Please, won't you name a wizard bong?

April 26, 2008 3:51 AM

A friend of mine's just bought a wizard-shaped bong, and it needs a name. Ideally the name would include some grandoise title, like "Archmage". Suggestions? Bonus points for Dungeons and Dragons references.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot to Grab Bag (40 answers total)

Don't bother with the lengthy, grandiose names and titles. After a few hits, you won't be able to remember them anyway. Just go for the simple and classic.

Name it Gandalf.
posted by Faint of Butt at 3:58 AM on April 26, 2008

Mustrum Ridcully.
posted by mindsound at 4:02 AM on April 26, 2008

"The Vorpal Bong"
posted by josher71 at 4:25 AM on April 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Mustrum Ridcully.

If you're going for a discworld reference, the Bursar is more appropriate, methinks.
posted by kisch mokusch at 4:27 AM on April 26, 2008

Response by poster: We're kind of anti-Discworld, unfortunately. More Robert Howard, less Terry Pratchett.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 4:34 AM on April 26, 2008

+5 Bong of Highness
posted by fearfulsymmetry at 4:35 AM on April 26, 2008 [6 favorites]

Response by poster: One of the problems we've encountered is that "bong" isn't a very eldritch and mystic word - a more magical equivalent would be a useful first step.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 4:36 AM on April 26, 2008

Mordenkainen's Disjunctive Head?
posted by rokusan at 4:38 AM on April 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

wizard-shaped bong

Harry Potter.
posted by cosmic osmo at 4:40 AM on April 26, 2008

Best answer: i know you just mentioned moving away from the term but what about Thulsa Bong?

if not, then how about Master Hookah?

posted by jammy at 4:44 AM on April 26, 2008

Ali Bongo.
posted by brautigan at 4:56 AM on April 26, 2008

Bong Joon-ho
posted by netbros at 5:09 AM on April 26, 2008

Response by poster: Thulsa Bong is incredible.
posted by nicolas léonard sadi carnot at 5:10 AM on April 26, 2008

Van Occupanther
posted by mds35 at 5:16 AM on April 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Elminster's "pipe"?
posted by ersatz at 5:22 AM on April 26, 2008

Scourge of the High Elves
posted by darkripper at 5:39 AM on April 26, 2008

Stinky McSpillonthefloor
posted by sully75 at 5:43 AM on April 26, 2008

I would just call it "The Wiz," but you might have had to live in NYC in the 80s to get it
posted by fourcheesemac at 6:04 AM on April 26, 2008

Michael Gambong
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 6:04 AM on April 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Socketed Nightsmoke of Tearhaunch
posted by excitementMD at 6:05 AM on April 26, 2008

Van Occupanther

Yes, this.

Otherwise I'd call it Merlin. Or maybe the drake falchion or the mithril broadsword.
posted by ludwig_van at 6:07 AM on April 26, 2008

Bong of Gax
posted by Hogshead at 6:12 AM on April 26, 2008

There are some who call me... 'Tim'?
posted by rabbitsnake at 7:05 AM on April 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

The Great Wyrm Smaug.
posted by adipocere at 7:22 AM on April 26, 2008

Beghe the Suppressive Pipe?
posted by dawson at 8:30 AM on April 26, 2008

It should be named Dave.

"I can't wait to get home and talk to Dave."
posted by Meatbomb at 8:35 AM on April 26, 2008

"We really shouldn't make a final decision until we've consulted with Dave."
posted by Meatbomb at 8:36 AM on April 26, 2008

Not D&D related, but I think it would be neat-o to have a wizard bong named Archimedes...
posted by cinemafiend at 8:54 AM on April 26, 2008

Otiluke's bong of continuous smoke
posted by mnology at 9:06 AM on April 26, 2008

Well I think this is obvious:

The Mind Flayer

only other thing I could come up with was Conan (the Bongarian)
posted by JaredSeth at 9:09 AM on April 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Better yet. Gandalf's Hat.

"I'm gonna go home and put on Gandalf's Hat" would be a great euphemism.
posted by JaredSeth at 9:31 AM on April 26, 2008

The Head of Vecna.
posted by SPrintF at 9:41 AM on April 26, 2008

I would not call it "The Wiz." Someone might mistake that for a bongwater instruction.

I find myself partial to Raistbong, for no good reason.
posted by ikkyu2 at 10:25 AM on April 26, 2008

Sam.

You know, the guy from Quantum Leap?

He was totally an archmage. Or something.
posted by blacklite at 11:25 AM on April 26, 2008

Great Porn Dragon Wizard.
posted by The Bellman at 12:12 PM on April 26, 2008

Dumbledoob.
posted by The Bellman at 12:18 PM on April 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

J. R. R. Toking
Bringer of the Uruk-High
posted by painquale at 2:50 PM on April 26, 2008 [1 favorite]

Jean Claude Van Bong
posted by stenseng at 7:39 PM on April 26, 2008

Make sure you can access Leomund's Secret Stash
posted by fonetik at 4:50 AM on April 27, 2008

Khelben's Mellowbringer
posted by C. lupis baileyi at 11:08 PM on April 27, 2008