The kindly one

July 3, 2008 8:17 PM

Is it normal to become exhausted after feeling intense anger or sadness that is accompanied by no particular physical activity?

I find that when I am intensely sad or become angry, no matter how I deal with it, I become extremely sleepy an hour later, and the rest of the day just doesn't feel right. It isn't anything I'm aware of doing physically, although today when I was angry I did notice that I was breathing shallowly and quickly. I don't yell, stamp around or snap; that would be unprofessional (unless you own the company!) I just keep my cool and try to be thought of as even-tempered. (It seems to work. A friend once called me "St. [Anon]".)

I do my best not to express strong emotions in front of others who aren't prepared for them, although by myself I will cry. Whether or not I cry doesn't seem to make any difference as to whether I get tired. This didn't seem to happen to me when I was young, and my teenage years were a drama roller coaster.

I'm expecting the death of a dear person soon, so this is just going to keep happening. How -- besides caffeine -- can I help fix it?

posted by anonymous to science & nature (12 comments total)

I don't know if it's 'normal,' but I do know that I often experience the same thing. Intense feelings - sadness, anger, even physical pain - are exhausting. I find that it helps to take a breather to actually let myself feel, and get a short break from holding everything back. I also find that intense emotions tend to make it harder to remember to take care of basics like eating and staying hydrated. I'll push myself so hard emotionally that I end up ravenous, dehydrated, and exhausted. So my advice would be: don't fight your emotions relentlessly; let them do their thing now and then. Make sure you are as healthy, physically, as possible: exercise, eat well, drink water. It sounds really basic, but it helps give you the resources to cope.
posted by bassjump at 8:29 PM on July 3, 2008

Sounds like your sympathetic nervous system is getting revved up. This is the fight or flight part. Since this isn't a voluntary thing I'm not sure how you can control it. As you said, staying away from caffeine may help some.

But to answer your question of whether or not it's normal to feel tired afterward...yes it's normal.
posted by GlowWyrm at 8:49 PM on July 3, 2008

It does happen to me as well. Don't know why, but it's not unheard of.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:53 PM on July 3, 2008

It's called being emotionally drained or depleted. I think it's normal. I suppose there's some enlightened person out there who can bob effortlessly on the current of their liquid emotions and not be doing exhausting isometrics against a solid with them most of the time, but I have never met such a person.
posted by Listener at 9:49 PM on July 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

I also find that intense emotions tend to make it harder to remember to take care of basics like eating and staying hydrated.

This is a very good point. I went through a Very Sad Life Event last year and I would go days without eating. I wasn't hungry so I just forgot, but obviously my body still needed food.
posted by Cyrano at 9:55 PM on July 3, 2008

(Which is probably why in many cultrues it's a tradition to bring food to the bereaved after someone dies.)
posted by Cyrano at 9:57 PM on July 3, 2008

Strong emotions can trigger an adrenalin release. If you eat a protein based meal after the emotion, you can modulate your blood sugar so you don't have an intense high or intense low (both unpleasant). In my family, the guidelines is to eat strong food after strong emotions.
posted by aliksd at 10:29 PM on July 3, 2008 [1 favorite]

The same thing happens to me too. I become positively narcoleptic, can't keep my eyes open, and fall deeply asleep very quickly. When I wake I feel 100% better so I don't mind it.
posted by zarah at 10:43 PM on July 3, 2008

Sounds pretty normal to me. "Drained" is the word, probably.
posted by rokusan at 10:53 PM on July 3, 2008

I could be way off base here, but this actually sounds a lot like strong emotions = anxiety and exhausted = depression. As we age the coping mechanisms we use will start to wear down and will stop working at some point. We then either move onto using another one or just plain start breaking down. You really should talk to someone about this and see how normal this is.
posted by P.o.B. at 12:49 AM on July 4, 2008

Yes it's perfectly normal. Given the context that you are expecting the death of person dear to you, it's no surprise that you feel this way after experiencing sadness or anger. The tiredness is likely to be caused by the adrenalin released when you feel these emotions and exacerbated by your shallow breathing. Shallow breathing doesn't clear your lungs out of Co2, so you get a build up, less oxygen reaching your brain results in you feeling exhausted. It's called hyperventilating and can cause you to pass out if you keep it up for long enough.

Learning to breathe slowly and deeply when you feel the onset of these emotions will help. Take a long breath in through your nose and slowly breathe out through your mouth until you feel your lungs can push no more air out, rinse and repeat. Seconding what others have said about ensuring you eat well and stay hydrated during this time. If you can, try and limit your caffeine intake too. A high caffeine intake will make the problem worse.

Sometimes a little physical activity straight after the onset of these emotions can help work off the adrenaline too. If you are in a situation where the emotions are high but can't be expressed, then try and get outside in the fresh air and take a walk as soon as you can, even some simple stretching will help you here. Try and keep to a regular sleep schedule and make sure you have some support yourself, from friends or family.

I hope this difficult time soon passes for you.

Best wishes.
posted by Arqa at 3:48 AM on July 4, 2008 [2 favorites]

I've noticed this in a vegan and a one-time (but not anymore) vegetarian. I remember a specific instance for each of them where they were strongly distressed and they then fell asleep in an unusual place within fifteen minutes. And they stayed asleep for at least a half hour. Maybe diet makes you more resistant? Or maybe this has nothing to do with anything.
posted by zeek321 at 5:17 AM on July 4, 2008