Yar! Bare yer booty, wench!

May 27, 2008 8:59 PM

Sexyfilter: Lesbian role-play ideas, bonus points for kinky. Yes, really.

I'm in a long-term lesbian relationship with a lagging sex life. I know, I know, you've all heard this before. We have both recently realized we are slightly kinky (meaning: soft bondage, spanking, light whipping, hair pulling, scratching - so far) but can't seem to work that into sex. We think that role-playing might be fun, but don't really know where to start. Most suggestions online are pretty dependent either on heterosexual naughty bits, or at the least on male/female power dynamics. Most are also so cliche (headmistress/student) that we would just feel silly doing them. We have a strap-on, so gender play is a possibility, I'd need ideas/tips though.

So, a few questions then:
What are some tips for role-play beginners?
What are some tips for D/s or s/m beginners? Any websites to recommend that will teach us how to tie each other up?
What are some fun scenarios, which may or may not incorporate kink, that don't necessarily rely on full sets of male and female bits?

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posted by anonymous to human relations (12 answers total)

"I've never done this before" is a fun one.. one of you is the Big Bad Lesbian Seductress, and the other is the Blushing Newcomer Who Just Needs To Be Drawn Out Of Her Shell.

Have one of you pick the other up at a bar. Bonus points for grabbing a nearby hotel room for your (hopefully) sordid excapades, rather than going home.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 9:15 PM on May 27, 2008

Pretending never to have met, and hooking up at a bar, can sometimes work wonders.
posted by turgid dahlia at 10:21 PM on May 27, 2008

I can't help but feeling like the title "Yar! Bare yer booty, wench!" and the line "Most are also so cliche (headmistress/student) that we would just feel silly doing them" are sending us competing messages as to what you want. But here goes some advice anyways. Fair warning though, I'm a guy so I could be really off the mark.

I'd suggest a seasonal outfit as a way of adding a little bit of role playing with out making you feel so silly. The sexy Mrs. Claus outfit that shows up around Christmas comes to mind. But anything really should work. School girl, play boy bunny, stuff like that. Then instead of focusing on a character to play you just be extra eager to please. That way you could take character part how ever far the you want with out getting silly, but the outfit and attitude you bring to the table will make sure its a special event.

I guess since you're both girls you could both be the doctor, or nurse, or teacher, or whatever. It gives me a funny mental image of competing roles though.

"You look kinda warm, let me take your temperature."
"You look warm yourself, I better take yours too"
posted by magikker at 10:27 PM on May 27, 2008

Good for you both for delving into some new kinds of sex! A little recommended reading to start: The Whole Lesbian Sex Book, a basic SM guide like the Bottoming Book, the Topping Book, SM 101, etc from Greenery Press, some queer fiction (or if you don't feel like reading, watch some porn together for ideas. That is a really, really good porn movie by the way. Recommended for everyone.)

Another good place to get ideas is watching other real couples have sex. If you live in or near a large, urban area, you can probably find a women's sex party or a women's "play party" where ladies are doing all different kinds of bondage, sm, fucking, fisting, cutting, etc. If its either of your first time at a party, try not to put a lot of pressure on yourselves by trying to construct a scene. You can just go to watch others. Usually there is some kind of couch or somewhere to chill out and relax. You and your sweetie can cuddle up and whisper to each other about what you each think is hot (or what is grossing/freaking you out!). If you want help finding a party you can mefi mail me although I can probably offer the most useful advice about the SF Bay Area and maybe NY.

For figuring out what fantasies to act out: what if you each wrote a list - privately - of 5 scenarios that turn you on. Maybe these are things you masturbate thinking about. And then you show each other your lists and see where there's conceptual overlap?

