My shoes have been red all week so what's with the fifth day of jokes?

May 24, 2008 7:15 AM

Why do people I know, both acquaintances and quasi-friends, bring up my oddities whenever we go out together? It annoys me, and I wonder if I'm overreacting.

I've been told all my life that in the next stage, I would finally fit in, meet people "just like me". My parents told me that as they readied me for middle school, high school, then college, and finally grad school. I've never quite fit in - I'm bright and have a very dry sense of humor and am not great at socializing. Which makes it even more uncomfortable when people (gently) tease me about my quirks in every conversation they have with me.

*I like red. I have several pairs of red shoes and probably wear one piece of red clothing 3-4x weekly (either shoes, shirt, or jacket).

*I like hot food. I wouldn't say insanely hot, but I like pretty spicy stuff. Whenever I'm out with aforementioned social contacts I ask waitresses to make my dish "hot".

Several people I know make jokes about either my food preferences or my red clothes every single time I see them (on the order of 1-2x weekly). At first I thought the jokes were funny, too, but it has gotten totally old and now I bristle as they make the inevitable joke about my clothing. Even when I don't order hot food or wear red, they make jokes about the LACK of it.

I've wondered if it is because they don't know what else to say to me, or that this might be the only fact they remember about me and teasing me about my red shoes is a way of opening the conversation, but it gets pretty annoying.

Am I overreacting for finding this somewhat tiresome? It's like short people jokes except rather than new people constantly repeating the joke, it is the same person repeating the same joke.

posted by anonymous to society & culture (43 comments total)

If your red attire is really that important to you, and it seems like it is a part of your identity, then by all means wear red attire. It isn't weird, but it isn't what everyone else wears on a daily basis. Its hard to be an outlier, if I started walking backwards everywhere people would no doubt make fun of me..

The comments aren't going to stop, unless of course you just ask them to cut it out. If they are your true friends they will stop.

And giving you shit for liking hot food? Next time just poor some tabasco on their meal and have the last laugh.
posted by pwally at 7:29 AM on May 24

I'd keep interactions with such acquaintances to a minimum. And find new quasi-friends.
posted by pammo at 7:31 AM on May 24 [4 favorites]

hm. Reading this, you remind me a little bit of myself -- I tend to be the eternal 'straight man' so to speak, and am gently mocked by everyone I know a good portion of my life :) But something about it sounds different, and the fact that it's hurting you (I still laugh too) makes it really different. Point out gently that the jokes are getting old, and getting a bit hurt-y on top of that. Friends will stop. If they don't, I recommend pammo's advice.
posted by kalimac at 7:35 AM on May 24

These acquaintances sound very annoying. If they're repeating the same unfunny comments over and over again, they're the ones not great at socializing. Or just not too bright, and unable to think of anything new to bring up. You can either minimize contract, or just let them know that it stopped being funny a long time ago and now they're just embarrassing themselves with the lame attempts at humor.
posted by Mr Bunnsy at 7:35 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]

You haven't mentioned that you told them to stop. I think a couple sharp 'Cut it out guys, it's gettin old!" ought to do it. I'd probably soften it with "Come up with something new, would ya?" but my friends and I have always given each other a hard time.
posted by CwgrlUp at 7:36 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]

Those aren't oddities. It's could be that your friends have no imagination or don't know how to make jokes, and just keep making the same ones over and over again.

It could also be what you mentioned yourself - that these people don't know a lot about you, and are clinging to something they do know to open a conversation. I have to say, I only do that kind of thing with people I know in the most glancing way -- people who I am okay with but don't particularly want to know better.
posted by Coatlicue at 7:37 AM on May 24

Are you overreacting for finding this somewhat tiresome? Yes. On some level you sound like a bit of a drag. You do stuff that stands out and then bitch that people notice; that is tiresome. If it really bothers you, buy brown shoes, and be more subtle about the spices. At least ask yourself why you continue to wear red shoes if they invite comments that make you unhappy, from "several people." If it was just one person I'd think they could be politely asked to STFU, but "several people" suggests that you have turned yourself into Red Shoe Hot Food Dude and are for whatever reason uncomfortable with being said guy; this seems like your problem, not your acquaintances'.

