How do I get over a girl who has lead me on/won't commit, but I like very much?
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (36 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
I'm a mid-20's single male, working/out of college. She is a early-20's single female, recent grad/just starting out.
I met her about 2 years ago through a friend. At the time, she had a boyfriend who lived and went to school far away. We were just friends and we hung out and talked often. Things progressed and got more serious over the course of 2 months, but never physically, to the point that we both admitted we liked each other and discussed a potential relationship between the two of us. It ended up that she broke contact off with me and stayed with him.
We ended up connecting again after seeing each other 2 times at a gathering of mutual friends, about 6 months later. We began talking again, and then had lunch. Things were not the same. She was still with boyfriend, seemed happy and talked about him quite a bit throughout lunch. I was made thoroughly uninterested and repulsed (she had not openly-excessively talked about him before in Encounter 1, and was most likely unhappy). We do not stay in contact after lunch.
Fast forward another year, till about 2 months ago. I re-establish contact with her, as she is single, I'm still single (have been the entire time I have known her). We end up talking again, a lot, and end up going on a date. Date goes well. She tells me 2 days later that we should probably just be friends. We talk on and off for a week. She goes home for the summer, about an hour away. We talk more. We schedule another date. We go on the date, the date goes well, hand holding and touching all night, go home and things get physical. After an hour of being intimate (with all clothes still on), she realizes that shes being intimate, withdraws, makes me take her home. We talk 2 days later and she says we should just be friends. We have only talked briefly since then, and it hasn't been the same. She has admitted that she likes me, and that there are be issues which would interfere with us currently pursuing a relationship, and said "maybe in the future"/it will happen if it's meant to be.
How do I get over this girl, or alternately, what is going on? I like her very much, more than any girl I've met in my 2 years of singleness, and probably having more potential than any of my past romances.
However, I feel like I'm not respected, like my feelings and emotions aren't returned on the same level that they are given, and that I'm being jerked around. At the same time, I can't stand to give up, because I know there are SOME feelings there, and EVERY time we talk on a regular basis things become more than friendly. If she was pursuing me half as much as I was her, then I could stand it, because I feel like eventually things would work themselves out. The problem is, unless things are going really well, which is 10% of the time (when shes open for the idea of dates?), I'm doing all of the pursuing. I hate that. I keep going back, being built up and getting dropped. If things hadn't *progressed* when I went back, I wouldn't want to keep going back. But they did, and I want more.
I feel like there are only 3 solutions (in order of likelihood), which would be 1) for her to somehow repulse me, 2) for things to work out with her, or 3) for me to meet someone who I was more enthralled with than her.