Help me make better use of these 24 hours.

April 30, 2008 3:26 AM

Seems like I cannot figure out what to do with the 24 hours I'm given. Help me make use of every minute I have by doing positive and fun things, and at the same time, move on from my failed relationship.

Previous. Seems like I was wrong. Due of various factors, I cannot move on from this failed relationship.

I have 24 hours in a day, like everyone else. Sleeping takes up about 5 hours from that (midnight to 5am). I wake up at 5am, get ready and leave for walking/jogging at about 5.30am. I walk/jog for about 3 miles, enjoy a hot cup of coffee alone and jog back to my home by about 7am. After that, it's time to take a shower and get ready for the first empty patch in my day. From about 8am to 1pm, I'm doing pretty much nothing apart from browsing a few websites/blogs/news sites, catching up with whatever happened in the last eight hours, and random browsing.

After having lunch, it's the same, except for a bit of studying thrown in, plus checking out various bugtrackers and similar sites for new software patches/bugs and the like (drilling this habit into my daily life since I'm studying to become a network/systems admin). This lasts till about 5pm when it's time to hit the gym. I work out for about an hour and 20 minutes, get back home and take a shower + coffee and maybe a small meal. Now comes the most boring part of my day, from about 7pm to midnight.

Studying seems to take my mind off this girl for a while, but the matter that I'm studying tends to saturate and tire my brain after about 2 hours of reading. If I'm lucky, my friends will not be too busy to go out with me for a couple of drinks. If I'm unlucky, there's this big empty patch again where I'm doing pretty much nothing. The last hour of my day is spent gaming (rFactor mostly), after which I go to sleep, having spent another useless day.

This has been going on for a while now, and is frustrating me. Since there's nothing much to do throughout the day, I keep thinking about this girl all the time. I decided to take three blind mice's advice about staying in her orbit and seeing what the future brings. I met her a couple of times after asking that previous question. The last time, a bunch of us went clubbing and she seemed to want to party with me, and kissed me when both of us were very drunk. This has destroyed whatever progress I had made in trying to move on.

If you're still reading, thanks! I want to move on (cannot see myself in a relationship with this trainwreck of a girl), but cannot seem to find enough things to do which will make me forget her, or atleast think less about her.

I love reading books (fiction mostly), listening to rock music, learning new things related to computers/networking and free software, working out/jogging, and going out with a few friends. I have a guitar that has been collecting dust for a while now (effing procrastination). Would like suggestions from the hive mind on what I can do to fill up the day and not feel that I've wasted it. Learning playing the guitar would be a very obvious suggestion, but for the fact that I don't have money to spend on a teacher, and I've read a lot of free teaching material on the internet, but cannot seem to move forward from my newbie-ish level.

Thanks again for reading!

posted by cyanide to human relations (19 comments total)

This may sound odd, but have you thought about volunteering? I know the only time I'm able to fully forget about my problems is when I'm absorbed in helping someone else with theirs, or in helping to further a cause that I believe in. Plus it certainly wouldn't make your day feel wasted.

Good luck.
posted by christinetheslp at 3:38 AM on April 30, 2008 [1 favorite]

Does your city have any meetup groups? If so, join one! These are groups where members post events (dinners, talks, movies, hikes, games nights...) and others sign up to attend. Try to commit to doing one event a week. It can be a great way of getting yourself out of the house and meeting new people.

Alternatively, try hosting a regular potluck/games night with your friends. Everyone brings some food; you provide the games. Ask people to bring their friends along with them.

Do you have any skills that you can barter for guitar lessons? "I'll fix your computer if you teach me guitar for an hour", that type of thing?

Also, I second volunteering.
posted by cider at 4:02 AM on April 30, 2008 [1 favorite]

i am a big fan of getting a dog. taking it to the park will get you out, and you'll meet (or at least interact) with other people, and the emotional feedback of having a pet is really recharging.
posted by thinkingwoman at 4:31 AM on April 30, 2008

How about volunteering to tutor computer illiterate students at school? When I was taking a programming class, there were many students in the lab who needed extra help, but not enough assistance to go around.

Some of the people needing help just might be girls, too ;-)
posted by Marie Mon Dieu at 4:47 AM on April 30, 2008 [1 favorite]

Ouch, I've def been there. You're in college I take it? You'll likely never 'get over' the girl but eventually you will get where it doesnt hurt anymore. Maybe try to make a computer program that plays chess? I dont know, thats what I'm doing with my free time this summer :) Also, if it makes you feel better Led Zeppelin has been there too.
posted by norabarnacl3 at 5:26 AM on April 30, 2008

I'd drop the gym in favour of a sport with a greater social aspect.
posted by edd at 5:28 AM on April 30, 2008

I was going to suggest that as long as you don't live in a tiny little town, you should just get out & explore - eg on foot or on bicycle. Even when you think you know a place, there are always plenty of worthwhile surprises.

