What keeps you going?
July 27, 2008 12:30 PM   Subscribe

What keeps you going?

Tomorrow, I'm receiving my first set of personal business cards. They're very beautiful, letterpressed, with a design I came up with myself- and the profession that they give is "factotum", because other than an ability to smile while actually experiencing bowel-clenching terror, I have no real skill set. I'm currently working 40 hours a week at a pair of internships which only serve to highlight the fact that, when I graduate in December, I'm not going to get hired by anyone. By the time I graduate and enter the work force, the US economy will have completely shat its pants and it is likely that I'll have to get a job as usher at the Thunderdome. My cat disappeared from a locked apartment yesterday, the only possible means of exit being a 6-story drop onto pavement. One of my internships involves watching really depressing documentaries, which only underline the fact that a) everything in my life will get worse as I get older, and b) I will almost certainly have to watch people I love die of terrible diseases. Every time I turn on a light or the air conditioner, I'm further destroying the earth and stealing resources for future generations. Everyone in my neighborhood hates me.
What's the point? How does anyone else get out of bed in the morning?
posted by 235w103 to Religion & Philosophy (44 answers total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: poster's request -- cortex

 
How does anyone else get out of bed in the morning?

If I don't, my daughter yelling "MAMA! MAMA! MAMA!" from her crib will drive me insane.

My mom's cat once turned up in a wall, behind a bathtub (and was fine, and is still alive some twelve years later).

My life has become better as I've become older.
posted by The corpse in the library at 12:41 PM on July 27, 2008


What's the point? How does anyone else get out of bed in the morning?

Beats the aternative. I've done the paid idleness thing, it makes you loopy after awhile. Quit whining and go to work.
posted by jonmc at 12:44 PM on July 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


What would you do for your best friend if she were going through this?
That is what you should do for yourself.
posted by idiotfactory at 12:47 PM on July 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


Everything in life has gotten better as I've gotten older, not worse.

You don't know what lies ahead. But don't you want to find out? Expect terrible things and you'll usually find them. Expect the best from people and from life in general and you might be pleasantly surprised.
posted by Kangaroo at 12:49 PM on July 27, 2008


Daily affirmations.
posted by All.star at 12:50 PM on July 27, 2008


Read Thomas Nagel's essay The Absurd, from his book Mortal Questions.
posted by Jaltcoh at 12:58 PM on July 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


Regarding the state and future of the world: there's no time in history that it was better to be alive than today. Think about time travelling and then getting stuck in the past - anytime - and it'll be pretty clear. People today are healthier, bigotry is on the decrease, and worldwide happiness is going up. Also, dentistry.
posted by you're a kitty! at 1:00 PM on July 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


There are pretty girls out there for the chasing, some of whom might even let you catch them.
posted by porpoise at 1:01 PM on July 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


Unless you found your cat at the bottom of the 6-storey drop, keep your ears open for meows.

And maybe ask your doctor about antidepressants.
posted by Sys Rq at 1:02 PM on July 27, 2008


How about the obvious -- is it possible that you are depressed? No, really -- depressed, like all those other depressed people, who get help (if they do get help -- many of them don't get help, their lives are dark and dismal, gray and dank, their energies spent on A Never Ending Mission: A Quest for Dung) through psychotherapy and/or pharmaceuticals. Better living through chemistry, that whole thing.

Get some help.
posted by dancestoblue at 1:03 PM on July 27, 2008


the fact that a) everything in my life will get worse as I get older, and b) I will almost certainly have to watch people I love die of terrible diseases. Every time I turn on a light or the air conditioner, I'm further destroying the earth and stealing resources for future generations.

Step 1: Be careful what you refer to as "fact."
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 1:05 PM on July 27, 2008


Response by poster: Get some help.

I don't have health insurance.
posted by 235w103 at 1:06 PM on July 27, 2008


a) everything in my life will get worse as I get older, and b) I will almost certainly have to watch people I love die of terrible diseases.

Really? Everything in your life will get worse? It certainly will if you keep telling yourself this.

We're all going to die. Focus on appreciation and your life will be so much sweeter. Do you have your health? Friends and family that love you? A roof over your head and plenty of food to eat? If so, it's a wonderful life.

Every time I turn on a light or the air conditioner, I'm further destroying the earth and stealing resources for future generations. Everyone in my neighborhood hates me.

Don't be so dramatic.

You're having a hard time now. Start thinking about the good things in your life instead of focusing on the bad. It's draining and boring. It's not productive or helpful and you surely will not succeed with this doom and gloom attitude. If you are depressed that's another story. If you're just wallowing in your own self-pity, snap out of it, go out an smell the roses. Life is beautiful.
posted by LoriFLA at 1:06 PM on July 27, 2008


You have (access to) a computer.
You're literate.
You have a college education.
You have an apartment with electricity and air conditioning.
You had a cat, indicating you have disposable income to take care of an animal (I am genuinely sorry about this).
Presumably you have enough to eat.
You are at least healthy enough to sit here and type.
You are doing better than the vast majority of people on earth. Go and find out about children orphaned by AIDS in Africa. These people get up every day. So can you. And you are in a unique position to do something about their suffering.
posted by desjardins at 1:07 PM on July 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


I don't have health insurance.

