Learning to like tomatoes

May 8, 2008 2:16 PM

I love tomatoes. My boyfriend hates tomatoes. How can I help him at least tolerate tomatoes, so that we might co-exist in culinary peace?

He's open to the idea of learning to like tomatoes — in fact, he really wants to like tomatoes, both for my sake and because he isn't otherwise a picky eater. After years of avoiding dishes that included tomatoes, he's expressed a cautious interest in learning to eat them. He may have had allergy issues as a child, although he no longer seems to be allergic to them and just intensely dislikes them. (He doesn't mind ketchup or tomato paste too much, for instance, but once there are identifiable chunks of tomato in a dish, like stewed tomatoes or chunky salsa, he won't eat it.)

What's the best way to work up to the nirvana that is biting into a garden-ripe tomato, fresh off a vine in the backyard sun? We are both of the mindset that many food dislikes can be overcome with open-minded repetition, but at the same time, I'd hate to ruin him to tomatoes forever by taking too big of a step right away.

Where would you start? Should we cook things with tomatoes that don't have any tomato-taste to them? Or things that taste like tomatoes but can't be texturally identified as such? What's the ladder we should be working our way up? Recipes are welcomed.

posted by adiabat to food & drink (53 comments total)

I hated tomatoes until I was well into my twenties, and still am picky about them. I do, however, love grape tomatoes. They don't have any of the (shudder) white, mealy nastiness. So how about grape tomatoes, cut in half, in a salad with whatever dressing he likes?
posted by The corpse in the library at 2:21 PM on May 8, 2008

I'm learning to like tomatoes just recently and for me the big deal was not eating nasty supermarket tomatoes and going for more of the delicious local (organic?) type.

You may want to work on an acclimation process going from more pureed type things like spaghetti sauces and finely chopped salsas, to things with chunks like wraps or chunkier salsa. Actually the thing that really sold me on tomoatoes was the best BLT in the universe. I feel that any food can be made palatable (to non-vegetarians) if you put it next to enough tasty bacon.

Keep in mind that there's a wide gap between being able to tolerate and enjoy foods in other foods and wanting to just ooze pure joy because the food on its own is so delicious. You'll get a lot farther if you just work on "hey let's try to find ways for you to enjoy tomatoes" and less of the nirvana-talk. As someone who has a lot of strong preferences food-wise but is open to trying things and experimenting I'm a lot more open to the former and less of the "OMG you have no idea what you're MISSING" approach. Good luck!
posted by jessamyn at 2:27 PM on May 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

I despise tomatoes in sandwiches, burritos, and other such dishes where they are supposed to play a supporting role. In these dishes, the tomato flavor overpowers every other flavor and isn't the least bit appealing to me. However, when tomato is the main idea of the dish (in a marinated tomato or a caprese-style salad), I quite enjoy them.

Perhaps get some fresh mozzarella, locally-grown tomatoes, and basil and a tasty (real) balsamic vinegar and make a caprese salad. Perhaps the fresh and high-quality ingredients could help sway him as it did me.
posted by odi.et.amo at 2:27 PM on May 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

Use them sparingly. A thin slice or two on a big, juicy (beef/turkey/veggie/whatever) burger or sandwich. Wedges of tomato with chicken on a thin-crust pizza. Etc.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 2:28 PM on May 8, 2008

They don't have any of the (shudder) white, mealy nastiness.

Try heirloom tomatoes (farmer's markets are your best bet). Juicy and soft like a tomato should be, not one that is designed to survive shipment across 4 states in the back of a truck.
posted by hindmost at 2:28 PM on May 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I have never been a big fan of the tomato. Especially now when they are being bred for travel instead of flavor. But I learned a few tricks that make them very good

Roast them in the oven drizzled with olive oil (not virgin) and chopped garlic for 45 minutes at 350, or grill them topped with bread crumbs, herbs and parmesan cheese. Also try some of the heirloom varieties some are truly spectacular.
posted by SMELLSLIKEFUN at 2:31 PM on May 8, 2008

i am the opposite of your boyfriend. I cannot eat tomatoes. I have been experimenting tomato-like things, like roasted red peppers. Maybe you can ease him into tomatoes with a side of something tomato-like.
posted by parmanparman at 2:31 PM on May 8, 2008

