Come out already, damn..
August 1, 2008 12:53 PM Subscribe
How do I help my obviously gay, claiming to be straight roommate come out of the closet?
posted by ad4pt to human relations (53 answers total) 2 users marked this as a favorite
I live in an apartment with two other roommates, “James” and “Jane” and they’re cousins and they’re both 21. I am best friends with Jane and very good friends with James since high school.
His first year of college he went to southern California. He had trouble adjusting, didn’t fit in anywhere, he joined a rugby team but because they didn’t immediately befriend him he dropped out. During his year away he became very depressed and began smoking cigarettes. The next year he moved to the school that my other roommate and I attend.
Although his depression eased a little, it is still there and effecting his decisions.
James has had a girlfriend since the end of high school.
They’re very cynical and antisocial. When he’s not around her he is more social and open to doing new things but when they’re together they drag each other down. They’re both intelligent and his girlfriend goes to a very prestigious school but they act as though they’re above everyone else.
In addition to James’ depression we also have noticed after he came from school a huge drop in weight. He has developed very strange eating habits. He’ll eat a can of garbanzo beans for dinner with hot sauce and he travels with specific food.
He has an obsession with the Saddle Creek label- all of their artists. His room is decorated with Saddle Creek memorabilia. If I hear the Tilly and Wall or Rilo Kiley’s Black light album one more time I’m going to burst.
We feel like much of his behavior is contrived so that people will think a certain way about him. Like a planned explanation for why he is the way he is.
We think he is gay. Everyone he meets initially thinks he’s gay. All of my friends ask me if he’s gay in private and are surprised to find out he has a girlfriend.
He seems to have a crush on my boyfriend, like a little kid crush. They have a lot in common; they both enjoy video games and music. My boyfriend is very personable and wants to have a good relationship with my roommates however even he has noticed James’ affection towards him.
When I’m in my room with my boyfriend (WHEN THE DOOR IS CLOSED), James will barge in with my boyfriend’s favorite vodka and a movie or a proposition for a strange adventure that he would not normally embark on with Jane and I, even though we invite him to do things like that all the time.
When he knows my boyfriend is coming over he’ll clean the house. When my boyfriend is over, he’ll exclusively talk to him and ignore Jane and I. He’ll try to look “cool” by drinking and smoking weed/cigarettes, which is unusual for him.
When James has his girlfriend over the door of their room is open all the time, even when they sleep. He has told us before that he and his girlfriend play a game to see who can hold out the longest without having sex- he brags that he always wins.
We want to know how to help James make the transition from straight to gay. Jane and James’ gay cousin and his boyfriend have both said that James is definitely gay. They recommend that we assume he’s gay and just treat him as such but we feel that he is more fragile than that and would easily get offended and annoyed. Basically we’re looking for a way to ease him out of the closet because we feel he’ll be much happier and positive. We want him to enjoy life and not feel so trapped.