Why does my baby hate me?

June 24, 2008 3:22 AM

PregnancyFilter: I have four weeks to go and am suddenly miserable and in a lot of pain. My doctors shrug and say it's normal. Tips to get through the last month? Warning: some TMI-worthy confessions inside.

I've been blessed with a great, super-easy pregnancy so far (well except for the first trimester of course) but last week the ninth month hit, and all the "your last trimester will suck so hard!" predictions that I had laughed off seem to be coming true at once.

I've had regular Braxton-Hicks contractions every five minutes for seven days now, and they are really starting to hurt. I have backaches like cramps. I have shooting pains lower down, in the front. (I mean, I'm not crying from the pain or anything, but I do have to grunt and moan a bit sometimes.) Several times a day it feels like I have RUN! to the bathroom to poop, but I don't actually. I have been up for several nights in a row at odd hours - tonight I got a mere two hours of sleep - with near-constant nausea and what feels like indigestion, though it comes and goes despite any amount of Tums.

Yes, I've been to see the doctors, twice in the past week - the pains had convinced me that I was starting labor. But apparently my cervix is completely closed and showing no signs whatsoever of any activity. So, no.

My stomach burns. My groin aches, stabs, and aches again. I'm having all the cramps I was so delighted to forgo through the last eight months. I'm tired and frustrated and I want to cry and admit that this whole thing was a bad idea. I had wanted to have a natural delivery, but this extended hurting has really got me feeling like I won't be able to stand it, if it's going to be even worse than this, and I don't know what to do.

The doctors shrug and say that I'm on track for a perfectly normal delivery... in four weeks. How do I survive? Can this really be normal?

posted by GardenGal to health & fitness (16 comments total)

IANAD, but every five minutes for seven days sounds rather a lot.

You probably know this, but dehydration is sometimes said to make Braxton-Hickses more frequent and prolonged - could you drink a bit more?
posted by Phanx at 4:07 AM on June 24, 2008

I had regular Braxton-Hicks contractions, as close together as 3 minutes apart, for three weeks straight before my daughter was born. The doctors weren't concerned then either since there were no other signs of activity. The last few weeks I couldn't sleep in my bed due to various discomforts; I ended up sleeping in a recliner. Hang in there!
posted by ellenaim at 4:30 AM on June 24, 2008

just to keep in mind: sometimes perfectly healthy normal-weight babies are born weeks before the nine month mark... even first babies.
posted by geos at 4:58 AM on June 24, 2008

Have you tried any meditation? Just sitting, breathing, and trying to calm things? When you get pain like this, it causes stress, which in turn causes more.. it's a loop.
I had the same thing, the Braxton-Hicks, couldn't sleep, constantly being uncomfortable and achy.. and just had to relax in a recliner, breathe, rub the Buddha belly, and think of what "she" is going to be like.. I had to find an inner peace to make things quiet, even if it was for 30 minutes. Just so I wouldn't lose my sanity.
I wish I had more advice to offer you, but this is what worked for me. Good luck and best wishes.
posted by czechmate at 5:03 AM on June 24, 2008

I would rethink the epidural if I were you. What really changed my mind was a nurse who told me she'd delivered with and without - she preferred it "with epidural" because, and get this, she remembered it more clearly. She said the pain made it difficult to remember the birthing clearly. Just a thought.
posted by ewkpates at 5:15 AM on June 24, 2008

GardenGal, I'm so sorry! You sound miserable. I'm sorry that your doctor (and I) have nothing helpful to say that will ease your discomfort.

My best friend just went through something similar. Tons of Braxston Hicks for WEEKS before delivery. Little sleep, extra miserable. She went on to have a healthy natural delivery, though, and her adorable daughter was totally worth it. Things that got her through it (and the 48-hour labor which I hope you don't have):
--focus on the baby. Visualize your baby, and remind yourself that there will be a good result from all this shortly.
--get support from your partner/spouse, family, and friends. My friend had her mom come up early, and she helped do chores and keep my friend company.
--try to do something every day even if you are grumpy and miserable. Short walks cheered my friend up.
--complain to sympathetic, supportive people. You deserve every ounce of sympathy you can get.

