SubscribeHi, thanks for getting in touch. I can certainly help train your man-eating dog. If you're still interested, here are the next steps:
1. We have a brief phone consultation to discuss your case and set up an in-person evaluation.
2. I meet your drugged and muzzled escaped lab specimen for 1 hour (free)
3. If we decide to go ahead, we set up a schedule where I show up at your house with a chair and a bullwhip for 1 hour sessions 2-3 times per week.
4. My rate will vary between $250-500 an hour plus combat pay.
Hello Ms. Petowner, and thanks for your message.
I can assist you with Problem X and Concern Y in the following manner: blah blah business talk blah. Explanation and any questions you have for the customer. Stuff here. Lorem ipsum.
If you'd like me to perform an initial evaluation so you can sign up for lessons, my availability is pretty good on Monday, August 32nd, and Fridays are generally open. Just let me know when you'd like to stop in with Mister Poochulz and I'll set aside some time for us. I try to reply to email within two hours, but inquiries made after 5PM will be answered the next day as in the interest of keeping your pet healthy and happy, evenings are set aside for hosing down the dogfight pits. Or if you'd prefer to call to make arrangements I'm available at 1-900-MIX-ALOT until 7:30PM every weekday.
Thank you,
Choo Choo McGroo's Animal Tamer Service
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posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 9:38 PM on June 21