NSFW Condom question

August 7, 2008 5:25 PM

Condom question (NSFW)

At the risk of sounding incredibly naive:

I hope to find myself in a position (so to speak) to perform fellatio sometime soon. But I have recently moved, and in my new city the stores do not seem to sell condoms that would seem appealing for this purpose. Back where I used to live, unlubricated condoms and minty condoms were readily available. Here, though, they all seem to be seriously lubricated. What do I do?

What do most people do, for that matter? What will happen if we use regular lubricated condoms? Am I missing out on some other option?

I get the impression that a lot of people just don't use condoms for oral (but I haven't exactly polled my friends on this subject). Am I being overly cautious not wanting to do that, at least with a new relationship?

I am in the UK.

posted by anonymous to human relations (17 comments total)

Erm, I'm not going to say you're being overly cautious. But I'll say that yeah, in my experience (and friends, and sphere of influence) people forgo the condom for oral. Which isn't to say that's bright, since things can totally be passed.

But alas.

Order online? www.condom.com? Or any sex shop?
posted by disillusioned at 5:37 PM on August 7 [1 favorite]

What about dental dams instead? Those are often unlubed...
posted by Madamina at 5:40 PM on August 7

Go with whatever or unlubed condoms but buy flavored lube to go with them.
posted by chairface at 6:11 PM on August 7

Lubricated condoms taste like fail. Really, it's awful. You don't want to go there. Find unlubed, or use a flavoured lube (most of which taste like fail and despair) to mask it.

As far as using condoms for fellatio, it's probably not necessary unless you are immunocompromised in some way (HIV, leukemia, etc etc etc). There are no reliable reports of HIV being passed through oral sex, and everything else (barring herpes and HPV; the risk you wish to take with those is your choice of course) is a quick round of antibiotics.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 6:38 PM on August 7

I dont think you are overly cautious....I just think that you should know that even with a condom nothing is a 100% so having this in mind....why dont you wait a little longer till you are sure the person doesnt have an STD? Also if you tell a person to get tested just cause you wanna go down on them without having thoughts in the back of your mind i would think that could make them pretty happy...
posted by The1andonly at 6:59 PM on August 7 [1 favorite]

Lubricated condoms do indeed taste like fail; whatever you do, do not buy the spermicidal lubricated ones and use them for oral. Apart from hearing nasty anecdotes about them, I've always imagined that they taste awful.

I got my minty condoms online. Fast, cheap and discreet. I myself have never used a condom for oral, because the rule of thumb for me has always been: condom if I don't know their history, no condom if I know and trust them, and I've never gone down on a guy I haven't trusted implicitly and known every damn detail of their past. However, I like to have them on hand... just in case. :D

This also seems to be the general guidelines among my friends, but we are a cautious lot. It's really up to your specific situation and what you are comfortable with.
posted by WidgetAlley at 7:02 PM on August 7 [1 favorite]

Also, I would not worry at all about what other people do as far as condom vs. no condom. Do what feels right to you. If your man is worth doing, he'll be a.) respectful of your wishes, and b.) so damn excited to be receiving oral from you that he won't mind a little extra protection, or even getting tested if you want to go mouth-bare.

If you are really uncomfortable without, you tell him so, and he puts up a fuss, then he's probably not worthy. Remember, if a man's worth doing, he's worth doing WELL.
posted by WidgetAlley at 7:05 PM on August 7 [1 favorite]

Oral with condom is kind of like going swimming with your clothes on. It's still fun, but you have this sneaking suspicion that maybe it would be better if you just took them off.

I would just go get yourselves tested and then you can proceed with the much preferred uncondomified oral. Most people in my experience do not use a condom for this purpose, although it is by no means unheard of to do so. If one of you is positive and that is the reasoning behind condom use, then go order a whole bucketful online.
posted by sophist at 10:20 PM on August 7

Unlubricated condoms might be somewhat difficult to find, but I know that Durex makes some type of assorted flavours pack that should be readily available at your local chemist. Alternatively, order one of these samplers via FedEx international air and you should get them in a week (although that might be longer than you were planning to wait).
posted by thisjax at 10:52 PM on August 7

