Lame bike helmet drama

June 6, 2008 9:31 PM

Can you help me to convince my son (almost 14) to wear his helmet while skateboarding and biking, instead of giving up these activities because I insist he comply (or walk.) None of his friends wear helmets even though our state law says they must up to the age 16. We have been through a few different styles already to accomodate his cool factor, but nothing suits him but the wind in his hair and his mother out of his face. I hate that he's abandoning riding or skating over this.
posted by maloon to sports, hobbies, & recreation (62 comments total)

did you try showing him picture of people who weren't wearing helmets that crashed? It's things like that and not my mom saying "you have to because we say so" that made me comply to a lot of safety things.
posted by rubberkey at 9:36 PM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

Find pictures of cool people who wear helmets. Especially cool celebrities or older friends of his.
posted by acoutu at 9:38 PM on June 6, 2008

Remember... in the video game he doesn't, but Tony Hawk is smarter in real life.
posted by ALongDecember at 9:42 PM on June 6, 2008

Put your foot down.
posted by kldickson at 9:51 PM on June 6, 2008 [1 favorite]

I don't think it's possible to convince a 14 year old to do something he doesn't want to do. I was that kid myself and I simply wore the helmet for the 5 minutes my parents could see me and then ditched it at a friend's house while riding the rest of the day. You can put your foot down all you like but, imo, you'll just be alienating your kid.

Tony Hawk is a grown man with kids. I doubt he wore the helmet out of competition that made it mandatory when he was 14.
posted by dobbs at 9:52 PM on June 6, 2008

Close calls are what convinced me that wearing a helmet in traffic is a good idea. I hope your child never even has a close call, but perhaps you could put him in touch with riders/skaters who have been in accidents or just really scared. Speaking as a former 14 year old boy, it's a lot easier to accept and follow advice when it comes from just about anyone other than your mom.
posted by Science! at 9:54 PM on June 6, 2008

Take him to a place with younger people who have traumatic brain injuries. While most of them are caused by car crashes and catastrophic events, it should get the point across. Have him volunteer there to see just how much this could really steer his life out of his choice and into being a semi-vegetable.
posted by Gular at 9:55 PM on June 6, 2008

Look, he's 14 -- if he truly believes that sulking is preferable to biking with a helmet, I say let him. But if you're in the northern hemisphere it's summer and I doubt he'll hold out very long.

I don't think making disabled and disfigured people a tourist attraction is really the most sensitive action.
posted by loiseau at 10:00 PM on June 6, 2008 [8 favorites]

Whoa, I totally second Gular's advice to expose him to the injured. That comment just reminded me of something my mother used to say all the time about being safe. It was that if I were ever in an accident and left paralyzed she would keep me at home and take care of me for the rest of my life. Most boys will have a pretty visceral repulsion to the idea of their mother bathing and feeding them by spoon for the next sixty years. She never went into detail about injury or care to be provided, just that I'd be with her 24/7 for the rest of my life.

That will freak a kid out and get him begging to wear a helmet.
posted by Science! at 10:02 PM on June 6, 2008 [6 favorites]

People bike for all kinds of reasons - speed, danger, ecological benefits, and so forth. His is the wind in his hair.

You've given him the choice, helmet or walk. He's made the choice. If the feeling of the wind in his hair is what he liked about biking, then he's made a rational decision - because to bike with a helmet would render the experience joyless for him.

It sounds as if you don't really want him to have the choice, and that you'd rather he keep biking with a helmet, and also want to wear the helmet, so it doesn't injure your feelings. At this point, what you're doing is saying, "Please continue in your old habits, without enjoyment, because to do otherwise would mean that I would feel bad for putting you in that situation." While you might be able to find other reasons for him to enjoy biking, his original sense of pleasure is gone. You've made the safety call, he's made the participation call. That may result in some unpleasant feelings, but feelings are perhaps the thing you can dictate least of all.
posted by adipocere at 10:04 PM on June 6, 2008 [15 favorites]

The truth is, even if you convince him to agree to wear it, he'll take it off once he's out of your sight. He's 14 years old and he thinks he's invincible. I'm the mother of a 15 year old who refuses to wear a helmet when bicycling and skating. I finally gave up and decided to save my battles for bigger issues.