Unless you know lousy people, they are joshing you for friendly reasons, and because you have somehow made the spice and shoes stand out more than they might otherwise. Again, if you don't like it -- buy brown shoes, and find a way to order lunch without drawing attention to yourself. If these are ethnic restaurants ordering stuff "hot" should not cause comment; if these are diners, why are you bothering the waitress when the Tabasco is on the table?
posted by kmennie at 7:39 AM on May 24 [3 favorites]

What if every time you saw them, you (gently) teased them about how they always comment on your habits? Like, if you're about to order food, you turn to them and say "let me guess, you're about to say 'omg, always with the hot food...'"

Or when next they make comments about the red clothes or whatever, you say firmly, "ok, I get it: I like red shoes and spicy food, could we please talk about something else? This is getting old." Repeat as necessary until they stop.

Or take the lead in finding new things to talk about and change the subject whenever they bring up your habits.

Or find new friends.
posted by Meg_Murry at 7:45 AM on May 24 [2 favorites]

This is not uncommon. If they seem to enjoy your company, then it's likely just a way to try and connect. And, if you have laughed or joked about it before, then they may think you find it amusing. People have a very hard time figuring out when something is played out and not amusing any more.

I've had similar things happen to me, as I'm sure most people have. I've found the best response is to just minimize my reaction to those, or deflect them and change the subject. You can do this without being rude, and eventually it might result in those topics being less of an issue.

"I see you are/aren't wearing red today! What's up with that?"
"Oh, I didn't really think about it I guess, but I like your (shirt, blouse, shoes), where did you get it?"

If dealing with someone whom you think you can tease back a little without offending, you might respond with something like, "Well, it seems like you think about my wearing red more than I do! I hope worrying about what I wear doesn't cause you to lose too much sleep." If said with a big smile, and depending on your personality, such a comment might work.

You also might just try not giving any reaction at all to the red clothing and hot sauce comments. Just a blank look, like you are thinking of something else, then after a couple seconds, change the subject.

In any case, once they stop getting the intended reaction, it might become less of an issue. But remember that you can't ever change anyone else's behavior; you can only decide how you will react. Make a decision to not let it bother you either way.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 7:46 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]

Am I overreacting for finding this somewhat tiresome?

No. If you find it tiresome, you find it tiresome.

But other than cutting down on the quirkiness, or finding new friends, the teasing isn't going to stop magically on its own. You could say "hey, cut it out," but that tends to sound quite dissonant, and cause some discomfort. It would be a lot easier to find friends who are cool with how you are than it is to retrain people who aren't interested in being retrained.

Red shoes and extra chili flakes are not a big deal at all. But are they maybe the visible and socially-acceptable-to-joke-about tip of the iceberg when it comes to your aberrant behavior? My real thought is that the teasing is a way of letting you know that you are getting beyond mildly quirky (we are all individuals, right?) and out into obsessive/compulsive territory. Socially, that kind of thing is done a lot -- gentle teasing is a first step on the path that leads to social ostracism when someone is behaving oddly. First you gently point out the dissonant behavior, then perhaps you point it out less gently, and eventually if it continues and worsens, you remove yourself from its presence.

I think we all have a friend who is the red shoe person. And it's usually kind of endearing, but when the red shoes are accompanied by a need to sit only in certain chairs, and eat only specific foods prepared in specific ways, and have specifically scripted interactions, it is less endearing and more of a pain in the ass. But it's not kind to tease someone about those kinds of behaviors (especially when they are obviously not in control of them), so the only thing that gets mentioned is the shoes. I think you should think of the teasing as a way for people to relieve the pressure of the anxiety you are causing them -- the key here is to figure out whether this anxiety is unreasonable (caused merely by your choice of footwear) or reasonable (caused by a whole set of weird behaviors on your part).

