Way too shaggy

July 7, 2008 6:48 PM

Haircuts for teenage son with mid-length, loose curl, blonde, thick, and very coarse hair?

My son (15) isn't taking good care of his hair. It's grown out pretty badly. He wants a wash and wear style, but his hair texture doesn't seem to suit long hair. He looks like an madman with angry hair, it's just so Poofy, Heavy, Wavy, Electrified, etc.

He doesn't like wax or products similar to it. With short hair, he only likes normal to tight curls. His hair is straight when short. The only long hair styles he likes are impossibly unrealistic styles meant for fine straight hair.

What will layers do to thick, coarse hair? Are there decent mid-length styles for this texture? He really wants long hair, but I just don't see it. It's just so much weight when it's long and he doesn't clean down to his scalp good enough. But, a big part of that issue is the overall un-manageability of the thickness.

What shampoos are good for this type of hair? Any recommendations for this type of hair (coarse, thick, long) are badly needed.

posted by ick to clothing, beauty, & fashion (17 comments total)

1. OH MY GOD MOM LEAVE ME ALONE. (ahem). Sorry, I got triggered there - here's one thing about teens - they are constantly criticizing their own appearance and are acutely aware of their flaws, real and imagined, at all times. At the end of the day - he's fine. Really. If he feels more attractive with long hair, let him be. Really. If you want to help him, tell him how handsome he is.
2. If he agrees that he isn't getting his hair clean enough, you might want to give him some shampooing tips. The way to get your hair really clean is to massage shampoo on your scalp, at length, with your fingertips - just like they do it at a salon. That's where the oil comes from, and that's what you want to clean. Then you have to rinse - again at *length* - especially with thick hair - until your hair "squeaks" when you pull along it (if you see what I'm saying). That said -
3. He's still going to have oily hair because he's a teen. When he's older, he'll be able to benefit from the basic Curly Hair regime (which involves not shampooing every day). But for now - keeping his hair clean and nice-smelling is more important than maximizing the beautiful curls. (This is where product would come in handy - but if he doesn't want to, again, let it go).
4. Haircuts make a big difference, but I haven't a clue what would work best - I'm sure some people will chime in with suggestions.
posted by moxiedoll at 7:07 PM on July 7, 2008

Wash and Wear style would be a layered cut. That way he could wash it, and just mess it up with his hands. Should fall into place. You might ask a stylist. They are pretty good about these type of things. Unfortunatlly teenage boys tend to not clean their hair as well as when he will when he is older. I had twin boys who I always had to fuss at about their hair. Good luck.
posted by JAD'E at 7:10 PM on July 7, 2008

On one hand, getting it layered is exactly right, if he wants wash-and-wear.

On the other hand, for God's sake, he's fifteen. I remember that age (albeit increasingly hazily), and man oh man oh man would I not have received hair style tips from my mother well.

That is, if he's asked you for ideas/advice on this matter, go ahead. But if it's unsolicited - please, please don't interfere. (Whether or not you're right that it's an unkempt, bad look is totally irrelevant to this.)
posted by Tomorrowful at 7:35 PM on July 7, 2008

I can tell you that my 18-year-old brother hasn't had short hair since he was 11 and he seems fine with it, in all its glorious Jesusosity. The big things he deals with:

- constant split ends
- broken/fallen-out hair appearing all over the place
- flaky, itchy scalp (we live in a sunny climate and he's outside a lot)
- flyaways

We haven't really found a solution, but he says that both too-hard and too-soft water have an impact, and he can't use conditioner at all.
posted by mdonley at 7:35 PM on July 7, 2008

A decent stylist should probably be able to figure out a good style for him in person... As a recent ex-teenager myself, I would really not trust my mom's judgment about such matters, let alone the judgment of random strangers on the internet who have never seen my hair.

