How do I get a second chance?
April 17, 2008 2:08 AM Subscribe
Lovelifefilter: I have a chance to reconcile with my ex, how can I not blow it?
posted by Sianion to Human Relations (33 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
My last boyfriend broke up with me in November, which came as something of a shock after nearly 4 years together. He told me it was because he'd met someone else; shortly after the breakup I found out that this "someone else" was a friend of his who lives hundreds of miles away. Most of their contact is/was online, although now that they are supposedly "dating" they see each other once a month or so.
The problem is this: my ex and I, after the usual period of hurt ignoring, started meeting up for drinks etc. and have become very close friends again. We've talked about what went on during our relationship, and he admitted that a large part of the reason that he broke up with me was that I had become rather clingy. He's absolutely right, I have recently moved to a new city where I didn't really know anyone, and my confidence took a real knock. In a way I'm almost grateful to him for the breakup, it brought me a lot closer to my new friends very quickly, and I'm now having the time of my life. Things at work have gone from strength to strength, career success beyond belief, tonnes of friends, people to date, interests.
Recently my ex has admitted that the relationship he is in is something of a rebound. He and his girlfriend are incompatible in quite a few areas, and he has told me that he sees their breakup as invevitable. He's also made it clear that, now that I've got my life back in order, he'd be interested in giving things another try, but he doesn't want to feel like I'm waiting for him (I think he feels guilty for hurting me in the past). So what do I do to give this the best chance? Do I wait around and risk him thinking that I have nothing better to do, even though my life is going great? Or do I get on with things as if there will be no second chances, at the risk of him thinking I don't still care for him? Help!