Fundamentally, you are welcome to wear any kind of shoes you want. But if your shoes are funky enough, people are going to comment. You don't have to like it, but your not liking it isn't going to stop the comments. What this really sounds like to me is that you and your "friends" are not really connecting, and are not really all that compatible. The things you care about are not the things they care about, and vice versa. I know that "get new friends" is not the sort of thing you can snap your fingers and take care of instantly, especially when they are people you know from work or things like that. But in the long run, you don't want to get stuck in a situation that isn't making you happy. Friendships should add pleasure to your life, rather than adding stress and taking work. Some social spaces are much more tolerant of quirkiness than others, and you want to be seeking those out. You'll still be the funky red shoe person, and people will still comment on it, but if you are going to be getting comments you may as well be getting positive comments, you know?
posted by Forktine at 8:03 AM on May 24 [4 favorites]

Are you overreacting for finding this somewhat tiresome? No. "Oh, here comes anonymous, I bet he's going to order... something HOT!" Well, duh, but to repeatedly mention it seems boring. People are boiling you down to a color you like to wear and food that you like to eat. Charecaturizing people is lame.
posted by 23skidoo at 8:05 AM on May 24

Maybe I'm reading too much between the lines, but, from the way you phrase your question, it seems like you're bothered not so much by 'Hey, Red-Shirt! Want some hot sauce, Red-Shirt?' as you are by the fact that, as it turns out, you haven't met big groups of people that are just like you, and you've begun to despair about whether it's ever going to happen, and maybe about whether people have been lying to you for years, and whether you're more naive/gullible/lonely/something than you'd like to think.

That kind of stuff can be a harsh reality for anybody. If you spend a little time thinking about why you feel the way you do, you might be more patient and tolerant of other people's repetitive small-talk.

I could, of course, be reading too much between the lines, or reading in the light of my own experiences. Or I could just be wrong.
posted by box at 8:07 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]

these seem like the most ordinary of quirks to me.
I can only imagine that your friends are trying to make you feel comfortable and fit in by taking notice of things that they assume you do in order to be noticed. If you wear unusual and brightly colored shoes, people may assume you would like for them to be a topic of conversation. I wear red and eat spicy food and have never noticed people comment on it specifically. In middle school / high school my favorite shoes were a pair of red high tops that I wore all the time (until I got My First Docs... it was the 80s) and I don't remember that being a primary source of conversation (except for the band names I had written on the rim, which I wanted to be discussed, I think).

if people are talking about things you don't find interesting, change the subject. But if they tease you about a pair of shoes, then they're just being dickish. So I guess the question is whether they are doing it because they think you identify with the shoes and it's like a friendly connection, 'hey it's our buddy with the crazy shoes', that you like being thought of in conjunction with something seen as quirky that you do, or if they are pointing to it because they think it's dorky and want to make you self-conscious. If it's the former, just let them know you actually have more to you and you don't really like the comments. If the latter, find new peeps.
posted by mdn at 8:09 AM on May 24

It's like short people jokes except rather than new people constantly repeating the joke, it is the same person repeating the same joke.

Also: there are people to whom these jokes are newly funny each and every time. I am tall. Not freakishly tall, but tall enough to be able to change lightbulbs and see who is balding. There are people who every time they meet me make a joke about my being tall. And each and every time they find it just as funny as the first time. I think it's a combination of their personality (they genuinely don't think that the humor decreases with repetition), their insecurity or anxiety (only short people make tall jokes, and probably vice versa), and a genuine attempt to be friendly and connect (the tall joke lets me know that they notice me, and have remembered something about me, and gives us something to talk about).

So I try to smile and take it for what it is, and shrug off the irritation. Because after this many decades of being tall, I can assure you that those jokes aren't going to stop, and the repetition will only continue. So if this is the dynamic of the jokes you are hearing, I don't think that they are stoppable, honestly. And every person you reeducate, you will meet five more who want to connect with you and will make that same joke in order to do so.
posted by Forktine at 8:11 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]

This will be no help whatsoever but I see nothing odd in your attire or behavior, nor can I imagine being surrounded by people who would. If we met, I might comment on your red shoes, but probably only to compare them with the shade of my own pair.