Most of us who are parents of today's teenagers grew up in the 70s/80s and we managed to survive without helmets.
posted by amyms at 10:06 PM on June 6, 2008

Seconding dobbs. Life as a teenager is tough enough without having to battle your mom over stuff like this. The odds of a disaster are not high enough to justify the stress and potential alienation for either you or him.
posted by mullacc at 10:14 PM on June 6, 2008

I was a hardcore rollerblader in my youth. There was a group of us who basically spent all our free time on our skates jumping, racing, and any other cool activities we could think of. There was a kid who we'll call Mike who's mother made him wear a helmet and pads. We berated him non-stop to take that krap off as soon as his mother was out of site. He would sometimes wear it and sometimes he wouldn't. Ultimately, we knew it was his mother forcing him to wear the helmet and not us. We didn't think less of him for wearing it when he had to.

Ultimately, keep pushing the issue. He may take it off but as a father now myself I'd rather my child wear it half the time than none at all. Just tell him you better not see him with it off or he'll lose his bike/skating privileges. Rather safe(r) than sorry.

I started wearing a helmet religiously when I was about 18 and realized it was stupid not to. Teach your child well and he will as well.
posted by Octoparrot at 10:16 PM on June 6, 2008

Most of us who are parents of today's teenagers grew up in the 70s/80s and we managed to survive without helmets.

"What He Said".

Speeds aren't that great for around-town cruising on a bike on board, unless you've got hills. I've taken a handful of dives off my bicycles over the years, and never once landed on my head. The two or three times I've gone ass over teakettle I've instinctiively broken my fall with my hands, then rolling onto my shoulders, back, etc.

Skating could use a helmet if they're doing those goofy tricks. Youtube.

I totally second Gular's advice to expose him to the injured

Thing is, you've got to find a brain-injury case from bicycling/skating for it to have import.

Not that common.
posted by tachikaze at 10:30 PM on June 6, 2008

Nobody thinks it will happen to him, but there are guys your age who are going to have to wear diapers for the rest of their life because they missed one trick. You are my son; it would destroy me if you ended up like that. I know helmets are not cool, but I want to you to have fun and I don't want to change your diapers, so help me out. I don't want you to say OK and then take it off as soon as I'm not looking at you. Some helmets are cooler than others, right? Or maybe some good shoes or blue hair could balance it out a little? What if you had, say, a nose ring, smoked cigarettes and had a really big tattoo? AND control of your bowels. How can we over-cool the negative effects of a helmet so you'll wear it and stop scaring the hell out of me?
posted by Methylviolet at 10:31 PM on June 6, 2008 [8 favorites]

Would your son be interested in joining organized meets or clubs where he gets participation & reward & acknowlegment? And if those groups required helmets? Or does he just want to hang out with his buds & ride?

A kid I know like bikes & had similar inclinations. When he joined a club helmets were required, but he valued the club spirit & races enough to wear a helmet rather than not ride with the club. Turned out his cool factor was way improved cuz he was riding with the best, and he got better & his peers knew it.

And the helmet saved his head from more serious injury a couple times. Now he has a) the first-hand knowledge of the value of wearing a helmet, and b) a higher level of experience, skill and judgement to decide & ride without one now that he is over 16.

If he follows whose best in his sport in reported competition, see if he aspires to that. And point out to him that all those guys, the coolest & BEST, get better b/c they are protected & can more readily explore their limits.

I say hold your ground. at least until he's 16.
posted by TDIpod at 10:50 PM on June 6, 2008

Perhaps find out if he is interested in a helmet-cam, so he can put his exploits on youtube or whatever. On the downside, that he's recording might encourage him to triy crazier stuff. But on the plus side, this way there is simply no point in him doing cool stunts without wearing the helmet.
Oh, also on the downside - you get what you pay for, and buying a cheap helmet-cam that resembles a kids toy will not have the cool factor, and will probably result in crummy video that puts him off the idea. Serious cams start at about $200 not including the recording device, which is typically some kind of handi-cam that accepts video input from an external camera, and is stored in a backpack. So that means cost as well as cables that may make the helmet more hassle than it's worth. There are lower cost options, and all-in-one devices (especally as you move towards the toy area of the market), you'd just have to make sure it can't be removed from the helmet. Well, there are plenty of details and options - you can work through them with your son if you think this is a path worth following up on.
posted by -harlequin- at 11:00 PM on June 6, 2008 [2 favorites]

Has he checked out the Bern Baker helmet? It's pretty freaking cool for a helmet, looking almost exactly like a simple ball cap. I got one for only $40 new.
posted by mathowie at 11:02 PM on June 6, 2008 [8 favorites]

not quite as expensive as harlequin's estimate- The Hero Cam is about $160 or less, takes great video in readily compatible formats for direct uploads or editing.
posted by TDIpod at 11:07 PM on June 6, 2008

Hollywood might also provide a few teaching moments in those getting-the-gear-on scenes where the action hero kits up with the body armour etc. Depending on what he's into, talking about kevlar and aramid fibres and body armour, perhaps items designed for police, motorcyclists, etc, might be a more conductive angle than talking about helmets and knee pads.

