Wondering if she likes me

May 31, 2008 11:32 PM

Does she like me?

soo i asked the girl to prom before knowing her well.. she rejected me kindly
then got to talk to her moree.. like 1-2 weeks before prom
hmm we would talk about random stuff.. but its always me who starts the conversations.. both in rl and msn .. she never approaches me
shes kind of the type that doesnt talk unless ur her frd..and i never see her talking to any guys at school
so anywayy i would see her looking at me sometimes( i think)
on prom i think she looked this way a few time.. then i asked her to slow dance and she got up fastly.. but when we danced.. we barely looked at each other in the eye.. just a few times and we talked.. right after the dance.. we didnt talk and just went back to sit at our different tables.. we just sat there for like tenish minutes.. at the end,, i asked to take a pic of her and her frd did it but had some evil grin or something.. then we went on different afterproms.. and i think our eyes met one more time before we parted.. yup.. anychance she likes me?

posted by rocklee389 to human relations (26 comments total)

no.
posted by flabdablet at 11:34 PM on May 31, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

She said no to prom kindly, doesn't initiate conversations, and danced with you, though very tentatively . . .

She sounds like a polite and kind girl who has no interest in you at all.
posted by Dee Xtrovert at 11:36 PM on May 31, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

Most likely not. She was being polite the first time, if you enjoy her company or ideas, become friends. But not a creepy friendship that you think "has possibilities". If that's not possible, move along. More fish in the sea and all that jazz.
posted by cgomez at 11:43 PM on May 31, 2008

No.
posted by chiababe at 11:44 PM on May 31, 2008

No.
She's just polite.
posted by The Esteemed Doctor Bunsen Honeydew at 11:59 PM on May 31, 2008

Sorry guy, you are pretty much 100% out of luck on this one. Signs a woman is attracted to a man generally run the opposite of what you have expressed - Eye contact will be frequent, touching will occur, and conversations should come easy.

People are individuals and there is room for individual variation on the things above but when you asked her out and she turned you down, this was a pretty clear expression of interest on your part; and it was also pretty clearly rejected.

Not too worry though, there could be a million reasons she didn't want you right now and there isn't much you could do about shifting those reasons. Just find someone who has mutual attraction or might have mutual attraction with you and try again there. I have a friend who is generally regarded as quite smooth in attracting admirers, and he basically says he doesn't ever expect his "success rate" to be anywhere above 5%.
posted by Deep Dish at 12:12 AM on June 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

really, no.
posted by filmgeek at 12:18 AM on June 1, 2008

No. If she's into you, she would have given you at least a hint by now.

(This is the kind of question that makes me very, very happy to not be young any more.)
posted by Forktine at 12:22 AM on June 1, 2008

It's not so simple, and don't let all of the above naysayers get you down. They're probably right if the question is "does she like you?" Granted, that's the question you asked, but it's not the right question. What you probably want to know is something more like "do you have a chance with her?" or "could she like you?" The answer to those questions is probably "yes."

You shouldn't think of her (or anyone's) opinion of you as static -- something that is somehow an innate quality of you or her. This is not meant to make you feel better or to give you false encouragement. Pursuing her or trying to make her like you is not the answer.

Here's the secret: stop being awkward. I know you're awkward because I was awkward when I was your age and I would have written something like you just wrote. I'm not telling you to be yourself. "Yourself" is a guy who analyzes a girl's every glance for a sign that maybe, just maybe, she might like you (I was the same way). I'm telling you to be just like yourself, only much more confident and casual about relationships with girls.

Here's where to start: Rent (or legally download) "The Tao of Steve." Then, get yourself a female friend (about whom you absolutely mustn't have romantic feelings).

If you pretend to be calm and confident, eventually it won't be an act. Then, you'll learn to relax and enjoy girls/women without ever again asking, "does she like me?"
posted by lionelhutz5 at 12:33 AM on June 1, 2008

What you probably want to know is something more like "do you have a chance with her?" or "could she like you?" The answer to those questions is probably "yes."

