Springtime love

April 20, 2008 10:34 AM

I'm a student in the UK and have decided to take a job in the U.S. starting in the autumn. Is there any hope for me to be in a romantic relationship until then?

I've never had much luck with things like one-night stands. Most women interested in me seem to want something more long-term. However, right now, I'd be open to all sorts of things. Short-term relationships or even VERY short-term relationships. But I'm in my late 20s and I suspect most women my age are looking for something a bit more permanent. So how can I find the ones who aren't?

posted by rwatson to human relations (7 comments total)

Why not just take it as it comes? Be honest with them about your plans but don't beat yourself up over it, or think that you can't meet people. You're talking about, what, five or six months? It's not like you'd be slipping out of their flat before dawn on that timetable.
posted by mumkin at 10:43 AM on April 20, 2008

just go with the flow, do what you normally do,and see what happens. When I was single I usually had my best luck when i tried the least. If you are in your late 20's and single that it sounds like even these " more permanent" realtionships didn't last that long anyway.

If you get to the point where you might get involved with someone, let them know that you will be moving out of the country in the fall. Might even help you.

Fall is still 6 months away, I've seen marriages that didn't last that long!
posted by Mr_Chips at 10:48 AM on April 20, 2008

i agree with mrchips and mumkin.

when i was single, i also felt much more successful in engaging women when i was trying the least. that being said, i think it helps to try to expose yourself to lots of "good" social situations (some nice women to interact with, whatever good situation you can find).

and yes, just be plain about your plans. yeah, some marriages are shorter than that time period even if you add in the courtship, so a lot could happen. you have plenty of time to engage in lots of flirty conversation that might turn into coffee that might turn into dinner...

you never know, and most everyone loves flirting with people they find attractive. and you dont have to be sleazy to flirt.

but very important - be clear about your plans.
posted by gcat at 11:12 AM on April 20, 2008

...but of course few people enter into six-month marriages wanting them to be six-month marriages or knowing in advance that they will be. And I think for a whole variety of reasons it's quite a small minority of women who are explicitly OK with knowing for a fact that the relationship would be coming to a halt after one night or a few weeks or whatever.

The important thing surely is to behave in such a way that, even if you have to terminate the relationship against the other person's will after a short time, that they go away from it being glad, on balance, that they got involved, even if they're sad it's over. And not feeling manipulated.

So it seems to me it would be possible to be too emphatic about your plans. You wouldn't want to be going on multiple dates with someone and keeping your plans a secret, since that's basically lying. But don't be dropping it into conversation the first time you meet a nice woman. It is a fair part of the gently strategic game of flirting to wait until someone's a little interested in you before you present the downsides of getting involved. Then you hope they see that when all's said and done there's more fun life-experience in giving it a whirl than in not doing.

Or maybe as per Mr_Chips there are cleverer people out there who could turn this to their advantage.
posted by game warden to the events rhino at 11:52 AM on April 20, 2008

I think it's fine to keep dating while you're still in the UK. I say this as someone who has recently gone on several dates with someone I know to be moving halfway across the country in a month's time. And found myself liking this gentleman very much. My thoughts going in were "eh... What've we got to lose? It could be fun while he's still here". Now, I'm thinking: if we decide it could work out, we'll figure out a way to make it work after he moves.

Bottom line: don't rule anything or anyone out, in my opinion.
posted by odi.et.amo at 12:27 PM on April 20, 2008

In November 1997, I had a first date with a man, who took me out knowing full well that in January I was moving to Iceland. In January 1998 I moved to Iceland. In April 1998 we got married. We worked out the distance thing. Thursday is our 10th anniversary. YMMV.
posted by Capri at 5:34 PM on April 20, 2008

Take it as it comes. Mention early on that you have plans to go overseas. First date's ideal, but don't make a big fuss of it. Who knows, she might even want to come with you. Or you might be able to find a job in the UK in the interim, that allows you to stay.
posted by aeschenkarnos at 6:53 PM on April 20, 2008