2nding hindmost. it's all about the heirlooms. i never ever could stomach a raw tomato until i tried heirlooms. now, i will gobble up delicious, sweet heirloom tomatoes with glee. preferably sliced thin on a piece of crusty bread.
posted by gnutron at 2:32 PM on May 8, 2008

The "biting into a garden-ripe tomato" thing I will never like. (Oh, and ketchup, which I despise because it smells fake and oversweet. But that's not really relevant to this discussion.)

So, it's the tomato goop that turns me off in particular, though I used to be pickier about other aspects of fresh-tomato texture. I know a number of people who don't like fresh tomatoes, and for all of us, it's the texture, not the flavor.

I think the answer is to start with tomato sauce & salsa that's blended, not chunky. Good-quality canned tomatoes are great, too, because they fall apart into sauce with very little prodding. Start with lasagna. Who doesn't like lasagna?
posted by desuetude at 2:33 PM on May 8, 2008

Maybe it would help if he thought of a tomato as a fruit - very juicy, somewhat salty fruit. Approach it that way, with a nice ripe heirloom or vine-ripened-farmers-market specimen, let him smell it, work up to cutting a wedge for himself, and then if he wants, taking a little bite. Let _him_ control the process - you may or may not even want to be in the room.

The thing is to conceive of the tomato as a fruit, rather than a substance, and -- as others have mentioned -- forgoing those bred less as food and more as objects to be shipped.
posted by amtho at 2:37 PM on May 8, 2008 [2 favorites]

I love tomatoes -- they are so versatile and such a staple so I can understand wanting to learn to like them. I'm the same way with onions -- can't stand them, especially raw, and I want to learn to like them just because they are so pervasive in good food!

When I was younger I remember liking to sprinkle salt on a wedge of ripe, firm, raw tomato. I still do. That may make it more palatable and it may be the bridge he needs...
posted by Flying Squirrel at 2:38 PM on May 8, 2008

Apply A1 sauce to a sliced heirloom tomato and it magically turns into a steak!
posted by nicwolff at 2:39 PM on May 8, 2008 [1 favorite]

I agree with hindmost. Wait a few months until it's tomato season, and then seek out heirloom varieties, like Brandywine--tomato aficionados seem to agree it's the best-tasting--Black from Tula and Cherokee Purple.
posted by Lycaste at 2:39 PM on May 8, 2008

Could you try starting with a tomato-based soup, pureed, then add tiny chunks of tomatoes, then bigger chunks? (maybe with a small shell pasta, so there's something else "chunky" in there.) Or tucked inside a bean burrito and cooked. Hidden under a layer of noodles in a lasagna.

Just as one data point, I LOVE tomatoes. (most) Salsa, sauces, on enchiladas, in soup, sliced and cooked on a pizza, all wonderful. But I really don't like raw tomatoes and never have. They've always just been plain and meh (and yes, I've tried garden fresh local tomatoes). I'm not sure that learning to like/love tomatoes = ever being able to eat a tomato like it's an apple.

On preview, I see I'm not alone there (and I'm very slow).
posted by peep at 2:43 PM on May 8, 2008

You could try the opposite. I hated green onions as a kid, right... so when I finally moved out and got my own place I thought to myself, "FREEDOM! Now nothing I cook will ever have green onions in it!"

So I made some dishes and they just tasted... off. And horror of horrors, I realized that the dish just didn't taste the same without the green onions. I felt like a traitor to the child who would meticulously pick them out of all of her food, but what could I do? I had, without my knowing, secretly liked them.

I don't know how you could adapt this, except maybe cook common tomato-containing foods and see if he feels they're a bit off. This method may not be effective if he's completely avoided them for all the rest of his life, but you could try making salsa without tomatoes and see how that goes.
posted by reebear at 2:44 PM on May 8, 2008

I will echo any calls for him to try heirloom tomatoes. I made an amazing greek salad with heirloon tomatoe wedges, baby spinach leaves, feta cheese, spicy green olives, and home-made salad dressing that totally turned MuddDude on to tomatoes.

