Comments on: I'm looking for a quiet and discreet place where awesome people gather.

Question: I'm looking for a quiet and discreet place where awesome people gather.

Anonymous — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:24:33 -0800

Where can I anonymously complain on the internets?

Not just complain. I would like to become part of a web community where I can actually talk frankly about my work, life, conundra and so on and give support to others doing the same, but I'd like to be more frank and open than I can be in such a public place as MetaFilter. I don't want people, if they identify me, to feel like shopping me to the newspapers or my online enemies.

This question might sound a bit counter-intuitive to be posting anonymously on Ask Metafilter, but I'm looking for somewhere with broader guidelines and less visibility than here.

I'm doing a bunch of high profile shit at the moment and I am totally fraught with mental illness and feel way over my head, plus I have a bunch of practical problems. I want to discuss them in a place with intelligent and absolutely discreet people.

If I get into too much detail on a public forum I fear that who I am will be uncovered, and my frank opinions will fuck my shit up.

I am willing to consider any medium - IRC, websites, freenets, whatever - but I want to hear about where to go to get the privacy and frankness I wish.

Note; I am looking for reasonable people - I define this widely, but I am not looking for a den of sociopaths. More a hidden shangri-la of awesome. I know this is a big ask. ;)

By: parmanparman

parmanparman — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:31:52 -0800

um, sock puppet account? Also a good thing to do, if you're into it, is to get a throwaway e-mail address and write an account each day to that address. Then, go back and read it at the end of the week.

By: phunniemee

phunniemee — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:32:54 -0800

I'm not sure this is quite what you're looking for, but there are numerous online support groups you could join that I'm sure all have anonymous forums. Maybe finding a group of people who are going through the same shit as you will help to unfuck it?

By: fogster

fogster — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 18:56:50 -0800

You could make up a semi-related alter-ego to use: instead of being John McCain, you're an anonymous person running for state Senate. Instead of being the head spokesman for Pfizer, you're a lead spokesperson for a telecom company. This way you can vent the issues without fear of being found out.

With what little you give us to go on (I think you were being deliberately vague), I'm inclined to recommend that you consider meeting with a counselor/therapist. They're bound by law, ethics, and by wanting to keep their career, to preserve your confidentiality. I really can't think of many forums where people would want someone to come on and vent.

In terms of privacy, you might look into accessing whatever you use via a proxy server (but be careful what you choose) or via Tor.

By: Jeanne

Jeanne — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:02:49 -0800

There may be fora that are specific to your particular situation; there's a library_mofo community on Livejournal for example, for library staff to bitch. Most commenters are anonymous and lock their posts so that only community members can read them. (One commenter did get fired for his postings; he posted frequently and without locking his posts, though.)

By: Dipsomaniac

Dipsomaniac — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:07:55 -0800

Remember that if your complaints constitute actionable libels (or someone motivated to do something about them *thinks* they do) nobody can guarantee your anonymity.

By: ISeemToBeAVerb

ISeemToBeAVerb — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:23:11 -0800

Haven't actually used this site, but I happened upon it the other day: Peegly

Described as an online "feeling sharing" site.

By: Skorgu

Skorgu — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:24:48 -0800

Standard anonymity/security disclaimer: unless you are expert enough to know exactly how secure/anonymous you are and where the tradeoffs are, you aren't, not at all. The internet is a very complicated series of systems, any of which can be accidentally or maliciously compromising your carefully constructed persona.

Actual advice: you won't be able to vent about the things you want to vent about without someone finding out. It's surprisingly easy to identify a person: I don't have a cite but I have heard that a high proportion of the population (of the US) can be uniquely identified by gender, birthdate and zipcode alone, high profile activities will just bring that bar lower. Ephemeral places can be logged without you knowing, permanent place (such as forums) are subject to all manner of intimidation and social engineering attacks against anyone with access, not to mention the bottomless pit of despair that passes for computer security in most online forum applications.

tl;dr: Either do the legwork to establish a truly anonymous blog (buy a laptop for use as your persona and don't ever do anything else with it, use public wifi, generate a random password instead of your dog's birthday) and hope you're discreet enough about your disclosure or give up the technical side and start looking for a therapist/lawyer/doctor.

