Owt

July 1, 2008 12:27 PM

What resources exist for a motivated single mother looking to take care of herself and her little girl?

One of my friends is in something of a toxic place, and has a three year old daughter. She's 22, highly motivated, has straight A's in her recent classes, and the father is not a reliable source of financial support and lives relatively far away. She's dependent on her mom for support but that's running out quickly. Where can she go? What should she do? Is there something she can apply for?

posted by effugas to human relations (23 comments total)

You might want to specify her location.
posted by Perplexity at 12:37 PM on July 1

And she lives... where?
posted by DarlingBri at 12:44 PM on July 1

Has she been to her local Department of Human Services to seek medical assistance and/or food stamps?

How about local food banks?

Is there any kind of local job bank office that can help her in seeking a job and updating her resume?
posted by All.star at 12:46 PM on July 1

Call some local churches and ask if they have, or know of, a local program to help people in her situation. Sometimes, churches have sponsor programs where member families help others families in need.
posted by studentbaker at 12:48 PM on July 1

If she has straight A's, there are probably some grants and/or scholarships she could apply for. Folks at the financial-aid office can help with that.
posted by box at 12:50 PM on July 1

the YWCA may have some resources for her as well.
posted by thinkingwoman at 1:07 PM on July 1

Have her check into Section 8 housing in her area.
posted by konolia at 1:09 PM on July 1

TThis is a pretty open-ended question but I may be able to offer a little help. I'm a single parent too.

My biggest resource has been my immediate community. I couldn't hold down a job or go to school if I didn't have friends babysitting, bringing me food now and then, helping with household chores, and just listening when I need to talk. I also can't overemphasize the importance of people who enjoy hanging out with me and my kid together - so I don't have to look for childcare in order to socialize.

Someone on AskMe just told me about Lifetime. They were very nice on the phone and somewhat helpful. I think its best to call them with specific questions but they mostly help advocate for mother's who are in school and trying to navigate the welfare system.

Public assistance exists and your friend should use it, but it aint easy. The system is designed to make you give up, but I bet your friend might appreciate company if she's going to have to spend a day sitting in line waiting to apply for foodstamps. The best tip I can give her on that front is to have every possible piece of paperwork she might need on hand including birth certificates for her and her child, ID, bills, lease agreements, etc.

The local food bank is a good place to check out too - you don't always have to be on assistance to use the food bank.

There's subsidized daycare in many communities but it is often sub-par. I couldn't stomach it even though financially, it would have helped. But she may need help filling out financial aid and scholarship forms for private daycare centers. Her college may offer daycare too.

Local women’s shelters may be a resource. You could call one and ask if they know of other local organizations designed to help someone like your friend. These organizations keep in touch with each other.

I'll keep thinking - I hope this is a good start.
posted by serazin at 1:10 PM on July 1

Sorry for the inappropriate apostrophe.
posted by serazin at 1:11 PM on July 1

Welfare will take into consideration the fact that she gets support from her mother, which will likely make her ineligible for cash benefits, though she might be eligible for food stamps and/or medical coverage, almost definitely will be able to get CHIP coverage for her kid. A food stamp calculator will give her a rough idea of what she might be eligible for. Though, honestly, your question doesn't specify what kind of help or benefits she needs, which makes generating any kind of decent referral difficult.

Also, "Department of Human Services" isn't where you get welfare, you get it at the county assistance office. And you don't just get a Section 8 voucher, you queue up in a waiting list that's probably a couple years long unless there's a documented history of homelessness that an agency could use to bump her to the front of the line as an emergency case. And food banks right now as a general rule are extremely under supplied, so she shouldn't expect to get anything but some canned goods from them, if that. She can probably hook up with some decent donated clothes through a local church group or social service organization that serves families. Other than this it's kind of hard to make any other recommendations based on the information provided.
posted by The Straightener at 1:37 PM on July 1 [1 favorite]

Her school probably has a daycare center--particularly if they have an early childhood education department.
posted by availablelight at 1:46 PM on July 1

Phone sex or escort work work well for certain highly motivated people. Put all that energy of high motivation to work in a remunerative field.
posted by By The Grace of God at 1:46 PM on July 1

If you are getting kicked out of your home by your mother, that kicks you to the head of the Section 8 list. If you are seeking a section 8 apartment, it is up to the individual apartment managers to manage that list. The list IS pretty long but things like imminent homelessness can indeed get you kicked up the line. And a letter from her mom saying she needs to leave will probably be all she will need to verify that.
posted by konolia at 1:55 PM on July 1

Use the phone book. There should be a section that lists community resource. Or call the city or town offices. Apply for housing assistance, child care assistance, child care vouchers, food stamps, general assistance, job training, Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF), and everyplace you go, ask about other resources available. It's a patchwork of services, not coordinated. So you have to keep asking what's available. There may be a clothing bank, which will occasionally have good stuff. There are usually extra resources at Christmas, i.e., giving trees, food baskets, etc., so use them, and save some resources for later in the year. It takes a lot of time, and the results may not be immediate.

