Help me dispose of this sad little corpse

August 8, 2008 2:54 PM

So, I found this dead squirrel outside my house this morning. It looked as if it got electricuted overnight, and it's right on my front path. I called pest control, and they said they would remove it, but it was still there when I got home this afternoon. I'm guessing pet control doesn't operate over the weekend, so I'm wondering what I should do in the meantime? Is there someone special I can call? Should I just push it to the side grass with a stick (I don't want to do this... it's kind of seriously gross)? For what it's worth, I live in Ontario in a small-ish city, and I'm renting a flat in the house so I'm not the owner of the place. I'm at a bit of a loss as to what to do, and I work every day until wednesday so I can't do anything terribly special myself.
posted by Planet F to pets & animals (31 comments total)

Put a cardboard box over it until pest control makes it out.
posted by nitsuj at 3:01 PM on August 8, 2008

It's dead. It can't bite you. Dispose of it.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 3:01 PM on August 8, 2008 [3 favorites]

Call your landlord?
posted by fixedgear at 3:02 PM on August 8, 2008

(with a sign on top that says "DEAD SQUIRREL!")
posted by nitsuj at 3:02 PM on August 8, 2008 [3 favorites]

broom + shovel -> trashcan
posted by gnutron at 3:02 PM on August 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Bag it and toss it in the trash. Double bag it, if desired.
posted by Danf at 3:06 PM on August 8, 2008

Take a grocery bag, put your hand in it, grab the dead animal through the bag, then turn the bag inside out so that the animal is inside the bag; this way you don't have to touch the animal. If the thought of feeling the animal through the bag upsets you, put on a thick glove first, so it's further removed. Failing that, ask a neighbour if they'd mind doing it. Then just dump the animal in the trash; think of it as being really not much different from a chicken carcass. Treat it as an exercise in overcoming an irrational fear, and learn not to be grossed out by something that's just part of life.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 3:07 PM on August 8, 2008 [8 favorites]

My cat brought me a dead mouse the other day. I pushed the mouse onto a newspaper, wrapped it in a few sheets of the newspaper, then put it in my outside bin.

Not the nicest task, but quick to get it over with and no touching required. So that's what I recommend. Or ask someone else to do it for you.
posted by Mike1024 at 3:07 PM on August 8, 2008

Gab a shovel and put it in a secluded bush somewhere. No need to put in the garbage so it ends up in the landfill...
posted by glip at 3:08 PM on August 8, 2008

or if u got a shovel and some dirt area just bury it 1' deep.

I buried a dead crow that way and I think it's not coming back.
posted by yort at 3:08 PM on August 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

le morte de bea arthur has my technique down perfectly. Glove, grocery bag, inside out, pick up, wrap rodent in bag, dispose. At least you don't have to do it to a still-living-for-now mouse stuck in a glue trap.
posted by GuyZero at 3:10 PM on August 8, 2008

What a strange question. Throw it out. Is this a joke?
posted by Cosine at 3:11 PM on August 8, 2008 [7 favorites]

I'm guessing that Planet F is concerned that it's illegal to just chuck it in the garbage - which I would have assumed, too. Can you just dump any dead animal into the trash? Is that what Animal Control does with carcasses (ug)?
posted by tristeza at 3:12 PM on August 8, 2008

umm... you know that the dump is full of animals... dead and alive both, right? Seriously this thread is like some Seinfeld episode.
posted by Cosine at 3:15 PM on August 8, 2008 [6 favorites]

Animal control likely sends their carcasses away for rendering.
posted by glip at 3:16 PM on August 8, 2008

Can you just dump any dead animal into the trash?

Why not? Chicken and turkey carcasses end up in the trash all the time. Though personally, I would bury it, or at the very least, fling it in a bush.
posted by oneirodynia at 3:21 PM on August 8, 2008

So, your local Humane Society just dumps hundreds of dead dogs and cats into a Dumpster every month? GGAAAHHHH....
posted by tristeza at 3:24 PM on August 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I don't remember saying they did. Believing, as oneirodynia suggested, that chicken carcasses are fine but a dead squirrel would get you arrested is... far... beyond my understanding. Yeah... this is getting deleted.
posted by Cosine at 3:27 PM on August 8, 2008

*sigh* No, I don't think it's a stupid question, actually, but I suppose I will just trash it. I asked because yes, I thought it might be illegal, but also because sometimes people in my area are told we must call animal control just in case the animal died of some disease (such as West Nile), and they have to be tested.