By: prefpara

prefpara — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 19:45:34 -0800

I am not sure what you're describing exists, and second the sockpuppet idea. Can you conceal or alter identifying details?

If you just need to vent, I am happy to oblige, as I'm sure many MeFi members would be. Bonus: I am professionally discreet. MeMail me anytime.

By: The Light Fantastic

The Light Fantastic — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 20:38:20 -0800

How about a discussion board more specific to what's bugging you/your issues right now. There are online support groups for pretty much anything nowadays.

By: citron

citron — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:27:52 -0800

Do you need to do this online? It seems like.. you want to talk frankly about what you do and who you are, in a way that would make it quite easy to identify you without even doing much searching, but you want to have this discussion online with a bunch of strangers? It seems like you are going to have to rely on their trust because even if you took the time to create a completely untraceable account and such, that would be pointless, as the very nature of what you said would make it easy to tell who you are. Plus, internet forums and IRC chats can be saved and stick around.

Wouldn't it be better to go find a real life support group for people with similar troubles, if there is a mental health one in particular for what troubles you..? Those people you'll meet face to face, of course, but there are privacy rules going in, and there wouldn't be a written record of what you talked about either. Plus, high profile is relative, I bet most average people at a group like this wouldn't be in your field(s) and wouldn't think you were high profile.
The other reason this seems like it might be good is that.. if you're in a web field or medium and have a high profile there.. enough so that your "enemies" are "online enemies".. go offline.

By: waxboy

waxboy — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 21:34:06 -0800

Stick to IRC chatrooms. Unless someone has your computer bugged, the messages are sent to whoever is in the room when you hit enter and that's it. They won't be logged on a server or show up in a google search. There are plenty of communities out there, and all sorts of illegal shit goes down in IRC rooms more or less undetected. Just be careful who you talk to. Alternately, you could get together with some friends and bitch about work over a beer at a dive bar.

By: loiseau

loiseau — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:04:42 -0800

Nowhere.

Just nowhere.

Too much anonymity and masking and you're not truly getting things off your chest and you're unable to form trusting relationships. Too much sharing and you're risking recognition. This is the reason I have never been able to journal online in any satisfying way. On top of that you always, always leave a trail of identifying information.

Get a therapist, or make real-life friends. Honestly, I feel like there's no way to get any real satisfaction out of the scenario and with the limitations you've posed.

By: Argyle

Argyle — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:05:52 -0800

I run a site called Anonyblog.

The username and password are on the front page.

Post whatever you want. Be sure to transfer the entry to Anonymous and it will get published.

It doesn't get more anonymous than that...

The community that gathers there is all over the place, from kind people to jerks.

By: dreamyshade

dreamyshade — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 22:10:19 -0800

Look for a small, obscure Livejournal clone or a like-minded, maybe friends-locked Livejournal community (like Jeanne said earlier).

By: orange swan

orange swan — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 06:29:47 -0800

Maybe you could use some group counselling.

By: theora55

theora55 — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 09:24:43 -0800

Metachat.org?

I share your concern about maintaining privacy, but MeCha is full of nice people, and ranting is allowed. Works well when you are warm-n-fuzzy with other ranters. It's not just for ranting/whining/complaining, but it might provide the outlet you seek. Don't worry about naming, you can choose any name; doesn't have to be synced w/ MeFi.

By: theora55

theora55 — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 09:25:35 -0800

plus, MeCha is fun, and having some fun is often more productive than complaining.

By: MesoFilter

MesoFilter — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 23:40:17 -0800

Only a year too late, but I participate in a totally underground forum (not indexed by google, SSL encrypted, completely off the map, on a secret URL that only the initiated know about, no way to register for it without knowing someone on the inside, and even once you're inside you have to gain the community's trust before being allowed in on all of the conversations).

Ping me for an invite.