You'll also find that motorcyclists have a range of armour for the vain, which includes things like jeans with secret pockets on the inside of the knees, that armoured padding can be inserted in. Maybe he likes the idea of being a stealth-ninja, in disguise in plain sight? :-)
posted by -harlequin- at 11:08 PM on June 6, 2008

I think that the idea of getting him in clubs where helmets are required is a good one. If everyone else around him is wearing a helmet it will feel more natural.

The other thing you could do is try to talk to the other parents around and convince them to bug their kids about wearing helmets, and if they all do it they won't feel awkward.

On the other hand, taking him to see people with brain injuries, etc, I don't think is a very good idea. For every person who gets a head injury, there are some huge number more who don't, and as long as your son thinks he'll end up in the second group, simply making the bad outcome more visceral isn't going to work.
posted by delmoi at 11:11 PM on June 6, 2008

I was invincible when I was 14. I'm pretty sure you were too. The only reason I wore a helmet mountain biking was because a friend of mine with a better brain than I did told me it was stupid not to.

As for the injuries, we had plenty of health videos & such showing all sorts of gruesome things. This is what happens when you smoke, this is what happens when you drink & drive, etc. The 'it won't happen to me' mentality holds until something happens to someone you actually know well (or to yourself).

Also, BMX helmets are pretty cool these days. Bell helmets, less so, unless he could be convinced to get into XC biking.
posted by devilsbrigade at 11:27 PM on June 6, 2008

I just want to say that if I had kids, I would much rather them not wear a helmet ever than take up smoking. Bad. Advice. omg.

-harlequin- had a really good idea, I think. A helmet cam would put just enough of a "hey, this is neat!" factor into the lame helmet-wearing that it could really work. And, it might foster a new hobby for him. As far as it encouraging him to try stupid(er) tricks...he's 14. He's probably already done them sans helmet.
posted by phunniemee at 12:22 AM on June 7, 2008

Look, he's 14 -- if he truly believes that sulking is preferable to biking with a helmet.

And given he's 14, I know where my money goes...

It just ain't gonna happen. A two year hiatus from bike riding seems more likely to me. (He'll still skate when you're not looking.)

I was one of the less peer-pressured teens growing up, I think, and there's still no way in hell I'd have been caught wearing a helmet in public. It would have been easier just to kick my own ass to save the rest of the school the trouble.

Accident films and warnings won't help either. He's 14, which means he's invulnerable and immortal. You do remember childhood, right?
posted by rokusan at 12:44 AM on June 7, 2008

I would much rather them not wear a helmet ever than take up smoking.

And that, yeah. Wow. no kidding. Statistically it's a no-brainer.
posted by rokusan at 12:46 AM on June 7, 2008

Repeating a small, but I think good for anyone stumbling on this post, part of a somewhat lengthy somewhat non-answer I mailed: Way more important than helmet or no helmet are the skills, awareness, and sense that keep you from hitting your head into things in the first place.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 1:12 AM on June 7, 2008

Can you help me to convince my son (almost 14) to wear his helmet while skateboarding and biking, instead of giving up these activities because I insist he comply (or walk.)

If none of his friends are doing it, I think it's going to be really, really hard to get him to do it at this age. It sounds like you have a really good kid: instead of just lying to you and pretending that he's using the helmet, it appears that he's actually giving it up because he knows your rule is "You have to wear a helmet when you skateboard". When I was 14, about the only thing worse than a mom who insisted that I wear a helmet while skating would be a mom who wouldn't let me make my own non-harmful choices. If he's willing to completely give up skating and biking over this, it must mean alot to him to ride helmetless. If he's choosing to give up skating and biking, let him.
posted by 23skidoo at 1:46 AM on June 7, 2008

*/ Disclaimer: Not advocating smoking, nose-rings, etc. Do not try this at home if your child is literal-minded. In such a case, you may want to talk over the price of Cool in less ironic terms.

