Yet Another Cat Euthanasia Question

August 22, 2008 7:43 AM

Is it time to put our Crabby Abby to sleep?

Our rescue, Abby (photo here, artists rendition here) is heading downhill. She's a 11-12 year old black cat who's extremely obese. My fiance rescued her and her brother in this state and our efforts to help her lose weight haven't been successful. She never responded to the weight loss food the way her brother did (although not obese, he is now diabetic. I have NO idea how she managed to avoid that...) The obvious side effect of her weight issue is that she has severe arthritis. When it was diagnosed a few years back we treated it successfully with an anti-inflammatory for dogs as well as glucosamine. That worked well for some time, but about a year ago we noticed it was wearing off. She was no longer able to make it downstairs to the litter box, and she didn't move around much. After upping her dosage and putting a litter box upstairs she seemed to improve for some time but she's taking another turn down now. She's unable to get into the litter box and doesn't often move unless there is food involved. When she does move, she typically stumbles and falls after a half-dozen steps or so. We can no longer pick her up without causing her pain (as her growls would indicate) but she still loves to snuggle (on the floor) and seems quite happy when doing so. We could up her medication dosage more, but it's already at a level that'd be borderline unhealthy for a small dog. It's just not working for her anymore...

I'm conflicted as to whether or not it's time. Her quality of life isn't what it used to be, but she still has very happy moments. Further confusing the issue is that my mother passed away just last month and the idea of losing Abby right now is very hard to swallow - I love her a lot. I feel that I'm in a place where no matter what I do I'm going to feel guilt. If I give her more time I'm a selfish cow for making her suffer, if I let her ghost go I'm a selfish cow for taking the easy way out...

Objectively, if you saw a cat that hardly moved, couldn't get into a litter box, couldn't reach her own back end to clean it, had trouble walking, BUT seemed to be a very happy, loving cat otherwise, what would you think? Is it time?

posted by pookzilla to pets & animals (17 comments total)

I think it's much better to take her now, before her every living moment is miserable, and so you can have some final happy memories of cuddling with her on the floor, instead of sad memories of cleaning up her messes while she lays next to them, miserable with the pain/shame of it all.
posted by Grither at 7:55 AM on August 22, 2008 [2 favorites]

Are you sure that she's overweight, and that it's not something else? I just mention that because I had a cat once that I thought was obese, and it turned out that she had a huge tumor in her abdomen (it weighed about a pound).
posted by amro at 8:00 AM on August 22, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm so, so sorry about this situation. I'm not goig to tell you what I'd do, because I just don't know. But you really do love her, so I'm sure whatever you decide will be the right thing to do.
posted by neblina_matinal at 8:02 AM on August 22, 2008

I would ask your vet about what (s)he thinks you should do. They will give you a better idea of the quality of life issues, and whether or not increasing the medications will do anything. They also tend to be more removed from the emotional side of things.

I'm so sorry, whatever the decision -- it's both hard to see a loved pet suffer, and to have to make the decision say goodbye.
posted by cgg at 8:19 AM on August 22, 2008

I have enjoyed the company of more than a dozen cats over the years, and had to make the decision about euthanasia several times. My obese kitties have almost always died relatively young compared to the skinny ones, and usually without my intervention. (Fat ones died at 10 or so, three skinnies lived to almost 20.)

When the quality of life and/or the prospects of return to quality of life decline to low levels, I usually go ahead and do it. Cats purr when they are happy and content, and also when they are in pain, oddly, so it's not really possible to tell if your kitty is 'happy' or not. They also have no guilt or shame, so they really don't care what they look like when they are aiming at the kitty pan.

However, if she's in pain, if she's costing you $1000 a month, if she is getting worse over time, or if she is just a doorstop, you may want to go ahead and help her go.

The challenge is doing this without assuming a lot of guilt or regret.

My normal method is to decide on a date and make the appointment. Grief will be intense, so it's not a good idea to schedule something like this before work. Take a Friday off, and aim for late morning. Feed her a can of yummy tuna or some wonderful little treat she loves and spend some time with her.

Have the vet give her a sedative to relax her and literally put her to sleep before euthanizing her. I always hold my cats so that the last thing they feel and sense is familar arms and my scent and I try to reduce their fear as much as possible. Once the kitty is gone, stay a few minutes and have a final goodbye. You can have her creamated for $100 or so, or take her body home for a backyard burial.

Don't for a minute minimize the loss because she's "just a pet". She is a focus for your love, and you've been friends for a long time. Grief is real, regardless where it originates, and it is a real blow to lose a friend.

It will take a few weeks to adjust to the world without her, and you'll have some hard moments, but it will pass.

Good luck.
posted by FauxScot at 8:31 AM on August 22, 2008 [14 favorites]

No matter what you decide, you're not a selfish cow, not at all. I'm very sorry for your loss and also that you have to face such a tough decision right now.

