If you knew a first kiss was coming, and you could do a little advance planning, how would you do it?

May 5, 2008 7:13 AM

If you knew a first kiss was coming, and you could do a little advance planning, how would you do it?

I am looking for ideas for my first kiss with a guy who I care for a great deal. I think we are starting something really amazing, and I really want our first kiss to be something special, for both of us.

In case it helps with ideas, here's our history and situation: (apologies for the length; it's a little complicated)

He and I have been friends for a few years. When we first became friends we spent a good amount of time together, and I developed a crush, but I chose not to pursue it for reasons I won't go into here but that were unrelated to how we got along. As we dated other people, we fell out of regular touch, but when we did run into each other, we continued to get along very happily and easily. He was easily one of my favorite people and I thought it was a shame that we were not regular friends, but we both were busy people and we just had other priorities and demands on our time, I guess.

Fast forward to a few months ago. I was unattached, and he was dealing with a dissolving relationship with his live-in girlfriend. We randomly ran into each other on the sidewalk, and we have been hanging out regularly one-on-one ever since. I realized pretty quickly that my crush had never really gone away, and it didn't take long for me to develop some pretty serious feelings for him. But, he was still figuring out if/how his relationship was ending, so I did not pursue anything more than friendship. (OK, maybe with an ever-so-slightly flirty edge, but always ethical. :) So we continued as friends and as we did, I began wondering if it was possible that I was not the only one to feel something more. Our connection and chemistry just felt so *right* to me, more than with anyone else I've ever met, and I was getting little clues in the way he acted around me that he was feeling a connection, too.

A short time ago, he put the final nail in the coffin of his relationship with the gf, so to speak, and when we hung out a few days ago, we were both pretty flirty to the point that we both know for sure that the other is interested. (Hand holding, etc. :) That's where it stopped that night, and our ability to hang out is limited while he finishes a big work project, but I hope that we'll finally kiss sometime very soon. He has said he is very much looking forward to when we can spend time together again, and so am I. :)

Despite the complication that comes with our feelings having developed while he was ending a serious relationship, I think that we have something very special. I've never felt this solid of a connection with anyone before, and I think we might be beginning something really amazing. I'm really excited about it, and I'd like our first kiss to be really special, too. Nothing that is public or extravagant; we are pretty chill, relaxed, low-key and private people. I also don't want it to be totally scripted, by any means. But if I could suggest a nice place for our next date that would help make for a really nice first kiss scenario, something special and memorable and a little romantic... well, that'd be really great. I just don't know what that would be.

I realize this is probably going to be a personal decision, in order to make it special for us, but any suggestions you have would help me immensely. I just don't know where to start thinking about it.

update: I am in Boston (Cambridge), MA, with access to a car. So it's possible to drive out a little, but I wouldn't want to propose anything too far."

posted by anonymous to human relations (16 comments total)

Wait for it to rain. Outside in the rain, a quiet side street, no one around. In the rain.
posted by meerkatty at 7:17 AM on May 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

Hi, this is what I recommend, DO NOT KISS HIM, you can set the mood, you can look at him like you want to be kissed, but do not kiss him, I am not sure where you are from but the most romantic kiss I had was in central park, it was late at night and we were hanging by the swings, the light was in her face, and I looked at her, she looked at me, and I said "is now or never right?" and went for it.......Now that I think about it, I didnt need the line but everytime i have a first kiss what I always remember is how much time it took for the girl to look at me straight in the eye and give me the signal to go in and kiss her....some girls dont do this...and it is necessary that you allow him the chance to make the first move.....
posted by The1andonly at 7:26 AM on May 5, 2008

Suggestion: since you're looking for recommendations as to nice places for a kiss, unless you want generic in-any-town answers, ask an admin to post your location to the thread.
posted by WCityMike at 7:41 AM on May 5, 2008

and it is necessary that you allow him the chance to make the first move.....

The1andonly, this is your particular turn-on (and more power to you!). I would be much more excited if the girl made the move (or if it was mutual).

In any case, what would be exciting (to me) is -- regardless of who makes the first move -- let the kissing start to end, and just as you're pulling apart, pull him back to you and into an even more passionate kiss. Send him an "I don't want it to ever end" message.
posted by grumblebee at 7:59 AM on May 5, 2008

If it happens anytime you guys are alone and vibing, it's definitely going to stand out in your memory.
posted by crunch buttsteak at 8:03 AM on May 5, 2008

Hey Grumblebee...you are correct I guess I shouldnt have stated strongly not to kiss him....I just dont think is romantic that one is watching a movie or something and all of a sudden bang....somebody plants a kiss on you.....I just think people forget that there is this little brief moment of hesitation where either person could kiss the other...and that was what I was referring to...have that moment where you both know ok i am going to kiss you now.....and you are right who kisses who is irrelevant at that point
posted by The1andonly at 8:20 AM on May 5, 2008

In my opinion, it's much better if there's no planning involved. If it happens in a field full of flowers with birds singing everywhere, or if it happens in Chuck E Cheese in a ballpit with toddlers screaming everywhere, a first kiss will still be special if the 2 people think each other are special.
posted by jozxyqk at 8:22 AM on May 5, 2008 [3 favorites]

I may be alone in this, but I have always felt that the more time and effort you put into planning romantic things, the less romantic they end up being. If you plot and plan and scheme a kiss for two weeks, the odds are good that it will end up being a letdown in some way. Maybe the lighting won't be right. Maybe an airplane will be flying by too low, making distracting noise. Maybe he'll go for it too soon, or too late. Maybe you'll bonk noses. It happens.

