Where's The Emotional Baggage Check?
May 26, 2008 10:57 AM Subscribe
Significant Other relations filter: I have a wonderful, devoted, attentive, ardent, insightful, supportive, affectionate, amazing boyfriend. But...I've only had the kind that got tired of me and left in a few months. How do I shake the occasional paranoia that he'll do the same?
I've been in therapy for my parents' affection feeling conditional at times, so this is a bit deeper-seated; but mostly I've just had bad luck with past boyfriends. But most of the time it is blatantly and mind-numbingly obvious that he's different. He is visibly crazy about me, and we've had many of those "I can't belive how happy you make me" mushy conversations -- throughout the whole eight months we've been a couple. We've even had a conversation once (he was in his cups, though) where we discussed big things like lifetime commitment and even kids.
But once or twice old fears have cropped back up, and I get afraid that the other shoe's going to drop, and that I'm not doing enough to keep him around. Which at the same time I know is utterly ridiculous. But the paranoia just preoccupies me for a while until I can mentally shout it down; usually I get over it in a couple days, but in the meantime I get weirdly self-conscious around him.
I've spoken to him about this once; he just said that he hadn't noticed I was acting strangely, and that he was glad I felt I could talk about it with him. Which is even more of a reassurance that I'm just paranoid. But I still need a couple days to snap out of it.
So how do you deal with the minor flareups of past baggage in such a way that it doesn't tie you up for days?