That is the root of the issue here, it seems to me.
posted by Methylviolet at 1:47 AM on June 7, 2008

My 14-year-old sk8r punk wears a helmet when he rides a bike, no convincing is necessary because if he doesn't wear it, he doesn't ride. I choose my battles and this is a big one for me --- I don't know how effective the scared-straight-type suggestions would be, but sometimes "because I said so" is just how it is. This is one of those you'll-thank-me-for-it-later deals.

I don't insist that he wear a helmet while skating though. As long as he's using it for tricks & not on the road too much, he's much more at risk for a broken wrist/arm, so learning how to fall/land, and wearing wrist guards, are more important IMO. We're moving soon to a more urban area where he might end up using his skateboard to get around town a lot more, and if he does then I might revisit the helmet question. If I do, I'll discuss it with him up to a point but in the end I'm the mom and it's not about convincing him. And if he threatens to quit his favorite activity rather than wear a helmet, then that's his choice. I don't want a dead kid.
posted by headnsouth at 3:27 AM on June 7, 2008

I am sure that if you ask nicely at http://bb.nsmb.com (Vancouver BC area mountain bike forum) or http://www.bikeforums.net/forumdisplay.php?f=41 (Road biking specific forum) people will send you some very gory photos of crashes with head damage due to no helmet. Sometimes people post that sort of stuff for fun and to show how hardcore they are....

Google "Fabio Casartelli" too. Dude crashed at 70 km/h while descending a mountain on a road bike and hit his head directly on a concrete block. Not pretty.
posted by thewalrus at 3:44 AM on June 7, 2008

Oh yeah. Forgot one thing. There is a sort of solution to the "dork factor" related to helmets and armor. It's not cheap, but google "downhill mountain bike armor" or search for topics related to armor at the abovementioned bb.nsmb.com. The freeride/downhill scene has evolved some pretty elaborate full body armor including articulated spinal protection. You can also get some great elbow armor that visually resembles a black polycarbonate version of something gladiators might have worn 2000 years ago. Top-end full face helmets regularly sell for above $250 and come with cool features like visible carbon fiber... People also customize them with stickers for their favourite skate shoes (661 etc).
posted by thewalrus at 3:47 AM on June 7, 2008

Depends on the climate where you live, but I've seen fully 'normal' looking beanie-type snowboarding hats for sale which have fairly tough feeling integrated reinforcement. Halfway house maybe?
posted by protorp at 4:26 AM on June 7, 2008

I think the real issue has been really well fleshed out here: no matter what you say to your son, it isn't really about you or about your son. It's completely about the other kids.

He's a 14 years old. His entire existence is devoted to trying as hard as he possibly can to conform and not stand out within his peer group. Even if the group he's conforming to is an outlying group of rebel sk8ter dudes, this is still true.

Unless you can change the group, which you cannot, I think you have a pretty low chance of meeting your immediate goal here.

Given that, it might be a better long term strategy to begin working on strengthening his critical thinking about and resolve against peer pressure rather expending energy assaulting him with paraplegia scare tactics. That's an approach that might have a bigger personal impact down the road, you know?
posted by DarlingBri at 4:31 AM on June 7, 2008

Finally found an example link - the ones I saw weren't Quiksilver so there are other brands making this kind of thing as well.
posted by protorp at 4:45 AM on June 7, 2008

Sit him down and explain why he should wear a helmet. Then let him go and do what he wants.
Because by forcing him to choose, you're building a wall between him and you and that's the last thing you want to do when he's a teenager. He will resent and hate you for taking away his taste of freedom.

And remember, plenty of kids grew up with helmets and humanity turned out ok.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:11 AM on June 7, 2008

er, withOUT helmets, of course.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:12 AM on June 7, 2008

Another tangential thought (from a non-parent boardsports enthusiast, mind!) - has your son experienced the joys of skating / biking on vert ramps / half pipes?

It might make you have kittens seeing or thinking of him dropping down 12 foot walls, but better him doing that in a controlled environment which demands protective gear, gaining skills which apply when he's out and about in a day to day environment (the comment above about prevention through personal ability over protection is so true), and seeing as soon as possible that protection such as a helmet is actually more and more regarded as a mark of high competence in 'extreme' sports.

