How to keep my reputation intact?
May 19, 2008 6:59 PM Subscribe
How do I preserve my professional reputation after a rough parting with an abusive boss? Heeding the advice of the hivemind, I quit my job after my boss started yelling at me, calling me stupid in public, and generally berating me to the point that other people started asking me questions about why she was so mad at me. Now I'm worried that she will start to poison the well.
My boss has a reputation for being supportive, open and growth oriented. Really, she takes anyone who works outside her beliefs and tears them to shreds, until they leave. When I started working for her, I heard the first part. Now that I'm quitting, I get a lot of 'she sure is brilliant, but she's impossible to work with/the devil/controlling' etc
However, we work in a small, connected industry in our city. I'm concerned that she will paint me as a diva, a negative person or a poisoner (all things I've been accused of). Even though I'm leaving in a few days, she hasn't told any of our clients that I'm going - now I'm worried that they will think that I quit abruptly and am being unprofessional. These are people I am likely to work with in the future, somewhere along the line.
So, how do I do damage control, keep her from talking behind my back and generally throwing a wrench in the works?
My boss has a reputation for being supportive, open and growth oriented. Really, she takes anyone who works outside her beliefs and tears them to shreds, until they leave. When I started working for her, I heard the first part. Now that I'm quitting, I get a lot of 'she sure is brilliant, but she's impossible to work with/the devil/controlling' etc
However, we work in a small, connected industry in our city. I'm concerned that she will paint me as a diva, a negative person or a poisoner (all things I've been accused of). Even though I'm leaving in a few days, she hasn't told any of our clients that I'm going - now I'm worried that they will think that I quit abruptly and am being unprofessional. These are people I am likely to work with in the future, somewhere along the line.
So, how do I do damage control, keep her from talking behind my back and generally throwing a wrench in the works?
Oh, man, are you me? This is my last week working for a totally unreasonable, abusive boss, and I also work in a small, super-networked field. Also, the reputations sound about the same.
I have to say, in my personal experience, no one has really held it against me. I've told a few people and they've just sort of sighed and said they understood.
Here's what I am doing: I am making sure that I don't say anything bad about my boss. Not even to friends who are in the same field. There's no need, when the reputation speaks for itself. I'm hoping that by being diplomatic, I will get a reputation as the level-headed, tactful person who was able to work with my boss. When people ask why I'm leaving, I just say that it's a great operation, but I was looking to go in a different direction.
If you can do so quietly, you may want to inform your clients yourself. Just give them a call. Depending on how closely you work with these clients, it may be the most responsible thing to do.
As for your boss's behavior, well, there's only so much you can do about that. Be mindful that if she has a reputation for being controlling or a diva that her well-poisoning might not have much effect. If you find out that she is saying negative things about you to potential employers, you may want to get an attorney to write a threatening letter, but that seems a bit extreme.
Anyway, good luck, and I'm buying you a virtual beer to toast to our liberation from horrible bosses!
posted by lunasol at 7:19 PM on May 19, 2008 [2 favorites]
I have to say, in my personal experience, no one has really held it against me. I've told a few people and they've just sort of sighed and said they understood.
Here's what I am doing: I am making sure that I don't say anything bad about my boss. Not even to friends who are in the same field. There's no need, when the reputation speaks for itself. I'm hoping that by being diplomatic, I will get a reputation as the level-headed, tactful person who was able to work with my boss. When people ask why I'm leaving, I just say that it's a great operation, but I was looking to go in a different direction.
If you can do so quietly, you may want to inform your clients yourself. Just give them a call. Depending on how closely you work with these clients, it may be the most responsible thing to do.
As for your boss's behavior, well, there's only so much you can do about that. Be mindful that if she has a reputation for being controlling or a diva that her well-poisoning might not have much effect. If you find out that she is saying negative things about you to potential employers, you may want to get an attorney to write a threatening letter, but that seems a bit extreme.