Then I looked up your profile & saw that you live in Mumbai of all places. There would have to be one hundred million different things to do, so long as you can drag yourself out of the house & find them.
posted by UbuRoivas at 5:35 AM on April 30, 2008

You have the power to create. Your power is so strong that whatever you believe comes true. You create yourself, whatever you believe you are. You are the way you are because that is what you believe about yourself. Your whole reality, everything you believe, is your creation. You have the same power as any other human in the world. The main difference between you and someone else is how you apply your power, what you create with your power.

When we are born, the emotional mind, the emotional body, is completely healthy. Maybe around three to four years of age, the first wounds of fear and denial start to appear and get infected with emotional poison. But if you observe children who are two to three years of age, if you watch how they behave, they are playing all the time. You see them laughing all the time. Their imagination is so powerful, and the way they dream is an adventure of exploration. When something is wrong they react and defend themselves, but then they just let go and return to the moment, to play again, to explore and have fun again. They are living in the moment ... not ashamed of the past, or worried about the future.

The happiest moments in our lives are when we are playing just like children, when we are singing and dancing, when we are exploring and creating just for fun. It is wonderful when we behave like a child because this is the normal human mind, the normal human tendency.

Soon, though, we forget who we really are and we start to live our images as taught to us by parents and peers. We create not just one image, but many different images according to the different groups of people we associate with. We create images at home, at school, always creating images. In the time we are little children, there is no conflict with the images we pretend to be. Our images are not really challenged until we begin to interact with the outside world. That is why being a teen or young adult is particularly difficult. Even if we are prepared to support or defend our images, when we try to project, the outside world will fight back.

Removing the shackles of fear and denial is perhaps the most difficult thing the reasoning mind must do. Get back into your creative self. You can create yourself to be whatever you want yourself to be. It takes work, it takes time, but dumping the fear of what others think of you is the first big step. The rest of us will notice.
posted by netbros at 6:10 AM on April 30, 2008 [5 favorites]

I hope you realize there are scores of people reading your problem and wondering how are you living like you do? Are you a student? Where's the income? How do you eat? Pay for shelter?

I've been doing freelance work (writing/editing for a gaming/homebrew website, other odd jobs for small companies like setting up servers and creating small-time applications/websites). I have about two years to study and make whatever I can of my life, without really worrying a lot about earning, since I get by easily. It just doesn't take up a big portion of my week. I can fit those few work hours into any part of my day and still not have much to do.

Thanks for the suggestions, everyone. Keep 'em coming, really appreciate it :)
posted by cyanide at 7:07 AM on April 30, 2008

Get a job. Seriously, it'll get you out of the house and give you some scheduled time for the day. Not necessarily for the money, just to get out and talking to people. Waiting tables would probably work well, since your down time is in the evening. If that's not altruistic enough for you, try joining relevant community groups.
posted by fermezporte at 7:16 AM on April 30, 2008

Basically, find something to do that takes up a lot of time and helps you make new friends. What about getting better on the guitar and then trying to start or join a band? Join a sports team?
posted by salvia at 8:41 AM on April 30, 2008

You really need to start filling up your hours- as the old saying goes, idle hands are the devil's tools. I'd rather have a dead-end job I hated then sit around all day around my house surfing the internet. Get a job, ANY job, immediately.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:54 AM on April 30, 2008 [1 favorite]

Train for a marathon! You're already running and working out and there's lots of fall marathons you could start training for now. I did this after a breakup and it was the best thing for getting over the guy. Not only will the running fill time and clear your head, you will probably end up spending other parts of the day recording your progress, visiting running forums, and reading about running. Better yet, there's probably a running group in your town that you can meet up with to train.

Also, volunteering is a great idea. Helping out at an animal shelter a couple of days a week would probably make you feel a lot better. I've met many good friends through volunteering.
posted by jrichards at 9:59 AM on April 30, 2008

I suggest getting more sleep. Really. This may seem counterintuitive, but you say you get maybe 5 hours of sleep and then caffeine yourself up to start the day. That is not a good foundation for a productive, happy day.

Getting only 5 hours of sleep a night consistently is not good for you. I'm assuming you don't do those multi-times-a-day nap things since you don't mention it. You may think you don't need more than that but it is likely affecting you in ways you don't realize. Get on a normal schedule and see if you don't feel better about things.
posted by Justinian at 11:20 AM on April 30, 2008

Get a job?
posted by jejune at 12:02 PM on April 30, 2008

A lot of great suggestions here---especially the volunteering and finding local groups that meet up. If you don't know where to get started in finding these, the library is usually a good resource and often groups meet there.

I would like to add to the suggestions of what to do that you come up with a schedule after you've selected them. What time slot to do this in, etc. When I've been really down it always helped to schedule my new pursuits (I researched female pirates for awhile, yarr!) so that I didn't blow them off and bum around all day.
posted by lacedback at 12:26 PM on April 30, 2008

One-on-one tutoring is awesome for this.
Believe me- I know of what I speak.
posted by small_ruminant at 1:17 PM on April 30, 2008

Sounds like netbros just finished reading Conversations with God....
posted by Glendale at 2:04 PM on April 30, 2008

No, actually I've never heard of that book. My thoughts are more a combination of the teachings of Alcoholics Anonymous and Toltec wisdom.
posted by netbros at 9:05 PM on April 30, 2008