Their answers may be biased about the shampoos/conditioners, however, since they usually sell those in-store.
posted by dondiego87 at 7:43 PM on July 7, 2008

Take him to a salon [select with care] and let them a) figure out an approach that will help; b) sell him "product" and convince him to use it; and c) impress him with their coolness.

This will probably only work if _he_ chooses the salon - maybe there's one that a local band hero uses or something.

If you want his hair to look _neat_, and he wants it to be long, then that's probably not going to happen. It sounds like your son is a prime candidate for Rock Star Hair - which could be a good thing! For college interviews, he can just tie it back with something and have Charming Pirate Hair or Swash Buckling Hair or whatever.
posted by amtho at 7:52 PM on July 7, 2008

I have this kind of hair. It does look kind of bad until it gets long enough to start weighing itself down. Once you get to the point where you can tie it back, the worst is over. Some time after that it starts to look pretty awesome (though I may be biased with that). Having long, thick, curly doesn't get in the way of cleaning down to the scalp.

Is he shampooing his hair too much? With long, thick hair you don't want to shampoo it more than a couple of times a week. The natural skin oils that give hair its shine, weigh it down so it doesn't look like you've just been shocked and generally make it look good. Too much oil and it'll look greasy and limp. Too little and it'll look dry and unmanageable. The scalp produces the same amount of skin oils no matter how long the hair is, so with long thick hair there's much more surface area for the oil to cover, so it needs to be shampooed less than short hair. Conditioner may or may not be a good idea. Hair mostly knows how to look after itself. Every day he should detangle it with his fingers before brushing it. This will also spread the skin oils out over the hair, rather than keeping it all close to the scalp.
posted by xchmp at 8:20 PM on July 7, 2008

We're both discussing this, it's not a punishment. His hair aggravates him, although I'm sure I have contributed. We've been wracking our brains and looking at pics trying to figure out good styles. He agrees that he needs something done to his hair, just not chopping it all off.

When it feels gummy, either from not rinsing or not washing, I have him clean it again. The gumminess is gross. And, similar to eye boogers, drippy nose boogers, smelly armpits, and brushed teeth, I do expect certain things to be taken care of. The second time he always does a really good job. I will continue to bug him about this, mainly because the alternative is worse. When he travels away from me, he doesn't wash his hair (or wash good) and needed medication to fix the scalp infections. I'm hoping that gets better with age.
posted by ick at 8:44 PM on July 7, 2008

I don't want to put pictures of him online, obviously. But, this hairstyle is almost identical to his current hair. Picture it at least twice poofier and he's got a middle part instead. His curls are more wave than curl. He doesn't really part the hair, just pushes it aside. That's fine, too. :)
posted by ick at 9:02 PM on July 7, 2008

Like xchmp, and your son, i too have long, wavy/curly, think, dirty blonde hair.

Similar to xchmp (though more drastic) I rarely wash my hair.
Maybe once a month. Rince it, and I use a tea tree oil conditioner about once a week to keep the scalp healthy.
My feeling on this is that the shampoos strip the natural oils out of the hair, but using most conditioners doesn't help the scalp (as you already discovered). The tea tree oil conditioner keeps the scalp clean and in good shape, i notice dandruff/flakeness without it.

It took some getting used to not washing every day, but once I got past the first few weeks, it felt very natural, and now i get comments on my hair all the time.
However, I rarely if ever go for a day without at least rinsing my hair. I think that makes a big difference.

As a mom, you probaby don't like the idea of your son not washing his hair (my mom hates that I don't wash mine), but i've been doing this for probably 10-12 years now.
I'm very active, and my hair does not smell, it isn't dirty, and yes, I wash the rest of me, just the hair gets left out, and it (and me) are much happier that way.

Give it a try.
posted by pedalpete at 9:12 PM on July 7, 2008

Flat top. 'Nuff said.
posted by jimbotex at 9:12 PM on July 7, 2008

He lives in a pool, too. How does constant chlorine ickiness affect the no shampoo method? He uses the swimmers shampoo about once a week, sometimes twice.
posted by ick at 9:20 PM on July 7, 2008

aaaahhhh ick! now i see the problem clearer.

