romanian, but that's going to take a while...) In addition, are there any expat sites/forums that would be useful to follow while I'm settling in?

I am aware of Bucharest Life and Bucharest In Your Pocket.

Thanks in advance!

What should I do on my Mondays off in NYC?

sciencegeek — Mon, 13 May 2013 07:29:21 -0800

I have a new work schedule (Tuesday-Saturday) which, after taking care of chores on Sunday, leaves me with Monday off. I also have discounted access to most of the cultural institutions of NYC. I'd like to use my Mondays well. Please suggest things to do on Mondays in NYC. Many museums and other cultural institutions are closed on Mondays, so a bunch of the obvious things are eliminated (including the Transit Museum, boo). Tell me what you'd do if you had a Monday off, limited spending money and an unlimited metrocard.

I live in the Bronx/Yonkers, so I'm aware that Brooklyn is very nice and all, but I will be more excited about visiting things that are less than an hour away by subway. That said, do feel free to suggest something absolutely spectacular in Brooklyn/Queens/Staten Island, because some stuff really is worth the subway ride.

I've lived here for five years more or less but haven't done most of the tourist things, so if there's a tourist thing that's kind of awesome, I'd like to know that as well.