Comments on: HELP, Somebody Needs I!

Question: HELP, Somebody Needs I!

Xurando — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 05:46:49 -0800

My wife was a hit by a car while riding her bike. She broke her leg in 5 places, had 4+ hours or surgery and now has a titanium rod in her leg. She is getting out of the hospital tomorrow. Some suggestions for helping this self centered, busy person become an effective home health care aide?

I have a lot of compassion for her situation and actually have some experience years ago with nursing related care. My challenge will be one of focus and putting my life on the back burner for a while. Help me to stay on top of meeting her every need.

By: kate blank

kate blank — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 05:59:53 -0800

Even though you love your wife and you have the absolute best of attentions, being a caregiver in a situation like this can be very draining. I suggest you find someone -- a friend of hers or maybe a family member -- who can spell you for a couple of hours or so once a week. And then I suggest you use that time doing something for you, you, you.

By: leslies

leslies — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:10:52 -0800

For her - set up drinks,snacks, tv remote, phone, stuff to read, pillows all accessible so that she can get them without needing you for all of it. It's incredibly frustrating to be as dependent as she will be for quite a while. It will make it easier on you to not have to get all that stuff every second as well.

Help her set up a log to track meds - if she's on narcotics for pain relief it's easy to get muddled and important to keep track.

See what you can up that she can do organizationally to help you both. And arrange for other people to come visit her. It's very isolating to be recovering from an injury like that and you'll both cope better if you get some social contact. When she's physically up for it see about helping her get out without you for a respite for you both. That obviously requires friends who will help her get places and support her since it's exhausting to do anything for a long time after an injury that severe.

If you can afford it now is a great time to hire some housekeeping help because all the regular home chores will fall on you. Easy to feel resentful even when you know it's not her fault so enlist help - paid or from friends.

And good luck to you both - it's a long road.

By: adamrice

adamrice — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:31:07 -0800

Based on my own experience with a somewhat similar injury (and a friend's experience with a very similar one), I expect most of your new responsibilities will be mundane, and not really nursing-related.

Is she on crutches or in a wheelchair? You're going to be facing very different logistics depending. I'm guessing crutches. The main thing to remember is that she can't carry anything in her hands (well, almost). She can hold onto a bag, or sling something in a backpack, but carrying a cup of coffee over to the kitchen table? Impossible.

She's going to be weak for a week or two. Did she lose any blood during surgery? If so, possibly longer.

She may not be able to drive a car at all for a while.

During my own time on crutches, I tried to be as self-sufficient as possible. I could handle chores that involved standing in one place (or minimal hopping), like washing the dishes, but since I was on zero load-bearing for the bad leg, I'd wear out from that quicker than usual. I did not need a lot of help beyond mundane activities except during the first week or so. Feel free to contact me by mefi-mail for more.

By: pearlybob

pearlybob — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:45:03 -0800

Housekeeper. Absolutely. Either paid or have friends help. It is amazing how much easier things are when your surroundings are clean.

By: nax

nax — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:54:44 -0800

Oh god, I am so in sympathy for both you and your wife. I've been moderately laid up with a broken ankle for just 4 1/2 weeks (cast comes off Thursday YAY!!!) and I can tell you the worst part from the patient's point of view is the hideous feeling of helplessness and dependence. TV reception goes out? I can't just hop up and fix it-- it's a major effort. Can't carry a cup of coffee when you're on crutches, etc.

So the thing to remember is she is likely to get cranky and frustrated--remember that her frustration is not with you--she'll feel stupid and angry that she cannot just *do* this stuff. Let her vent. Advice upthread is good-- hae as many things within her reach as possible so that she doesn't feel completely at the mercy of whoever is in the house. Make sure your friends come over. Can her place of business set her up with a speaker phone so she can work "at the office?" The social isolation is the worst part of this-- not being in on the dailyness of life has been one of the hardest things to deal with here. I feel like people are forgetting me, or like they really don't need me after all, plus just missing out on the gossip is awful. I telecommute, so I'm somewhat used to being mostly out of the loop; if she's used to going in to work every day this is going to be a major adjustment.

adamrice has it right about doing as many daily tasks as she can possibly manage. Like him I can stand on one foot, plus we set up an office chair relay around the house so I can carry things (like coffee) from room to room. I also make sure to keep bags and backpacks strategically placed for carrying multiple items.

Because of being unable to move around, I've actually been incredibly productive with my work; the downside is I get a week's worth of desk work done by around Wednesday morning. Therefore, for the rest of the week my boredom can reach a nearly religious intensity. So strangely, she may find herself too productive. She should space out tasks-- no multitasking! and this is a good time to do desk projects, like research, that she normally might put off.

My husband has been an absolute saint through this (I'm the cranky impatient one, so he has a tough row to hoe). I dream every night that I have no cast on, and my heart picks up its pace when I think of the release that little cast-buzz saw will bring! Be sure to post updates (check out the "resolved" tag). Good luck to both of you.

By: JanetLand

JanetLand — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 06:56:16 -0800

Get some rails for the toilet seat. A godsend.

By: ejvalentine

ejvalentine — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 08:22:38 -0800

You might want to find a book like Share the Care by Caposella and Warnock. Incredibly practical advice for setting up a care team and saving everybody's sanity.

It's also likely your local library might offer books/CDs/DVDs by mail - might save you a trip and provide a source of entertainment for the long hours when nothing is on tv.

By: jvilter

jvilter — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 08:37:05 -0800

Lo these many years ago, when I was a nursing mom, and often stuck in one place for extended feedings, I thought it would be a great idea to have something like this. A handy place for all your little bits and pieces, with pockets to make organization easy. She might even be able to manage carrying it herself after a few days of learning how to deal with crutches. I believe the one I linked to fits on a five gallon bucket, which is probably overkill, but I'm sure they make one that fits on a three gallon size, I just couldn't find it with a quick search.

I'm picturing stocking it with books and magazines, chap stick, lotion, cell phone, Nintendo ds, snacks, a water bottle, the tv remote etc.

By: jvilter

jvilter — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 08:47:16 -0800

Oh, and to actually answer your question, I was thinking that by providing and stocking such a container for your wife, you could satisfy her needs as well as yours by heading off at the pass constant calls for those little items which can make life so worth living in times of extreeeeme boredom/confinement.

By: Tubes

Tubes — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 10:23:22 -0800

Ouch - sorry to hear about that. I've had a broken leg & titanium rod so I have some idea of what she's going through.
Lots of good advice here, so I'll just chime in on a couple of key points:
As mentioned above, she'll probably get frustrated and crabby. So make sure you are not also frustrated and crabby. Don't feel like you have to be the one and only provider of assistance, giving up all your other activities while this is happening. Make sure she has someone on call or available to visit if you need to go out from time to time and maintain some balance in your life.
But also, try not to let her get too stir crazy. If you've been cooped up watching TV for a week, just a simple trip to Dairy Queen feels like a Disney vacation...

By: cuando

cuando — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 12:50:48 -0800

I also went through a similar situation (also involving a bike & a resulting TI rod).

- I hated being 'mothered' and wanted to do things myself. It would actually frustrate me when I was contantly being asked if I needed anything. Instead establish that you're there for her and that all she has to do is ask.
- Having various pillows around is really helpful since you're supposed to keep your leg elevated.
- Get one of those stools that can be used in the bathtub or shower. they're really cheap and really great.