I'm so sure about this. If she's not interested, it doesn't really mean much -- compatibility is a crapshoot most of the time. Go find someone who likes you for you and get to know them better. Don't waste your life on people who don't want to spend their time with you, and there's no reason to invest a ton of energy into trying to impress said ladyfriend.
posted by spiderskull at 12:50 AM on June 1, 2008 [1 favorite has favorites]

no
posted by pompomtom at 12:54 AM on June 1, 2008

No, she finds you tedious. Girls don't respond well to boring "nice" guys. You need to give yourself a personality makeover. Get off the computer. Read books you'd think you'd have no interest in. Lift weights. Learn to draw well. Go to museums. Play in a garage band. Piss off your parents. Stretch your boundaries. Learn how to dress. Make yourself something to be proud of. Don't do it for girls, do it for yourself. Desperation is the ultimate turnoff. Cultivate a level of confidence just below arrogance with the wit to back it up and you'll become a popular commodity.
posted by bunnytricks at 1:37 AM on June 1, 2008 [8 favorites has favorites]

Bunnytricks is right on the nose. If I could go back in time, I would do some/many/all of those things. (If you can avoid it, avoid the "hopeless crush" thing. It's just the universe's way of screwing with shy/non-confident guys. I was in my 30's before I figured that one out. Don't be me.)

One more thing: Prom is kind of a big deal to a lot of girls...and, culturally, there is also some expectation of hot-and-heavy action. It's not the ideal "hey I like you, wanna go out" type of date.
posted by maxwelton at 2:31 AM on June 1, 2008

yes. she likes you. big fucking deal. she probably likes a whole bunch of people. nothing wrong with any of that. realize you are all very young and will end up liking all kinds of people in the future.
posted by jeff-o-matic at 3:03 AM on June 1, 2008

I thought of a nice way to answer this that wouldn't prohibit you from being less timid in approaching girls in the future.

"Does she like me?"

-Yes. She does like you...but NOWHERE near how much YOU LIKE HER. If you want to pursue a windmill, and annoy the windmill, go right on ahead. If you're mature enough to put yourself (I mean yrself) in others' shoes, I suggest you think about what you would do if you were the chick in the given situation.

Also, whether or not she talks to guys unsolicited isn't the question. Its whether she would talk to you, if you didn't solicit her. Don't take her off your buddy list or whatever. See if she talks to you on her own.

Worst case scenario, you went to prom which means you have either graduated or are getting ready to. You can either:
1. Worry about bs hs stuff even though you're academically ready to move on to bigger things
2. Use these failures, and more importantly...the failures you will have in the near future make yourself a more confident person.
3. Just step up your game. If your intentions are based on "I would see her looking at me sometimes (I think).", you need to really work on your game. Please. It hurts me to read that.

Good luck.
posted by hal_c_on at 3:37 AM on June 1, 2008

I don't think you are on a winner with this one, and for god's sake don't write her a note- then you'll have no chance.
posted by mattoxic at 4:07 AM on June 1, 2008 [2 favorites has favorites]

I'm going with the "nos" on this one and I'd like to second bunnytricks's advice, despite its rather crass delivery. (Sheesh, people, it's not like ten years ago where just the nerds were on msn in high school.)

The truth is, people in general don't like boring people. Maybe you're not boring at all, but in any event, you're at the perfect time in your life to be doing all the "finding yourself" type things bunnytricks recommends and becoming the interesting, confident, well-rounded person that others are naturally drawn to. You've got nothing to lose.

And hey, at least she was nice about it.
posted by AV at 7:25 AM on June 1, 2008

Girls don't respond well to boring "nice" guys.

I really hope what bunnytricks meant to say here was that girls don't respond well to boring, DESPERATE guys.

