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It's time to settle down. Please help me.

st starseed — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 17:45:39 -0800

It's time to settle down. Please help me. 7 1/2 years ago, I graduated from college. Since then:

I've lived in five different states - DC/VA, NC, FL, IL, MI.
I've had leases with six different apartments.
I've worked full-time for two pro baseball teams and part time for another. (I love baseball.)
I've also worked in a few other industries, including fundraising, DJing, and mortgage banking.

I've been lucky for a lot of reasons. Life has been good.

I like movement. Motion. Exploring new passions and learning about others'.

And today I did something that will likely put an end to all of this: I applied for a mortgage. My wife, whom I love dearly, wants a house. She has figured out what she wants to do with her life. She wants to be here in Michigan, where we both grew up. She wants a few children. She's ready to settle and have the American Dream life we're all programmed to have.

I also want to settle. But it doesn't feel like the right time, even though I know that eventually I have to settle.

Thus, to everyone: How do you know/did you know it was the right time to settle? Were you okay with it? Does a point come when it really does feel right?

Are there any examples of East German wifes informing on their husbands for Stasi?

Kattullus — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 07:50:11 -0800

In a critique of Das Leben der Anderen (The Lives of Others) Slavoj Žižek asserts that "in all known cases of a married couple where a spouse betrayed a partner, it was always a man who became an informant." Famously, Ulrich Mühe, star of Das Leben der Anderen, asserted that his ex-wife spied on him for Stasi, though both the ex-wife and her supposed Stasi superior denied this. Other than that case, are there any examples of East German wifes informing on their husbands for Stasi?

SantaFilter: The Naughty List of the Film, TV,

Unsomnambulist — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 15:09:07 -0800

SantaFilter: I'm trying to make a list of the worst of the worst kids from film and TV, etc., that would end up on Santa's naughty list, year after year. Any suggestions come to mind? Names that immediately come to mind: Adrian Mole, Lucy (of Peanuts fame), Scut Farcus from "A Christmas Story." Bullies and other kids whose purpose on life seems to be making the lives of other kids miserable.

Bonus points for any links to articles about actual real life naughty kids.

(I'm casting a wide net, but mainly looking for kids whose awfulness, however dark, inspires laughter... perhaps in fellow naughty listers).

Examples, real of fictional, of food being framed as elitist or snobby?

loping — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 13:25:27 -0800

I'm working on a video project about the backlash to Obama mentioning the price of arugula at Whole Foods. Can you think of any other examples, real of fictional, of food being framed as elitist or snobby? I'm putting together a video project about the ways certain foods get framed as elitist/liberal/snobby. I've thought of some examples:

The faux Whole Foods in Baby Mama
John Kerry getting called a snob for asking for a cheesestake with swiss cheese
Obama getting attacked for making a comment about the price of arugula.

I'm looking for more, particularly ones that are audio / video.

Help me be more sensuous.

Pineapplicious — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 08:28:33 -0800

What suggestions do you have to help me be more sensuous? My sense perceptions are less refined than I would like. Some things I'd like to be able to do are to identify specific ingredients in the foods I am eating through taste, to distinguish one instrument from another in the music I am listening to, to judge distance more accurately by sight. As it is now, my perceptions are blunt. I taste food enough to know if I like it or not and can identify spiceness and can identify an overwhelming ingredient, but anything more subtle is lost on me. The same is true in music, distance, etc. I should mention that this lack of refinement is not due to a lack of experience nor any disfunction of my sense organs. What suggestions do you have?

Best European country to move to, for a software guy

raghuram — Sat, 07 Nov 2009 16:33:12 -0800

Which is the best European country to move to, for a software engineer? bit of background: born and studied in India, came to US for work. looking at options - Canada, Europe or going back to India.

I have some idea about Canada but no clue about Europe. The first problem that comes to mind, with European countries (other than UK) is language, which is not an issue with Canada. I'd like to stay in one country for at least 5-6 years. Anybody has experience living in any of the
European countries? Especially from software field?

Does dog meat taste like dogs smell?

stargell — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 19:38:47 -0800

Does dog taste like dogs smell? Not that I'd ever be tempted, but . . . dogs have a distinctive, not unpleasant odor. Is that what dog meat tastes like?

How can I talk to children?

meadowlark lime — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 11:16:01 -0800

How can I talk to children? I'm working on some writing projects that require me to know how children talk. I think I have a fairly good ear and memory for it from my own childhood, but you inevitably forget things, or you never would have noticed certain patterns when you were a child.