And, what pammo said.
posted by squasha at 8:32 AM on May 24

Those quirks don't seem that weird. Maybe I just live in a place where a lot of people like really hot food, so it's not weird, but I don't see how either of those things is worth mentioning repeatedly. I knew a person who wore the same color every day for probably a year and nobody mentioned it that often.
I think that Fuzzy Skinner's suggestion is good. You don't want to snap at them and seem like a jerk or like you're mad about it. Joke back with them with something like (as Fuzzy Skinner suggested), "Gee, it seems like you care more about my red stuff than I do" and laugh. Or something similarly benign that gets the point across.
posted by fructose at 8:38 AM on May 24

I think teasing is pretty common in many social circles. Some more, some less. Have you ever thought about teasing them back about their quirks?
posted by sixcolors at 8:40 AM on May 24

Just a word of support here - don't change yourself in order to satisfy some lame people with no imagination! Your "oddities" don't even sound weird to me - I wear red shoes too! It's them, not you. If it really bothers you and it's the same people over and over, I would definitely say something, though, like "you know, you bring that up a lot and it's getting a bit wearing." Might be uncomfortable for a few minutes, but change the subject after you let it sink in, and if they're not stupid or rude they should quit doing it.

Keep in mind that you're getting this 10 times a day because 10 different people say it to you once... each of them clueless that 9 other people are also bringing up the same thing. So of course you are sick and tired of it, but to their credit it's not their fault that everyone else is doing the same thing.

I sympathize with you because the same thing has been happening to me since I got into the later stages of pregnancy. Every single person at my work seems to have to comment to me at least once a day nearly word for word: "OMG! You're getting so BIG!" (I'm actually under the average weight gain for pregnancy). It's a pretty stupid thing to constantly remind someone who is struggling just to walk around that she's really, really big. Doesn't make it any easier, you know?

The only thing that keeps me gritting my teeth and smiling (though my responses have gotten much, much shorter) is the thought that I only have to put up with it a few more weeks.

Sometimes I think people just say the first dumb thing that comes into their mouths - especially when they don't know you well enough to say something meaningful - and it tends to be a rehash of the obvious.
posted by GardenGal at 8:41 AM on May 24

Is it important to you that others approve of your preferences? You seem insecure about them, and people may feed on that. But, as for dealing with the immediate issue, I like Meg_Murry's suggestions.
posted by mpls2 at 8:47 AM on May 24

One of two things is going on here - either you're hanging out with jerks or you're being just too damned sensitive about it. Good-natured ribbing and in-jokes are how social groups bond together...that's why you can tell your buddy his beard looks like he glued his face and rolled around a barbershop floor. If you don't like that kind of teasing, you need to try to politely express this as a serious concern. If they won't stop/don't care - they're jerks.

Example - I'm going through a "blue phase" where lately every other thing I wear is within a particular shade range of blue. People comment on this who know me - "Wow, you love blue?" and "More blue today?" from my coworkers. From my friends, it's more like "Woah Sass you trying to masquerade as a Smurf? Hate to break it to you but you're not three apples high, lady!" On days when I'm in a good mood I laugh it off and generally make some sort of silly jibe back. On days when I'm feeling sharp around the edges, I might just nod and sort of dully accept the joke and dully wait to move on to talk about something interesting. If they keep up I will say, "Hey, didn't you go to Switerland last year?" or "How do you make croissants anyway?" or "Did you ever see that episode of MST3K where they sang about kissing Kathy Ireland's Blarney Stone?"

Fuming and not communicating/not trying to talk about something more interesting will only heighten it. Play it off with a few one-liners and move on with your day. Here are some:

Friend: Blah blah blah RED SHOES OMG
You: Yes I'm on my way to the Communist party. I have to pick up some borscht on the way. Anyway, let's talk about internal parasites...

or

You: My master Satan requires me to wear this color at all times. Remember that episode of the Golden Girls where Blanche acts like a total whore?

etc.
posted by SassHat at 8:50 AM on May 24 [2 favorites]

I think if each of them is only making these comments one or twice a week you've pretty much got to live with it. If they were making a dozen jokes about it in a single conversation, that would definitely justify being annoyed. But at that level I think you should probably suck it up rather than make a big thing out of it.

Regarding red shoes, I think it depends on whether you're male or female. I don't think it's anything unusual for a woman to wear red shoes (though I don't follow women's shoe fashions, so maybe they're Out at the moment).