But that said, we still don't really eat tomatoes on anything like sandwiches or burgers. When we eat them now, it's as the focal point of that dish. It's a compromise I was willing to make.
posted by muddgirl at 2:46 PM on May 8, 2008

Nthing what was said above about texture. I'm kinda like your boyfriend - I really don't like tomatoes, but tomato pastes, ketchup, pizza sauce, etc are fine. The flavor in general is fine. But chunks of tomato... ugh. The goopiness of the middle is the worst. I will eat grape tomatoes though, for some reason they don't bother me. They're more like grapes than tomatoes. But now that it's almost farmer's market season, I think i'm going to have to try heirlooms.

That being said -- almost anything can be made tolerable with excessive amounts of cheese. Bacon doesn't hurt either.
posted by cgg at 2:46 PM on May 8, 2008

the nirvana that is biting into a garden-ripe tomato

EW. YUCK. FUCK. NO.

As a lifelong tomato hater, that idea makes me gag, so I enthusiastically second Jessamyn on changing your tack and not making it sound like a religious conversion. Your boyfriend can learn to tolerate tomatoes in small doses, but he's likely never going to have a culinary orgasm from them.

I'm not as viscerally repulsed by tomatoes as I was ten years ago, but I'm still kinda viscerally repulsed. I'm currently at the point where I can handle occasional small chunks of fresh or stewed tomatoes in food. However, a sliced tomato on a sandwich, even if it's on the side, will spur me to wrap the offending slice securely in several napkins, move it off my plate, and scrape the tomato residue off the bun. If it's on lettuce, I likely won't eat that lettuce.

My progression has been, roughly, tomato sauce -> non-chunky salsa -> sun-dried tomatoes -> tomato soup -> chunky salsa -> foods with small bits of cooked tomato -> foods with small bits of raw tomato. I may never learn to abide tomato slices, despite having made a few genuine efforts; it's the goo that gets me. I'm okay with that.

I do love sun-dried tomatoes, though. The texture issue is completely eliminated there, so your boyfriend may like them. Bloody Marys might be a good option too.
posted by Metroid Baby at 2:48 PM on May 8, 2008 [3 favorites]

I've found that tomato-haters soften their rhetoric when the tomato item presented to them has no traces of seeds & seed-slime. Seriously, if you cut a tommy in half and give it a good squeeze (over the sink, please) to rid it of seeds it suddenly is much more palatable. Use your fingers to get all the slime out.

Then: salt and pepper. It turns raw tomato into something else completely - light years better than plain.
posted by gyusan at 2:52 PM on May 8, 2008

I'm fine with the idea that he's never going to like tomatoes as much as I do, and might very well never be able to handle raw tomatoes. But not being able to cook anything with any tomatoes at all is kind of a pain sometimes.

For what it's worth, he's the one recently pushing the idea of learning to like tomatoes (even raw), not me. I've been fine with the no-tomatoes rule for several years now.
posted by adiabat at 2:56 PM on May 8, 2008

Is he more averse to the texture or the taste? He might find roasted tomatoes better from a textural standpoint, and they're also stronger and more tomato paste-like in flavor, as well.
posted by jacquilynne at 2:59 PM on May 8, 2008

I finally learned to like tomatoes in my early twenties. (I did eat tomato sauces before that.) What was presented to me was a single thin slice of vine ripened tomato with the seeds removed, on a piece of buttered toast, and sprinkled with salt and pepper.
posted by lunaazul at 3:05 PM on May 8, 2008

I hated raw tomatoes as a kid. Then, one day, my friend and I were biking around the neighborhood and he saw a big bushy tomato plant that was dangling cherry tomatoes through the fence. He stole a few and gave me one. I figured, why not? and popped it in my mouth. It was warm from the sun and very, very sweet and it completely changed my mind.