I would like to speak to children aged 6 - 13. I cannot think of a direct way to do this. Obviously, I'm not going to be the creepy guy lurking around a playground with an open notebook. I think observing classrooms would help, but I don't know any teachers who live near me.

What I'd like to do is to be able to sit down with some kids with a tape recorder running and just talk to them in a free-ranging way. How can I set something like this up? I don't want people to think that I am doing market research for some corporate product, or misrepresent my intentions in any way. Do you think there is some kind of school / church / community group that would let an outsider come in to talk to kids?

Where's a good source to find some descent friends and build friendships?

Bacillus — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 01:56:24 -0800

Where can I find a good source of friends or build a network of friends? After my crazy life. Two years after high school, I got involved with the wrong people for the wrong reasons and ended up in jail. I completed the Drug Court and was labeled as one of the greatest youngest example by the prosecution.

I came out a different man but feel I have been tainted.

I haven't used since, and don't intend to. Upon finishing the Drug Court I separated all ties with my previous mates and have been working hard on an Internet based business at my parents house (mansion) since, where I am a little too comfortable. The business isn't making as much money as I'd hoped but my family keeps insisting I stick with it. My sister is a lawyer (not criminal), my father is a non violent hard alcoholic and my mother a control freak who I believe is suffering from an anxiety disorder, my parents are both pensioners. I have no other relatives in this country (Australia) as we migrated from Europe when I was in grade 2.

I go to the gym regularly and like fishing, reading, studying Philosophy and Psychology in my spare time. I am educated.

Since the Drug Court I see a Psychologist every month who I consider in some way as my mentor. He keeps insisting I build a network of good friends. He has suggested many activities like a martial arts course, collage or a language class. He tells me I an inhibited living with my parents. But most of all he says I should leave my parents house where I am inhibited.

You could say I have a fear of rejection. I fear this may somehow or rather trigger me to revert to my previous behavior.

I have a few friends from high school who would be glad to see me but I can't get over the fact that there's a gap in my life that I can't tell them about.

I find it hard to have any sort of fun since I've been out, my Psychologist recommended me a book called "Stop Thinking, Start Living" by Richard Carlson which I recently started reading and believe it will make me much happier in general.

Should I keep working on the business? Should I leave home? Should I get a Job?

Please write whatever comes to mind. I can take it.

PS: please don't recommend medication like anti-depressants, I consider them to be "artificial happiness".

And a turkey in a cranberry bush…

fishmasta — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 22:46:39 -0800

Celebrating Thanksgiving by myself for the first time. Tips on making it meaningful and memorable? It looks like I'll be alone for Thanksgiving for the first time in my life and I'm wondering what to do. My friends and family will all be out of town, so it'll just be me. Thanksgiving's always been one of my favorite holidays aside from Christmas (always within a week of my birthday and full of good food and family) and I feel the need to celebrate it, but haven't figured out what to do yet.

I've thought about helping distribute food to the needy, which I've done before and enjoyed, but I always hear stories about how everyone does that on Thanksgiving and my help could best be used another time. Is that generally true (I'm in Los Angeles if that helps)? If so, what are some other options for celebrating that won't leave me cooking a Thanksgiving dinner for one?

Adios NY- i will miss you

octomato — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 09:14:08 -0800

Leaving NYC after 3 years. What shouldn't I miss out on these next 2 months. Within the past 3 months my life has quickly changed drastically. I have decided to leave NYC after 3 years of living/working here and move back to my native island. What things should I do/see/eat/drink/experience before I leave. I am not working anymore and have a limited budget, but will splurge a bit if it's worth it. I will be moving back by December 21st.

Thanks!

Language/society where the word for love is the same as the word for hate?

Josh Coe — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 20:40:52 -0800

I seem to remember hearing or reading about an ancient society whose word for love was the same as their word for hate. But searching online I can't find anything like that. What culture/language was this? Or did someone just make up this story?

How to tell a witch?

Nonce — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 18:17:34 -0800

After going to the library and conducting some research, you decide there's no two ways about it: Your next-door neighbor is a witch! What were the signs that tipped you off?

(Please Note:

1. Assume the witch is female.
2. I'm interested in silly stereotypical nonsense that is an insulting caricature of actual practices AND things that would indicate a practicing witch in real life. Regional or country variants would be of interest. Any place or moment in history will do.
3. Any wording in this question that was offensive to practicing witches was entirely unintentional.
4. It's for something I'm writing.)

Meaning of "UP" Bumper Sticker

peeedro — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 15:40:37 -0800

What does the "UP" bumper sticker mean? It is a blue square with white letters "UP" in the center, observed in the DC area. The bumper sticker is square, about 4 inches on each side, with a dark blue background. Centered within the blue square are the letters "UP" in a white sans-serif font. I have seen this on vehicles registered in DC, VA, and MD over the past couple of years.

