Stuff What You Say With Your Word-Hole

July 24, 2008 3:17 PM

What are some of your stock phrases that - while not necessarily guaranteed to reduce those around you to helpless twitching piles of mirth - you're always a little satisfied with yourself for being able to use?

Whenever anybody within my father's earshot would mention the delicacy Turkish delight, he would turn to the person nearest him and, with a look of utmost seriousness, announce that "When I was in Istanbul, they used to call me English delight."

I don't have anything quite so clever, principally because I am a moron (I pilfered that one from him, however), but two I use relatively frequently are "Oops, premature evacuation" whenever exiting an elevator too early, and "Spin up your FTL, would you, mate?" whenever somebody before me is taking too long at, for example, the ATM.

I guess I'm interested in familial or personal in-jokes, even words you might have invented (my father always used to use "floobse", for people who sat down too heavily in chairs or leaned lazily against walls), or quotes from literature or film that find themselves in regular rotation. If they make your partner roll their eyes in exasperation (whenever my ex suspected me of having done nothing all day except sit and play Xbox, I would explain that "I got up to tip room service!"), so much the better.

So, out with it. What are some of your most frequent (and preferably amusing) verbal deployments?

posted by turgid dahlia to writing & language (11 comments total)

"It breaks the guidelines."
posted by box at 3:21 PM on July 24

Among a group of friends of mine, if two of us had found we had the same idea:

"You must be psychotic!"
"No, I'm telepathetic."
posted by lleachie at 3:21 PM on July 24

In response to "Excuse me" : "There's no excuse for you".
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 3:23 PM on July 24

Whenever my partner offers me the first cup of sake, I always say, "sake it to me, baby" in my not-quite-fake British accent. Which elicits the desired groans.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:23 PM on July 24

I'm a temp, so I usually have a bowl of candy on my desk to break the ice (it's an easy way to get to know my new co-workers). When I have Hershey's kisses, I'll ask if they want some sexual harassment candy. People usually look puzzled, and then laugh.
posted by joannemerriam at 3:26 PM on July 24

Oh, and there's a chain of Mexican restaurants where we live called "Taco Time". So one of things I do when we're travelling in the car when I see one of these places is to ask, "What time is it?" We don't drive much, so I don't ask this very often and he never sees the punchline coming. When he replies with the time, I cut him off with, "No, it's Taco Time." And then I get punched in the arm.
posted by Blazecock Pileon at 3:26 PM on July 24

Wait, am I missing something? None of these are even remotely clever.
posted by nasreddin at 3:28 PM on July 24

"That's what she said..." It's not funny the first time, but trust me, keep on saying it, even if it has NO application whatsoever to the current situation, and it gets pretty funny...
posted by Spyder's Game at 3:29 PM on July 24

None of these are even remotely clever.

Well enchant us then, nasreddin!
posted by turgid dahlia at 3:30 PM on July 24

Boredom is way underrated.

Ambition Deficit Disorder

Think of it as evolution in action. (Niven and Pournelle)

Gravity check! (after dropping something)

When guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.
posted by Bruce H. at 3:32 PM on July 24

I make Yo Mama jokes. Which makes me a regular Oscar Wilde.
posted by nasreddin at 3:32 PM on July 24