You're in Canada, according to your profile. If you've moved to the US, most universities have a mental health clinic on campus.
posted by desjardins at 1:09 PM on July 27, 2008


What idiotfactory said, plus you sound like a good candidate for some therapy, which, since you are still in school, should be fairly easy to access through your student health service. Also, there are a lot people worse off than you. Volunteer at a food bank or soup kitchen and do some good for others out there; focus less on yourself. I am really sorry about your cat, but it may turn up, they sometimes surprise you, as The corpse in the library said, be sure to leave all the closet and cabinet doors in your place open, as cat may be lurking inside the apartment. The job thing, you will find something after you graduate ... it just may not be the optimum job the first time out of the gate. If I could do it in 1980 with a liberal arts B.A. and not much else and the economy in the toilet, you will manage in 2009. Finally, go check out the Randy Pausch threads previously on MeFi, and watch his last lecture.
posted by gudrun at 1:09 PM on July 27, 2008


235w103, where is it that you think change comes from?

There is no magic fairy. Nobody is going to turn up on your doorstep one day saying "I see you're really discontent with your privileged Western life and education. Here's a new, better life. Have fun!"

Change comes from you. While this may sound trite and new age laden, it isn't. It is simply true. Improve your resume, re-evaluate your skills and interests, and cast a wider job search net. When you get a new job, move to a new neighbourhood. Once you're earning, resolve to offset your carbon footprint by buying some nice trees in a rainforest somewhere.

Whatever you're doing now clearly isn't getting you where you want to go. Do something else.

To answer your question: What keeps me going is having goals, from daily To Do lists of things I want or need to get done, to bigger plans like buying a house. It helps if you can break each goal down into smaller steps and take practical action towards each one.

And PS, if you're seriously having trouble thinking of reasons to get out of bed in the morning, please see your doctor and mention the word "depressed." Thank you.
posted by DarlingBri at 1:10 PM on July 27, 2008


everything in my life will get worse as I get older

And then you'll die. And then they'll throw dirt on you. And then worms will eat you.

And yeah, you'll probably watch your loved ones die before you go, too. Someone at the dinner table will have to be the sad person to watch every other face lose its life.

But that is part of life. Every one of us, for thousands of years, have had to accept that tragedy. Death is coming and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

You have to come to terms with it. You have to marinate in it and turn it over again and again and look at it from all of the angles. You have to become comfortable with the fright that it very necessarily necessitates. And then you just plug on.

For me, the key was my belief that something better comes after this one. It's enabled me to stop and consider what's really important about this life. Although my actions might betray me still, I will say that I believe the answer lies in helping others, in loving them. Not in a great apartment, or a larger TV, or a faster car, or a hotter girlfriend, or a bigger paycheck, or even a healthier, safer, longer life, in a good economy with a great retirement package. Those things are nice but they don't really matter.

If this life is about the next life, then the most important thing I can do in this life is focus on making it better for others. Who cares how good it is for me? Things are going to get worse and then I will die. There is nothing I can do about that, but I can try to make things better for others in the meantime. Just imagine a planet full of people completely devoted to that motivation...

And that, strangely, somehow, for me, became a pretty exciting reason to get out of bed in the morning. I hope you find a reason too, even if it isn't the same as mine.
posted by allkindsoftime at 1:15 PM on July 27, 2008


I think that much of a person's value comes from what they do to help other people. Seriously, helping other people is one the best ways to increase your perceived self-worth as a human being.
posted by LastOfHisKind at 1:16 PM on July 27, 2008


Maybe your lack of specialization will make you flexible and resourceful enough to weather the coming downturn. It might serve you better than false confidence and a sense of entitlement.

Maybe you've learned something important from one of those depressing documentaries that will prepare you to to deal courageously with the illness of a loved one.

Maybe your cat is o.k. somewhere.

There's a lot of unexpected horse-shit good luck in life. You have to keep getting out of bed to capitalize on it.

p.s. -I'm not totally sold on "factotum"
posted by bonobothegreat at 1:16 PM on July 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


If you are a university student, there is likely some on-campus health service that you can go to for a referral, but it really sounds like you need a stable, ongoing therapeutic relationship. If you can't afford even a reduced rate, can you ask your parents for help or get a part-time job? If you only need to make <$200 a week, that should be doable.
posted by prefpara at 1:21 PM on July 27, 2008


What's the point?

