Double bookings

April 16, 2008 5:22 AM

If a wedding is at 4 pm in DC, what time do you imagine the reception would be over?

I've been invited to a wedding (which i can't miss) the same weekend as my best friend's 40th birthday spa weekend -- it's in Berkley Springs 90 minutes away. Everyone else will get there Saturday morning. My plan was to go after the wedding, but I'm wondering if this is a reasonable plan. Is it realistic to think the reception will be over by 930? Or that I can at least sneak out at 930?
I've already asked to move the spa weekend but it's a no go.

posted by chickaboo to travel & transportation (9 comments total)

In my experience, the more formal the wedding, the more likely that the meal and events will be paced to fill the entire evening (that is, until 11 or 12.) You may have the ceremony, then cocktails/appetizers, then a toast and dance, then the salad, etc., whereas with a more casual event, you'll probably have ceremony, a bit of mingling time, then dinner will be served.
posted by ferociouskitty at 5:38 AM on April 16, 2008

The reception will almost certainly not be over by 9:30, although it wouldn't hurt to ask someone in advance. I was at a wedding this weekend and some people left that early because they had to travel, but the reception went on until 1 AM. However, this was a small wedding that started at 5, with cocktails at 6 and a buffet dinner from 7 to a little after 8. If your wedding is bigger, the dinner may still start by 7, but the speeches and toasts may last for 2 hours. I'd suggest not leaving by a certain time, but after a certain point: dinner over, speeches over, bride and groom have the first dance.

At that point, don't sneak out. Go up to the bride and groom, thank them and congratulate them, and leave. Even if this is a duty wedding, you were invited, they may either feel familially dutiful towards you or they may even be genuinely fond of you and hope that you feel the same way. In addition, it cost them a certain amount of money to seat you and feed you. For you to show up, eat and mysteriously disappear would be just plain rude.
posted by maudlin at 5:41 AM on April 16, 2008

Provided you're there for the wedding and any other formalities, nobody's going to mind too much. A typical reception will peak after an couple of hours; the first to leave will probably be parents with small children, followed by any elderly guests - nobody expects everyone to be able to party until the small hours. Leaving around this time will probably be less conspicuous.

Just make a point of congratulating the couple and spending a few minutes with each of the people you know - they'll remember that you were there on the big day. Make your apologies whenever you feel you have to leave, and leave quickly and quietly. Typically at a reception everyone's too busy eating, drinking and making fools of themselves to notice much if someone leaves early.

You may not want to go into detail about your other commitment though - just keep it vague.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 5:47 AM on April 16, 2008

Do you mean you can't miss the actual "wedding" part - exchanging of vows, etc., or you can't miss the reception afterwards? What kind of ceremony is it? Full wedding mass? Do your invitations say what time the actual reception will start vs. the wedding part?

Typically you'd have about an hour for cocktailsappetizers/mingling then four hours booked for the rest of the party. I'd say if you show yourself on the dance floor and are sure to offer your congrats to the bride/groom at some point, you're good to go one hour after the cocktail portion ends. Unless this is a small reception, they are not likely to notice when you skipped out.
posted by mikepop at 5:53 AM on April 16, 2008

I've never been to a wedding where there wasn't a few hours of dancing and drinks at the end. Once the meal and the formal dances (first, dad daughter, etc) are over, you are free to leave, social responsibility-wise.
posted by gjc at 7:17 AM on April 16, 2008

No the invitation doesn't say. I can't miss it b/c these are good friends and we will have many mutual friends in attendance.
I think I will just have to stay sober and hit the road after all the traditional cake dance etc is done.
posted by chickaboo at 7:19 AM on April 16, 2008

Generally - if your wedding and reception are at the same place then all the official events should be over by 9:30. The reception should continue but as long as you've made it through all the ceremonies you should be fine.
posted by bitdamaged at 8:06 AM on April 16, 2008

My wedding was at 4:00 in Washington, D.C.! I think the reception lasted until about 10:30 or 11:00, but you would have been fine leaving at 9:30.
posted by Enroute at 11:47 AM on April 16, 2008

Weddings I've been too have always finished really late - like 3 to 4am late, but loads of people always slip away earlier for various reasons, traveling, age and so on. Once all the "stuff" is out the way and it's just eating and drinking left, then it's fair game as to when you leave.

Just make sure you give plenty of advanced warning so people don't get surprised when they have much more important things on their minds.
posted by paulfreeman at 7:24 AM on April 17, 2008