Fetish vs. Phobia: recipe for disaster?
August 16, 2008 10:33 PM Subscribe
A potential romantic partner has a very specific phobia. As luck would have it, it happens to be pretty much the exact thing that is my very private fetish. I have never shared it with anyone and don't plan to share it with anyone. Are we doomed, or could we somehow make this work to our advantage?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (31 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
For the purpose of explanation, let's refer to my fetish as a mild thing for gingers/redheads. I have never sought out romantic partners based on this, I have never dyed my own hair red or encouraged others, I try not to be noticeable when I spot them out in public, and the closest I get to porn is, for example, a fully clothed shot of Prince Harry. Still, it's the kind of thing that I think other people would find incredibly weird, and I would be mortified if it ever got out. I keep it very much inside my head, and while I do have a lovely and comfortable sex life, it usually involves fantasies around this subject. I've had it for as long as I can remember.
So I'm doing the usual deep get-to-know-you thing with this guy, and things are going really, really well. Then he mentions that when he was younger, he got beat up by a redhead, and ever since then he has had a complete phobia of redheads. "I just look away," he says. His ex used to make fun of him for it, too, which is totally not cool. I get the feeling that his phobia is about as pervasive and rational as my fetish, but I am certainly not someone to make fun, especially in a situation like this.
Now, while I obviously would not display this fetish in front of him (or anyone else, for that matter), I don't want to run the risk that he accidentally sees that I've looked at YouTubes of Geena Davis or whatever. But I also have another thought: could we somehow work together on it? Like, for example, I am accustomed to spying redheads out of the corner of my eye; could I then warn him not to look?
No throwaway e-mail here. Anonymous because obviously I don't even want it to get out that I HAVE a fetish.