How do I rebuild my self-esteem after a break-up?
July 9, 2008 12:44 PM Subscribe
How can I rebuild my self-esteem after a break-up?
posted by zembla3 to human relations (18 answers total) 16 users marked this as a favorite
A guy I really liked, whom I'd dated for a few months, recently broke up with me (I'm a woman in her late 20s.) I took it hard, but we've remained friends. He is dealing with several serious personal issues outside of my control, and my friends have repeatedly assured me that I'm an awesome person and that the break-up was not my fault. But I'm still struggling with feelings of "I'm somehow deficient as a person, and that's why my romantic relationships don't work out."
Some background: I have been in one long-term relationship (lasting about two years) that ended because we simply grew apart/lost the "spark." Since then, I've only been seriously interested in three other guys, all of whom I dated for less than six months. In each case, the guy I was dating broke up with me - although in one case, the guy contacted me a couple of years later to tell me that he'd been dealing with some emotional problems at the time and that the break-up wasn't my fault whatsoever. I should note that, until recently, I haven't been especially active on the dating scene, assuming that the right person would find me at the right time. In a number of instances, I went out on one or two dates with a guy and subsequently decided he just wasn't right for me.
I know that it takes two people to make a relationship work, and that you can't necessarily fault only one person for a break-up. I have a great, close-knit group of friends who assure me that I'm smart, funny and attractive, and that some day I'll find the right guy. I assume that these excellent, socially adept, well-adjusted people wouldn't be such good friends with me if I were unlovable or seriously screwed up in some way. But for some reason, I'm having a hard time getting over this most recent break-up, and I can't shake this onslaught of low self-esteem. How can I rebuild a positive self-image?