A vet's advice would probably be very helpful, as far as gauging how much pain she's in and whether it can be managed or not. I can't tell based on your description whether one has been involved in the medication decisions so far. I know you can't help feeling guilty, no matter what--who could?--but remember that twelve is pretty old for a dog. It's not your fault she grew old.
posted by lampoil at 8:38 AM on August 22, 2008

I heard a vet on a radio program a while back say that she knows it's time to let a pet go when the animal can no longer eat by itself or go to the bathroom by itself, or if it had a favorite toy/activity that it used to love and it is no longer interested in that thing. My kitty has always been pretty indifferent to toys, but I think if he couldn't get into the litterbox anymore I would take it as a sign. Is there anything else you can do to make the box more accessible to her? Maybe one with a really low lip on the front would be good. If that's still too much effort for her, I think it makes the choice much clearer...

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Hang in there.
posted by vytae at 8:39 AM on August 22, 2008

Oops. I thought it was a cat, then I thought it was a dog, then I realized I was right the first time. Apologies.

(But regardless, you're not being selfish).
posted by lampoil at 8:39 AM on August 22, 2008

Seconding amro -- this past June we learned that our beloved 14-year-old cat's rather expansive stomach wasn't due to obesity but cancerous tumors.

We had a similar situation in that the kind of rare skin cancer she had didn't affect her ability to eat, drink, eliminate, breathe, or purr, snuggle, and spend time with us. She was also pretty stoic, making it difficult to gauge how much pain she was in. So it wasn't a clear-cut decision as to when, exactly, we should take action and put her to sleep, or even if we should.

But as you have probably already gathered from my use of past tense, we did. After lots of consultations with the vet hospital, we had her put to sleep a week ago. The vets really helped us grapple with the decision, and it was helpful to have a third party involved who was able to be a bit more objective about everything than we were. Because even though by the end we knew it was time -- she didn't move unless she had to, her stomach was black, her skin was so friable it was oozing blood and lymph fluid, she couldn't stand the medication -- she still purred when we sat with her and still ate what we gave her and still seemingly wanted to be here, though of course that's impossible to know. The vet helped talk us through it and reassure us that what we were doing was difficult but right. Before she drifted off, they made two clay imprints of our cat's paws, one for each of my kids to have as a memento.

Talking to your vet might help determine what the next step might be. These are complicated decisions. There's no way that it won't be sad. And there's no way to really know whether the impulse to keep her with you is more selfish than the impulse to let her go.

My heart goes out to you.
posted by mothershock at 8:48 AM on August 22, 2008 [1 favorite]

When the time comes, have a vet come to the house instead of going to the vet.

Your cat's last day hopefully won't be filled with the craziness of getting to the vet and the weird smells, sights and sounds there.

I only found out about this after it was too late for our last cat and the experience at the vet wasn't the end we wished for our kitty since the trip itself was too much for him
posted by bottlebrushtree at 9:08 AM on August 22, 2008 [1 favorite]

You have my sympathy. Abby is a beautiful kitty, sounds like a sweetheart, and it's clear you care very much for her.

Whichever you decide, you are not being selfish. You are either giving her another chance and more time on earth and more snuggles, or you are relieving her from her pain and preventing her from suffering even more. It's difficult to tell which of these is the kinder choice, and different people will have different ideas of which is best for Abby, so remember that there is some good in both.

Living with an old pet in declining health can sometimes be scary and sad, because you have this very moment in the back of your head for a long time. I have an ancient obese kitty with arthritis, too, and there have been several times over the past few years when I've had to steel myself for saying goodbye. So far he's responded to treatment and his quality of life has been good, but I know it won't be good for much longer. I think if he didn't respond, and if he couldn't move around without pain, we'd have to let him go. And as much as I don't want to let him go, ever, it's hard knowing that I will have to at some point in the near future. I think when that time comes, through the grief I'll probably feel a little bit of peace, knowing I no longer have to wait for it to happen. You might too.
posted by Metroid Baby at 9:27 AM on August 22, 2008

Abby is lovely.

I'm going to those who have suggested that you consult with your vet.

There could be an underlying, undiagnosed pathology apart from the arthritis and it could well be treatable. You mention that she is still keen to move for food and still has happy moments. To me, that is significant and indicates that she still does have a quality of life worth living.

How about consulting with your vet, asking for a diabetes test and a general health work up before you decide on the best course of action? At best, a diet change, different medicine and more exercise might swing things around for Abby. Your vet will be able to advise the best.

This is an awful time for you as it is, so don't beat yourself up or guilt trip yourself into making a decision quickly. Bereavement impacts on our pets too as it affects our behaviour at levels that they pick up on easily, even if we are trying to be normal around them. You have enough going on with getting over the loss of your Mum, that I think you do need to be 100% practical and seek good professional advice about Abby. Just by doing that you will be defusing the emotional aspect of whatever decision you take.

Just over one year ago my Mum died and I had to make this decision about one of her beloved dogs two weeks after her death. Every thought on the matter I had was tied up in the raw emotional chasm of losing my Mum. The vets were excellent, they did everything they could to establish if Poppy could have a better quality of life. Alas, it was a no brainer when the blood test results came back. Poppy was euthanased, held in my arms in the home she had loved. I knew I had done everything I practically could and taken the right advice from professionals who were in a better position to judge accurately. That made living with the decision bearable as it was the right decision.