You like him, he likes you, right? Just be yourself, enjoy the time you two get together, and let it happen. If you two like each other so much it can't help but be great no matter how it goes down- so don't sweat the details. The truth is, as with so many things, looking forward to it is the best part. Enjoy it.
posted by Patapsco Mike at 8:27 AM on May 5, 2008 [4 favorites]

I'd suggest you be open to having a crappy first kiss, and maybe a really good 25th or so kiss. You might be putting too much pressure on having a perfect kiss, and then if it goes wrong, you'll be dissapointed. First kisses can be awkward, but it doesn't mean that each one after that won't get better and better.
posted by sully75 at 8:36 AM on May 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

I would not plan too hard because it's nice when it "just works". That said I pulled this off recently (somewhat accidentally but with some of the same thoughts going into it as you have, the "this is inevitable" and "man I'd really like this to be nice") and was actually pretty happy with how it all went, so here is my general advice...

- spend the day with your special someone doing something you both love, whether that's going outside, going to a museum, going to your favorite restaurant, staying home with a movie, visiting friends
- keep up with the handholding, flirty whatever, energy
- at some point, if you're someplace public or someplace normal, finagle some way to get a little alone time "come here I want to show you something" is usually a good way to start that off
- I think it's fine if you're the initiator, if it's mutual it's basically pretty mutual, it doesn't sound like there's a lot of guesswork around this.

Keep in mind that he's probably thinking the same thing you are, so be a little prepared to be a leaf in the river about this if it turns out he has other plans. In your shoes I'd probably be thinking either a nice dinner and a romantic walk outside looking at something lovely, or a day trip to a park or neat place outdoors where you could take him to some really neat lookout or out of the way place that was meaningful to you. If you're private people you might want to think extra about not having it be someplace where you're likely to get intruded upon by other people. And hey, it's almost drive-in season, though that may not be everyone's idea of romance.

In any case, enjoy the new feelings you're having for this guy and while I think planning is a nice and thoughtful touch, don't make the perfect the enemy of the good in this case. Enjoy what you have and the fact that once its moving along its path in a way it's a little bigger than both of you.
posted by jessamyn at 9:09 AM on May 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

Largely along with what Jessamyn was saying, don't plan the kiss, but you can somewhat plan the surrounding circumstances. Make it a date or whatever of places you'd want to return to, that can be just y'all's. Down the line, you will have great kisses. This one is all about the tension and expectations and all of that, and unless one or both of you are just really bad kissers, that will be the emotion that carries the day.

Good luck!
posted by Navelgazer at 9:20 AM on May 5, 2008

The1andonly, I think you may be right in some cases and wrong in others. The first time I kissed my now-girlfriend was in a theater, but we still had that eye-to-eye, cut-the-tension-with-a-knife moment. And it was amazing.

I think that can happen almost anytime, anywhere, as a result of the preexisting chemistry and emotional connection between two people.
posted by crunch buttsteak at 9:28 AM on May 5, 2008

I wouldn't do too much planning ahead, that would take the fun and spontaneity out of it.

Just make sure your breath is fresh and avoid drinking fizzy or acidic beverages.
posted by sixcolors at 9:58 AM on May 5, 2008

yeah, i would just relax and enjoy. my first kiss with my boyfriend was initiated by me, while i was sitting in his car fumbling for my garage door opener. i suppose it could have been less romantic if, say, i'd been changing the kitty litter at the time, but the circumstances were pretty unspectacular all around.

but...it was super. so i wouldn't stress too much about the setting. besides, his attention will be on you, not the scenery.

enjoy! have fun!
posted by thinkingwoman at 2:24 PM on May 5, 2008

I think spontaneity is the key to a great first kiss. I think planning and over thinking kind of kills it. My first kiss with the guy I've been seeing now was behind a dumpster at a party. I had to go behind the dumpster to take a piss and he made sure no one stumbled upon me with my pants down. After I was done, we somehow started making out. It kind of sounds stupid, but we still get a good chuckle out of it now, I think it was an awesome first kiss. Later the same night we got caught in the rain walking across a bridge...of course we started making out in the rain as cars were passing us on either side of the walkway on the bridge.
posted by MaryDellamorte at 3:34 PM on May 5, 2008

Don't forget to brush your teeth, and lay off the onions & garlic for a while beforehand.

Also, if you have a favourite signature perfume, make sure you wear it.
posted by UbuRoivas at 4:48 PM on May 5, 2008