If you're a guy though, red shoes are a bit unusual, and you might want to switch to something more conventional. Dressing conspicuously usually indicates "I'm an extrovert and enjoy getting attention." You're kind of sending a message that you want people to comment on your clothes, whether you mean to or not.
posted by TheophileEscargot at 8:51 AM on May 24

Be PROUD you don't quite fit in. YOU are the kind of person that makes life so interesting. Don't you get that? Einstein with his crazy hair. Woody Allen with his nerdy glasses.

Next time someone says something about you wearing red, just nod simply and say, "I love red."

Nest time someone say something about you loving spicy food, just nod simply and say, "I love spicy food."

Acknowledge who you are, be proud of yourself and rise above the petty comments.

By the way, you are not the only person who wears red a lot and loves spicy food. There are about 8 million people living in India who would like to say, "Namaste!"
posted by HeyAllie at 9:08 AM on May 24 [3 favorites]

Would I be so lucky as to be made fun of for merely my choice of shoes and my eating habits. Last night I was referred to as 'crazy' like 10 times and people keep going on about how I'm likely to kill them. Just about every time I talk I get discounted and ignored. Given I'm socially awkward and hate feeling different from other people those kinds of remarks really get to me. I would have left had I driven myself to that location, but I hadn't so I had to put up with it. Now, how does this relate to you? Well, like me you have two choices. Change your behavior or change your associates.

Personally I would just change my behavior except I'm starting to believe I have something of a 'social situations learning disorder'. I can see group dynamics very well and can generally see why someone will be acting a certain way towards someone else. Except when it comes to myself and how my behavior contributes to the situation. Changing your behavior might be easier for you as you have very specific behaviors that you know are causing certain responses and those behaviors aren't vague like "acting crazy". That said I see nothing wrong with someone wearing red shoes and eating spicy food. Heck, several people I know of eat spicy food all the time including a guy like you who will ask for Tabasco sauce for just about everything. We sometimes joke about it, but not too often.

You're other option is to find new friends. This is problematic for me because of being made fun of for my behavior (which I've found tremendously hard to change) by most people I end up hanging out with. Being made fun of for not fitting in has virtually destroyed my own self-confidence. Now I am always completely terrified of new social situations because I keep thinking about all the crap I get for acting like myself with people who choose to hang out with me and I worry 'what must a total stranger think upon looking at me?'

I unfortunately don't have any advice for this (I wish I did; I might have better friends right ) except that should you succeed in finding other friends don't ditch your current ones. They probably mean well and just think of it as good-natured ribbing. Try and let them know that you appreciate their humor just that you feel it's getting old and ask if they can come up with some new humor. Like "sure I wear red and like spicy food, but what about my hair? Isn't that weird enough for you?"

I hope what this fellow awkward person had to say helps a little bit.
posted by Green With You at 9:12 AM on May 24

There are two answers here: the first one I wrote and one I wrote after further consideration. I don't know which applies.

1)
I've been in similar situations to you; for a long time I was annoyed by daily comments from co-workers along the lines of "what a surprise, you're wearing a black t-shirt with the logo of an obscure metal band on it!" or "still no haircut?". I would make sure to express my boredom with some kind of friendly barbed comment. Some examples might be: "you sound like a broken record" or "I heard sheep are surprised when the sun comes up in the morning; that's because they're so fucking stupid they don't remember it happens every day". The message slowly sank in. The way to defend against these tedious repetitive comments is to attack them for being lame and predictable.

Also, it sounds like you are quite the quirky character, so you probably do have to choose between modifying your behaviour or putting up with this for the rest of your life.

Red shoes *are* attention-grabbing ostentatious items. What do you wear them with? Is the rest of your ensemble a well put-together hip outfit? Or do the shoes look incongruous with the other clothes you're wearing? If you're wearing red, make sure the whole outfit works well and you don't look like Santa Claus or like Dorothy in black and white with bright ruby slippers. (I wrote this assuming you are a dude, but I guess it's the same either way).