Eventually, I figured out some rules of thumb. Raw tomatoes are better when they're:

- Not mealy or slimy (so forget the beefsteaks and the winter crop, and do squeeze out the pulp)
- Sour, sweet, and salty all at once (balsamic vinegar and coarse salt will make even a mediocre tomato better)
- Ripe (smell it before you buy it -- if it smells like wax, put it down and look for something local)
- Stolen off a neighbor's bush in the summertime (seriously, this is probably the perfect way to do the first round of introductions)

One more note: I did have another tomato epiphany a couple of years back when I tasted a sungold tomato for the first time. You might find them at your local farmer's market or Whole Foods or something like it -- they're little, round cherry tomatoes that are deep gold and just ridiculously sweet and tart. They're like candy, and they're a great way to start.
posted by ourobouros at 3:18 PM on May 8, 2008

Pizza. Pizza is your gateway. I have the same problem. Go for Chicago Deep Dish where you need the sauce for its moisture.
posted by spec80 at 3:27 PM on May 8, 2008

Grow them at home. Even if you live in an apartment, you can grow tomatoes in a pot that will beat the little red pants off anything you can buy in a store.

"Ain't nothin' in the world that I like better
Than bacon & lettuce & homegrown tomatoes
Up in the mornin' out in the garden

"Get you a ripe one don't get a hard one
Plant `em in the spring eat `em in the summer
All winter with out `em's a culinary bummer
I forget all about the sweatin' & diggin'
Everytime I go out & pick me a big one

"Homegrown tomatoes homegrown tomatoes
What'd life be without homegrown tomatoes
Only two things that money can't buy
That's true love & homegrown tomatoes..."
posted by ottereroticist at 3:32 PM on May 8, 2008

I used to not enjoy tomatoes, and the food that helped me change my mind was slices (or dices) of tomato on french bread with mozzarella and basil.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 3:46 PM on May 8, 2008

I'm not a fan of raw tomatoes either. Particularly in light of what others have said about texture, and the fact that he's OK with tomato paste & ketchup, I think your best bet would be to very gradually increase the size of tomato chunks. Much like Metroid Baby's progression: start with tomato paste, then slightly coarser blends of tomato sauce, maybe some non-chunky salsa. Then you might try pasta sauce with small but detectable chunks of tomato. Eventually you might work up to a bruschetta or even chunky salsa.

If he really does object to the taste and not the texture, it might be trickier...perhaps in that case you could try sauces with other strong flavors, such as basil or chili, to compete with the tomato.
posted by fermion at 3:47 PM on May 8, 2008

If I were you, I'd adjust my cooking habits so that I could make tomato things separate from other things. If the SO doesn't like X and you love them, then why try to change them?

If I were your boyfriend, I'd adjust my cooking so that I could make tomatoless things separate from things you like. Simply because I don't like something doesn't mean my SO can't have them.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:51 PM on May 8, 2008

(The interest in being able to eat tomatoes without complaint is his, and is not the result of some attempt of mine to change him.)
posted by adiabat at 4:02 PM on May 8, 2008

OOh, yeah, home grown cherry tomatoes. That could be your magic bullet!
posted by amtho at 4:17 PM on May 8, 2008

Does he like curries at all? Your menu can be extremely diverse and tomato-filled if you focus on tomato-based curries, experimenting with different types of spice combinations. I can definitely steer you to recipes that are easy make and quite tasty.
posted by hrbrmstr at 4:20 PM on May 8, 2008

I'd stay away from cooked tomatoes to begin with. They're much more of an acquired taste, IMO, than fresh tomatoes.

1) The most important thing ever: Whatever you do, please do not buy tomatoes from the grocery store. Likewise, discard any tomatoes served to you in a restaurant, on a sandwich or elsewhere in a dish. Tomatoes bought by most kitchens and sold in most grocery stores are bred for shipping, not taste. Many of those tomatoes are grown near me. In the summer, at harvest time, the shoulders of all major freeways are littered with tomatoes that have fallen off the trucks. When they hit the asphalt, they don't break, they bounce. That should tell you something about the tomatoes you're likely to encounter commercially. By the way, here is a picture of a tomato truck. What does it tell you that they can pile tomatoes that high and deep without destroying the ones on the bottom?