My best wishes to you and Abby.
posted by Arqa at 11:07 AM on August 22, 2008

I'm sorry you're facing this at such a difficult time. I made the decision about my cat when it was clear that she couldn't find a comfortable position to lie down in. She still ate and occasionally made it to the litterbox, but every time I looked over at her she was in some odd position, not the happy cat sprawl. It turns out her rapidly growing stomach was full of a tumor, and she was undoubtedly in pain.

Now my dog is fading, so several months ago I switched to a vet that makes house calls. They've come to see her several times. Now when it's her time, we can do it here, at home, with people she knows.
posted by PatoPata at 11:31 AM on August 22, 2008

Pookzilla, I am so, so sorry you are going through this. I wish i could make it easier for you but i can't. I don't think anyone can.

Exactly one week ago I had my cat euthanized. His kidneys were giving out and I was giving him fluids under the skin to keep him hydrated, but he was starting to crash. One night, he looked at me and, well, told me he was tired. I really thought he wouldn't make it through the night so I stayed up with him until after 3AM. I left though, after I remembered that sometimes animals like to be alone when they die. But the next day he was his old Beezwaxy self (as far as that was possible) and we got to have a day together. The next morning though...

I'd asked the vet to help me know when it was time, I didn't want my need to blind me. (This is how it was for me, I'm in no way saying it should be that way for you.) But I did know. So when the vet called me with the latest test results, he didn't have to tell me it was time.

I think you already know, in your heart, the answer to your question.

And don't let anyone tell you 'get over it, it's just a cat. you can always get another.' They're idiots. Grief takes as long as it takes and the loss of a beloved companion can hurt more than the loss of a human.

It sounds like you have done everything that is possible for Abby and you're making her as comfortable as you can. And it's clear that you have shared great love with her. That's something to be glad about, a lot of people never have that kind of love in their entire lives.

I'm going to stop now. My email is in my profile, please feel free to contact me if you'd like.

Again, I am so sorry you have to go through this. Be kind to yourself, this is going to be rough.
posted by merelyglib at 12:28 PM on August 22, 2008

Actually, I have one more thing to say. My vet was wonderful. There was no one else in the office when I brought Beezwax in, the nurse who had spent the most time with us brought us back to a room with soft chairs and gentle lighting. She gave me time to be with Beezwax alone (as long as I wanted) and when I was ready she and the vet came in. We spent time petting him and speaking to him gently, it wasn't until everything felt right that the vet started. Beezwax didn't resist. The injection was in two stages, the first put him deeply asleep. His eyes were still open, this doesn't always happen but you maybe want to be aware that it can. It wasn't until then that I really understood what was happening. For a while there all I could do was look into his eyes and speak my heart, saying goodbye. And it wasn't until I found that moment of peace and acceptance and was ready to let him go that the doctor gave him the second shot. After, the nurse stayed for a while, petting him and crying quietly, then I spent more time alone with him until I was ready to leave.

I was very, very lucky to have people with such emotional attachment and compassion and grace bring us through this.

It wasn't a cold thing at all, in fact if I'm ever given the choice, I'd like to go that way myself.
posted by merelyglib at 1:34 PM on August 22, 2008

Vet vet vet. And if you get the slightest whiff of weird when your talking to the vet, see another one.

When you make a hard decision like this, you need to have everything in place.

Also, cold hard facts - add this to the list FauxScot suggested: you need to decide ahead of time if you want to bury your cat, have her cremated, or leave the body with the vet (or have them take here away if they come to your home). If your vet charges (family practices who have seen a pet for years often will not), you need to make sure you pay first. If it is time for Abby, you will not be in any shape to make decisions and deal with things afterwards.

There's a lovely scene in "Merle's Door: Lessons From a Freethinking Dog." One of the author's friends has people over for the occasion. That would be a bit much for me, but it's a lovely sentiment about grieving for pets nonetheless.
posted by Lesser Shrew at 10:19 PM on August 22, 2008

The predetermined deal breakers I have set for mine are when Loopy isn't interested in being a 'chicken stealin' boy' anymore. And for Scruff, when she doesn't care for being an 'attention whore' anymore. No matter what - when I'm staring those in the face, then I'll know what I have to do.

Is she still keen for her dinner? Loves her floor snuggles? Would she use a 'litter mat'? If she had a back scrubber would she happily use that? Because if you can't reach - then you can't reach...
My Little Mita has a habit of letting himself go if he's anything other than chirpy. Then he gets overwhelmed by it all :) But if I clean him up a bit he gets back into it himself again. Which is half-assed at the best of times. But anyway, my point is - cleaning/not cleaning can be individual...

She sounds kinda ouchy but with a lot of extra weight not being spry doesn't exactly mean that it's time. If there was some way to keep the weight off her tooties...? (Some kind of little frame/sling with wheels?? A skateboard.. type thing??)
You don't seem ready. This just really sucks!
Is she on pain/anti-inflammatory meds? At the very least you should see a vet for some of those too. A good vet will know what to do. If you've got the cash, look for an arthritis specialist. Even if you don't, look into it and see what they say anyway. Take care.
posted by mu~ha~ha~ha~har at 3:28 AM on August 23, 2008