I love hot food too, and of course people often comment that they can predict what I'll order based on the warnings present in the menu, and in Thai restaurants they know I'll ask the waitress for the food to be jazzed up to Thai rather than American heat levels. When I'm bored of that, I suggest a restaurant with a cuisine where that's irrelevant. Go to the French place where it's not an issue. If you are asking for food that's not normally hot to have chillies added or something, cut that out, that's weird.

Finally, move to a big city like New York, where everything you've described about yourself will be considered entirely normal compared to all the rest of the freaks out there.

2)
I think there is a lot left unsaid in your question though. Plenty of people wear red without comment, and it's certainly not unusual to like hot food. Either you have a habit of picking annoying people to hang out with, or you behave more weirdly than you say.
You described your liking for red clothes and hot food as "quirks" and "oddities"; it's perfectly normal to like these things, so I'm wondering whether you go beyond the behaviour you describe in your question and ostentatiously promote these things as your "brand". There is a difference between a preference and an affectation.
If you regard wearing red and eating hot food as your "thing" and shove it people's faces then that IS going to be the main thing people know about you, and the only thing they have to comment on when they try to include you in the conversation.
posted by nowonmai at 9:29 AM on May 24

Is this turning into a passive-aggressive thing where every time you wear red shoes (or something red) you're excessively bent out of shape hoping that this time, your friends won't mention it? And then excessively angry that they did that one thing you hoped they wouldn't?

You could stop wearing them but I guess that's a matter of pride.. the only other options are.. stop hanging out with these people, or gently say something to the effect that, "could you please stop making comments every time I wear red? I'd rather you didn't, it makes me feel embarrassed/uncomfortable/etc." Politely, not in a moment of They can't read your mind and probably have no idea it bothers you. Now if they persist in doing this after you've let them know you don't like it and wish they'd stop, then maybe it's time to find other friends.
posted by citron at 10:04 AM on May 24

Oops, didn't finish that. "Politely, not in a moment of anger. They can't read your mind.."
posted by citron at 10:05 AM on May 24

Often, that kind of teasing is a way of establishing familiarity and history with old friends or newer acquaintances; it's a lame, pretty annoying shorthand of "I'm know you so well, I know all of your quirks." If it's driving you nuts, you should certainly say something, and if the teasers don't respond well, probably all of the counsel to find new friends is right on. However, I think maybe you've just got some friends who are even more socially awkward than you say you are, and they might be awkwardly looking for a playful way to make a connection with you.
posted by pieliza at 10:22 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]

I have noticed that there are groups of people who always try to point out the differences between themselves and others. It's persistent and annoying and tends to make me feel bad. It's "Well, this weekend I'm going to my cottage up north with my kids. Oh, that's right -- you don't have a cottage, and you don't even have kids, either! Well, geez, then what DO you do for the holidays??"

This is vs. the folks who will say "Oh, I'm going up north this weekend, thanks for asking! Are you planning anything fun? Wow, tonight you're going to go play a concert 80 miles away and then you'll show some apartments tomorrow morning? That sounds like a lot of fun. I hope you have a great concert!" etc. I feel a lot more comfortable around these folks because we talk about our commonalities (or they at least make an effort to discover something in common with me. i have been practicing this inclusivity kind of skill in return and find it is very helpful.)

In my experience, that first group of people won't budge even if you HAVE things in common with them. "Oh, you'll be up there too? Well, are you going antiquing when you're there? No? What's your driving route? We're going a different way this time," etc.

If you tend to be exclusive or standoffish with your behaviors, attire, etc., then learning to be a little more inclusive should help. Your friends should be able to, well, see past your red shoes.
posted by oldtimey at 10:42 AM on May 24

I wonder if they do it as an attempted way of bonding. "Hey, it's you! We're friends. And this is how we talk to each other! I know you well enough that I know things you like. Would you like to talk about things you've observed over time about me?"
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:00 AM on May 24 [1 favorite]

Good-natured ribbing and in-jokes are how social groups bond together

Good-natured ribbing and in-jokes are how social groups that like good-natured ribbing and in-jokes bond together. There are lots and lots of people who feel that good-natured ribbing is weird and unnecessary.
posted by 23skidoo at 11:05 AM on May 24 [2 favorites]

