What is therapy like?
August 19, 2008 4:22 PM Subscribe
What is therapy like?
I'm a 30 year old woman, and I'm almost certain that I've been more than a little depressed for a pretty big part of my life. I just never noticed it until recently because I've kept myself insanely busy with work and school and other things. I've always been the sarcastic, "bitter" one of my group, but I always played it off as, "oh, I'm just funny in that sarcastic, cynical way." While there have been some moments in my life where things were good, overall, that's really how I see the world. I've come to believe that my life just blows and there really is no point, because everything sucks anyway, so why bother?
So yeah, I need/want therapy. Problem is that right now, I don't have health insurance. I'm looking for a new job, and assuming it provides benefits, I'd like to start seeing someone as soon as the insurance kicks in, because living like this sucks and I'm officially Over It. I understand that there are places (especially where I am, I live in NYC) that work on a sliding scale based on income, but really - I have NO money at this time to spare. I know it's easy to say "well, you can always find some money," but really - it's not an option right now, so please don't ask me to consider it. (I am borrowing money from family to make ends meet, which is just adding to my self-loathing.)
What I would like to ask is this: when I start therapy, what can I expect? How does one go about finding a therapist (other than looking on the health insurance website for a list of names)? And finally - how do I actually TALK to this person? I've never really been one to open up (this has been a pretty big problem in all areas of my life), and I'm worried that I'll pull the "oh yeah, everything's great!" BS that I've been doing with EVERYONE for as long as I can remember. How do I get over the fact that I never let them see me down, and now I'm supposed to open up to a complete stranger (and one that I'm paying to care, no less)? I'm sure the therapist will see right through it, but I'm also probably the most stubborn person you'll ever meet.
I guess all I want to know is basically - what is therapy like, and how can I get over my issues of opening up to people? I know I'll never make any real progress if I don't open up to whoever I end up working with. So if I'm gonna do this, I want to do it right. I've never done ANYTHING like this before (growing up, the attitude in my family was, "don't talk about it, just deal with it," and that's obviously carried over into adulthood) so any advice/insight you can offer would be helpful.