Pushing oneself to do scary things on the limit of your skills very soon develops a deep respect for the sport you're practising.
posted by protorp at 5:14 AM on June 7, 2008

I skate board and BMX, I'd never go out on my BMX without a helmet, however I wouldn't ever go skateboarding with one.
posted by chrisbucks at 5:38 AM on June 7, 2008

Find which kid in his group of friends they all look up to the most. Talk to his parents about having him wear a helmet. Hopefully he complies, and goes out with all his buddies and says, "dude, I'd rather not have my mom change my diapers". You don't need every one of their parents to convince all of them to wear helmets, just that one, hopefully. Group dynamics can differ, but there's usually one in every group. If your son is that one, then try to explain to him that you know all the others look up to him, and if he wears a helmet and convinces everyone that helmets are a good idea the same way he convinces them that his favorite skateboarder is the best, then they'll follow, and not make fun of him.
posted by gauchodaspampas at 5:58 AM on June 7, 2008

Bicycle helmets FAQ
posted by winston at 6:00 AM on June 7, 2008

The Wikipedia page on bicycle helmets summarizes a lot of the pros and cons. My feelings are mixed -- I hate, hate, hate wearing a bicycle helmet; I've crashed lots of times and have managed to not bang my head yet; they look tremendously dorky and are hot and basically suck in every way. But at the same time, I know people who were really fortunate to have been wearing a bicycle helmet when they crashed, and they are pretty good walking advertisements for the helmets. So I compromise, and wear a helmet on long rides or when commuting in traffic, but not when cruising around the neighborhood or making a six am run to the store for milk.

My honest feeling is that the benefits of his riding and skating (health, friendships, active at a key point in his body's development, etc) far outweigh the marginal risk of not wearing a helmet (especially for skating, where if you aren't doing big jumps and flying way into the air, you aren't usually landing that hard). I think he would be better off to be out riding, even if less protected and at risk of a ticket from The Man, than he would be to be sedentary and smoking weed in the basement (not that he isn't doing that anyway, but at least he can be an athletic stoner, right?). I'd probably first try to cut a deal with him (helmet for bicycling, not for skating except when doing outrageous big things), and if that didn't take I'd ignore it, let him ride, and save the battles for important things like when he buys a motorcycle or starts dating his gym teacher or something. (I kid, I kid!)

But also see if he is objecting to wearing any helmet, or to wearing his helmet -- offering to buy him any helmet in the store may let him find and wear a non-dorky helmet, rather than refusing to wear the 1960s Bell hand-me-down helmet his friends make fun of. The best store to make this offer at would be a cool skate/bike store, not the helmet section at Walmart or some other mass-retailer that sells perfectly functional helmets that are guaranteed to not make a 14 year old skater feel cool.
posted by Forktine at 6:37 AM on June 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Or cyclehelmets.org.

As a parent, cycle helmets are somewhere down on the list of things I care about: good skills, awareness & bike maintenance are much more important. Accident prevention is far more important than harm reduction!

This goes double for cycle helmets, which whilst being fairly good at reducing bumps and minor scrapes, appear to be fairly useless in the real world at preventing major injury. The experimental evidence is very poor here unfortunately: strong claims on either side are to be treated with suspicion.

Plus, it's well established (in the UK at least) that the net outcome of regular cycling is positive in whole life terms -- any increased accident risk is more than offset by the improved health of regular cyclists. Better a cycling / skating child than a couch potato!
posted by pharm at 6:41 AM on June 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

You know, some kids are less susceptible to peer pressure than others. I always resented it hugely when adults assumed I was just like all other kids, and I have to say it bothers me even more now. There's a chance that "It's completely about the other kids.", but there's a chance it isn't, and the OP knows (or should know) the boy in question better than random internet strangers.

"...nothing suits him but the wind in his hair" is a legitimate reason to hate helmets. If the choice is skating with helmet or no skating without, and the OP's son chooses no skating without, that's his choice. People on this thread are asserting that the kid will go behind OP's back and skate without a helmet no matter what; while that may or may not be the case here, again, we're assuming all kids are alike, and that's really not fair. Of course one has to be careful and watchful of one's own kids, but assuming that a kid will lie because *you* lied when *you* were a kid, or even because almost every kid you knew lied, is not going to encourage openness.

It's also completely legitimate for a parent to not want his kid skating without a helmet. It could potentially lead to devastating results. Finding another activity might be one course (note: horseback riding still requires a helmet; Maybe sailing? Surfing?).