Red herrings: it is close to the same color and shape as the HRC equality sticker but I don't think they are related. And this is unlikely to be related the to Pixar movie because I have been wondering about this bumper sticker for the past two years.

African American smokers choose menthol cigs ~75% of the time; Whites ~25% of the time. Why?

jjjjjjjijjjjjjj — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:16:46 -0800

How did menthol cigarettes come to control such a large share of African American smokers' cigarette purchases? [quick cites: wikipedia, FDA (via USA Today), Harvard SoPH] The studies linked put ~25% of White smokers as choosing menthol, and 70%-80% of African American smokers as choosing menthol. My anecdotal perceptions for my age cohort and region (~30, St. Louis, MO) seem like they'd widen the gulf even further. How did this come to be?

I suspect that the major mechanisms perpetuating this amount to: advertising (just by looking at where and how Kool and Newport [popular menthol cigarette brands] concentrate the bulk of their advertising) and inertia (just like all the products I use for no other reason than that my daddy used 'em). But how did it get that way, in this case?

Answers will be quite nuanced and variables quite interconnected, no doubt... not looking for any "just so" stories. Willing to read challenging things. Many thanks.

Help us forge new holiday traditions!

PhoBWanKenobi — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 07:00:43 -0800

What are some traditions that we can incorporate into our first ~~Christmas~~ solstice together? Mr. WanKenobi and I just got hitched. Our families are in NJ--we're in Florida. To avoid conflict both between our respective families, and each other (he wants to travel to NJ for X-mas this year; I really want to try to get my family to come to me, after flying to colder climes every year for the past three), we've decided to celebrate the "real" holiday apart and to celebrate the solstice together, instead.

We're both agnostic half-Jews who loved Christmas as children. Both of our mothers celebrated only begrudgingly for most of our childhoods, but both my Christian dad and his Christian step-dad are gone now, so the past decade or so has seen serious degradation of any semblance of the holiday traditions that, honestly, once meant a lot to both of us. Nevertheless, there's still a lot of pressure to be with family, even though (especially in my case), this usually means little more than overwrought fighting about presents or what movie we're going to see. Yuck. Unfortunately, there's no way for either of us to get out of that without a lot of hurt feelings.

I'm hoping that celebrating in Florida on the 21st, instead, will give both the Mister and me a chance to inject some much need joy and fun into the holiday season. I'm looking forward to resurrecting some traditions from both of our childhoods, but I also realize that this is a chance to forge some new ones as well. Because we're not religious, they can be from any religious tradition, really, or they could even be wholly invented. So far, I'm thinking of a wassail bowl, a tree, and some Christmas movies burned to DVD, but I would love to hear suggestions for traditions or customs that make mefites feel warm and fuzzy about the holiday season!

Kiva Han

xanthippe — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 02:48:18 -0800

Where is the first coffee house in the world? I'm told it's a place called Kiva Han in the suburbs of Istanbul. Has anyone visited, seen, or discovered any details on the history or location of this place?

My Mom Would've Loved To Do This

Xurando — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 13:08:30 -0800

Post Halloween Culture Filter: As I drove the streets last night I observed that about 75% of the adults accompanying children were dressed in costume. This is not the way it was when I was a kid. Can MeFites verify this change? When did it occur? What are the cultural implications. Are the adults trick or treating as well?

Say my (SCA) name.

Cookbooks and Chaos — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 07:28:35 -0800

Members of the SCA, how did you come up with your name? Recently, after participating in an equestrian event hosted by the SCA in the Kingdom of Caid, I joined the organization a few days ago. What I was not ready for was the choice of "peer" names! Looking at the member's website, it appears these names have some meaning to each person but it's impossible to know how they came up with them.

So.
Hive Mind, if you belong to the SCA or have any special talent at naming things and people could you help a girl out finding hers?

Extra credit - I am a woman who would like to use a male first name.
as in "Lady ______ of Castlebar"
If you have any suggestions or anecdata about women with male first names (personal experience or literary or what have you), I'd be most grateful!

What are the areas around Olathe, KS like?

The Pusher Robot — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 15:40:42 -0800

Posting on behalf of my parents: they're moving to the Kansas City area and are looking for some information about what some of the areas around there are like. "We are moving to the Olathe, Kansas area. Can you tell me the character of the different areas around there? We are looking to buy a 3 bedroom house in the 150,000-250,000 range within a 20 minute commute to Garmin [near I-35 and 151st in Oleth]. Overland Park is out due to their pit bull regulation."