I used to be a swimmer myself (I think your son is a younger version of myself).

The chlorine will dry out his hair automatically.
Back in my swimming days i wore a hat. No joke. Actually I would wear it for about 20 minutes with wet hair. It would straighten the hair and keep it from getting too puffy. Kinda flattens it a bit. Though I think i probably had a bit of a layered cut as well (can't remember, long ago).

I also washed my hair back then. I like the smell of chlorine ;) but the conditioner should get rid of the smell, it'd still go with that.
So try no shampoo, tea tree conditioner, then a hat for a bit (while still wet).
Don't do a mid-part under the hat, go straight back and then it should fall naturally when he takes the hat off.

If his hair is getting too puffy from over conditioning, in the past I used Alberto V05 leave in conditioner for white/silver hair - the regular stuff is way too strong. So give that a try (without the tea tree conditioner. Though I doubt that would do anything for the smell of chlorine.

I never liked the swimmers shampoos.
posted by pedalpete at 9:55 PM on July 7, 2008

I have two pieces of advice for you and your son.

First: the younger brother of a friend of mine had, for his entire life, long curly red hair. Scary hair. Hair that was completely out of control, and looked like crap, and he loved it. Then, at the advice of a girlfriend, he cut it all off, totally shaved his head. It, and he, looked so much better he never let it grow out again, and (thusly inspired) I shaved my head down as well (a decision that not only benefited me in the short term, but also made it easy to transition to a mid-life of significant balding.) On the flipside, an old boss of mine had tried desperately to manage his wavy long hair for years, with little success -- until a new stylist recommended he cut it short and perm it (it was the 80s, mind you) and it looked so much better it was unbelievable. So remember you have options that go beyond what you might consider reasonable, and even if you shave it all off (or almost off) it can always grow back.

Second: give him some money and tell him to take his best girl friends to a good, trendy salon and let the folks there make some recommendations (which his girl friends can then support or say NFW to.) They deal with twenty difficult heads of hair a day, and I guarantee they'll have better advice than anything you'll find here, both in care and maintenance and in the styling itself. And like I said, even if it's a tragedy, it will always grow back.

in anticipation of this change, may I recommend he work with his girl friends to find a cap or something he looks good in, and get people used to that first? That way, if the haircut's a tragedy, he can keep wearing the cap until it grows back some, and that'll minimize the social damage.
posted by davejay at 10:35 PM on July 7, 2008

it will always grow back.

Er, until you get into mid-life balding like I did, but accepting it and styling appropriately is a damn sight better than trying to hide it.

or so I tell myself when I cry into my pillow at night
posted by davejay at 10:37 PM on July 7, 2008

I have just been observing that large, raunchy white-man hair seems to be kind of in. So there's that.

Otherwise, my vote is for buzzing to stubble. It's cheap, it makes you look tough (or cancerous if you're skinny), and you've never felt real freedom until you've had no hair, especially in the summer! It grows back fast if you change your mind; just get some stiff paste/gel for tousling the goofy intermediate stage. And don't forget to sunscreen your virgin scalp.

For ten thousand bonus Mom points, buzz your heads together! I am so serious. You have no idea.
posted by mindsound at 10:54 PM on July 7, 2008

I used to have massive problems with my hair; it was dry, oily, frizzy, limp, incorrigible, etc. And then I stopped washing it around March last year. I rinse fairly rigorously with water whenever I shower, but that's it.

The result? I've never looked back. My hair is softer, shinier, stronger, more manageable. My friends, barber, etc, complement me on it where they never did before. What's more, it's gone from being something I worried about to something I give next to no thought. Plus I've saved a bucket on overpriced shampoo/conditioner etc!

I don't use any product, but I didn't much before either. I imagine if I did, it might impact things, but right now it's all about natural style baby.
posted by oxford blue at 6:50 AM on July 8, 2008