If I had one wish for my parents and my S.O.'s parents, it's that they had been less obsessed with the "safe" course for each of our lives. This seems to be a near-universal parental tendency, and I think it leads to adults who are so used to safety that they don't even recognize their own passions and have little respect for others'. However, we're both grown up and not starving, jobless, disabled, or homeless, so I guess which attitude and course to take -- safety vs. freedom -- is a big choice which every person, and especially every parent, must make for themselves.
posted by amtho at 6:44 AM on June 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

I did something similar with rollerblading when I was maybe 12 or 13. My parents got me rollerblades like I wanted for my birthday, but they also got me a helmut, kneepads, elbow pads, and wrist guards (pads?). I could barely move with all that crap restraining me and looked ridiculous, needless to say the roller blades got used all of about twice.

I don't think you are going to win this one, honestly he's called your bluff. Your best option is to try and negotiate something with him. Like he'll wear it when he's biking around a lot of cars or other more dangerous situations.
posted by whoaali at 7:49 AM on June 7, 2008

You gave your child a choice to wear a helmet or walk. He chose walking. Praise him for honoring your rules, set a good example by wearing a helmet, seatbelt, etc., and allow him to learn from his choice.

Talk to law enforcement officials about writing tickets to kids who don't wear helmets. Sounds grinch-like, but a few expensive fines would be a learning experience and might save somebody's brain. My kid did a faceplant off a skateboard at 12, was wearing a helmet and only broke a tooth. It would have been a concussion or worse without a helmet, but he still doesn't wear one while cycling. He's too old to ground now, so he's on his own.
posted by theora55 at 8:19 AM on June 7, 2008

When I was about 13 I used to ride a bike without a helmet. Until one day when I crashed hard and got a bad concussion. I also took off all the skin on the left side of my face, my left shoulder, most of my torso, a good percentage of my left arm, shaved the skin on my knuckles basically down to the bone, and busted up my wrist to boot. I have no memory of the accident or what followed until I was at the hospital. (I'd send pictures, but the damage was so ugly that I think my parents couldn't bear to take photos.) At the hospital the doctor -- who may have just been trying to scare me into wearing a helmet -- basically told me that I dodged a bullet and easily could have ended up with significant brain damage if things had unfolded just slightly differently. I remember coming home from the hospital and not being able to find the bathroom in our (small) house -- that's how significant the concussion was. Recovery, both from the massive road rash and the head injury pretty much ruined an entire summer for me.

Anyway, the point is, before that day, there was probably nothing on earth that could have convinced me to wear a helmet, and since then, I've never ridden without a helmet again. Nobody ever made fun of me or gave me a hard time for wearing one, because all my friends had seen just how bad things turned out for me (and understood how close I had come to something much much worse), and understood why I thought a helmet was a really, really good idea.

So one possibility would be to lay out the case for what can happen to you if you don't wear a helmet. For instance, the story of Andri Kivilev, who died after a fairly mild crash in Paris-Nice. There's wide agreement that helmet could have saved his life, and after the accident, cycling's international governing body made helmet use compulsory. Conversely, I bet any local bike shop can share some good stories of people who walked away from horrible crashes because they were wearing a helmet. Possibly even with the destroyed helmet and equipment as evidence.

Some people will probably argue that that it's not a good idea to try to scare a relatively young kid into making a good decision, but perhaps the only effective way to make your case is to show him that the consequences of not wearing a helmet could be somewhat more serious than being grounded or whatever.
posted by dseaton at 8:38 AM on June 7, 2008

He's 14 so he gets to start making his own decisions. You as his parent have to let him and you as his parent have to help him make good ones. You have. It is the law and it is a serious issue of safety, so you as his parent have told him he can't ride/skate without the helmet. But it's his decision to give up riding/skating under those conditions. Of course you hate it and you feel terrible, but you are doing the right thing by making the condition and by letting him make his own decision within those parameters. Part of his growing up is learning when it's worth giving something up to look cool and when it's worth taking a risk or not. Let him learn whats a good or bad decision, including when cutting off your nose to spite your face doesn't get you what you want.

You can't make him wear the helmet anymore than he can make you say he doesn't have to. Such is life.
posted by crush-onastick at 8:51 AM on June 7, 2008

I'm convinced that the greatest long-term risks a teenager runs, health-wise, is getting caught up in smoking and giving up the physical activities that will keep you healthy for decades into your adult years. If the marginal risk of not wearing a bike helmet is the price to pay then so be it.

But, I would also add, what positive stuff are you doing to encourage him in a sport he obviously enjoys? If he's into biking are you taking him to races? Are you encouraging him to enter skateboard competitions? Help him get better at the stuff he likes and you'll be super-parent instead of just, and I'm sorry to say it, a nag. Of course he may just like messing around on bikes with friends, and that's cool too.
posted by LastOfHisKind at 8:55 AM on June 7, 2008

One simple question:

Do you wear a helmet?