If it's what you like and you're going to keep doing it: own it. Roll with it. People are people and they're going to razz you. Are you going to change for them? Then why should they stop doing what they do? Besides if you don't feed the trolls they go away, or at least stop trolling. Why make things uncomfortable, or push away people you enjoy otherwise?
posted by P.o.B. at 11:11 AM on May 24

I agree upthread that this isn't about red shoes and spicy food, but your general feelings of unease about fitting in. This is how we establish familiarity, we humans. Almost everyone, in my opinion, gets pigeonholed as something. I prefer wearing neutral colors, especially brown, and I'm pretty food & dining-obsessed. If I wear an uncharacteristically brighter color or cannot provide a detailed opinion on a local restaurant, I get a lot of OMG! *boggle* from my friends and acquaintances. If I do, it's also comment-worthy.
posted by desuetude at 11:18 AM on May 24

If you're comfortable with your quirks then go ahead and try to embrace them. I have a food quirk; I eat a lot, and I mean a whole hell of a lot, of salt. My friends comment about it during most of our meals together and joke if I don't put salt on something. Some people even wanted to buy me a salt lick for my birthday. It gets annoying sometimes since I know they know about it and it's expected on my part. I've said things to that effect to see no real change. Now I just expect people to say something and usually ignore it. But sometimes I throw out a preemptive warning to the effect that I am about to totally saturate everything edible with insane amounts of salt. You could do the same with the hot food. If you're wearing red shoes one day, ask if anyone notices what color your shoes are. If you make a bit of a joke first, they won't have much more to say.
posted by inconsequentialist at 12:53 PM on May 24

I find that wearing an attention getting item of clothing will often cause me to recieve comments about same, even months later if it's something particulary unusual. Don't wear things like this if you don't want people to comment on them. If you feel that the comments are negative, and you want them to be positive, figure out how to wear the thing you like without it wearing you.

If you want to eat spicy food and fit in, maybe you should move. One warning though -- if "hot" where you live is equivalent to "mild" somewhere else (this could easily happen if you move from, say, Maine, to New Mexico), don't make a big show about how you loooove spicy food before trying a little bitty chunk of what you've been informed is an extremly spicy pepper.

I'm not saying you should do this, but if you want to play a mean trick on your friends to get back at them for teasing you about spicy food, make some guacamole with wasbi substituted for the main portion of the avacado.
posted by yohko at 1:27 PM on May 24

Finally, move to a big city like New York, where everything you've described about yourself will be considered entirely normal compared to all the rest of the freaks out there.

Worked for me. People rarely notice the bullshit things about me that used to get constantly harped on. Like, I only wear one pair of shoes. I usually have about 3 pairs of the exact same brand and style. Same with shirts, skirts, pants, I have a few more of those but I don't go for a lot of variety. It makes it easy to get dressed in the morning. I don't smell or anything, I just wear similar clothes. But OH MY GOD it was the WEIRDEST THING anyone had EVER ENCOUNTERED. EVER. And I sometimes cut my own hair. WOW CALL THE F***ING COPS, WE HAVE AN OUTLIER.
posted by sondrialiac at 2:26 PM on May 24

I wear red shoes and like hot food, and if what someone says is not a compliment or a friendly statement, I just make a non-committal "Mmm." I learnt this from a bunch of Education Academics who seem determined to never say anything bad to a person, but to always reward good behaviour. It's been quite interesting to see how how quickly people learn what constitutes approval and what doesn't.
posted by b33j at 2:54 PM on May 24

Try having big tits...they're a laugh riot (not). I only bring this up because this happens to everyone. Some people show affection by teasing - I know I only tease people I actually like. Generally people are teased about their most distinguishing characteristic (mine seems to be my tits - followed by my laugh). If you ALWAYS wear red shoes and you make a big deal about your food being spicy enough at EVERY meal - then yes..you will be teased. Yes, it can get old, but so does wearing the same shoes every day. If you smile and let it drop - they will eventually find something else to tease you about.
posted by The Light Fantastic at 2:55 PM on May 24

I always wear green and some guys at the office noticed it. I think it's their way of being chummy, though; I work as a software engineer and most of us are very awkward, so the fact that they're trying means a lot. However, I admit it can be annoying when two dudes pop their heads into my cube and say "Hey, crinklebat, no green today? Oh, haha, your socks!!" Thanks, guys.