Anyway, good luck, and I'm buying you a virtual beer to toast to our liberation from horrible bosses!
posted by lunasol at 7:19 PM on May 19, 2008 [2 favorites]
I'm sure you're not the first person to leave. If this person has a pattern of driving good people away, other people will take note. And if you're in a small, connected industry, you may have peers who have been through the ringer with her too. It's a good idea to get in touch with some of your past coworkers, just to talk things over and confirm that it wasn't just you.
If she's really professional, she won't talk behind your back at all. If she is the sort of person who talks behind peoples' backs, surely she's said bad things about good people before.
Either way, you're better off for leaving, and you'll be better off taking the high road. If someone asks you about why you left, or seems to be prying, pay a compliment to your old boss, say that you learned a lot during your time with her, and express regret that the two of you weren't such a great fit if that seems appropriate.
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 7:22 PM on May 19, 2008
If she's really professional, she won't talk behind your back at all. If she is the sort of person who talks behind peoples' backs, surely she's said bad things about good people before.
Either way, you're better off for leaving, and you'll be better off taking the high road. If someone asks you about why you left, or seems to be prying, pay a compliment to your old boss, say that you learned a lot during your time with her, and express regret that the two of you weren't such a great fit if that seems appropriate.
posted by freshwater_pr0n at 7:22 PM on May 19, 2008
I was in this situation 8 months ago. My boss didn't tell anyone I was leaving and then when I did leave before I worked my notice, he tried to paint me as someone who abandoned my job. It didn't work and no one believes the story he's been trying to tell.
Take the high road. You can't do anything if your former boss starts trying to undermine your career. Most people probably know how she really is and will take anything she says with a grain of salt.
posted by mamaquita at 8:13 PM on May 19, 2008
Take the high road. You can't do anything if your former boss starts trying to undermine your career. Most people probably know how she really is and will take anything she says with a grain of salt.
posted by mamaquita at 8:13 PM on May 19, 2008
In my last job, I interviewed a lot of people. If I had one who worked for someone I knew to be a monster, and she paid the monster only compliments, I would conclude that either a) she's the most resilient person on Earth, and that therefore she might be good to put with the most horrible clients and managers available, or b) she's a conniving, untrustworthy piece of shit who cares so much more about diplomacy than honesty that I know I'll never be able to trust her.
Contact your clients separately, and let them know that you've left, how much you enjoyed working with them, they can feel free to contact you in the future, etc. And if they ask what happened, say that you and your boss had different styles of work that ultimately were not compatible. This story has the advantage of being true, and therefore easy to remember and defend.
If anyone (clients or future employers) presses you for more information, it's within your power to just be honest. That is one advantage of not working for your old boss anymore, see. She doesn't get to make you obsess over how what you say reflects on her. That privilege ran out when your last paycheck cleared. If she wanted you to bolster her reputation even after you left, she should have treated you better.
posted by bingo at 8:13 PM on May 19, 2008
Contact your clients separately, and let them know that you've left, how much you enjoyed working with them, they can feel free to contact you in the future, etc. And if they ask what happened, say that you and your boss had different styles of work that ultimately were not compatible. This story has the advantage of being true, and therefore easy to remember and defend.
If anyone (clients or future employers) presses you for more information, it's within your power to just be honest. That is one advantage of not working for your old boss anymore, see. She doesn't get to make you obsess over how what you say reflects on her. That privilege ran out when your last paycheck cleared. If she wanted you to bolster her reputation even after you left, she should have treated you better.
posted by bingo at 8:13 PM on May 19, 2008
People *know* when a bad boss is driving away the talent. People who've worked with the bad boss before *know* what he or she is like and aren't going to hold it against you.
I've been in a similar situation and all my coworkers knew the score. They were all really supportive of any moves I opted to make, because they understood that it wasn't at all about the work, the coworkers, or anything other than the bad boss's horrendous managerial ability.
It's business. Treat it as such and you'll do OK.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 8:15 PM on May 19, 2008
I've been in a similar situation and all my coworkers knew the score. They were all really supportive of any moves I opted to make, because they understood that it wasn't at all about the work, the coworkers, or anything other than the bad boss's horrendous managerial ability.