I constantly see adults and kids out riding. Adults not wearing helmets, the kids wearing them. This sends a strong message that helmets, like smoking, are something that you change as you get older. He's getting older. If you haven't been setting an example, well, you will have problems.

I had one major crash - one in which I got lucky and did not get hurt - but that was enough to make me start wearing a helmet. Because of the helmet, the next major crash meant I was pretty battered but basically OK. By "OK" I mean "minor concussion, could not breathe normally for about two months, multiple ER and hospital visits, could not use my right arm normally due to nerve damage in my neck [thankfully this has since mostly repaired itself], and a big-ass scar on my neck and ear." This is with the helmet on. Without the helmet I would have had a major concussion / closed head injury at a minimum, brain damage and/or paralysis at the other end of the scale.

Because of my experiences, no kid of mine will ever see me or my wife ride without a helmet. I sent the linked photo to everyone in my family, kids or no, as a reminder that helmets are good for everyone.

The only other suggestion I have is to find a way to get him involved in a sport where helmets are not an option. Aside from the skate park recommendation above, if you are near any mountain bike trails, that's another great example. Trail riding is a blast, is usually pretty safe (many trails are self-limiting: If you can't get over an obstacle, there's a bypass; advanced trail sections are usually blocked off by a difficult obstacle, etc.) and despite the fear that he may be injured worse doing something crazy, he will see that every person on the trail (barring a very minor number of idiots) is wearing a helmet.

Oh, and PS: The crash photo? That did not occur on a trail. It was a simple one-off jump over a little pile of dirt by the side of a paved sidewalk. The kind of thing I've done hundreds of times since I was a kid - "Oh, let's jump that dirt pile and then keep riding." Except that time something was a bit off, I rolled forward, landed hard on the front tire and took a header into the gravel. You are at the most risk when you are least expecting it.
posted by caution live frogs at 9:30 AM on June 7, 2008

caution live frogs: I'd be fascinated to know exactly how a helmet is supposed to have helped in what appears to be a nasty impact on your neck!

A post-crash examination of the helmet ought to be able to show if it made any difference or not though: the material slows the impact (thus reducing the acceleration on the head) by crushing. If the helmet material is crushed, it probably helped. If it's cracked or torn then it probably didn't, at least not against brain injury — it may have helped protect your skull against some nasty abrasion though, which is not to be sneezed at!

Speaking more generally, lots of helmet wearing cyclists have "a helmet saved my life!" stories, which is they were really true (ie that the helmet really had saved their life / prevented serious brain injury) would imply that the death rate amongst the non-helmet wearers ought to be far greater than it is. Ergo, most "a helmet saved my life!" stores are mistaken. You may or may not be mistaken about your accident, but the odds are not on your side!
posted by pharm at 9:54 AM on June 7, 2008

if, if they were really true. Sigh. Why do you always see the typos after you've posted?
posted by pharm at 9:55 AM on June 7, 2008

Obviously, not every "I would have died" story would have resulted in a fatality. Sometimes, it only would result in half an hour of wondering whether your brain is still totally internal, and getting your head stapled closed. 15 years later, people still ask me about the scar.

But as virulently pro-helmet as I am personally, it really might be worth it to compromise if you can bring yourself to do it, since the odds of a serious injury are fairly low. When I was that age, I was very strongly asked to wear a helmet for the sake of not worrying my parents, but not required to. This led to wearing it maybe 75% of the time, which was really about the best possible outcome, since I would also have stubbornly given up riding rather than wear the thing because I was forced to. Maturity and a few near-misses eventually took care of another 24.99%.
posted by Dr.Enormous at 11:00 AM on June 7, 2008

New Zealand introduced compulsory helmets for cyclists in 1994. Since then, there has been no decrease in cycling fatalities, or decrease in head injuries. Cycling remains as safe as walking, helmeted or not.

Unfortunately, there is still a culture in English-speaking countries which equates cycling with mountain biking/lycra/hell for leather couriers/macho extreme sports culture. There are other ways of riding a bicycle though, for instance puttering about the neighborhood or down to the store. Chance of death by head injury with this kind of biking: close to zero.

I say let him ride without a helmet - but don't let him buy a mountain bike/partake in macho aggressive cycling culture/ride at 70kmh down hills/jump dirt mounds, etc. If he does anything dangerous, then make him wear his helmet.

