Where should I look for a boyfriend.

May 15, 2008 10:34 AM

I've recently come out of denial/uncertainty and realize I'm gay, I live in Adelaide, I don't really dig the club scene that much, but I want to meet other gay men. How do I find them?

Really, I want to meet gay friends and if something more happens, that's a bonus. I specifically don't just want to know where to hook up.

The queer organisation on campus here consists of a handful of gay "activists". While the whole injustice of the universe and the oppression inherent in the hetronormitive system exists, constantly whining about it bores me senseless.

I think my gaydar is broken (both receive and transmit), as I had the gay transponder bullied out of me in high school. I'm thus a bit shy when it comes to determining whether someone I like might like me back. I also don't come across as gay, people I have come out to have said that it's a surprise because I don't "act gay."

Because of my denial, I've only ever had one relationship in my life, and that started and ended because she was crazier than I was. I don't know the first thing about relationships, doubly so the non-traditional kind.

posted by Basalisk to human relations (11 answers total)

Go hang around the theater department. I am not joking.
posted by Faint of Butt at 10:49 AM on May 15, 2008

Find your local LGBTI bookshop (or cafe, maybe?) and see what events are going on, according to their noticeboard. There's sure to be some kind of interest group or organisation you can start attending the meetings for.
posted by tapeguy at 10:59 AM on May 15, 2008

I'd think of activities that you enjoy and then ask around to find gay organizations of those activities. Look at a GBLT bookstore for postings, maybe to start?

For instance, here in Chicago there's various gay intermural sports organizations and Gay Games teams (for the athletic), the Windy City Gay Chorus (for musical types), Book Clubs at GBLT bookstores (bookworms!), etc etc.
posted by Wink Ricketts at 11:00 AM on May 15, 2008

The good thing about theater types (performers specifically) is that you *have* to be uninhibited, at least in some sense, to perform. This means that any sort of -dar, gay or otherwise, doesn't have to work nearly as hard. Plus theater is fun, people inevitably bond during a show (although its not guaranteed for everyone), and, well, there are probably some gay people there. Maybe. There's a chance.
posted by amtho at 11:14 AM on May 15, 2008 [1 favorite]

I read a blog on gay social networking sites called Broken Cupid that offers lots of dating advice as well as reviews of internet services.

Connexion comes highly recommended, though I am unsure if they have a major presence in Australia.

Also, find your local pride center. They will be in contact with every GLBT group in the area. Hopefully one of them will appeal to you whether it be a book club or a volleyball team.
posted by munchingzombie at 11:26 AM on May 15, 2008

I think gaydar.com.au (I think that's it) is relatively popular.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:46 AM on May 15, 2008

I don't know what you're studying, but if you can take art classes, go for it. I've taken an art class where literally 50% of my classmates were gay, and it's art! Everyone's at least a little queer or queer-friendly.
posted by reebear at 12:20 PM on May 15, 2008

nth-ing the arts. Lots of cool people, gay and gay friendly, and you get a little culture! Bonus! Congrats on comng out! Good Luck!
posted by pearlybob at 12:28 PM on May 15, 2008

Are you sure about your on-campus org, by the way? Have you actually stopped in and talked with folks? I understand what you mean about the strident activism not at all being what you're looking for at this point (if ever), but the loudest, most visible participants will, obviously, be the most visible expression of the group. It may well be that there's a more low-key, less politically-oriented membership that you would be introduced to.

I assume that you read your local queer paper and so have a general sense of what's going on. I'd at least be looking to join the campus group to tag-along for broader community events, like the upcoming Pride march/night/thingy this Saturday. You might find that you actually know some people in attendance, who, like yourself, are out but just not particularly loud about it.
posted by mumkin at 1:00 PM on May 15, 2008

I'd go off of what mumkin suggestions, and give you this: you may not want to hang out with the people in your on-campus org, but you probably want to hang out with some of the people they hang out with. They know where the gays are, so let them lead you to them.

Plus, you'll be fresh meat (careful!) and likely generate quite a bit of muffled excitement.
posted by awesomebrad at 1:20 PM on May 15, 2008

You say you're not into the club scene that much, but are you into the pub scene? The Edinburgh Castle, the Wheatsheaf Hotel, the Crown and Anchor are all pretty relaxed, and all have a fairly significant gay clientele.
posted by Jimbob at 4:04 PM on May 15, 2008 [2 favorites]