2) Make a project out of learning to like tomatoes. Grow your own! Farmer's market tomatoes are great, but there's nothing like the joy of tending your own plant, waiting for the first ripe tomato, and enjoying it. I see you're in Seattle. That's okay. Look for Stupice (a variety that does better in cooler weather than most), Early Girl, or Better Boy. All three will do best in the ground, but you can grow them in big pots if you don't have any real dirt available. Patio is another good choice for container tomatoes.

The important thing to know for growing in cooler climates is that the blossoms won't set fruit when nighttime temps stay below 55. If you have a cool stretch like that, cover them with plastic to keep them warm at night.

3) When picked, slice thin, sprinkle on a little kosher salt and pepper. This should be enough to convert most people. Don't cook them -- yet.

4) Once he likes fresh tomatoes, consult the above advice for a gradual transition into the cooked stuff.
posted by mudpuppie at 4:22 PM on May 8, 2008

My brother abhores tomatoes. Personally, I cant even imagine a meal without them. When my family gets together I always cook and its quite a chore working without them.

As others have suggested above, I think its more a function of texture rather than taste. So the key is to find a texture that is appealing enough to get him to enjoy the taste sufficiently to allow him to appreciate the fruit (tomatoes are a fruit by the way, not a vegetable). Try sauces, maybe dried tomatoes in pasta, move to roma tomatoes (they are harder in texture but the store-bought ones are usually flavorless). My brother likes dried tomatoes but almost vomits at the sight of fresh ones. He's nuts, but hey I gotta cater to his tastes when I cook. Just work with it slowly and accept that well, he may just not like tomatoes, at which case, you stop trying to force the issue and accept it.
posted by elendil71 at 4:27 PM on May 8, 2008

I'm like your boyfriend, in that I'm okay with smooth-textured things containing tomatoes, but hate the big chunks. I've been working really hard on this for years, and to this day, I still pick chunks of tomatoes out of my pasta sauce. I started out eating smooth, mostly pureed salsa by just dipping the chip into the salsa liquid and shaking off any chunks, and eventually got to the point where I liked the salsa flavor, as long as it didn't have any tomato chunks on the chip. From there I eventually started eating smoother textured salsas, again avoiding all tomato chunks. That's about where I'm at now. I still avoid pico de gallo and anything without enough liquid to wet my chip, while still avoiding the tomato chunks.

As I said, I just pick around the chunks of tomatoes in most things. If I get a soup at a restaurant with tomato chunks, I eat around them. Same thing with tomato sauces. I like the flavor okay now and can even tolerate a tomato soup, but only if it's pureed to the point where there are no recognizable chunks of tomato. It sounds like you should first determine whether it's the taste or the texture he dislikes. If he's okay with tomato paste (does he like sloppy joes?), then it's probably the texture, and you could see if he can tolerate eating around them in things that have chunks, and as the tomato-lover, you can eat the chunky bits.

Oddly, my one exception to hating the texture of tomatoes is in the bruschetta that I make. I have no idea how it's possible that I like it, but I do. I think the trick is just drenching them in olive oil, garlic, salt, pepper, and fresh basil and making sure there are no seeds or mushy bits in there, and using really good tomatoes. For acclimating to raw tomatoes, that might be a good start. Good luck!
posted by booknerd at 4:41 PM on May 8, 2008

My bestest friend hated tomatoes until she tried very thin deseeded slices on beautiful bread under a healthy amount of quality sharp cheese.
posted by rhinny at 4:47 PM on May 8, 2008

Fried green tomatoes, then work your way up.
posted by Shepherd at 4:48 PM on May 8, 2008

Just a question- does the BF dislike the flavor or the texture? Perosnally, I have a hard time with the flavor rather than the texture, so despite the fact that I grow 4-5 different varieties every summer, I've never tasted the (raw) fruits of my labor. I need tomatoes to have that intense tomatoey flavor that you only get by drying them or cooking them. They're just too watery and bland (to me) when they're raw. And if your BF has the same issue as me, then the only thing I can suggest is to find out what he can eat that is tomato based and go from there. Sadly, I don't think I'll ever know the joy of eating a warm vine-ripened tomato. At least the dogdad likes them, so my garden doesn't go to waste.
posted by dogmom at 4:56 PM on May 8, 2008

He sounds like me- I love tomato sauce, hate tomatos. For me, it's something about the over-the-top taste "explosion" and juiciness you get biting into big pieces or cherry tomatoes.