Am I overreacting, or was my instructor's film choice really inappropriate?

kitcat — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:45:06 -0800

Was it inappropriate for my instructor to have us view and write about this film for our midterm? I need some other viewpoints on this situation: I'm taking an Organization Behaviour class as part of my IT diploma program. For our midterm, we had to view Paul Haggis' Crash (not the Crohnenberg film). If you've seen the film, it addresses racial strife in LA. I have to admit, I don't like the instructor and I'm baffled by his film choice - a film about - I don't know, an organization - would have been made a lot more sense. But what's really been bothering me is that the film has a scene where a woman is molested, in a very explicit, disgusting and camera-lingering fashion.

I'm the only woman in the class (enrollment in the entire program is less than 10% female, so this is not uncommon). Furthermore, there is only one black student and one Asian student in our class (if you haven't seen the film, the racism it shows centers around black people, Asians and Hispanics - no Hispanics in the class) We didn't *have* to watch it together as a class, but most of us chose to do that instead of going home and renting it.

Even as a 29 year-old woman, I felt uncomfortable watching the molestation scene with my mostly 21 year-old classmates (would it have felt different if they were older? I don't know). I can't speak for how the other students felt.

If I was teaching a class with one student in a wheelchair, I would not show a film depicting any kind of harassment towards people with mobility issues. Unless the course was about mobility issues. I would only show a film with racism if there was a module specifically about racism. And I don't know if I would ever, ever show a film depicting sexual violence towards women.

Please help me figure out specifically what is it about this that's got me feeling like something yicky has happened? Was the film choice inappropriate, what kind of inappropriate, and should I write a letter about this to the department? Or am I simply out to lunch, or using the film choice as an excuse to disparage an instructor I already dislike?

Finally, please don't tell me that watching this film was good for me/us. I'm a former lit major, and this depictions of race here are extremely problematic.

What makes this lyric particularly "English"?

Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 09:48:54 -0800

Folk-music-filter: Is there something particularly "English" about the 1-2-3-4 construction I'm hearing in the song Roots by the group Show of Hands? The song is a sort of lament over the fact that English music & traditions are not particularly admired or practiced in favor of more exotic musical fare. That the music that people listen to and dance all night to isn't particularly "English".

And it's done not in a horrible, racist BNP sort of way, but as the lyric reads,
what have they got and we've got wrong?

I really dig the song because it's not saying "Other people's music is shit", or even "Our music is better than other people's". It comes across to me as saying "Our music is worth enjoying and it's been neglected".

And as the song is about "Englishness", the line Seed, plant, flower, fruit, never gonna grow without their roots stuck in my ear.

The first thing I thought of was Fee, fi, fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman from "Jack and the Beanstalk". Then I thought parsley, sage, rosemary & thyme

That 1-2-3-4 construction brings the thought of England to mind. Seed, plant, flower, and fruit sounds like something one of Prof. Tolkien's hobbits would have said.

Is what I'm noticing something that is particularly "English"? Any other similar examples?

Why did Halloween not happen on Halloween?

bondcliff — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 08:06:05 -0800

Why did we go trick-or-treating the night before (or the night after) Halloween one year when I was a kid? One year in the late 70s or early 80s we went out trick or treating the night of October 30th rather than the 31st. It may have been on November 1st but I'm 98.3% sure it was the 30th. This was some sort of officially sanctioned thing, possibly promoted by the schools, government and/or media. It was not just limited to my family and friends. I don’t know if it was local to my town (Boston ‘burbs), the state, or national. I don’t think I’m imaging it because I remember The Cool Kids claimed they were going to go out on Halloween as well, to get double the candy. I’m pretty sure we got no trick-or-treaters on October 31st because everyone complied with the change of nights.

Do you also remember this? Was it only a local thing? What was the reason for it? Am I crazy?

The economics of classical entertainment

kandinski — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 14:41:51 -0800

Did ancient greeks pay for their tickets to the theatre? The Romans for their seats at the Circus? How was the Greek theatre funded? How were authors and players paid?

"I am Batman"

Glendale — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 03:38:29 -0800

Halloween costume: "Casual Batman". Help me come up with bat-gadget ideas! The idea is that Batman woke up this morning and just didn't feel like giving 100%. I'm wearing a Batman mask, a cape, and a hoodie that I have that has the bat-symbol on it. From the waist down I'm going to wear khakis and slippers (casual). I'm having a hard time coming up with bat-gadget ideas!

The only thing I've made so far is a bat-a-rang bottle-opener out of an old machete blade that I had kicking around the garage... Any other "casual-Batman" gadget ideas floating around out there?