I just feel like it's a way for people who don't know you as well as they would like to say "I'm interested in the facts about you."
posted by crinklebat at 3:12 PM on May 24 [1 favorite]

I'm surprised by the people that are telling you to get new friends. You guys have had friends that sucked at making jokes and repeated the same stuff over and over? You just assume they're terrible people or something...?

Your friends are just joking with you; friends tease each other. They are, unfortunately, unimaginative. I've been friends with people like that before, that use the same joke over and over. Really, they don't mean anything by it, even if it gets tiresome. Some of my friends who do these are really good-hearted people but just not very funny. It's part of how they try to keep a friendly conversation going because they don't have much to work with. If it bothers you a lot you can ask them to stop, but I do think you're getting overly annoyed.

I agree with an above poster that if you do things other people don't do, you can't really expect people not to notice it. People usually tease their friends based on their particular quirks.

Also, your post makes you sound "like a drag" as someone else said above. I wonder if they're teasing you about superficial things like wearing red because they think you would react terribly if they teased you about other things. They might just repeat the same stuff because it feels like "safe territory" to them. That might not be the case, but consider it.

If it seems like a really malicious thing and that just didn't come through in your post, then just don't hang out with them anymore. It doesn't sound like that at all though, as it stands.
posted by Nattie at 3:27 PM on May 24

I am friends with a group of people who love nothing more than teasing and giving others a hard time. We're not so uncreative as to keep harping on the same thing over and over again, like the proclivity of someone to wear red shoes all the time, but we do crack jokes and make fun of each other all the time. And you know what fuels the fire faster than anything? Someone who won't laugh at themselves, or gets mad and stomps off in a huff. I'll laugh just as hard when I get razzed about my various gaffes and missteps as much as I will when a friend does the same.

I'm sure there are times when people want to scream, "IT'S NOT FUNNY ANYMORE!" I've felt the same way myself. But I've laughed and given it right back to people when they tease me about something. It's the only way.

When your friends tease you about your red shoes and your spicy food, give it right back to them. Even prepare some remarks ahead of time so you're prepared. This one friend of mine, we've been teasing her mercilessly for weeks about something and she just would get mad or insulted - making it even funnier - and finally, finally, after I told her, "Just give it back to us, seriously," she started giving it back to us. And we've totally moved off the original subject that we were teasing her about.

Give it back to them, and hope they find some new material.
posted by sutel at 5:01 PM on May 24

spicy food, red shoes, what the hell is weird about that? sounds like your freinds are the werid ones to me.
posted by swbarrett at 7:07 AM on May 25

People usually stop doing things when you stop giving them the reaction they are seeking. It's just basic animal behavior modification: when they do the teasing just give them a blank, neutral look and a short pause before moving onto a different subject. I think that if you give them either a negative or positive response they will continue to tease you, so keep it neutral.

Another method is to beat them to the punch and make self-deprecating remarks about your supposed quirks.
posted by kenzi23 at 12:13 PM on May 25

I had my red phase. No one commented. I am inclined towards the idea that this sort of teasing is not intended as a negative. But in a group, some will tease you over these things as a way of saying "We like you, but this is all we really know about you. Open up!". Others will only pick up on the routine tease, and repeat it, and this teasing becomes part of the in-jokes of the group.

I can't but assume you like other things besides hot food and red clothes, something that might provide interesting conversation in your group, that they don't know about you. Maybe your group suffers from gross superficiality, and you should find different people. Maybe you're chronically superficial yourself, and need to get past that. Some people feel that being superficial is polite. Others find it shallow and boring as hell. But groups tend to be superficial anyway, it's hard to be intimate in a group setting.

But in a group of acquaintances, there should be some with whom you enjoy a closer friendship. If that isn't the case with you, perhaps you really need to consider why that is, and what you might do about it.
posted by Goofyy at 11:12 PM on May 27