I do fine with thin slices on a sandwich, mixed with other flavors, though.
posted by drjimmy11 at 5:03 PM on May 8, 2008

Confession: I work in food and I pretty much hate tomatoes too. There is some aroma or texture in them that makes me feel ill. Pureed? Fine, sun-dried is good too, but otherwise it's difficult for me to them. I think there is a special place in hell for chunky salsas.

I finally did manage to eat a fresh one though. It was on a small farm in Connecticut and it was tiny and yellow. Amazingly, it didn't have that smell or texture I hate. It tasted great. I still buy those little yellow ones and don't mind eating them fresh. Weird. It's like they are the nice cousin in the tomato family.
posted by melissam at 5:05 PM on May 8, 2008

Try getting or growing some hollow or "stuffer" tomatoes. All the meat, none of the gooey seeds and placenta.
posted by ikkyu2 at 5:18 PM on May 8, 2008

If I were you, I'd adjust my cooking habits so that I could make tomato things separate from other things. If the SO doesn't like X and you love them, then why try to change them?

My vote too.

Here's my story: as a kid I loved tomatoes and would eat them whole with salt. A vegetable truck would come through Detroit neighborhood in the summer, and my cousins and I would run after it like other kids ran after ice cream trucks. Yum!

Fast forward: at age 14, for some reason, I could not stomach tomatoes, and it climaxed in a funny but gross story, after which I never ate another tomato. If they show up in my food, I pick them off. Tomato sauce and ketchup and similar things are fine. But tomatoes themselves are just not palatable.

I want to like tomatoes. They look so good and they are good for you. Numerous times I have deliberately ordered my burgers with tomatoes, and bit in, determined to like them. I could not get passed one bite.

Your boyfriend's experience sounds incredibly similar to mine, so I don't have a lot of hope that it will change. It's been 30 years since I could eat a tomato.

It's great that he is willing to make your life easier by trying to like tomatoes. But I think the best answer is to keep the tomatoes separate. But give him an extra kiss for trying.
posted by Fuzzy Skinner at 5:22 PM on May 8, 2008

I'm of the opinion that cooked pureed tomatoes are the way to start with plenty of seasoning. However, he may never fully love them. I have tried many times to love tomatoes, but the strange bitter taste always repulses me.

Tomatoes are a funny thing, I'm definitely on the hate side. I don't mind them well cooked and pureed (tomato sauce, soup, etc.), but if they are anything near raw, I gag. Someone mentioned to me once that some people are sensitive and have different taste to fruits in the nightshade family of plants (tomatoes, peppers, eggplant). I hate them all.

BTW: I've lurked on metafilter for over 7 years, but this post made me join in some really weird way.
posted by pokeedog at 5:30 PM on May 8, 2008

I hate tomatoes in their pure form but I love gardening. And I grow a lot of tomatoes.

Here's how we use them:

Bruschetta. We love bruschetta! Take him to an upscale Italian place that really knows how to do a great bruschetta with heirloom tomatoes. Then try to replicate the dish at home.

Salsa. We grow peppers, onions and cilantro, too, so salsa is a natural.

Sun-dried tomatoes. These have a very sweet, un-tomato-like flavor. We make them in a cheapo food dehydrator. Then we crumble them up into scrambled eggs, hamburgers, etc.
posted by Ostara at 5:37 PM on May 8, 2008

Three letters: B L T.
posted by dreamphone at 6:21 PM on May 8, 2008

Be prepared to be disappointed.