Thanks to everyone who did not think I was crazy for asking this :) I will now go trash a squirrel.
posted by Planet F at 3:32 PM on August 8, 2008

Squirrels can get trashed, but you should definitely call animal control if you find a dead bird in a relatively intact condition so they can test it.
posted by booknerd at 3:44 PM on August 8, 2008

le morte de bea arthur has it right, and I thought you were just cranking us until you responded.

We're practically running Six Flags of America for Squirrels complete with the All You Can Eat Special here, what with seven of them hitting three separate bird feeders in the same tree all day today, so I love them as much as anybody.

But the one you found can go into the trash one way or another.
posted by imjustsaying at 3:55 PM on August 8, 2008

or if u got a shovel and some dirt area just bury it 1' deep.

I buried a dead crow that way and I think it's not coming back.

You may not have seen Pet Semetary.

Personally, I like the vulture-clubbing suggestion. You might also place the squirrel on a small raft and, after setting it on fire, let it float along on a local stream -- or in drainage along the curb, if you can persuade an uphill neighbor to wash her car.

Barring that, consider using a snow shovel to get it into the trash.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 4:06 PM on August 8, 2008

Just dig a hole and bury it... this is not an EPA superfund situation. We have a very small farm here and it takes 30 seconds to dispose of the remains of any small unfortunate critter.
posted by tinkertown at 4:07 PM on August 8, 2008

(with a sign on top that says "DEAD SQUIRREL!")

FREE SQUIRREL!
posted by low affect at 5:34 PM on August 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

A dead squirrel isn't in any way unusual, and it's a pretty small corpse - I'd be surprised if anyone came out to dispose of it. If it were a racoon, or something of that size, they will definitely come out - especially due to fear of rabies. It's probably technically illegal to throw it out (where I live it's even illegal to bury your dead pets in your yard), but there is letter and spirit of the law, and that little bitty squirrel isn't going to cause much of a stink, literally or figuratively. Say a few words and toss him.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 5:59 PM on August 8, 2008

(with a sign on top that says "DEAD SQUIRREL!")

FREE SQUIRREL!

If you're also envisioning a sign that says, "Free squirrel!", that could cause a lot of problems. Someone might take that as a direction to free the squirrel further, which could involve its redistribution about the property.

Also, if the sign says both "dead squirrel" and "free squirrel," some might wonder if this is a representation about the prospects for a squirrel afterlife, and heated arguments may ensue.

In any event, make sure that anyone taking the squirrel takes the sign, or you could have gentleman callers all night long.
posted by Clyde Mnestra at 6:27 PM on August 8, 2008 [4 favorites]

Is that what Animal Control does with carcasses (ug)?

Animal Control most likely cremates them, or more often sends them to a rendering plant where they are melted down into tallow and then shipped off to be made into lipstick and other dainties.

link, if you don't believe me.
posted by oneirodynia at 6:55 PM on August 8, 2008

What gnutron said. 1 minute's work.
posted by pompomtom at 7:44 PM on August 8, 2008

Maybe people could stop answering the question now since the poster said he was putting the squirrel in the trash 5 hours ago.
posted by nanojath at 9:01 PM on August 8, 2008

Maybe people could stop answering the question now since the poster said he was putting the squirrel in the trash 5 hours ago.

For future reference: Kick the little guy into the street. After he is run over by cars for a while he will turn into squirrel jerky and then pretty much just disappear. 1 or 2 days max depending on how busy your street is. Hey presto, problem solved!
posted by Daddy-O at 10:11 PM on August 8, 2008

(with a sign on top that says "DEAD SQUIRREL!")

"Schrodinger's squirrel"
posted by Durin's Bane at 6:32 AM on August 9, 2008