privacy for my 9 year old?

April 15, 2008 5:37 PM

How can I give my 9 year old more privacy?

In our current living arrangement, my 3 boys (9, 6, and 3) all share a bedroom, closet, and bathroom, with the 2 older boys in bunk beds and the toddler in his own separate. Unfortunately I am not in a position right now to give any of them their own room, but I'm concerned about my 9 year old's increasing desire for privacy, and probably more importantly, some method of storing his "stuff" so that it is safe and truly his own. Currently the 3 year old quite literally trashes the bedroom on a daily basis (and nearly every other room as well), and of course is entirely selfish with no regard for personal space or property. Any suggestions?

posted by Brocktoon to human relations (15 comments total)

How about a desk or chest with a lock and key? You should have a copy of the key as well (for emergencies, or if he loses the key).
posted by gnutron at 5:40 PM on April 15, 2008

A chest with a skeleton key lock. Boys lurve locks and keys. If you look around, you can probably get something suitable at a thrift shop or yard sale for little. The actual quality of the piece is irrelevant.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 5:42 PM on April 15, 2008

Would it be practical, via a simple lock or something, to give the 9-year-old exclusive access to the closet? It's not perfect, but at least provides some safety for his stuff.

Also: Shelves. Mount them well off the ground, and they're safe unless the tyke starts throwing things.
posted by Tomorrowful at 5:43 PM on April 15, 2008

It's hard to say without seeing the room, but what about having the 6 year old take the upper bunk, the 3 year old take the lower bunk, and have your 9 year old have a single? You could buy or make him a captain's bed or a loft bed with drawers underneath. You can have drawers put in it that need a key to unlock them. He could also have some shelves installed on the walls above his bed for extra storage, like these or these. For extra privacy you could put up a curtain, or a room divider like this or this, which could provide even more storage.
posted by iconomy at 5:50 PM on April 15, 2008

Either curtain the bottom bunk, or curtain the top bunk, wall mount a high shelf, and maybe give him a lockable fishing tackle size box?

Also, 3 is a good age to start understanding privacy, like with bathroom doors and that :)
posted by DarlingBri at 5:52 PM on April 15, 2008

If this is going to be a semi-longterm situation would you consider building a bunkbed loft? They can be done for very little money if you or someone you know are handy, and you could easily build a method of getting up that makes it impassable to a 3yo. If you build the loft larger than the mattress you can have storage cabinets, etc on top as well.
posted by true at 6:05 PM on April 15, 2008

N^thing locks. A trunk with a lock. A locker. Drawers with locks. He'll love it. I think I had a toy safe when I was a kid. I think I still thought it was pretty neat when I was 9, even though I think I probably understood by then that it wasn't that secure. On the other hand, a 3 year old would still have a hard time opening it. I'm sure he would also love some sort of secret hidden storage space. You could put a false bottom in a trunk. Cut out spaces in books. I dunno. But almost any 9 year old would love some kind of cool secret storage space like that.
posted by gauchodaspampas at 6:15 PM on April 15, 2008

A foot locker can be had for about 40 bucks new, and are often at yard sales. Have you heard of freecycle (freecycle.org) - you may be able to get one from someone with a kid out of college.

I also like the loft bed idea - check out the IKEA website for affordable options.
posted by coollibrarian at 6:23 PM on April 15, 2008

I had a safe when I was young, I knew it could be opened by anyone within seconds without the combination, but it gave me the sense of security and privacy that I otherwise wouldn't have had sharing a room with my younger brother. (This may also be why I'm a bit of a privacy nut in some ways now.)
posted by Brian Puccio at 6:59 PM on April 15, 2008

Aside from the footlocker - let him keep valuables in your room? I'm thinking, like, a model he built or a school project that he doesn't want to get damaged by the Tazmanian Devil.

Lots of families have to put up with places a bit too small for privacy. Are you sharing, though? Or are you making the kids suck it up while you have the secret adult room? Maybe hold a solemn ceremony, give a speech emphasizing that he's now old enough and responsible enough to be permitted access to the adult room (while there is no necktie on the door handle, heh.) even if it's just to hide out in and read a book in peace and quiet.

Maybe you already have everyone in and out of your room all the time, and need to limit access to the younger ones for this to work.
posted by ctmf at 8:19 PM on April 15, 2008

As someone who grew up as the youngest child, and the only boy, living in the dining room of our home because we didn't have enough space, with sheets of plywood leaned up against the open doorframes for "privacy" -- I just thought I'd mention that it's awesome you're thinking about this, and taking steps to do something about it.

Seconding loft bed, and cabinets with doors too high for the other kids to reach, and a safe, and a special protected place in the house for something fragile he cares about -- and when you feel he's old enough to spend time in the house alone, take the 6 and 3 year olds out to the park at least once a week or so to give him a chance to be truly alone.
posted by davejay at 10:47 PM on April 15, 2008

I also grew up in this situation. Nthing a box with a lock on it, it was wonderful to be able to have a place to keep notes from girls and the other secret trappings of adolescence.

Also keep in mind that in a room with a 3 year old and a 6 year old, something dubbed "Johny's SECRET LOCKBOX" has INFINITE seductive appeal. Secret boxes are exempt from any and all lessons on privacy. For my brothers it was like pandora's box to the 10000th power.

I came home to my two brothers having pried the bolts off the back of my safe with a hammer and a crowbar. I remember feeling worse off having my newfound privacy violated than not having any privacy at all. My mom realized that if you build a better box, little brothers only get more creative in dismantling them. Her solution was to get one of those old sealing wax rings and a candle for me. I could put my seal on the box when I was gone, and make it so I would know if anyone had opened the box. For some reason, a thin wax seal worked better than a masterlock.
posted by JimmyJames at 11:16 PM on April 15, 2008

I just realized I recommended locks and then said they don't work. This question brought up a bunch of old memories. In addition to the sealing wax, I had a trivial luggage lock on the box. (just to keep honest brothers honest)
posted by JimmyJames at 11:19 PM on April 15, 2008

I don't have any suggestions, but I felt the need to beg you to not go the trunk and lock route. About ten years ago my friend lost her two boys when they played hide and seek in a trunk. It was an awful story that made national news and is the reason why trunks and totes now come with warning labels.
posted by a22lamia at 3:27 AM on April 16, 2008

eww a22lamia, I'm all for trunks with locks, had one, kept my M80 firecrackers in there...
posted by zengargoyle at 4:09 PM on April 16, 2008