You may not be... but you may be, and you should be prepared for it...

I'm a long-time tomato hater. Anything with tomatoes. I can't eat tomato sauce, ketchup, chunks of tomato, tomato soup, V8 ... anything.

The smell of a bunch of pizzas ordered on poker night makes my stomach churn.

I wish I liked them. I'd love to enjoy a nice slice of pizza. I'd love to not cringe when I see a pile of ketchup "politely" put on my plate by someone who can't fathom I'd eat fries plain. I'd love to not have to bring in the damn hazmat team to repair a tomato-tainted sandwich, but I can't.

I just can't. My reaction is visceral and unavoidable. I'm as grossed out by tomato stuff as I am cockroaches. I can't help it.

Recent proof from just a few weeks ago: I bought a poorly labelled Mediterranean Pizza at the store and promptly cooked it up - expecting the joy of feta cheese, roasted peppers and olives to be a delight... The box said nothing of the sauce... I figured hey, it's mediterranean and it says nothing about tomatoes. It's probably olive oil.. or maybe no sauce at all... mmmmm tasty...

I cooked it up and took a bite and nearly threw up when I tasted the hidden surprise: tomato sauce.

With me and many other people, it just ain't gonna happen. We're not going to be able to change our tastes, even if we want to.

That's not to say that some people can't come around on things -- but just... understand that he may not come around, and don't be unfair to him over it.

It's for entirely selfish reasons that you're trying to change him, because it's not that damn hard to omit tomato chunks/slices from recipes (since he is ok with tomato paste, etc)... So don't chastize him for his distaste for your "nirvana"...
posted by twiggy at 6:31 PM on May 8, 2008

My boyfriend, bless his heart, has been working on this with me for the last few years. I'm ok with tomato sauce and the like, but always had trouble with raw tomatoes. He would start out with teeny eensy bits of tomato -- like, one or two grape tomatoes -- and cut them into very small chunks (like the size of grains of rice). He'd add this to a salad that I'd otherwise enjoy. And, come on, two grape tomatoes spread throughout a whole big salad wasn't going to kill me.

He did this for several months, then upped the dosage. Waited until I was fully comfortable with it, then upped the dosage again. I don't normally notice these days when there is tomato, except when he exclaims "wow, that salad was like half tomato, and you ate it happily!"

I guess the next frontier will be less-chopped-up tomatoes.

I doubt I'll ever get to the point of enjoying biting into a tomato, though. There is just something about it that gives me the willies.
posted by wyzewoman at 6:34 PM on May 8, 2008

I'm surprised no one's mentioned plum tomatoes. I love those and find them to be superior to many others, both in flavor and texture. The skin is thick, and the flavor is a little zestier than average. If he really hates the goo and seeds, that can be scraped out with much of the tomato left intact, unlike grape or cherry tomatoes.

My favorite presentation of these is in a traditional Greek salad, with seedless cucumbers, feta cheese, kalamata olives, and topped with a dressing of olive oil and red wine vinegar and oregano. I fed my boyfriend some of this, and he's not big on raw tomatoes either (or cucumbers for that matter), and he found it surprisingly palatable as long as he had bits of feta with each bite. Make sure the tomatoes are firm.
posted by wondermouse at 7:29 PM on May 8, 2008

Heh, my old roomate referred to tomatoes as "Bloody Boogers." I on the other had often grow as many as 12 varieties a season. I <3>
Don't listen to the hype. They don't gotta be green. (They're just less messy that way.) Snag a bag of chicken breader, dump into a ziplock. Add pepper liberally. Slice tomatoes. Drop in bag. Shake. Drop in hot oil. Fry till crispy and floating. Eat. Die happy.

Slice 'em fat if you want hot oil and tomato goodness to drip down your face. Slice 'em thin and have battered tomatochips that are crisp with just a hint of tomato flavor.