It's business. Treat it as such and you'll do OK.
posted by fairytale of los angeles at 8:15 PM on May 19, 2008
I don't think you need to worry about damage control. Chances are, that if other people have worked with your boss, they already know the score. Don't underestimate the network. And if they don't know your boss, you're golden. Good luck. I mean that sincerely.
posted by wv kay in ga at 8:48 PM on May 19, 2008
posted by wv kay in ga at 8:48 PM on May 19, 2008
I left a job after dealing with a manipulative boss and now when people ask me about that situation I try to focus on what I loved about the job (my co-workers, my assignments, etc) and say nothing about my boss. When people ask why I left I say that it was time for a change. I only let myself vent about my boss to my family and a few close friends.
For me, it is so tempting to tell other people about the situation, but I know that would only reflect badly on me, not on my former boss. So, focus on the positives and do your best to keep quiet about the rest and you'll come away from this looking professional and able to find a better job situation.
posted by shesbookish at 9:06 PM on May 19, 2008
For me, it is so tempting to tell other people about the situation, but I know that would only reflect badly on me, not on my former boss. So, focus on the positives and do your best to keep quiet about the rest and you'll come away from this looking professional and able to find a better job situation.
posted by shesbookish at 9:06 PM on May 19, 2008
This is a tough one...
If you want to be pre-emptive, write a really nice goodbye email. Do NOT say anything negative. Instead, be very positive. It will be much harder for her to paint you as a diva, and even if she tries it will give people a reason to think twice about anything she says.
As far as giving your clients a heads up... I would. Again, a very nice email. After all, it IS somewhat unprofessional to leave without giving anyone a heads up. I can understand giving your boss some time, but... if you're leaving in a couple days? Definitely offer to be available to answer future questions, etc. If they try and take advantage beyond a few hours of your time ask that they pay you as a contractor.
If your boss is smart, she won't try to continue to backstab you after you leave. It does her no good at all, and can't reflect well on her. Keep your chin up! It's your best defense!
posted by xammerboy at 9:08 PM on May 19, 2008
If you want to be pre-emptive, write a really nice goodbye email. Do NOT say anything negative. Instead, be very positive. It will be much harder for her to paint you as a diva, and even if she tries it will give people a reason to think twice about anything she says.
As far as giving your clients a heads up... I would. Again, a very nice email. After all, it IS somewhat unprofessional to leave without giving anyone a heads up. I can understand giving your boss some time, but... if you're leaving in a couple days? Definitely offer to be available to answer future questions, etc. If they try and take advantage beyond a few hours of your time ask that they pay you as a contractor.
If your boss is smart, she won't try to continue to backstab you after you leave. It does her no good at all, and can't reflect well on her. Keep your chin up! It's your best defense!
posted by xammerboy at 9:08 PM on May 19, 2008
Good answers here. I'll add to and amplify what freshwater_pr0n said - you'll be surprised how many other people know about this person and will open up to you when they learn your situation has changed. I'd be very careful to be diplomatic, though, even though people will try and draw you out and get you "on the record". Now is the time to learn how to respond to questions about this person with, "Do you know X? How?" so that you know the score before declaring yourself.
Note that this also works for the interview situation that bingo noted: be as positive as you can without lying about this person and your relationship in an interview, but ask the interviewer if they know the person they're asking about and use that information to frame your response appropriately.
posted by mikel at 8:21 AM on May 20, 2008
Note that this also works for the interview situation that bingo noted: be as positive as you can without lying about this person and your relationship in an interview, but ask the interviewer if they know the person they're asking about and use that information to frame your response appropriately.
posted by mikel at 8:21 AM on May 20, 2008
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Apart from that, there's really nothing you need to do. Poison-mongering will generally reflect much worse on the mongerer than the mongeree.
posted by flabdablet at 7:19 PM on May 19, 2008