There isn't one really. But you have a job or prospects for one, enough money for a place to live, food, and to have some fun. Go out and have a beer or two, go find a girl or watch a ballgame or something. Life could be worse.
posted by jonmc at 1:22 PM on July 27, 2008


You're in Montreal, and likely just graduated from McGill. There are resources out there for you, even if you're not a citizen. A good place to start would be calling Info-Santé at 8-1-1. They will be able to speak english to you; the city of Montreal offers all essential services in both languages.
After reading this, I really think you need help, and not just advice from AskMe. Tell the nurse on the phone about your past and current problems, and she'll help you find more help.

Good luck.
posted by OLechat at 1:22 PM on July 27, 2008


Response by poster: I'm an American who goes to school in Canada; I have health insurance in Canada that only covers emergency room visits in the States. The last time I went to a New York emergency room with a psychological complaint, they tried to commit me.
Look, I get it. I understand that I'm pampered and I really don't know what a hard time is and everything. I GOT that one already. Don't worry, I already hate myself.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to be rude. I've been trying, really hard. I've been making lists and plans, and then I wake up and they just seem useless- pathetic scribbled fairy-tales. I've been in therapy since I was 11, and it just feels like I'm bailing out a sinking ship. The last time I tried psychiatric drugs was this, so I'm a little wary.
I'm sorry, I don't know what I was expecting here. I'm sorry, thank you. I'm going to stop thread-shitting now. I'm sorry.
posted by 235w103 at 1:24 PM on July 27, 2008


I don't have health insurance.

You're in Canada, according to your profile. If you've moved to the US, most universities have a mental health clinic on campus.


If you are in Canada, your university probably has one too. At the very least, you can go to a GP who can prescribe you something, should you have depression. Even better, try to find a GP who does counselling as well. Are you on your school's health plan? It should cover your prescription. If you're in the U.S., there are certainly sliding-scale doctors you can go and ways to get your prescription covered. Search around the AskMeFi archives for your city to find them.
posted by pised at 1:25 PM on July 27, 2008


Oh, and cats are not suicidal. They know the difference between six stories and six feet.

Seriously, are you still at McGill? Go to their student health service and talk to them about what you're feeling and your mental health history. Explain your financial situation. Ask for help finding a therapist.
posted by prefpara at 1:25 PM on July 27, 2008


This type of stream of consciousness navel gazing is not only tedious for anyone who anyone who made it past 25, but also regressive in such a way that renders any advice some of us could supply useless as it's unlikely you're going to grab any line we throw you.

See above where someone suggests you get some counseling. Your terse response is simply that you don't have health insurance. You obviously enjoy manufacturing road blocks to your own well being and happiness.

With luck you'll outgrow this.
posted by wfrgms at 1:26 PM on July 27, 2008 [2 favorites]


You do not need to apologize for what you're feeling or for expressing what you're feeling.

People who are telling you to "just snap out of it" and shaming you do not understand mental illness.
posted by prefpara at 1:31 PM on July 27, 2008


I'm sorry for my previous post. I didn't know that you'd been diagnosed bipolar. That's an entirely different animal than just feeling like shit. Bipolar doesn't magically go away; my mother has had it for my entire life and will be on medication forever. She was off her meds when I was a kid and she had a really rough time. Now she's on the right medication and she's a really positive person. She's made 3 trips to Europe in the past 2 years, something she would have never done before. Bipolar is a chemical imbalance. You cannot control it through rational thought or hocus pocus. Medication will make all the difference. Work out something with a psychiatrist on a sliding scale. Do whatever you have to - it can literally be life-and-death if it gets worse, and I'll write a whole page on the effects of suicide on the ones left behind if I have to.

P.S. I see you are or were on Lamictal and Klonopin which is exactly what I'm taking (but in my case it's for panic disorder, not bipolar). It's worked really, really well for me, and I'm wondering if your withdrawal symptoms were more due to stopping Lamictal than Klonopin, because I feel like crap if I forget to take it, whereas stopping the klonopin has no effect.
posted by desjardins at 1:33 PM on July 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


There is actual scientific research that the following exercise will make you feel better if you do it every night before bed for at least a month. It is very simple:
1. Think of 3 things that happened to you for which you are grateful or just glad that they happened. They can be anything - the sandwich at lunch tasted particularly nice, you enjoyed the shower today, a pretty girl smiled at you or on-going like having enough money to rent an apartment of your own or the good health of someone you care about.

2. For each think: Why did this happen? Why did it happen to me?

The effect is gradual - after a week, most people felt less depressed, after a month, they actually felt happier. These effects continue even a year later.

It's free, it's quick - why not start tonight? You can do it in your head or on paper - whichever makes it more likely that you will do it every night. Go for it.
posted by metahawk at 1:35 PM on July 27, 2008 [1 favorite]


wfrgrms, he's depressed. Depression feeds on itself. It's not just navel gazing. He needs some therapy and antidepressants.