Riding a bike is not dangerous per se, it's all how you ride it.
posted by dydecker at 11:01 AM on June 7, 2008 [1 favorite]

Maybe a bad idea, but.. Narc the friends out!

If possible, find a sympathetic cop who won't mind "popping by" the friends who are doing the sport without a helmet. If possible, have him give them a "warning" ("If I see you around here without a helmet on, again, I'll do X".) and see if that changes the kids over to using the helmets/gear. Might influence your son, too, when his friends report the incident to him.

Mostly, though, I agree with everyone else. If he doesn't want to wear the appropriate gear - the LEGAL gear - and he knows that's the only thing standing between him and participation, he's clearly made the choice for himself.
posted by VioletU at 11:58 AM on June 7, 2008

If he doesn't want to wear the appropriate gear - the LEGAL gear

Also note that if you're pushing this on him as legal requirement, then you immediately open yourself up to being questioned by him when you break the law. Busy jaywalking or speeding or not wearing your seat-belt or one of the thousand other things that are illegal but still done? You start looking like a hypocrite.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 12:05 PM on June 7, 2008

My 14-year-old sk8r punk wears a helmet when he rides a bike, no convincing is necessary because if he doesn't wear it, he doesn't ride. I choose my battles and this is a big one for me ...sometimes "because I said so" is just how it is. This is one of those you'll-thank-me-for-it-later deals.

She already did this. The point is, he chose not to ride. She's asking for help to get to him to enjoy riding even while wearing safety gear.

Seems like determining his reasoning is the most important part. If it's really about the "wind in the hair", then you've got to be able to convince him there's more to biking or skating than just breeze, and that the right helmet won't feel like a cage but just make him more indestructible and Iron Man-esque.

He has to kinda reconceptualize how the helmet fits into his scheme, so that it's like getting into the boxing ring without a mouth guard - yeeeah, you could, might be sorta more comfortable, but - really if you're serious, you want to protect yourself.

If it's about the other kids, talking to other parents, finding the cooler helmet etc, is worth looking into.
posted by mdn at 12:09 PM on June 7, 2008

Maybe a bad idea, but.. Narc the friends out!

HORRIBLE IDEA.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 12:47 PM on June 7, 2008

I would not narc the other kids out. Somehow it'll get back to your kid, and all of the other kids that you did it, and then you'll have ruined biking for him AND ostracized him from all of his friends. Other parents also might not be so happy with you for getting their kids in trouble with the law, for what is a very minor offense.
posted by whoaali at 12:59 PM on June 7, 2008

Skirting the base issues of the whole situation, one helmet that looks cool is the Bad Lieutenant.

Anyway, maybe take your son to a cool store selling helmets (so a proper skate/bike store, not some Sport Chalet - you're trying to pile on the cool factor here), let him pick a helmet that he reckons is cool, and let him buy some stickers for it. He'll feel like less of a dork (and ultimately, this is probably what it comes down to, esp. if his friends don't wear helmets). Maybe throw in some new bearings or something.
posted by djgh at 1:50 PM on June 7, 2008

It took two concussions to convince me that the helmet wasn't as dorky as it seemed. The brain bruising changes your perspective for a few days.
posted by tmt at 2:17 PM on June 7, 2008

Thanks everyone for your excellent ideas! I'm probably going to give up the skating helmet, and keep on keeping on the bike helmet, for the time being.
posted by maloon at 8:28 PM on June 7, 2008

pharm writes "I'd be fascinated to know exactly how a helmet is supposed to have helped in what appears to be a nasty impact on your neck!"

I landed directly on my head, and rolled onto the left side of my neck and shoulder. Last thing I remember before impact is seeing the ground coming up at me, fast. The helmet is pretty mangled (and of course immediately replaced). The sunglasses I was wearing at the time were also crushed flat. Without the helmet to protect me, the full impact would have been on the top left side of my head and face rather than the neck and shoulder.

Friend of mine had a similar crash while road biking (hit some debris, went over the handlebars, landed on her head). Helmet split in half. She was out cold for several hours - fellow bikers thought she was a goner for sure. Spent the night in a hospital and was back to work the next day. There's just really no reason not to wear one. They're like seatbelts. Takes a second to put on, might make you look "uncool" but the one time you really need it, you're damn happy you use it.
posted by caution live frogs at 5:39 AM on June 10, 2008