One other medical thing you can ask your doctor about--I'm in my last two weeks of pregnancy as well, and my midwife is having me take Evening Primrose Oil (pill form), because it (supposedly) softens the cervix. I'm already 75% effaced and 1 cm dilated... It might help you too, although herbal stuff is always a little hit-or-miss I think.
posted by tk at 5:29 AM on June 24, 2008

I was on crutches for two weeks, about three weeks before I delivered, due to back pain and sciatica. It was a bit extreme, but everyone's diagnosis was the same: you're pregnant. Most of what you describe seems normal to me and, except for the frequency of the BH, similar to my experience. The urge to poop was actually very close to when I went into labor, about 24 hours (if that's any consolation). I hate to say it, but even at my most uncomfortable pre-labor, I was more comfortable and more able to rest than at any point in the following six weeks with a newborn. Go ULTRA-EASY on yourself. Try some calming exercises (like meditation mentioned above) to reduce your anxiety about the discomfort and rest as much as possible. Cry when you need to. There's a whole world of hormones and nervous energy coursing through you. As for labor, don't write off anything. Take it as it comes. There are euphoric, pain-dulling hormones that kick in during labor, too, and you may be able to make it through. Good luck!
posted by cocoagirl at 5:33 AM on June 24, 2008

Yeah, that last few weeks - ow. combined with no sleep, it's drag drag superdrag. The poop feeling is just your kid's head getting into position, pressing on your colon, and to be honest, that's a lot what most of the labor felt like for me - like I had the poo of a lifetime coming down.

Here's what helped me:

* staying in bed and sleeping, even if just for 30 minutes at a time. If I wasn't in bed I was either at work or in the pool or bathtub - like literally several hours a day in water
* reading really involving novels to keep my mind off things
* hitachi magic wand, it's not just for making babies anymore! Great on the cramp spots and low back
* eating everything i wanted
* really hot rice packs for my back and thighs
* foot massages
* some people get a lot of relief out of prenatal massage - I didn't like the massage lady so I couldn't really relax there. I did get a LOT of relief from a really good acupuncturist who knew how to handle late-state pregnancy. Quite a bit after my due date, she did something new and I'm convinced she started my labor, though she just smiles when I ask. Some people go to chiropractors but I'm scared of them.

I loved actually having her, it was such a relief! Being able to actually push felt great, and I had a super-easy and short labor with no epidural even though I'm an unfit slob. I just stayed in the tub at home until the compulsion to push was irreversible, so by the time I got to the hospital I was 7 cm, then got right back into their shower and alternated between the shower and sitting on the toilet. Not very pretty, but it worked great for me. I was only there two or three hours before I had my daughter in my arms.

Good luck!
posted by pomegranate at 5:38 AM on June 24, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

Pools. spend as much time as you can in them.

Ditto on all the other great advice here. What you are experiencing is normal and you are almost there! Congratulations!
posted by mistsandrain at 5:55 AM on June 24, 2008

Nthing the hydration advice. You will pee all the time but just keep a beverage with you and drink. Also:

- Start your day with a series of stretches, every way you can imagine. If you can do some before even getting out of bed, that's great.
- Squat a lot. Not only will it take pressure off of a lot of places, it will help the baby begin to move into birthing position.
- Hands and knees positions that let you arch your back up and down like a cat are also good.
- Eat smaller, high protein meals and snacks.
- Don't let this make you second guess your natural birth plans. The discomforts of advanced pregnancy are nothing like labor.
posted by Dreama at 7:09 AM on June 24, 2008

Sorry to hear you're feeling so miserable. I think the general advice is right. It's just freaking HARD and uncomfortable. No way out but through.

Your innards are all bent out of shape because of your big ol' uterus, and of course that's going to manifest in all kinds of ways, the indigestion, the urgent feelings of having to go, and peeing a little bit every 15 minutes.

I say: if you haven't already shoved off all your other responsibilities, now is the time to do it. Get in a pool and float as much as possible. Be waited on hand and foot. Start calling in favors and just get through it.