235w103, reaching out here means all is not lost and you want help. Follow prefpara's advice and talk to the student health service. Note re anti-depressants, it can take several tries to find one that works for you. Don't give up.
posted by gudrun at 1:35 PM on July 27, 2008


Response by poster: I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm going to try to get the mods to close this, I'm embarrassed enough about it as is.
posted by 235w103 at 1:36 PM on July 27, 2008


I think part of the problem is that when you're 20 you have a mental picture of what you'd like your life to be like when you're 30. When you turn 25, it feels like you're nowhere near 1/2 way to your goals. When your life does eventually get better, it'll be better in ways you can't even imagine right now.
posted by bonobothegreat at 1:38 PM on July 27, 2008


Get some fresh air and exercise.
posted by the_ancient_mariner at 1:39 PM on July 27, 2008


I just saw that you were diagnosed as bipolar. Untreated bipolar can be fatal (bad judgement and/or suicide). Please find a way to get both medication and therapy!!!!
posted by metahawk at 1:40 PM on July 27, 2008


the only possible means of exit being a 6-story drop onto pavement.

Small, furry animals have a lower terminal velocity they people do, and cats can always land on their feet. Cats can fall out of airplanes and survive.
posted by delmoi at 1:41 PM on July 27, 2008


What keeps you going?

If I want to go live in a yurt, or move to Yemen, or sell my possessions and travel the world for a few months: I can. If I don't want to do those things, I don't have to. That's because there is no have to in life, aside from things like not robbing banks.

How? I don't own a car or a TV or much stuff aside from clothes and some photos, I save a big percentage of my earnings, I'm not accumulating more debt, and I don't have an insane commute. Those were things I wanted to have, and I have them! I've decided to try to have the lifestyle I want, and I've pretty much made it happen. My lifestyle is one of conscious decision-making and mindfulness: I don't let myself be directed to do things by anyone or do things just because someone else is doing them, because this is my life, not theirs.

So to answer your question: I'm kept going by knowing that I can - in both senses: am able to and am allowed to - do whatever my heart desires. Really.
posted by mdonley at 1:42 PM on July 27, 2008


235w103, by all means, close the thread, if it is embarrassing you, but your need to get help was at the root of it, and you seem smart and articulate, so I think you can make it with some (doctor prescribed) chemical assistance. Good luck and don't give up. You are not the only one on MeFi with issues like this.
posted by gudrun at 1:42 PM on July 27, 2008


You are laboring under the youthful delusion that there is supposed to be a point. Once you get over that it becomes much easier to plow through your meaningless and mundane existence, every atom of which will be completely forgotten within a couple of decades of your equally meaningless and mundane death.
posted by nax at 1:42 PM on July 27, 2008


desjardins, with all due respect, I have never been helped by reiterations of that type, despite their frequent replays on the radio stations in my skull. They only made me feel stupid and weak. Perspective aids outlook, but it cannot counteract emotions.

I don't know whether you are clinically depressed, 235w103, but I'd lay money on it. Also, if I were you, having just lost an animal and being unable to account for its wellbeing, I'd be undergoing considerable grief and anxiety right now. I mean, bawling, sniveling fits of it. You need to be gentle with yourself. And follow the above advice about getting therapy.

Stop following the news for a while. Crisis stories sell and they have a known deleterious effect -- see "Mean World Syndrome." The whole world does not fit in a handbasket.

Take a single task at a time.

Change your physical surroundings for a little bit -- is there a nearby park you haven't been to?
posted by Countess Elena at 1:43 PM on July 27, 2008


235w103, I'm so sorry if I was harsh. I truly apologized. I jumped to conclusions that you were having a temporary pity party (I've been there many times) and not that you had bipolar disease. I wish you all the best. There is nothing to feel embarrassed about. Try to be easy on yourself and see a someone that is qualified to help you.
posted by LoriFLA at 1:43 PM on July 27, 2008


Look, I get it. I understand that I'm pampered and I really don't know what a hard time is and everything. I GOT that one already. Don't worry, I already hate myself.

It's not even that, man. Just being out there, working, meeting people at any kind of job and any kind of people will get your juices flowing, get you engaged, get you out of your own head and you'll feel better. Even being frustrated at a shitty job is better than than beating yourself up. I know what I'm talking about.
posted by jonmc at 1:44 PM on July 27, 2008


Oh, it appears I'm behind events. Bipolar? You need help like I need contact lenses -- and there's absolutely no more reason to be hesitant or ashamed than that. Best of luck to you.
posted by Countess Elena at 1:45 PM on July 27, 2008


Not being depressed.

Which you clearly are. Reach out and get help, from your parents, from your school, from a community clinic, from anywhere you can get it.

The world does not suck. You do not suck. You just need to get some help for your depression.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:46 PM on July 27, 2008


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