I often have big summer cookouts that involve massive plates of homegrown fried tomatoes and fried okra. Most people go ZOMG OKRA SLIMY and then I threaten them with violence and they try one. They I have to wrestle the plate away. Same w/ the tomatoes. (then you progress to tomato/cucumber/onion/sour cream salad....and all the other wonderful things you make with fresh tomatoes.)
posted by TomMelee at 7:51 PM on May 8, 2008

I'll 2nd ourobouros....find some Sungold cherry tomatoes. The sweetest tomato you'll ever taste. I'd see if you could track down a local grower who's got some or buy some seedlings and plant them in your backyard. You won't regret it...

After he's eating those by the pint ease him into the heirlooms as recommended above...Brandywines, Black Krims, Purple Cherokees....
posted by pilibeen at 10:08 PM on May 8, 2008

I was the same way for a long time and have never come to really enjoy raw tomato flesh. I can handle grape tomatoes moreso than cherry.

The thing is, you must essentially overpower [or "heavily augment"] the tomato with other flavors he genuinely enjoys. Does he like garlic, basil, oregano, chiles, etc? That's your ticket.

The texture of raw tomato is the most revolting aspect to me. De-seeding certainly helps. Very strong salad dressings (especially vinegarettes) help too.

Start with pizzas, baked ziti, lasagna, etc, made from crushed tomatoes instead of sauce / paste. Blast it with herbal goodness; fresh basil is heavenly. I love adding pesto to my sauces.

I'm a big fan of "SW" brand and "Muir Glen" canned tomato products, personally. "SW" crushed tomatoes have a great texture that does not really consist of any significant "chunks" of tomato, but it's not exactly a puree either. In time you may work your way up to cooking with whole tomatoes, simmering them substantially so as to break them down, but I never really saw the point and the big chunks still make me gag a bit.

With pizza you may be able to get away with sun-dried tomatoes on top of the sauce. Very, very thin-sliced tomato sprinkled with a little parmesan cheese (so as to dry it out a bit) is great too. Typically when I encounter pizza with tomato the slices are too thick and goopy for me but I've had some great pizza margheritas.

I absolutely love spicy, blended tomato salsas. I can tolerate chunkier salsas, but only after letting the flavors and salt "marry" together -- not a big fan of really raw, chunky pico de gallo type stuff. I will forever ask for "no tomato" on my Mexican food.

When it comes to salsa, the tomato is just "there," but I'm really interested in the chile and garlic and cilantro. Same goes with tomatillo salsa; I'm not thinking about how great the tomatillo is, it's just the base of the salsa.

There are plenty of ways to enjoy the health benefits and flavors that tomatoes have to offer without training one's self to derive nirvana from the raw flesh. There's got to be something I absolutely love that you find unappealling too -- sushi, raw garlic, green olivas, the hottest of the hottest chiles, mint, basil, cilantro, ginger, cardamom, rabbit kidneys, chicken hearts, etc :)
posted by lordaych at 10:26 PM on May 8, 2008

Ack - definitely dial down the evangelism and dial up the pragmatism. I love love love tomatoes but the thought of biting into one like an apple makes me gag. Start with lasagne and then I think Metroid Baby's progression is going to be your best bet - and don't be afraid to puree if he likes the taste but hates the texture.
posted by goo at 4:08 AM on May 9, 2008

I didn't like tomatoes until I was about twenty-one and finally ate a good one. Grow some in your yard (or your window). Experiment with different kinds.

No one seems to have mentioned: tomatoes that gave gotten cold in a refrigerator are ruined. Don't waste your time with them. This includes most grocery store tomatoes.

A quartered or sliced tomato tossed on the grill for a while gets a very nice flavor.
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 6:31 AM on May 9, 2008

Mr Arqa has the big hatred of tomatoes too, so I've read this thread with interest. I love them but have had to accept the fact that no matter how much Mr Arqa wants to like them, it's never going to happen. He's ok if they are totally disguised (mashed and cooked, hidden in stews or even ketchup) but raw or even grilled or fried, it's not gonna happen. His sister is the same, she asked her doctor about it and was told she is most likely lacking a particular enzyme. Which enzyme, we can't remember and nor can she.
posted by Arqa at 12:24 PM on May 9, 2008