About your birth--it's great if you go "all natural", but please, do not beat yourself up if you end up having some pain relief. I ended up taking an epidural (which I dreaded to get) with my first child's birth, and I beat myself up about it mightily afterward...in fact, until my second child's birth, which was SUCH a different experience, so much easier, that making it through unmedicated was doable. Both labors began with my water breaking (generally regarded as making contractions more intense), but the first I was at <1>
Nothing I did, except possibly already have a kid, made a whit of difference about how hard my to labors were--I just got what I got, and the first time really was just a much rougher go of it. Bottom line is that yes, it's going to be intense and painful no matter what, but there is no shame if you get to the point where you really have had enough and there is good, safe technology to get you and the baby through it.
posted by Sublimity at 8:07 AM on June 24, 2008

Oops, pardon the misfire. That last bit should read

My first labor started with my water breaking at 1 cm. After several extremely painful hours, dilation stalled out at 6 cm for several further more painful hours. With my second delivery, my water broke when I was ca. 4 cm and dilation progressed smoothly throughout. No. Freaking. Contest.

You just don't know how it's going to go til you're in the middle of it.

Best of luck to you...and congrats on the impending baby!
posted by Sublimity at 8:09 AM on June 24, 2008

This is, indeed, the "normal discomforts" of late pregnancy. In retrospect, I think I was terribly depressed for much of this time. Ever since delivery, it is like a cloud has lifted from my whole existence. I still feel like doing a happy dance every morning when I can easily get out of bed and take a shower (almost 5 months later).

The indigestion is the baby pressing up against your stomach - there is no more room in there. The shooting groin pain is probably your pelvis separating to make room for the baby as it descends (a good thing!). I had this all pregnancy long, starting around 8-10 weeks. My hips and rib cage were enormous until they seemed to snap back into place around 3-4 months. Spending time in the pool did make me feel almost normal, when nothing else could do that. I really missed vigorous exercise and laps in the pool made me feel human again.

It might make you feel better to know that post-delivery, my medical care has been all about fixing anything that is bothering me. Most of my prenatal appointments felt rather rushed and dismissive, and postnatal have been exactly the opposite. The truth is that once the baby is out there is a lot more they can do to help.

Don't worry about the delivery in the context of all this - it's a different game. My one piece of advice there is to be as well-educated as possible on all the interventions and why they happen, so you can make the right decisions when you need to. (I ended up with a textbook set of interventions that all worked EXACTLY as they were supposed to, resulting in a happy healthy delivery and very easy recovery, despite lots of complications during labor.) Also, don't worry too much about all the people telling you to 'rest while you can', 'enjoy your last easy moments' etc. For some people pregnancy is easy and for some it is awful. The same is true for the first few weeks with a new baby. My maternity leave was wonderful and honestly like a vacation. I was well rested and so, so happy not to be pregnant anymore. It could happen to you!
posted by pekala at 8:26 AM on June 24, 2008

Golly. That sucks. It's possible you might find sitting on an exercise ball to be comfortable; my first pregnancy it was really helpful (this one (5 weeks to go) not quite as much).

My midwife suggested that if Tums weren't enough, that pepcid would be ok (as I recall; that was the last time around) so you might ask your care provider about something stronger than Tums. Also, I find mint tea to be helpful.
posted by leahwrenn at 9:24 AM on June 24, 2008

IANAD, I have never been prego, so my knowledge is a bit limited but...

Are you sure you're getting enough calcium/magnesium? Magnesium deficiency in particular is nearly ubiquitous is Western society.

I take one called Ionic Fizz, cause it tastes good - and it's miraculous for menstrual cramps. But there's lots of brands, seems to help women with braxton-hicks here and is recommended here (along with other tips).
posted by for_serious at 11:00 AM on June 24, 2008

Thanks so much for all your support. It seems even just a little company makes my misery easy to bear.

Those are some good suggestions, and I intend to try all of them - even trying to squeeze my gargantuan self into my old red bikini and heading down to the pool with a big ole umbrella for shade (it's HOT here!)
posted by GardenGal at 10:12 PM on June 29, 2008