Most everything will have a waiting list; sign up. Some places will have a closed waiting list, ask when you can get on it, and keep checking back. Make it clear that the education is job-related, and will get you off public assistance.

Much subsidized child care is fantastic; apply for it, visit the center, and make your own judgment.
posted by theora55 at 1:57 PM on July 1

If you are getting kicked out of your home by your mother, that kicks you to the head of the Section 8 list.

Not in the city of Philadelphia.
posted by The Straightener at 2:20 PM on July 1

Okay, I haven't been a social worker for over twenty years, but when I was, section 8 was virtually useless - expect a multiyear waiting list. Food stamps, etc., are quicker but still the process was humiliating and the outcome small. Last time I checked they would not give food stamps to full time students.
I recommend she check for a local single parents support group on campus. They can give her the ins and outs. Also, hooking up with another single parent in the same situation can allow exchange of services - one looking after both children.
Best of luck.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 2:33 PM on July 1

If in the US:

W.I.C.

Angel Food Ministries
posted by SuperSquirrel at 2:36 PM on July 1

Okay, I haven't been a social worker for over twenty years, but when I was, section 8 was virtually useless - expect a multiyear waiting list.

Still is. The idea that providing a letter from one's mother in order to get a rent reduction equivalent to hundreds of dollars per month is pretty ludicrous, I'm not sure where konolia is coming up with it. If that was the case, Section 8 would be the default source of housing for poor first time renters, and even market rent consumers who just want lower rent. The subsidy pays quite a bit of money, and there are always very few of them available regardless of what market you are in, so they are virtually impossible to obtain and are only obtainable with an established history of homelessness based on shelter usage, domestic violence, mental health service usage, etc.
posted by The Straightener at 2:40 PM on July 1

Contact the local legal aid office. They should have lists of resources/programs (whether state, local or federal) for people facing financial difficulties. Among other things, they could put her in touch with food, housing, childcare and budget counseling programs. And as stated above, a women's shelter could also be a good source of information.
posted by the littlest brussels sprout at 3:34 PM on July 1

She's in Arizona, but capable of moving. Thanks for the advice, keep it coming?
posted by effugas at 3:47 PM on July 1

Still is. The idea that providing a letter from one's mother in order to get a rent reduction equivalent to hundreds of dollars per month is pretty ludicrous, I'm not sure where konolia is coming up with it

Because that is how I and my husband and kids got section 8 housing years ago. We were temporarily living with my folks (we'd moved back to NC)-mom was going thru menopause and started acting wacky and dad asked us to try to find another place to live.

When the lady in the office heard my story she just asked for a letter from dad stating that he was kicking us out.

I had the apartment within the month.

Yes, there are long lines and stuff but these offices are run by PEOPLE. I didn't ask for special consideration but it happened. So what I am saying is that it is worth a try.
posted by konolia at 4:53 PM on July 1

Check out the CoAbode website- for women/ single mothers looking for housing to share.
posted by mistsandrain at 6:53 AM on July 2

Also, "Department of Human Services" isn't where you get welfare, you get it at the county assistance office.

Well, that's not true in most states-some states are county based, but I believe most are really county offices of a state agency (which, in my state, really is called Dept of Human Services). In Arizona, it's the Family Assistance Administration.

If she's not getting child support at this point, the state agency will take care of that process for her-though it might be squeezing blood from a turnip. They will use some of any child support receives to reimburse the state for any welfare benefits (now called TANF: temporary assistance to needy families) that she receives.

Lots of areas have special programs designed to assist young mothers, with things like supportive classes, case management services, assistance locating housing, things like that.

Also, remember that Section 8 isn't the only source of low-cost or subsidized housing in many communities. The welfare folks can probably help her with other local resources.
posted by purenitrous at 11:31 AM on July 2