In appreciation for spiritual guidance and leadership

April 30, 2008 1:54 PM

When undergoing an ministerial ordination ceremony, is it customary or common for the about-to-be-ordained person to gift the minister who is conveying the ordination?

This weekend I am becoming legally ordained as a practicing minister in my life path. It will be a joint ceremony in which my husband is also being ordained, and is being held during a religious festival at which many people of our faith will be present. The person who is conducting the ceremony (ordaining us) is a valued mentor and teacher to us both and a very good friend. She is also a very well know name internationally among people of our path.

My question is: Is it customary in ordination ceremonies -- for any given religion -- for the ordained to give a gift of appreciation to the official presiding? During the ceremony itself, there will be a portion where people come up to convey blessings and gifts on us as the new ministers, but I feel I'd like to do something for our own mentor. I'm curious what the protocol is in ordination ceremonies of ANY religion about gifting one's mentor, and whether it is done during the ceremony or privately at some other time. If it matters, we practice an Earth-based spirituality that many would consider an "alternative religion" but is legally recognized by the US government and is developing a rapidly growing community. However, I'd like to hear perspectives from any other faiths since the etiquette in this is completely new to me. Many thanks!

posted by anonymous to religion & philosophy (5 comments total)

In the Episcopal church, it is not considered appropriate to give gifts for performance of sacrements. That goes for any of the sacrements, including ordination. The person (or people) receiving the sacrement might receive gifts from well wishers though.
posted by Pollomacho at 2:22 PM on April 30

Congratulations, sounds interesting and meaningful!

On the gifting, it all depends, in my experience, which is not all that up to date and in the more or less progressive Protestant tradition. If the 'presiding' clergyperson were on the paid staff of one's church it would not be necessary, I think, but not inappropriate to make a small gesture in private. Paid staff doesn't sound as likely for an 'Earth-based spirituality religion,' however, so something to acknowledge your gratitude sounds appropriate to me.

And as Pollomacho said, the person being ordained is more often the recipient of celebratory gifts in any case.
posted by Rain Man at 4:54 PM on April 30

Oddly enough, I was just looking at the site for what I can only assume is your group yesterday, as my good friend will be doing the cooking this weekend! I have nothing to add, unfortunately, although maybe you could do something like pledge money or time towards a related cause like the cemetery or something that you know your mentor feels strongly about. But I do want to wish you luck and blessings for the future; I'm not a member of this tradition, but I have so much respect for people who choose this path (both the tradition and the role).
posted by Madamina at 4:59 PM on April 30

Ditto Pollomacho. Catholics will typically make a donation to the parish or church in which the sacrament is performed. (I.e., you never just palm the priest a fiver.) I think it'd be inappropriate--though not terribly wrong--to give your mentor a gift directly.

--Perhaps make a donation in his name to a cause he'd find worthy?

--Or something like your religion's equivalent of a spiritual bouquet?
posted by resurrexit at 5:35 PM on April 30

Huh. I'll ask my dad (if what Lutherans do about it means anything to you), and could probably get back and follow up in here before the weekend. People certainly gave him, as a minister, simple cash gifts at ceremonies like marriage - but not always. Otherwise, particularly if this person really is a mentor, a very thoughtful gift is generally a lot less likely to get some sort of "appropriateness" scrutiny (at worst you may be seen as "particularly nice", unless of course it's a situation where cash is expected, but frankly yours doesn't sound like the sort of gig where cash would be expected.
posted by nanojath at 9:24 PM on April 30