Only insecure girls are into exciting jerks. Become an interesting, exciting, NICE guy. You'll know when you are an interesting, secure, exciting, nice guy when:

- You engage in the things bunnytricks mentions, like participating in interesting activities, becoming open to new experiences, etc.
- You learn to read the social cues of others and respect their boundaries versus letting your own needs and desires run roughshod over their needs and desires. In other words, if she says "no", react to that "no". Don't interpret it as "maybe".
- Treat other people with respect. Guys, girls, old people, young people, cool people, people who aren't considered to be "cool". Distance yourself from your peers who treat other people poorly, who put others down to make themselves feel better.

Keep her on your radar screen as a friend. Look around for other girls who are interesting, too.
posted by jeanmari at 7:28 AM on June 1, 2008 [3 favorites has favorites]

Nope dude...she doesnt like you
posted by The1andonly at 9:13 AM on June 1, 2008

Here's a lesson you need to learn NOW, because most guys never do:

Just because YOU LIKE HER does NOT mean that she also likes you back. Guys like you will take ANY contact with the girl to mean that she wants you bad. I take it that unless she outright spit in your face and cursed the day you were born, you would assume she likes you as well because she talks to you after you come up to her. She's really just being nice. She doesn't WANT you, but she doesn't hate your guts enough to treat you like crap. But friendly does not equal flirting, especially if she says no to dates.

Please look for actual reciprocation (smiling at you often, saying YES to the date, her flirting back or initiating conversations) in the future. It makes you come off as a lot less creepy if you can take no for an answer.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:22 AM on June 1, 2008

Only insecure girls are into exciting jerks. Become an interesting, exciting, NICE guy.

Quoted for truth.
posted by scody at 11:46 AM on June 1, 2008

Nah, she's not into you. No worries; I've been where you're at. There's nothing wrong with wondering about such things. My only tip is this: if you like a girl and interact with her it will be obvious if she likes you back or not. If you have to ask yourself that question, you already know the answer. Just keep being you, and be comfortable with yourself and others [this takes practice] and a lot of times that question will be moot.
posted by sciurus at 12:22 PM on June 1, 2008

phew, there are some serious youth-haters in this thread. relax, friends. we all were there once.

rocklee389, nobody will be able to tell you with certainty whether she likes you more now than she did when rejecting you. only she knows that. chances are her feelings haven't changed. you could try again but there is you won't know if you'll end up (a) the charming suitor who kept pursuing and must have been serious or (b) the clueless dork who just doesn't get it and annoys. replace dork with anything worse if you like. I'd say the chances of you ending up the latter are significantly higher.

I'd hang low until she makes a move. something of an obviously encouraging sign, not a "well this could have been a sign but I am not sure" thing.
posted by krautland at 12:26 PM on June 1, 2008

I'm assuming you are not a native speaker due to some of your odd phrasings and the "IM speak".

The most succinct answer is that she likes you as an acquaintance, but that's it. In other words, she thinks you're a decent human being, but she (quite obviously) has no attraction to you.

The best utility of this relationship (romantically) would be to be a very nice (and not creepy) friend/acquaintance to her, and see if she would introduce you to one of her friends that might be attracted to you.

Good luck. And don't overly worry about who likes you and who doesn't. And don't spend your life trying to impress girls who aren't into you.
posted by Ynoxas at 5:59 PM on June 1, 2008

As a former teenage girl, I'm going to have to say she may like you as a friend, but may or may not be interested in you depending on some details that you didn't include. Did she go with someone else to prom or did she go alone/with friends? Has she dated other guys before?
If so:
1) She's not into you and might feel guilty about it since she thinks you're a good guy.
If not:
2) She could possibly be into you, but is very shy around guys.
3) She could possibly be into you, but maybe her parents are strict or she has cultural or religious reasons for not being allowed to date.

And seriously, don't write in IM or text message-speak when you aren't texting or sending an instant message. It makes you look dumb, even when you aren't. I have been using IM since I was a preteen, so I'm not that old, but it took me a second to figure out that "frd" was not a typo.
posted by fructose at 10:37 AM on June 2, 2008

nthing, "No, she's just polite."
posted by Nattie at 4:51 PM on June 2, 2008