"Embrace your code with the elegant grip of Python...-" Wait, what?
August 24, 2008 12:45 AM Subscribe
An overly romantic person in a non-romantic world... help!
posted by curagea to Human Relations (28 answers total) 18 users marked this as a favorite
Let's start with some background:
I am SERIOUSLY romantic. I think in romantic terms and sometimes want to do something purely through intuition and emotion. It's not like "Oh, thine eyes shine with the stars", nothing overly cheesy, but I'm one of those people who stares at the night sky and dream of the beyond, the city lights, the freeways, and how everything comes together, who's watching from that building across the street. Then I stare down at a stray cat on the sidewalk and think "Where are you going, kitty in the streetlight? Were you searching for the meal that never came?" Or I could go on a journey and never come home, finding enlightenment along the way. Stuff like that. It doesn't help that this romanticism seeps into my daily life so that I view even the most casual banal things in a romantic light ("the car blinkers throb in impatience...").
Which leads to me feeling alienated. Growing up with a huge imagination and no one to share it with, I always felt like the odd one out. I rather stare at the city lights and compose the next poem in my head, but this may happen at a CompSci get-together, the most recent case being a rooftop party for Microsoft recruiting candiates. Since I'm a CompSci major, I encounter a lot of techies, but true to stereotypes, they are mostly "hurhur, GTA!" or discussing tech-related jobs and code. And I honestly can't relate to them, I can't think like them, leading to me drifting off to the side and sitting alone.
Don't get me wrong: I like technology. I can code well and learn programming languages; currently I'm fairly fluent in Java, C/++, Python, and hopefully Ruby on Rails soon. I like following the latest tech trends. But I'm also a very artsy person, in fact more creative than technical, and love to talk about philosophy and other similar subjects like how the human mind works, even if I barely know enough about these things. I want to talk in my "natural" language - full of imagery and description, rather than "That was AWESOME" (which I feel is terribly overused). And I have a head full of ideas that aren't remotely CompSci-related.
Sad thing is, even the more "artistic" people - poets, artists, and writers - that I've met so far don't have that romantic edge that I have. Their world is full of postmodernism (highly unromantic IMO) and increasingly, digital media (by the way, I'm talking about Berkeley). It's like human romance/true love is a dying art or something. So I'm left feeling like I don't belong to ANY group at all, and no one can love as I can. There's a few people that I find solace in, but I'm emphasizing "few".
Am I overthinking? Am I just old-fashioned, a modern Thoreau or Robert Frost or Shakespeare? Am I putting a romantic or philosophical spin in the wrong places? I've long accepted that it's not necessary to fit in a group, that I could even form my own niche and be the sole member, but sometimes.... it gets lonely.