OR what if you put one person in "charge" for the evening. You could make a few ground rules before hand (like, "I don't want anything rougher than a soft spank, and I don't want you to pretend to be a man" or whatever your particular limits are for the moment) and then that person gets to make up the fantasy. The other partner gets the pleasure of being attended to and the surprise of not knowing what is coming next! I find that even for a "soft core" kind of scene, it helps me to have a safeword - something I know I can say to end what I'm doing. This allows me to have pretend struggle and resist without fear of losing the attention!

On the specific fantasies front, I'm afraid I can't help you. That is just so personal I can't guess what would work for you and what wouldn't. I'd only say, try to avoid ruling things out. In my experience, the things which make me anxious, or even angry or repelled, can have the most sexual charge when played right. Try to keep an open mind. Likely the worst that can happen is a bit of embarrassment or self-consciousness.
posted by serazin at 11:15 PM on May 27, 2008 [1 favorite]

I'm not a lesbian, but a glass of wine (or two) goes a long way towards getting my girlfriend and I over the "this is silly" part.
posted by bizwank at 11:28 PM on May 27, 2008

This isn't really answering your kink question, but sex in public is a great way to deal with LBD. A lot of my lesbian couple friends went wild with it.
posted by meerkatty at 11:46 PM on May 27, 2008

"Surprising a cat burglar" can be played a lot of ways (either role can do "oh, help!" or "aha! got you now!", and the scenario allows for switching) with whatever mix of naughty bits and outfits you happen have handy; if you're exploring each other's preferences for who's dominant, etc. it might be a place to start. So might the book section (and the rest of) GoodVibrations.
posted by bartleby at 1:29 AM on May 28, 2008

I totally agree with dirtynumbangelboy... one of you should play the sweet, innocent, naive girl, and the other should be the lecherous sexual deviant who is intent on getting what she wants. This CAN be a dynamic in lots of "silly" roleplay scenarios... headmistress/schoolgirl, heiress/maid, etc, but it doesn't have to be. I have the same hangups you and your girlfriend do about those cliche roles, and I find that just pretending to be innocent is a lot easier and less ridiculous than pretending to be a scantily-clad high school senior who needs an A on her midterm, or whatever. And it still lends itself nicely to hair-pulling, light bondage, etcetera.
posted by arianell at 1:47 AM on May 28, 2008

Pretending never to have met, and hooking up at a bar, can sometimes work wonders.

That or pretending to be strangers "randomly" encountering each other on the street at night, not saying anything - just slowly walking past each other, turning around and doing a slow double take, circling around each other, exchanging looks, gestures... eh, I think y'all can take it from there - preferably to the nearest semi-concealed alleyway or sleazy hotel.
posted by louche mustachio at 2:12 AM on May 28, 2008

For tying each other up, there are an awful lot of websites with how-to tutorials if you do a google search for things like "bondage knots" (obviously, the quality varies a lot, and it isn't difficult to find bad and even dangerous advice if you look for it). If you really want to get into the more involved stuff (suspension and the like) there are plenty of people offering workshops that you could attend. My two suggestions are that you use rope that has a good "feel" and that you keep a good knife or heavy scissors within arm's length of the bed in case of an emergency. If you aren't totally comfortable doing the shopping for this at your local hardware store, there are plenty of online retailers --- here is a starter kit that includes rope, scissors, and a how-to DVD.

Regarding the role playing, be open to the possibility that it won't work for you. It is a standard piece of "how to spice up your sex life" advice, but as you well know these aren't one-size-fits-all situations. Give it a try (with wine, if that helps) but don't beat up on yourself if the role playing doesn't take in your relationship.
posted by Forktine at 4:05 AM on May 28, 2008

One of you could pretend to be the crazy neighbor.
posted by adamrice at 8:12 AM on May 28, 2008 [3 favorites]

My advice is don't role play. Games can be silly and it can be hard to suspend disbelief. Do what you want, dress how you want, say what you want, but make it real. If you want that wench to bare her booty, tell her so and mean it.
posted by Area Control at 9:45 AM on May 28, 2008 [1 favorite]