Mint flavored? Puh-lease. Why don't they make, oh, I don't know, cock flavored? Man flavored? Take your time, get a really good look at the object of your attention. Check out pictures online of herpes lesions, so you know exactly what to look for. If you're still not comfortable, goodness, either don't do anything, or just keep a firm grip of the situation. But it's best if you can learn to be comfortable, then enjoy a good cock that tastes like a man. There's aroma down there that isn't meant to be tainted (no pun intended, I think) by artificial materials. If you're where you're intended to be, that aroma will reach right through your nose and all the way to your 'nads and flick the 'on' switch. (damn, the other half has been away all week and gets home in about an hour. Good thing! hehehe)
posted by Goofyy at 1:46 AM on August 8

As a man, I'd far rather skip the oral than have oral-with-latex.

I'm not saying I'd get angry and kick you out of bed — just that I'd say, "hey, why don't we do X instead?"

This has come up exactly once for me. In college, in the height of the safe sex years, one girl wanted to do oral that way. After a few minutes I told her I couldn't feel anything, and we moved on to other things that were more mutually rewarding. No one before or since has even mentioned the idea, and no one I know well enough to talk about these things uses condoms or dental dams for oral.

The risk is low, and the unpleasantness comparatively high (as compared to intercourse, where the risk is higher and the unpleasantness limited), so I think the vast majority of people don't bother with latex for oral.

But that just means that's the expectations your partner(s) will probably have — it's your body, and if you want to make latex a precondition of anything, that is absolutely your right to do so. No glove, no love, right?
posted by Forktine at 6:46 AM on August 8

Geeze. I'm surprised by some of the answers here. Even after testing, in a monogamous relationship, there might be reasons to use condoms during oral--for example, what happens if the tests don't come back negative? It's your body (or mouth) and you have every right to be cautious until your partner gets tested. If someone doesn't respect you for that--or dumps you--then that might not be a person you want to be with, anyway.

Are trojan reds available in the UK? Here in the US, I've never seen a drugstore without them.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:35 AM on August 8

Have you considered trying polyurethane condoms? Most of the ones I've seen of those have been unlubed, and on the plus sides, they're super thin and taste better than latex (in my personal opinion). They're also good protection from STDs.
posted by internet!Hannah at 7:38 AM on August 8

Take your time, get a really good look at the object of your attention. Check out pictures online of herpes lesions, so you know exactly what to look for.

This is horrible advice. MOST cases of STD - herpes, gonorrhea, chlamydia, HPV - are transmitted with NO SYMPTOMS PRESENT.

Please do not ever rely on "looking" when weighing your risk for STD/HIV.
posted by tristeza at 9:06 AM on August 8 [3 favorites]

The only (2nd hand, more like 3rd hand) knowledge I have of condoms+oral is with prostitutes (see for example, these Lil Wayne lyrics). This is in the U.S., for what it's worth. Perhaps this is more common amongst casual (or boyfriendy-girlfriendy) partners the UK.
posted by zpousman at 9:56 AM on August 8

This is false, and very dangerous to leave unquestioned:
As far as using condoms for fellatio, it's probably not necessary unless you are immunocompromised in some way (HIV, leukemia, etc etc etc). There are no reliable reports of HIV being passed through oral sex, and everything else (barring herpes and HPV; the risk you wish to take with those is your choice of course) is a quick round of antibiotics.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:38 PM on August 7 [+] [!]

I'd find data from the Center for Disease Control fairly reliable, and they give a non-zero incidence of HIV infection from oral sex. Also, I can assure you from more personal experience: other diseases such as chlamydia can be passed through fellation in both directions. Thankfully, chlamydia can be easily cured with antibiotics, but not so HIV, which is also orally transmissable.

Nor are people with strong immune systems immune in any way to the above dangers.
posted by IAmBroom at 7:19 PM on August 19

It would behoove you to re-read what I wrote. To wit:

"and everything else (barring herpes and HPV; the risk you wish to take with those is your choice of course) is a quick round of antibiotics"

So.. at what point did I say that other diseases weren't transmissible?

Oh right. I didn't.

Further, reading the CDC documents.. there's a lot of words like 'probably' and 'seems to'. Nothing concrete.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 7:56 PM on August 19