rutting rut

May 4, 2008 12:06 PM

How can I cultivate new sexual fantasies?

I have one sorta kinky fantasy that reliably turns me on whenever I masturbate. It also helps me get in the mood and stay in the mood when I'm with a partner--I have difficulty staying aroused for very long--but I'm reluctant to use it because I don't want to tell my partner what it is. I'm not ashamed of it--I pretend I'm completely paralyzed--but it's just one of those things I want to keep to myself for a special little "me" moment. But I can't think of anything else to try when I'm with my partner. Besides, variety is good, right? So how do I go about creating a new one? (I don't know how my old one came about--it just sort of popped into my head once and stuck.)

Should I read a book? Watch porn? I haven't found much porn that I enjoy. Any other ideas?

posted by anonymous to Human Relations (9 answers total)

Try reading porn while you masturbate? Literotica has a lot of variety- a lot of crap and weird stuff, but plenty of different genres are represented, and you can find some good stuff there, IMO. If you haven't found much porn you like, this might be a good alternative. Try it out, don't limit yourself to any particular genre, and see if you can find some new scenarios that turn you on.
posted by MadamM at 12:13 PM on May 4, 2008

The internet is for porn.
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 12:26 PM on May 4, 2008

I'd dig deeper into fantasies similar to the one you already have. Yours seems textbook submissive to me, so start with Google and "[your gender] submissive fantasies". Read stories like MadamM suggests, scan porn images and stills, consider working sexual aids into your fantasies (restraints), maybe send the question in to an online sex advice columnist, etc.
posted by TheManChild2000 at 12:29 PM on May 4, 2008

Look into natural extensions of what already gets you off. Mummification, as an extension of paralysis, can be really hot, and it really plays out well with others. To me, half of the fun is being creative about what gets me off. Just play and ye shall find.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 1:10 PM on May 4, 2008

go celibate for a while. Before long you'll be having fantasies about oxygen, dust motes, the wind, that funny noise you hear on the stairs, anything.
posted by bonaldi at 1:44 PM on May 4, 2008 [5 favorites]

Go through these until you find some you like.
posted by fire&wings at 1:45 PM on May 4, 2008

fire&wings, it's not like shopping (well, maybe it is a little). I think the most rounded fetishes develop purely by accident, or as an amalgam of existing desires. As an example, I lose my mind when I see a woman with a limp who is wearing a green dress and dark hose*. You can't look that up in a catalog.

I think bonaldi's suggestion of going celibate for awhile is a great idea; whispers are louder in the darkness, or something like that.


*You hear that MeFites? I'll see you at the next meetup.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 2:20 PM on May 4, 2008

touch yourself to get you nice and horny then go to flickr/deviant art and start searching tags...see where your brain takes you, maybe make a record of that little free thought exercise and then browse for stories and/or porn around that.

or, when getting yourself off think about your partner, but don't allow your brain to think about being paralyzed. see what else you think of them doing.
posted by nadawi at 4:08 PM on May 4, 2008

Google groups! Alt.sex.stories! Or their website assm.asstr.org. Donate if you like them. I remember finding alt.sex.stories.d and just being stunned at the amount of care and thought goes into literary choices such as the use of the phrase "cream my jeans" and its connotations for men and women.
posted by frecklefaerie at 8:16 AM on May 7, 2008